xiv. Totally Clueless


fourteen totally clueless



       SO HERE SHE IS, REPEATING the password to Gryffindor tower that both Archie and George told her — for different intentions, she'd like to add — and letting herself into their common room, to find George. She feels wrong, doing this, her mind reminding her of Cedric, but she can't. The idea that George lost the match is enough, apparently, to make her ignore the guilt she's forcing upon herself.

       She walks into the common room, just as another ginger turns to leave. She almost walks straight into Fred, but she quickly stops herself, looking up at him. He looks annoyed about something.

        "Um," she says. "Are you OK...?"

       "We've been kicked off the team," he tells her.

       Mia's eyes widen. "George was—?"

       "Yeah," says Fred, nodding. He seems to be gritting his teeth. "Malfoy was being a prat, George and Harry went for him, and that's it. The three of us are off the team."

       Her brows furrow. "Do you know where George is?"

       "He'll be at the alcove across from the old Muggle Studies classroom," says Fred, with complete confidence. She nods, and as she turns around, he opens the door for her. "I'll walk with you. I'm going to see Briar."

       Mia looks up at him, confused. "Um, how...?"

       "You didn't hear this from me," he tells her, as he steps through the portrait's threshold, back into the hallway. "But there's a passage that leads out to The Hog's Head. Then I just Apparate to the village near Beauxbatons."

       "That's... really sweet?" says Mia.

       Fred shrugs. "I'm gonna be honest, I don't wanna be here right now," he says. "Everyone's having a fit that we're off the team, like it's not hard enough. And if it means I've got to leave the country to get away from it, so be it."

       Mia begins to realise that this is (a) the only time they have ever been alone, and (b) the longest they have ever talked to each other. She starts to feel a little awkward, but she forces herself to continue the conversation, to think up something.

       "Do you... know all of the ways out of school, then?" she says, with a raised brow.

       Fred shakes his head. "We found a ton on the map, but there's some we know of that aren't on there," he says. "I think the castle makes new ones every so often. Just last week, we found one that goes under the grounds, straight to the Forbidden Forest."

       She frowns. "Well... Where is it?"

       "It's the blocked-in archway next to Filch's office," he says. "So it's a little tricky to get to, but if you push any of the bricks, it opens right up."

       Mia knows she'll never need to escape to the Forbidden Forest, but she likes that she knows. Her dad will like her telling him about it, at Christmas.

       "Tell George I've gone to France," says Fred, when he reaches the hallway his passageway's down.

       Mia nods. "Tell Briar I said hi."

       "Oh, I will," says Fred, before he walks off, hands in his pockets.

       Her brows furrow at that, but she turns around, continuing the rest of the walk on her own. It amazes her a little bit, the specificity of Fred's answer, but she's glad someone knows where he'll be. All of the corridors are losing their light, now that the winter weather's brought earlier sunsets, but the faint glow of the candles on the walls light her way, as she turns the corner, and finally reaches the alcove across from the classroom.

       Mia stops in front of him. "Uh... hi."

       George is sitting on the stone bench, and he looks up at her. He seems surprised.

       "Oh, uh — hi."

       Mia steps forwards, sitting next to him. "Fred said you'd be here."

       George frowns. "Oh, has he—?"

       "He's gone to see Briar," says Mia.

       George pauses, and then shrugs. "Fair enough."

       There's a pause. She's moved herself so she's facing him, but he avoids her glance, looking straight ahead, instead. Her brows are furrowed. She doesn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say, to someone who's been kicked off their Quidditch team?

        Eventually, she settles with, "Are you... OK?"

       "Well I'm pretty fucking pissed off," he says, "So, no."

       Mia stays quiet, but he continues, turning to her.

       "I don't see how she can just take us off the team! This is our last year, we won't get another chance to play Quidditch, ever again—!"

       Mia frowns. "We?"

       "Uh, yeah," he says, looking at her oddly. "Me and Fred."

       "What about... you?"

       George looks at her for a minute. "... What?"

       "You always talk like you're a collective," she says. "But you're not."

       "I guess..."

       He trails off, going quiet. She leans closer. "So...?"

       George looks away from her, as he thinks, before he turns back to her. "OK, well, I'm pissed off..." he says. "I'm not gonna play Quidditch ever again, not like this, and it's rubbish. This is my last year here, you know? And I'm missing out on it."

       And then he adds, in a lower voice, "Mum's gonna go mad, as well."

       "She is?"

       George nods. "She's always been so proud of us playing Quidditch," he explains. "And if I've been kicked off the team..."

       Mia nods, but she doesn't say anything.

       He gives her a look. "Don't look at me like that."

       "Like what?"

       "Like the only reason I want to play is because of that."

       Mia protests, "I never said—"

       But he goes, "Hm."

       Mia pauses.

       "It can be both," she says.

       "Right..." he says, grumbling almost.

       Mia can hear Cedric's judgement, in her ears, but she ignores it. He wouldn't care.

       "Your mum doesn't praise you and Fred as much as the others, does she?" she says, and as she sits forwards, her hand rests on his arm. "So it makes sense that you like the thing she's proud of... But then, it's a pretty normal teenage thing to like being a part of a group like a team... Both things can exist at the same time."

       George looks at her, and shakes his head. "You're too good, my God."

       Her eyes narrow. "What do you mean?"

       "You see right through me," he tells her.

       "Do you..." And for a second she pauses, unsure if she should even finish the question. "... Want that?

       George looks at her, right in the eyes. There's a silence; nothing awkward, but all Mia can focus on is his brown eyes. She starts to feel her heart beating in her chest, just as her mind's racing, hysterically reminding her, Cedric was fucking murdered!

       "I mean, it's new," says George, finally.

       "That doesn't answer the question," says Mia.

       Do you not remember, when Briar told you, that your best friend was going to die? Do you not remember, how you thought you was going to marry Cedric, and yet, you've ended up here, with butterflies in your stomach for the one boy Cedric would so disapprove of?

       "OK, yeah, I do," says George, and she's quickly snapped out of it. He keeps on looking away, like he doesn't want to look her in the eye, for too long... Like it makes it harder, to say what he wants to say. "It's nice that someone sees me for me, instead of a twin."

       George is quick to clarify. "Obviously I don't mind being a twin, of course I don't, but sometimes I wish I wasn't always grouped with someone else... Like, I'm not exactly the same as Fred."

       The memory of Cedric, after that Quidditch match two years ago, is forced to the forefront of her mind. She vividly remembers the way Cedric held tightly onto her, when George called her a bitch. The memory of Cedric defending her feels like it's slapping her in the face, because she doesn't care what happened with George. She cares what Cedric would think about this.

       "I know that," she says.

       "You're going to stand and let your team member say that?" she hears Cedric say. She can almost feel his hand on her wrist. Almost see his shaking hands in front of her, because Cedric loved her so much, he was shaking, with how angry he got. And you're doing this to his memory?

       "I know you do..." says George, and Mia thinks, oh?

       And then Mia remembers Cedric, remembers the way he took her hands as he asked her to the Yule Ball... Remembers the Yule Ball, when Cedric was speaking to Briar and they saw George, and even then, Cedric made a comment about him afterwards. "At least you found out what he's like, before anything happened," he had said, and at the time Mia had nodded, because she agreed. And now she's here...

       "And how it's like now, he's gone off to his girlfriend which is fine, but I can't help comparing..."

       Cedric couldn't stand George, because of what he said to you.

       "Everything we do is compared."

       What he said to you, Mia...

       "He's got Briar and I've got..."

       And then it hits her.

       She feels the clarity Archie described. Cedric would've seen the change, too!

       She feels as though her vision's been cleared for the first time in months. Her heart is racing, her stomach is swarming with butterflies, but in her mind, she can hear her own voice, reminding her of the truth of the matter — Cedric wouldn't mind, if he was here.

       Mia places her hands on top of his, and says, "You've got me."

       George looks down at her hands, on top of his, up to her. It takes him a minute to reply, and she worries she's done too much. He fidgets and she takes that as a sign to take her hands off his.

       He looks away from her, as he says, "It's not the same, though, is it?"

       Mia doesn't know what to think.

       She's so confused. Like, she's been more than aware of how he's been treating her for the past few weeks. He offered his Quidditch jumper, with his name on. He cancelled plans with his friends to help her. He's put himself out there, whenever she's needed it — she thought she knew what he was feeling, doing all of that... And maybe she's only saying this protect himself, because he thinks she might not feel the same, but still...

       "Um," says Mia, quietly. "I guess not..."

       She looks down at his hands, clasped together on his lap. From the candlelight she can make out bruised knuckles, and her eyes widen.

       "Wait, wait, wait," she says, picking up his hand. "How did that–?"

       "Oh," he says, looking at his hand. He smiles. "I punched Montague."

       Mia blinks. "... But... Why?"

       "He was saying shit about you," says George. "So, I punched him."

       Mia's eyes widen. "Is that why you were kicked off the team?"

       "Well," he says, pulling a face. "I think it was a contributing factor."

       "George..."

       George lets out a sigh. "Right," he says, as if preparing himself for the full story. "All throughout the match, the Slytherins were singing this song about Ron, saying he was a shit keeper, and that our whole family lives in a bin." Mia nods, frowning. "We did win the match, but after, Malfoy started saying stuff to Harry to piss him off, and then he started doing the same to me and Fred, because he saw we were getting annoyed... And then, Montague saw that it was pissing us off, so he joined in, and then he started saying stuff about you... to me... so... I punched him, in the face." He pauses, to look up at her. She doesn't know what to make of this.

       Here's the deal: Mia went out with Montague, briefly, during fourth year. Her dad was freshly on the run, and for some reason, he was convinced that her dad was evil. She was getting pissed off with her dad, sure, but she can think those things, other people can't... But, it's safe to say that Montague resents her, ever since she ended their relationship.

       "What did he say?" says Mia.

       George hesitates. "I don't know if I should—"

       "I'm a big girl," says Mia with a frown. "I can handle it."

       "Mia," says George, with a frown.

        Mia decides to leave it for now. She can't help but think, do I really want to know what he said about me? And the answer to that is no, especially if it's so bad, George won't say it. "But, why was he saying stuff about me?"

       George pauses for a moment, before he shrugs. "I dunno," he says. "I guess he's just seen us around, together, and presumed..." That we were dating, she knows he's going to say, but he trails off before he gets there.

       "Oh," says Mia, raising her eyebrows. She feels a little awkward. And confused, to be honest. They don't spend that much time together... do they?

       George shrugs. He must've started to calm down, because he smirks. "I would be a great boyfriend, to be fair," he says earnestly.

       Mia laughs. "Oh, would you?"

       "Definitely," he says with a nod. He puts his hand on her knee, before he stands up, looking around. "... Right, I should probably let my mum know before she hears it from someone else. Uh, you can come with, if you want."

       Mia thinks about it for a minute, before she nods. "Sure."

       They start walking back in the direction of Gryffindor tower; Mia keeps on thinking about Montague, and whatever he said to George. In all honesty she doesn't care about what he said, but rather, the fact that he saw her as something to antagonise George. It weirds her out a little, that someone she went out with for a month, is still finding ways to inconvenience her life.

       Like, they went out for a month. It was barely a relationship. A lot of her boyfriends, looking back, don't feel like boyfriends, like actual relationships. She was fourteen for some of them, and realistically, she only had those relationships for the validation. Her dad was on the run, and everyone was talking about him trying to kill Harry — her dad had escaped Azkaban, but no one cared about her. And then boys came along and showed an interest... She can understand why she did it.

       The only real relationship was Cedric... Part of her wants to include Oliver, too, but she feels like the only reason she said yes to the first date with him was because she wanted a new crush to move on from George, for good. But, it wasn't until Cedric that Mia felt comfortable enough, with herself, to want to have sex. Obviously, she had thought about having sex — what do you expect? — but she didn't feel comfortable with her own sexuality until Cedric. And Mia thinks there's a difference, between the thought of having sex, and deciding you're comfortable with the idea, that you're ready. That takes a lot longer.

       "You went to my common room earlier, didn't you?" says George.

       Mia nods. "Yeah, why?"

       "Just wondering if you saw Angelina," he says. "Bet she's pissed off."

       "I mean..." says Mia, because she wants to say, oh she must be, because realistically, if three people on your team have been banned from playing, you're bound to be a little annoyed. But she doesn't want to make things worse for George. "We'll just... avoid her, if you want. She's gonna be annoyed, but I guess if you just... stay out of the way, for the time being, she'll be able to figure out replacements, or whatever, and calm down."

       Mia can't help but remember that George went with Angelina to the Yule Ball last year. She doesn't why she thinks about that, but it sparks another thought in her mind — she feels like the wizarding world is so old-school, when it comes to marriage. Like, it's 1995, right now, but most marriages are between people that met during school? How 1950s is that? She feels like it's so bizarre, how the world she lives in has this expectation, that the first person you date, or kiss, or sleep with, will become your husband.

       She doesn't know. She really doesn't. She also doesn't know why she's thinking about all of this, right now, but here she is. George, next to her, must be thinking, shit, my mum's gonna kill me, and Mia's here, thinking about... Sex? Relationships? Societal expectations?

       Weird.

       They arrive outside of the common room, where the oil painting's gold frame swings off the castle wall, letting them in. The warmth from the fire hits her in the face, the second she steps into the common room, and immediately George puts his head down, trying not to be seen.

       He takes hold of her hand. And, look, she knows that he only does it, so that he can walk quicker, to avoid Angelina, without having to check Mia's behind him, but still. She looks down at his hand, holding hers, at the bruising on his knuckles, at how big his hand looks compared to hers. She starts to feel butterflies in her stomach, and it annoys her, because she knows why he's doing this. She remembers what he said a few minutes ago — it's not the same, though, is it? — and then she remembers him telling her he'd be a good boyfriend... And she doesn't know what to think. But it makes her feel better, deciding this isn't him being romantic, it's him being efficient. He doesn't want to hold her hand, he just wants to avoid someone else, and this is the easiest way of doing so. It's nothing romantic.

       The boys' dorm rooms are accessed through spiral staircase, one room for each year. In Hufflepuff, there are long corridors leading to the different dorm rooms, certain areas blocked off since there aren't that many students, compared to previous generations. Mia's been in Archie's room before, and since they're in the year below George, she has to climb an extra storey to reach the dorm room at the very top of the tower.

       They reach the seventh years' room, both of them stopping on the top step. She looks down, at her hand still holding his, and he does the same. Both of them, at the same time, let go.

       The room's a little messy, as all dorm rooms are. She sees a jumper lying on one bed, and guesses it's George's, by the gold 'G' knitted onto the front. He goes to the trunk beside that bed, anyway, to grab some parchment, so she decides to sit on his bed.

       "Where's everyone else?" she says.

       George shrugs. "Probably sulking."

       Mia frowns. She tries to think back to the summer, and tries to think if she's ever been in his room before. Even at Grimmauld Place. She wracks her brain and she doesn't think she has? And the nervousness sets in. She hears the wind rattling outside, the loud gusts of wind mimicking her heart, pounding in her chest.

       "Why do you think Montague... thought we were...?"

       George takes a minute to reply. He looks across at her, with a little frown on his face, like he doesn't know what to say. Mia feels as though the wind's become even louder.

       "I don't know," he says, finally. But Mia thinks of his bitterness when he said they're not the same as Fred and Briar, or the way he punched someone defending her... And she doesn't get it. He says that she sees right through him, and maybe she understands him a little, but all of this stuff?

      She has no clue.

i am SO sorry for the very very late update but hi i hope you enjoyed!!! i have limited wifi rn but i hope u all enjoyed the chapter and let me know what you thought!! xx

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