Your time off with Spencer felt like you had a holiday break off of school. On the first day you connected all the dots of Spencer's behavior that you passed off that were actually his affections.

Sharing a bed, the prolonged eye contact, catching him staring then he immediately acted like he was doing something very important. Even him picking up your Starbucks order every morning before work.

All this time you had thought he was just being sweet and a good friend. Turns out he was really just sweet on you. Go figure.

You had called each other every night before bed. Him knowing about your rough time before bed and you knowing he needed comfort to sleep. But you both weren't ready to see each other yet.

You had needed time to process and heal from your kidnapping. And he needed the same and to collect his thoughts about what you two might become from this point on.

You see him differently now. Things are gonna change and both of you don't know if you're ready for that.

The dynamic between you two has worked for three years and more. What if it doesn't work out?

It's day three on your week off and you had just finished your lunch. Your phone starts to ring and you click the answer button with a smile after seeing Spencer's contact name. Boy genius.

"Hey Spence, what's up?" You say as you sat on your bright green velvet couch that Garcia swore it lit up your apartment with its pop of color.

"Hey Heart Hunter, I was wondering if I can take you on that date later tonight? Y'know the real one as promised?" He slightly laughs as you gasp.

"You mean that the first one wasn't just a really bad date? Thank god- you had me ready to ghost you." You tease.

"One, I'm not great with sarcasm. Two, what does ghost me mean?" One of the most intelligent men on earth lacks so many communication skills. You thought to yourself in disbelief. You've been aware- but you tend to forget this fact often about your genius coworker.

"Forget it, Spence. And yes- a date sounds nice. But can it not be a fancy dinner? I might get PTSD involuntarily." You using humor to cope per usual.

"Don't worry, I was thinking we can go to a drive-in movie. And I promise it's not my usual movies in another language, it's actually that horror movie you've mentioned once that you wanted to see. The one you told me about three weeks, four days, and 15 hours ago." You roll your eyes.

You were used to Spencer's eidetic memory but using it to memorize facts about you and knowing about it was a change that made you wanna freeze time to process the emotions you felt. If this was anyone else you'd run away screaming. But it being Spencer made you feel warm and fuzzy... and slightly clammy.

The movie was one that has been out for years but you never got the chance to see it in theaters and it wasn't on any streaming platforms you had. You also didn't want to buy it in case you didn't like it, nor did you have cable.

"That's very sweet, are you sure you want to watch it? It's got ghosts and paranormal activity in it." You show slight concern knowing this isn't Spencer's top movie choices.

"Yea I do, ghosts aren't real and as long as you're happy- I'm happy." His sincere gesture makes you grip your phone tighter to try and calm your nerves. You couldn't understand why you were acting and feeling this way. Of course you lacked the experience in dating so you were sure it's just that. But then again, how were you supposed to know?

"So I'll pick you up at what time?" Spencer hates driving so you knew it was up to you. If he was being thoughtful and sweet, you wanted to do the same. You could hear the smile in his voice when he tells you the movie starts at 8.

"Ok so I'll come get you at 6:30. My Ford Explorer can fit a mattress in the back so as long as you bring extra blankets, I can set up my car with the rest. And we should also get extra snacks and drinks beforehand in case they have overpriced candies and whatnot."

"We're still gonna buy the popcorn there right?"

"Spence, for a smart guy- you ask a lot of dumb questions... of course we are. We're not animals."

"Ok so I'll see you then?" He laughed at your remark before confirming.

"Yes you shall. Bye Spence."

"Bye, see you in a few."

You end the call and immediately turn on some music to get everything set up. You had five-ish hours. You bring the box that held the blowup mattress out and down to your car. You plugged the cord in and let it do its thing.

Once it was done, you grabbed the fitted sheet from your trunk after laying the backseat down flat. You threw the mattress in and put the sheet on. You fixed your hair, hopped out the back, closed the trunk, and locked your car.

You found it gross how easily you would break out into a sweat. You made a quick mental note to go to the gym more before heading back up to your apartment to shower.

The date went great so far. Jokes about the movie were made which got you into a heated debate with Spencer.

"Ok but like how do you know ghosts aren't real?" You chuckle before stuffing your face with more popcorn.

"Essentially scientists have no hard evidence of their existence. More commonly in movies they try to use science to answer that question as a fact but realistically... it's so far from the truth." He shortens his answer because you had that look on your face that meant you were dying to say something.

"Ok but just because ghosts are really great at knowing when to show themselves and when to not do so- doesn't mean they're not real. If you wanna talk science, do you believe in rainbows?" He nods, prompting you to continue.

"Ok well do you see one right now? No. But with the right tools and circumstances, that being the prism thingy and a light source, you would see a rainbow. People even use that analogy to prove faith and religion. So why not ghosts?" You smile at him thinking you got him where you wanted him. But oh boy- sometimes you forgot who you were talking to.

Spencer started to go on his full rant with genuine science facts that made your head spin a little. He was using terms you hadn't heard of and of course when he saw your eyebrows furrow he knew he had to further explain.

Spencer never once sounded condescending or as if he were talking to a child. He wouldn't dare mansplain. He'd just read your facial expressions and knew how to lead the conversation. You smiled brightly at him as he finished breathlessly.

"What?" He asked with a hint of a smile.

You shrugged before letting your smile reach your eyes more.

"I guess ghosts aren't real." He smiled back.

"Well I'm glad you have finally admitted that I am right." You scoff and sat up. He followed suit.

"Now that we settled that, I should probably drop you off. The movie is long over, it's late, and a couple of the cars that are still here have couples jumping each other's bones."

"How would you know that?" He inquired while trying to look around to confirm your theory.

"Why else would they stay this late after the movie? And also mysteriously have their car shake? Spencer don't look- you don't want to see that mess." You laugh as you put away a few snacks then crawl into the driver's seat. Spence uncoordinatedly follows into the passenger's side.

"Ok crash course dummy, no need to hurt yourself." You make fun of his awkward movements.

"How did you make that look so easy?" He asked while out of breath.

"Well I'm small enough to get around places and I have more agility?" You give him your best answer.

"Yea seems fair." He puts his seatbelt on.

The car ride was filled with laughter and genuine conversations. As well as stolen glances from the both of you, but you two had noticed each time. By the time that you had gotten to his apartment, he had invited you in to hangout for a bit. Both of you didn't want the night to end so soon.

"Spencer what kind of girl do you take me for? Inviting me into your apartment on the first date- so scandalous." You drop your jaw as you rest your hands on your chest. He almost panicked and began to explain how it was just to keep talking. Then he turned to see your face and he rolled his eyes before dragging you in.

After all, you two had been best friends long before the feelings.

You walked your way through knowing exactly where you wanted to go. His reading corner had the best seating area. You sat in your designated seat and plucked a book from the shelf behind you.

He made two cups of hot cocoa while you skimmed the back of the book to read the summary. Not understanding the contents of the book you put it back before he came over, and handed you one of the mugs.

"Should we have the conversation we haven't brought up since we were taken?" You ask while holding the colorless mug with both hands. Its warmth provided enough security to work up the courage to ask.

"If you'd like, I don't want to pressure you though." You smile at the thought of him putting your peace above the truth. You blew out a breath, psyching yourself up to talk about it.

"It scares me a lot y'know? Wondering if my fear has turned me into a monster."

"I get that it's scary, but it's so normal for people like us with the jobs we have. I've had inconsistent nightmares 6 months after getting the job 'til now. But I do believe that how we live our lives with those fears is more important than the fact that we have them. You can't let it consume you."

"I see what you mean. I used to have nightmares when I first got the job but then it became more than that. I stopped being tormented over the lives we couldn't save. But I started being tormented for being happy while not knowing who's not being saved every second. Maybe if I knew all the horrors out there then I could say I wasn't unaware. It's hard to describe... but I see 'not knowing' more so guilty than the latter."

You blow softly onto your hot chocolate rather than making eye contact with Spencer whose eyes never left your face.

"If you were a parent and your child had snuck out, while you were aware, and they went missing- would you still feel less guilty then?" He made a valid point but this was different.

You shook your head before telling Spencer that it' not the same as that. He slowly nodded then put his head back against the seat. He huffed.

"Yea... I guess you're right." He said as he blankly stared at the ceiling.

You both finished your drinks in silence. You were glad that you had gotten more off your chest but you felt like you put Spence in an impossible situation to try and figure you out. You both grew tired just thinking amongst yourselves.

"Is it okay if I crash here tonight? It's too late for me to drive back and I'm really tired." He nods softly as you both went to his bedroom to sleep. Although this was new for you two.

While sharing a bed during cases was normal, sharing a bed at each other's apartments was a new territory. You then assured yourself that there is nothing to worry over due to the fact that you've been close for so long. And as the night ended, so did your first date with Spencer which was overall really nice.

It's been a couple of days since your first date and you were spending more time with Spencer. Your second date was simply cooking dinner together.

"So how has your day been so far?" Reid asks as he uses his fork to organize his plate.

"Mm well it's been ok? I guess... I mean I know we needed this time off work because we voluntarily got kidnapped and all but I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't bored most of the time. I'm glad we are getting the time to have our dates and what not but I need work more than I'd like to admit. Besides my time with you; I normally just exist and watch movies all day." You laugh off the sadness to that fact.

"I understand it's been hard. I've actually been doing more or less of the same except it's books and not movies." He nods at the shared realization.

"Should we call Hotch and see if we can come back early?" You continue to eat as you wait for his response.

"I don't think so... most likely he'd just tell us we need that remainder of our time off to rest and heal. It's useless to try when it comes to these types of situations. He's stubborn like that." He sighs while wishing it wasn't the case. But you both understood why so there was no room to argue.

You both finish your dinner while talking about the team, hobbies, family, etc.

Spencer still had his mom despite her mental health issues. And while you still considered him to be lucky for having family left you knew it was hard for him.

Your parents were pretty old when they had you, and had died in your early college years. You didn't have any siblings or close relatives so you had to move forward being the only one left. You were sure you might've had distant relatives that you never met or heard of but you already made peace with your small family. You had made peace with the fact that you had to carry your own weight.

Clearly you were right because you had finished college and got into the FBI. But it still felt lonely not truly having that family that's always around. Yes, you considered your team to be family but they didn't live with you or give you that genuine familial bond. You rarely fought with your team and that's how you knew that it never actually felt like a family. Every family has their problems and arguments and messes.

But the BAU never had that; not with you at least.

That fact added onto your mindweb. Could that lead to a potential breaking point?

Spencer got up to grab both of your plates to go wash the dishes. It broke you out of your thought process as you mumbled a small thank you.

Spencer notices that you tend to wander off in your brain. Which he doesn't mind it all too much because he tends to do the same; but he worries about what goes on in that head of yours.

He's afraid you may question your position within the BAU. He's right of course- but he doesn't know it and he doesn't know how to help. You can tell he understands that it's something you really need to work on your own. Which makes you grateful that he at least understands that. But you are reminded of your first date, when he didn't understand you.

You hate feeling misunderstood. Which is why you wrapped up the date and told him to call you when he made it home safely. Your nighttime call routine already became normal for you both.

You don't like the fact that you feel for it to be easier to shut Spencer out now. But you had let him in and he didn't understand. It was better this way, or you thought so at least.

You knew where your faults lie. You were in your head too much for yours and quite frankly everyone else's own good. But you never could get a grip on it. Even now, as you sat in your bedroom, all you are doing is complicatedly thinking. You hardly escaped this entrapment.

And when Spencer finally called you, other than subconscious greetings and goodnights, it never broke once. You still passed the time just thinking and feeling guilty over it at the exact same time.

Spencer had asked if you wanted to read with him at the park to enjoy the Virginia summer day while you still can. You can agree that while you love working, you and your team rarely got the chance to enjoy your days out in the sun.

You got ready, packed what you needed and more, then grabbed a book you bought but never touched. You took one good look at your apartment; mentally scanning if there was anything you were forgetting. Once nothing came to mind, you set off to your car to drive to the park near Spencer's place.

You drove to the location he had sent you and you started to look for the tall twig of a man. You swiftly spotted him under a tree and you gathered your things before heading in his direction.

"Hey Spence, what books did you bring?" You say as you sat beside him under the shade.

"Some are about quantum physics, some are about historical monuments, and the last one is about magic tricks." He softly smiles at you after pointing out each book. You return the gesture.

"Yea well I brought the Hunger Games. Take it or leave it." You both laugh at the diversity.

"Didn't you already read that? I thought you mentioned how you loved the trilogy."

"Unfortunately, I meant the movies but the book series... I have yet to even touch. I've got this habit of watching the movies before reading the books in fear that the books will be drastically different. But I'd rather do that than read the books and hate the movies for being way off." You shrug as if it were simple.

"How come?"

"Because then I wouldn't be able to enjoy watching Dylan O'Brien in Maze Runner." He looks at you with confusion. You wave him off before cracking open the book you were dreading. You'd rather put yourself through this type of hell then go crazy over the fact that Spencer had no clue who you were talking about.

Yet your eyes never left the first page. You felt stuck almost. Getting lost in your head again. Yes this seems so redundant, because it is. But you couldn't help it as your mind wandered on its own.

You rubbed your eyes in hopes that it would clear your head but it simply didn't work. You closed the book and just observed the park. The kids played while dogs were running around. You heard the soft breeze as trees shook.

You allowed yourself to observe everything you can lay your eyes on because it was the only thing to currently stop the commotion inside of you.

"You hate it already?" Spencer said as he placed a hand on your thigh gently. You smiled at him as you placed your hand on top of his, giving a gentle squeeze.

"Maybe, but I'd rather just watch the park. It's calming. You can keep reading though, I'll just be keeping you company." You softly say. He smiled at you before kissing your cheek then continued to read.

Whenever you saw families pass through or stopped to spend their time, you would squeeze Spencer's hand. Just to remind yourself that you weren't all that much alone as you felt. And each time he would bring your hand up to his lips for a kiss then would rest it back in your lap.

This was nice, it felt safe and easy. You lay your head on his shoulder still watching people live their lives.

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Author speaks!!
I edited this whole thing while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack. I might lose my mind. Anyways I love adding supernatural hints before hand. I wonder if people actually read these in the end bc I know I don't .
Much love <3