Escape — reality that is.

Social situations had never really stuck; they seemed to be another light feather in the spectrum of things.

Everyday was the same — I woke up, did my morning routine, headed out somewhere, came back, then went to sleep. Routinely, it was all routine — almost like a ticking clock that never stopped.

Twelve to twelve, twelve to twelve, twelve to twelve — a constant repeat.

Yet routines could always be broken; someone could stop the clock whenever they'd please to insert something that wouldn't be permanent. It would be something temporary, such as fear.

But sometimes fear lingers.

Sometimes fear is permanent.

"The afterparty is in a couple of minutes," she smiled towards me with excitement as she signaled for me to hurry up. "Are you ready?"

I gave a slight nod, excited for it myself. Our competitive events had ended today; now it was the after party. Awards would be handed out tomorrow, March 24th. I would hope we would get first place gold.

"Do you think I should wear this choker and be edgy like you?" She snickered to me while touching the black velvet on her neck. I couldn't help but give a slight laugh.

"It's whatever you want," I smiled. "You're wearing all black, anyway."

"I'm not gonna wear it. It's too loose, anyway," she rolled her eyes as she unlocked the chain and placed it back down onto the bathroom sink. She looked into the mirror, brushing her long, black silky hair.

Sometimes I wished I had hair like that.

"Let's go!" My other roommate shouted excitedly. She stood near us.

"I'm not use to seeing you wear all black," I stated as I put on my ID. They had spelled my name wrong on it.

"The others are waiting for us. We should go to karaoke and the DJ first," she exited the room swiftly. I followed behind.

We took pictures.

All eleven of us — standing awkwardly in the hallway, or sometimes in front of the elevators. Our teacher would smile at us while the poses became stranger as the pictures multiplied. They stopped once the elevator next to us had dinged, signaling for us to go to the after party.

Downstairs in the lobby it was crowded, almost to the point where it was suffocating. I kept my earbuds in one pocket, my phone in the other.

More pictures of our matching shirts.

We led ourselves into the meeting area. Once they were workshops, now they were filled to the brim, buzzing with people from the same organization. I stared at my phone for a brief moment, seeing that my parents had called me. I put my phone on silent and looked back up.

"We should play escape the table as a team," he suggested while pointing to the signup sheets.

"There can be only five of us, though," she proclaimed.

From eleven dwindled down to two. They had their cliques, and quite frankly me and this girl didn't. The other girl decided to join them at escape the table. I slugged behind, eventually catching on and wanting to join them.

The slots were now full. They began arguing about the times and rearranging it so that we could be in it; so that I could be in it. We settled for 10:25 p.m.

They had spelled my name right on the signup sheet.

"Why don't we watch the movie in the terrace room? I heard the movie was Sing," one of the boys exclaimed.

"We'll hang out at the dance floor until escape the table," the other suggested. They began to walk off while I had slugged behind.

The music was extremely loud — pulsating. The vibrations in the floor shook my chest while the music blasted my eardrums. Students from other schools flooded in; it had became crowded. I managed to find myself in the middle of the dance floor with the ten that I had came to this event with.

People started dancing in sync.

The elephant in the room was noticeable — they were probably staring at me.

Slide to the left.

I attempted to follow in the steps of the song.

This was suppose to be fun.

This was suppose to be fun.

This was suppose to be fun.

Slide to the right.

More eyes.

I felt them beating down on me.

I shouldn't have stood in the center of the dance floor with the rest of my group, I should have been in the back. The dance floor lights were shining above my head.

Bring it back now, y'all.

I bumped into someone by mistake. I apologized and tried to regain my composure.

Just a song.

Just a song.

Just a song.

A couple minutes had passed and the discomfort had grew. My eyes gazed towards the exit, plotting on how to escape this hell.

Reverse! Reverse!

Everyone started spinning while jumping. I tried to enjoy myself as I waited for the song to end.

Reverse! Reverse!

Just an after party.

Just a crowd.

Just a social event.

Just temporary.

Everybody clap your hands!

I felt that feeling in my chest again. The tightening and shortness of breath. The group that I was from seemed to be enjoying themselves.

They were all staring. They weren't — but it felt like it. My mind was playing tricks on me again; building up like an explosion.

It had almost felt like I accidentally missed two steps of the stairs by accident, but the feeling of falling didn't go away.

A walk — I just needed a walk.

The song ended and I rushed out of there, occasionally looking over my shoulder to see if anyone had noticed.

They didn't.

I took the time to walk back and fourth across the wide hallway with all the events.

Movie — go watch the movie.

I headed towards the terrace room; the area in which the movie was playing. I hesitated on opening the door.

They'll look at you if you enter.

I paced back and fourth again. The shortness of breath continued and tears began to brim.

Just an event.

Just an after party.

Breathe.

I couldn't.

The numbness began, the rapid breathing continued. My vision was blurred with tears; I couldn't see beyond my glasses.

I called my teacher on the phone to tell her I wasn't feeling good.

I wasn't on the dance floor, but that feeling remained. I was away from all those people now; I was no longer in a crowd. The lobby was remotely empty.

They're all staring at you.

They're judging you.

You can't dance, they're laughing at you.

You should have stayed in that hotel room.

You should have just stayed at home.

You should have just stayed in bed.

You should have never agreed to coming to this in the first place.

I tried to regain my composure, but the panic kept coming.

They didn't notice you were gone; you just waltzed out of there and they probably didn't care.

They're all staring at you.

They're all judging you.

"Allen, what's wrong?" I heard my teacher's voice as she walked up to me.

I held my breath, "I-I don't feel so good, I just want to go back to the hotel room."

Your insecurities are showing.

You can't dance, they're judging that.

You're not the type to go to events like these.

The crowd overwhelms you.

The next day my group had gotten 1st place gold.

But it just felt like a loss.