Unfortunately and gratefully, your "spring break" was over.
Even though it was the beginning of summer.

You and Spencer returned back to work with conspiracy growing thick amidst your team. Neither you or Spencer shared what happened in your time off and you two had discussed to keep it that way. Truly wanting something for yourselves. Garcia and Morgan pushed, but with no luck.

"So my fine furry and loveliest friend," Garcia began again without failure in mind, "a birdy has shared some interesting things to me. That birdy being my sweet sweet chocolate thunder. And the interesting things being you and boy genius locking lips on a case. Y'know after being so badass and going undercover... and all the dark and scary stuff. But that is not as important as you and Reid being the hottest new couple." She rambled and squealed.

She maintained a tight grip on your arm as she got lost in her own version of "The Heart Hunter and Boy Wonder" love story.

"Garcia, whom I love so dearly, I refuse to comment on the matter." Her smile faded.

"But I'm your bestest friend in like the whole wide world and I even started prepping wedding plans, which I think your waterpark theme would work great and-" You rested a gentle hand on top of hers as her voice bounced off the colorful walls in her computer room.

"Babe- let's not get too ahead of ourselves here and... wait a waterpark theme?" She eagerly nodded with a crestfallen face.

"How did you come up with- ok whatever, it really doesn't matter. The point is, I'm being professional. And I don't like my work life to be mixing with my personal life. Can you please respect that? At least until I'm ready to share, it's all very raw and fresh and it should take more time to solidify." She sighs before letting your arm go and placing both hands on your cheeks. Smushing your face a bit.

"You're right and I'm sorry but I can't help but be so happy and eager. You know that nothing like this ever really goes on with you so it's refreshing to hear... and now that I've said that, I realize how rude that sounded and I'm just gonna shut up now." Your lips still in a pout from Penelope's hold yet your muscles strongly show a faint smile.

"Yes, honey, I'm aware." You say. Or at least try to but it sounded more like a mouthful of words. Nevertheless, she still understood.

"Hey guys- woah. Penelope please back off." Spencer walked in on an awkward scene. He froze in place with a questioning, and defensive, look.

"This is not what it looks like." You say still muffled but push Garcia's hands off you so you can repeat it clearly. You clear your throat.

"This is not what it looks like." You awkwardly glance between him and Garcia.

"Oh Reid, my special friend, I was just trying to get information about you two." She smiles sweetly at you both.

His eyebrows raise and he glances over at you expectantly. Erasing the desire to grab your hand and pull you closer to him protectively. His conscience screaming to act in a professional manner.

"She knows nothing, I know nothing, you know nothing. Isn't this a party? How fun... oh is that JJ calling me? How funny I was just thinking about her. She knows me so well. Well I guess I kinda need to get out of here. Nice chat and all- really lively. I'm just gonna-" You speed out the door with a fast pace. Still awkwardly laughing as you leave.

You knew you were being obvious that there is a lot more to the story, but you and Spence agreed on not sharing details and not keeping secrets at the same time.

You stride through the bullpen spotting JJ who definitely did not call you.

"Hey JJ, do you need any favors to be done because I'm open to help with anything?" You swiftly ask.

Taken back- she gives a concerned look to Rossi whom she was previously speaking to.

"Actually- I was looking for someone to babysit the kids while Will takes me out on a date. Unless we have a case, it's tonight." Your eyes widen with joy. This is the first time JJ has asked you to babysit. Kids tend to love you; you would've embarrassed yourself if they hadn't.

Asking to help with something only to decline is awfully rude.

"Yes of course, what time? I have missed files to go through but I'm sure I'll be done before you need me." You sat yourself on the edge of the desk behind you. Crossing your arms, determined to get every detail so you wouldn't disappoint.

"7:00? We will have dinner finished for them by then and we'll try to be back before midnight." You nod in complete agreement.

"Yea that's perfect and I'll keep you posted." You two share a smile.

"Posted for what?" Spencer had thrown himself into the conversation. Partially because he wanted to escape the interrogation from Garcia but also because he tends to follow you around at work.

"I'm babysitting JJ's kids tonight so she can have her hot date." You smirk at JJ's flushed face.

"It's been a while, don't judge." You put your hands up defensively.

"Is it ok if I come too? I haven't seen the kids in a while and I miss showing them magic tricks." Spencer inquisitively looked between you both, Rossi being long gone to grab some coffee with Morgan.

"Yea sure, as long as you have them both in bed by 9:30." She tries to hide her amused face. Making you acutely aware that she will definitely tell Garcia, Emily, and Morgan about this. You pray it doesn't add to Garcia's wedding fantasy.

You slightly nod and move to your desk to finish off the workload you missed.

Papers upon papers all filed in manila folders. You work your way through half of the stack. The staring contest between you and the pages made your eyes hurt, causing you to toss your pen down onto the open folder you had been melting your eyes on. Placing your head in your hands, defeated in a way that made you close your eyes and take a deep breath. The paperwork being the lesser of many evils to make you quit your job. A slight reminder of your confliction.

A mug with simple black coffee was placed onto your desk. Breaking you out of your daze. The sound had caused you to peek out from under your fallen baby hairs. You always had your hair up at work, which adds to your reoccurring headaches. Relief and annoyance followed in pursuit once you noticed who was standing alongside your desk.

"Morgan, you know I hate black coffee." The bitterness was too much for your pallet and you believed in the whole 'how you take your coffee represents your outlook on life'.

"Right- which is why..." He doesn't finish his sentence and instead digs into his pocket and pulls out a handful of creamers and sugars. You softly smile at him, finally raising your head. Now showing your full face for him to analyze.

"You alright, HH?" His concern evident without caution.

"If I said peachy, would you believe me?" You quirk a brow with an amused smile. Partially trying to hide how you truly felt.

"Yea I would. Who wouldn't love to be going through stacks of papers and be occasionally bombarded with questions about you and boy genius?" He laughs in an attempt to keep the mood light.

"I know right? This is exactly why I wanted to cut my break off so soon. Not because I wanted to work on an actual case." You shrug as you mixed your now tan colored coffee.

"Ok c'mon... talk to me." Derek gives you a sincere look, urging you to speak your mind. You're not used to sharing and caring all that much, especially with the fact that you don't have a family to turn to or someone you're exceptionally close with except Reid. 

And as of lately, you're refraining from sharing with him as well. But you pulled back on the fear and decided to allow yourself to try. Maybe if you shared more with more people, that had a chance at understanding, then you wouldn't carry all the weight.

"I've never had a lot going on in my life. No relationships, no family, no friendships, no pets. I only ever had myself. And that caused me to be in my head so much. And now... I have a lot going on in my head. Something is going on with Reid. I have more people to worry about now more than ever, and it's just a lot for me to handle. But I can't be alone because then I'm in my head too much. Granted even with others; I'm in my head too much. And with the team, you guys are all I have, but I still don't feel like I'm considered family. And I know that I am... but it just doesn't feel like it."

Morgan pondered for a bit, probably thinking what is the best answer he can muster up in so little time. Taking a moment to mull over your words as he takes a deep breath. Letting it sink in, Morgan was never great at having these kinds of conversations but he was always honest.

"I can't say I know what you're going through... I've always had so much on my plate; whether I can handle it or not. It always led to me having no time to think or be in my head. But what I do know is that sometimes you gotta put more on your plate to adapt to what you do have most of the time.
Pick up hobbies, make new friends, get a dog or a cat, try to get better at something you're bad at. Stuff like that may help. I know that with this job, you gotta use your brain more than most; it's easier to get caught up like that. So by doctor's orders... I suggest you find different stuff to do regardless if you have company or not." He gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze letting you know that you aren't as lonely as you feel.

"As for the team goes- I guess it is about time we had more get-togethers and bar hopping nights. Right?" You smile up at him before you both laugh.

"You're right... about all of it. Thank you for being my friend." You pick up your pen again to fiddle with nervously.

"Double H, I'm your best friend. You're not necessarily mine but you know. I guess I'm just that great." He shrugs as his playful attitude comes back. You roll your eyes and scoff.

"Yea alright, Hotshot. Now get out of here before I use this pen and shove it so far up your ass, your grandkids will taste ink." He busts up laughing and puts his hands up. He makes his swift exit and my eyes glance over to Reid. He was showing Emily a magic trick he learned about in the book he read at the park.

Softly smiling at his antics as his eyes find yours; returning an adoring smile. One that would make you forget your troubles. You shyly look back down and try to finish your paperwork.

You couldn't believe he fell in love with you. You didn't even try to make him do so, you didn't even have a clue that he felt so much for you. And now you're starting to like him in a way you've never done so with others. Of course you've had a few crushes here and there. You never explored it though; work above all else as usual.

This was the first time you knew someone had feelings for you. And god was it exhilarating- it's like when you find out you were chosen for an award.
You were the prettiest flower that got plucked.

Refocusing on the papers in front of you, you take a deep breath and lock in. You wished you were Spencer who had flown through his collection hours ago. Unfortunately, you are not a walking computer. You sighed as you held your mug in one hand, finding the warmth relaxing.

You ended your sentence with a period and stared at your last paper. You huffed, throwing down your pen, and closed the folder. Organizing the stack as you stood and placed them in their proper place. You grabbed your finished coffee mug and went to the break room. Rinsing it off as you heard someone approach you.

"All done?" Rossi leaned against the counter to catch your eyes.

"Yea, I did. Definitely thought about gouging my eyes out a couple times though." You put the mug away then turn to your dear coworker.

He softly chuckles before quirking his brow accusingly at you. You furrow yours in confusion at the switch in behavior.

"So Morgan told me that you were twisting his arm about a house party at my place."

"And you believe him?" You cross your arms over yourself.

"Knowing you? Twisting his arm, yes. House party at mine, no." You nod slowly.

"Yea well that's just his wishful thinking while throwing me under the bus as a fall guy. But it would be nice to have some team time. We haven't been to yours in months. And it's either that or some trashy bar where everyone gets plastered while Garcia tries to convince Hotch to join the dancing. So pick your poison." He shakes his head at the last memory of when we all went to the bar.

"You're right, this Saturday I'll have everyone come over. Can you stop by early to help me set things up? I need the help." You sweetly smile at Rossi and nod.

"Of course, just text me the details and I'll raid a dollar tree for some supplies."

Rossi gives you a curt nod and leaves the break room. You release a shallow breath, a force of habit after a conversation or action. You leave the break room soon after and head over to Hotch's office.

You slightly knock right below his name plaque. The thick wooden door making a distinct noise, one you'd never forget. You hated visiting Hotch's office. It gave the same feeling as a student being asked to see the principal. But you knew you had to let him know that you were finished with your paperwork.

You then hear a subtle "come in" which led to you twisting the door knob and pushing the door open enough for you to slip through.

You close the door behind you then walk over to the seats in front of his desk. Unprofessionally plopping down onto the seat and slumping down into it, like a tired teenager.

"You finished your work?" You nod after closing your eyes and laying your head back against the seat.

"Is something wrong?" Hotchner asks pensively. Huffing out the last of your courage, you then speak.

"Kinda... maybe... I don't know. Shouldn't you be giving me a talk about dating coworkers or something?" You let one eye peak at your boss. Seeing an amused smile, you let yourself relax and you close your eye. You were glad that Aaron Hotchner partially filled in the role of a father figure for you and found your childish antics amusing.

"First of all, I trust both you and Reid to be professional. And second, what's wrong?" You sharply inhale before explaining your stresses to Hotch. While it is tiring to share and care all day, you knew it was important to finally open up. Bottling up and exploding was no longer a good option for you.

"I hope you know that I care about you deeply before I give you my advice as your boss. Now as your boss, I think I should have you go undercover more so you can stop being as stuck as you feel. I can promote you for other side jobs here at the BAU while also keeping your position here." You nod along liking the sound of that.

"And as a father?" You nervously waited, you already told Hotch how you saw him but you never wanted him to feel more responsible for you. He lightly laughs; already expecting that question.

"As a father, I think you should take time and try to find things that make you happy. Other physical activities than this job, the gym, and soaking up entertainment."

He knew you too well but you were surprised at the matching solution that Derek had given you prior.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin, I have no parental guidance except for your slight input." You racked your brain at ideas.

"I'll tell you what, I'll talk to some of my colleagues and I'll see if I can get you a moderate case for going undercover. It may take some time though."

"Thank you, Hotch. I really appreciate it." You finally opened your eyes to show your sincerity.

"Don't mention it. Now get out of my office or else the team will think you're getting in trouble." He smiled brightly at you. You appreciated the smiles and laughter you'd get out of this stone cold man. Of course anyone who really knew him, knew that he really wasn't the type of guy to have a stick up his ass. But as far as this job goes- he always had to stay in a professional mindset.

"Yea yea, I know. But I hope you know that the rest of the team, besides Reid, will bombard you to see if you found anything out about me and him." You smile softly at Hotch.

"I can't wait to see their disappointed faces." He shakes his head before focusing back on his work and letting his smile drop. You got up and left his office, feeling lighter and overall better.

You spot Spencer who was trying to seem as if he wasn't trying to listen in. Laughing lightly before walking up to him, you grab him as you keep the same pace.

"Am I being kidnapped?" He confusedly looks around as you two make it past the glass doors of the office. Some of the team watching as you both do. You hear Emily faintly say, "They know they're leaving their things, right?" JJ then muttered something about bringing them to her place which made you keep your stride.

"Yes, I'm kidnapping you to help me take care of some kids." Letting your hand release his arm and glide down to his hand; interlocking them.

"Oh that sounds nice." He says as the elevator door opens in front of you and a few agents exit. You both walk in and you press the button that gets you to the parking garage. His hand squeezes yours as the elevator doors close with a ding.

Swiftly turning to face him and grab his other hand in yours; you looked into his eyes for a moment. You use his hands as support to lean up to his face which pulls him down while pulling him flush against you. You cross your arms behind your back so he can hold you while your hands are still interlocked.

"What?" He says as you hurriedly shut him up. Pressing your lips against his. He slowly eases into it which makes you release his hand, the one you had just grabbed, and slide it all the way up to the back of his neck. Your fingers delicately playing with his hair. His free hand quickly goes straight to your hip. He starts to try and deepen the kiss by opening his mouth slightly and closing it around your bottom lip. You almost allowed the kiss to deepen. Almost.

The elevator dings and you slowly separate, stopping millimeters away. You both were out of breath. "I've wanted to do that all day." You say as your lips slightly brush his.

"You still can." His voice cracks from his obvious flustered state. You smile before pulling back completely and continued to drag him to your car. He shakes his head and laughs lightly. Letting go of his hand as you've unlocked your car, you both get in and make the drive to his place.

The drive over consisted of you singing along to your favorite songs while Spencer's hand rested on your thigh. After talking about your problems, you felt so much better and you were able to enjoy your time more. And with Hotch's suggestion, you were able to take on Morgan's advice.

Spencer opened his door, his hand laced within yours as he leads you to his bedroom. He released you as soon as you both got in. You sat idly while he picked out more comfortable clothes to wear.

"May I borrow some clothes too? Is that ok?" You ask as his back was turned to you since he was sifting through his drawers. He straightens out and turns to you. Face beaming and holding grey sweats and a black hoodie.

"You didn't have to ask." He laughs at your widened eyes before gently placing the clothes in your lap. You smile at him only then pecking his lips. He stills smiles brightly before turning back around. You stand up and face away from him as you start to change.

"So if you wanna change in here while I change in the bath... room." He starts as you both turn to face each other while he says bathroom. You were just about finished with putting on his hoodie. You give him a soft smile.

"No need. If you want me to leave while you change I can." You offer as you pull the drawstrings on the sweats and tied them so they'd fit on your hips.

"How did you change so fast and right behind me without me noticing?" He points at me wearing his clothes as he displays a confused smile.

"What? Did you want a show?" You laugh as he blushes then walked towards his bathroom.

"I didn't mean it like that." He squeaked out as he shuts the door.

"I know you didn't, I was just asking." You shrug as you check yourself out in his body length mirror which was right beside his bathroom door. He opens the door quicker than you would have expected, only his head peaking out yet you see his bare shoulders. He gives you a look before letting his eyes wander to your body.

"You look really pretty wearing my clothes though." He closes the door again, probably to finish dressing himself.

"Are you saying that you'd rather see me in your clothes than without any clothes at all?" You tease while looking into the mirror again.

"We are not having this conversation." He yells through the door. You laugh as you fix your hair.

"Ok boy genius, I'll drop it." You sigh as you sit on the end of his bed. You let yourself fall back onto it. With your arms stretched out, you close your eyes. Letting the feeling of peace wash over you. You hear the door open yet you keep your eyes shut as you hear him walking all around his room.

You feel the bed dip on your left side. Feeling his lips press softly against yours, you hum. He gently grabs your jaw while applying more pressure into the kiss. He breaks away but keeps his hold on you.

"We have to leave now to make it in time." He sweetly tells you. But your eyes stay shut as you sigh dramatically. You pout at the thought of leaving your perfect bubble. His hands squeezes your face, making your lips pout even more. Sweetly kissing them before letting go entirely and getting off the bed. He grabs both of your wrists before trying to pull you up. He laughs as you open your eyes at the unexpected force.

"Ok- ok we're going. But since I've never been to JJ's, you gotta direct me on where to go." His hands move to hold your hands instead.

"Why don't I just drive?" He asks.

"For starters, you hate driving. And also, you are so not driving my car." You couldn't imagine anyone else driving your car. That's simply a sin amongst humanity.

"I'm not even going to push it because we have to leave like right now." He shakes his head as he looks down at you. He pulls you completely up and kisses your forehead before putting a hand on your lower back to guide you out of his room. He tells you the address to put in your phone as you both leave his place.

Hurriedly leaving his apartment complex and getting into your car, he was the first to break the silence.

"You named your car something stupid like sweetie or baby, didn't you?" He visibly cringed at the thought. Your eyes widen and your jaw drops as you laugh at the idea.

"No- that's something a middle aged man, who fucks his classic car's tailpipe, would do." His eyes widen in a hysterical way as he laughed at your word choice.

"Who does what to his tailpipe?" You grip the wheel tighter to remain in control of the vehicle. Bubbling with laughter, neither of you guys could keep it together.

"Oh c'mon- say it Doctor Reid. It's just us." Your eyes start to gloss over as the consistent laughter never ceases once. Of course until you need more air to laugh again.

"I certainly will not- and also you never truly answered my question." Spencer points a finger at you. This pops your lightweight bubble. You clear your throat before uncomfortably shifting in your seat, hoping that you'd feel more at ease to admit that you have in fact named your car.

"Oh my god- you named your car." Spencer shakes his head subtly in disbelief.

"So his name is Roscoe... he's my child and no one else should lay a hand on him but me."

"Roscoe? Really?" You nod while bracing for impact, you're sure you were gonna be made fun of.

"I would laugh but the name is actually suiting your car nicely." He beams at you, which you return.

"Really? I thought so- I named him after one of my favorite character's car. It's not the same make or model- not even color. But it felt right... you know?" You ramble slightly before turning to Spencer, waiting for validation.

"Yea I guess so..." He trails off as he stares at you with an ardent smile. You face the street ahead of you again as you turn onto a neighborhood road. Despite the distracting conversation, you still made it to JJ's. Which seemed odd if you hadn't glanced at your phone multiple times to track where you were headed. You turn into JJ's driveway and park. You both exit the car as JJ walks out of her front door to greet you both.

"Hey guys, your stuff is in the living room. Also why is HH swimming in her clothes?" JJ looks you up and down as you do the same to yourself.

"They're mine." Spencer says awkwardly as JJ glances between you two. "My apartment keys were in my work bag. Spencer is making it sound wrong." You rush to further explain with wide eyes that matched Spencer's.

"Okay then. Put the boys to bed by 9:30, Spencer has taken care of them before so I'm sure you two will be just fine." You nod as she leads you both into her home. Will was washing dishes as she finalized the tour for you with the kitchen.

You shake his hand after he finished. Properly being introduced to one another. You only saw him at the wedding and since it was hectic it wasn't easy to be introduced officially. You were met with the kids as well, the youngest already attaching to you by the hip.

JJ and Will gathered their things, said goodbye to their kids along with you and Spencer, then took off for their date. Henry and Michael had dragged you and Spencer to watch a movie with them; the movie being Cars. You were setting up the movie as Spencer made popcorn. Henry followed Spencer while they talked about magic tricks and Michael was playing with the ends of your hair on the living room couch.

You smiled softly, scanning your surroundings. It would be nice to have a family and a home. It would be cute to have the white picket fence future. But you can't help but to think that it's not something you should have. You still needed and craved chaos to be able to handle that life and truly appreciate it.

It was a sick thought of course.

But deep down you knew you'd never be able to handle a normal life. You are desperate to be more than what you are. Desperate to understand hell to be grateful for peace. You are scared of silence, moments alone, and in order to appreciate it- you need it to be stripped away from you. So you quickly shut down the idea of having a calm life. Begging for the storm to present itself.

How unfair is that?

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

Author speaks!!
Home girl is going through it. I try to make the chapters long so y'all avoid the stupid ads for as long as possible. Wattpad used to not have as many like in 2014.
Dean slander has been involved. Even though you are unaware of him at this moment... he's still a tailpipe connoisseur. An expert of sorts.
Much love<3