When I arrive in New York I am not expecting to be met by the three faces I loved the most, and Annie of course. A sign held up high above their heads "Happy Christmas Mom" decorated by our six year old judging from the dodgy looking Santa drawn beside the writing. Jamie's writing.

"Mom" they call as I appear through the  arrivals gate, rolling my small suitcase behind me.

I wave and start running as soon as I see them and as I reach them I release the bag and drop down reaching for them and bringing them into my arms "Oh my loves I missed you" I say eyes closed. "I missed you so much"

I open my eyes, stand, and reach again for Jameson to get a better hug. My almost teenager who didn't much like to hug us in public anymore.

"Hi my girl... how's Christmas prep going" I ask.

She gives me a look "Mommy has been super bossy"

I look to Annie behind them "Mommy being bossy... I don't know if I can believe it" I say sarcastically.

Annie raises an eyebrow "Not bossy... just wanting it all perfect for you" she says, and she walks over and wraps her arms around me "Happy Christmas Morg" she greets, and she kisses my cheek and releases me "it didn't much feel like Christmas until we saw your face, did it kids" she asks.

They all shake their heads "we missed you Mom... and Mommy said we can all go ice skating now" Asher says excitedly.

"Annie you know I can't skate" I say looking back to her.

She looks to me amused "you can when you hold my hand"

I look to the kids who are all excited to go and I wish I could say no, because this sounded like another of Annie's schemes to keep me close. I couldn't deny them their Christmas Eve though, nor their skating. I knew it meant a lot for us all to go together. We had never spent a Christmas apart.

"Come on then... let's go watch Mom break her neck" I say reaching for my case.

Annie takes it and smiles softly "I got it"

Gage takes my hand instead and we all walk back out to find our driver, or should I say Annie's driver.

Jameson takes my arm and walks side by side,  her eyes keep finding mine, and she looks like she is desperate to ask me something "what is it" I ask.

She smiles, a wicked smile, and I shake my head as she leans in to whisper "did you see her" she asks.

I frown "who" I ask.

She looks to me and nods as if I should know "Leah, mom" she adds quietly.

I look around to see how far away Annie is, she's a few steps back talking to Asher. "I don't think we should talk about her yet... maybe let me tell you when it gets a little more serious"

Jameson rolls her eyes "so basically you did... just admit it" she says as if I was the most annoying person in the world... which as her mom I guess I was.

"I may have" I add.

She smiles and squeezes my arm "good... I'm glad" she admits.

I kiss her forehead "I love you my girl"

"I love you too Mom" she replied with a smile.

This was better than any present I could get this Christmas, my preteen admitting she loved me, out loud! A rare event indeed.

***
The drive to the ice skating is filled with lots of loud and excited Christmas chat. The kids were so excited. I admit, I couldn't stop smiling, and even with Annie sat opposite me I couldn't wipe the smile from my face. She was acting strangely again, back to her passive and calm side. The intensity once again had vanished, her back and forth was confusing, but it was probably safe to assume she was working on me in some way. Although, I secretly hoped she had finally found some kind of acceptance with our situation and become infatuated with this college girl.

If the college girl could just capture Annie's heart...I could slip away unnoticed, and our co parenting would be harmonious. She was a good mother. Annie was a lot of things, some not so great qualities when it came to me, but she was a good mommy.

I look down at my cell as my phone pings.

A- I can't say in front of the kids, but I just wanted to apologise about last week...

I look up or her opposite me and she looks apologetic before she typed again on her phone.

A- Im sorry for teasing you, I just miss you, and I'm not going to do anymore pinning of you... or forcing of you to want me, it's not fair of me and I should know better, our relationship has changed and I can't touch you anymore like that, and I'm sorry. Truly. I am officially dating Tasha now, I haven't told the kids yet and don't plan to, not for a while, but I wanted you to know. So, if you are dating too, you can tell me?!

I mull that over for a few moments, I really didn't want Annie to know much about Leah but I did want her to know I was moving on, if anything to test the waters.

M- I am happy for you Annie, really I am, I look forward to finding out more about Tasha and I hope she makes you happy. I am, dating, I have been seeing someone I like very much but I'd rather not go into details if you don't mind x

Annie reads the message and frowns a little before replying.

A- not even a name? x

M- Leah, her name is Leah, but that's all I'm comfortable sharing for now, I will of course let you know more if and when things get more serious, as I'm sure you will too x

Annie kind of nods as she reads my message and then she slips her phone into her pocket and looks to me and smiles. That was easy, kind of too easy?! I felt a little like that was too good to be true and now I felt a little nervous.

"Mom look there's the skate rink and the tree" Gage says pointing out of the car to the large lit tree up ahead in the distance, the Rockefeller centre was beautiful this time of year.

"Drop us so we can enter via 49th street please Colin" Annie calls to her driver and he nods "yes ma'am" as he takes her preferred route.

"I feel a little like bambi just thinking about this skating..." I confess nervously and Jamie looks from her phone to me beside her "mom you have had a whole life time... how can't you skate by now" she asks and I shake my head "I don't know but I can't"

"I tried to teach her when we were dating .., do you remember that Morg" Annie asks and I do, it was actually a nice memory in part , despite the fact I almost broke my arm, Annie had broken my fall, and twisted her own ankle in the process, but it led to a a few days of me and her bonding together back at her apartment as I took care of her, and a more official title was given to our relationship that weekend, when Annie asked me to be her girlfriend, before I returned home to Arizona, and to my little Jameson.

"This ice skating rink is actually where your mom and I had one of our first real life dates in New York" Annie tells the children "up until that point we had only dated briefly in Arizona... but I knew your mom was more suited to New York...your mom is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in this city" she compliments before adding "actually" she says holding up her finger "she is the most beautiful... and I do not think any different all these years later..." she confesses.

"Wow mommy way to make me wanna puke" Jameson throws back and Annie rolls her eyes in return "you should be happy your moms love each other even though we are separated..."

"I am... I just don't need to hear about it" Jamie rebuffs.

"Here ma'am" Colin calls back and we each shuffle down the seats and step out as Colin gets the door and opens it for us. Gage takes my hand and Asher wraps his around Annie's, Jamie walking two steps ahead, not to be caught dead with us.

"Mom look" Gage says excitedly as we walk through the crowds and to the stunning sight of the Rockefeller centre in all its Christmas glory. "Wow" I say coming to a stop to look up and admire it all "This Gage is the most beautiful tree I think I've ever seen" i say taking a picture of it quickly. "Get one of us mom" Gage asks and I bend down and hold the phone low beneath us to get the tree in the background and his beaming smile on the screen makes me turn to kiss his cheek "I make em cute" I say nuzzling his cheek and he wrinkles up his nose.

"Annie can you take one of me and the kids" I ask and she turns and nods and takes my phone and I usher Jamie over who is dragging her feet, I pick up Gage on my hip and Asher and Jamie stand either side of me as Annie takes some pictures and smiles at us lovingly.

"Looking good Bonettis" Annie calls and we all turn away from her to the tree again "it is awesome" Jamie admits and Asher looks so excited you could feel his Christmas cheer radiating from him.

"Here" Annie says handing me back my phone, I turn back forgetting for a second it was mine she had, and I notice it's open on my messages as I slip it back into my pocket, god I hope she hadn't read any.

"I just want one more of all of us" Annie says turning and asking a woman quickly who was walking by with her family to take one, she smiles and takes Annie's phone as Annie comes back and ushers us all together again, Jamie at my side, Gage still on my hip, Asher in front of Annie and Annie's hand snaking around my waist as the lady takes the photos "beautiful" she says in an Italian accent and she hands Annie back her phone "thank you so much" she says looking to the photos "they are great" she adds cheerily showing me and I look down as I place Gage back onto his feet "They are" I observe, and when you looked at that picture and saw the smiling faces it was hard to imagine we were a broken family, that Annie and I were in a place of separation, that we were at odds, but she made it feel continuously as if we weren't, as if nothing was wrong, and it made me feel like I was going insane. If Annie was so happy with Tasha why hadn't she signed the papers and moved this all on to the next phase?!

***
Our skates are laced, I'm sat taking a moment to compose myself as Asher and Gage step onto the ice with Annie, Jamie confidently taking off like an ice princess as she slid away over the ice elegantly.

I take out my phone and look down to Leah's last message.

L- At the town Christmas parade with Joplin and the family. Miss you! Going for a few Christmas Eve drinks after with Jo and Spencer and then it's straight home for the Mitchell madness x I feel like all I really want is to be snuggled beside a tree with you x I love you Morgan x x x and I miss you so much x

M- Hi, I'm in New York, it's beautiful as always, the kids are brimming with excitement, they are trying to break my neck and end me prematurely by taking me skating... please pray for me 🙏🏻 I do not skate!! Sending you a picture of us beside the tree 🎄 x Leah all I want for Christmas is you 💘 I miss you 💘

L- Picture received... dang you guys are cute!! And this just makes me miss you so much more, knowing I can't call or face time 😕 I can't wait to meet them one day 😘 Love you 😍 I will text later... please don't break anything! I like you intact 😜

M- And I like you ... 🫦 *mind wonders to a dangerous place* never mind 🤤🥵😋

***
"Come on then" Annie says holding out her hand in front of me "it's time to attempt this once again" she adds jovially and I look up to her and frown "please don't make me" I say sticking out my bottom lip "I will most probably die this time" I say dramatically pushing my phone into my jacket pocket.

"I wouldn't let that happen" Annie says guiding me up onto my skates, I wobble a little and she takes my waist in one hand and my hand in the other so she's got hold of me enough to hold me up if need be. "One step at a time" she commands watching my feet as I shuffle forward a little, my ankle turning slightly and she looks up to me and shakes her head amused "Morgan honestly it's one step in front of the other... we aren't even on ice yet" she says and I look to her in agreement "Exactly Annie... I've not even touched the ice yet and I'm already failing to walk... something Ive been quite good at from a year old"

"Well at some point in forty years you lost your ability" she teases .

"Yes to walk on a knifes edge" I return sarcastically "such an important skill for every day use" and I take a breath and focus on moving toward the entrance, Gage and Asher fly by waving and Annie and I wave back "well at-least our children got my balance" she says watching them confidently skate around, Asher even attempting some skate moves, weaving around Gage.

"Here we go" Annie says moving onto the ice and guiding me out beside her, I fall instantly into her arms and she catches me "I can't do this" i beg and she smiles and holds me tightly as she moves us slowly away from the side "I have you" she reminds me "don't panic, just move with me" she says.

After a few minutes, I relax from full on panic mode, my heartbeat goes back to something less erratic and Annie releases my waist but I quickly grab back hold of her "please don't let me go" I ask "I cannot skate alone... and I will kill you if you skate away right now" I confess and she laughs "would I leave you out here alone" she says jovially and I nod "I wouldn't put it past you" I return.

"Here" she says taking my hand and I hesitate feeling a little like that was somehow more intimate, but I trip, and she takes it to help steady me, "there" she says "now doesn't that feel nice" she says smiling at me beside her.

It was weird, if I didn't feel so detached from Annie now, I would probably feel quite warm in this moment, she looked beautiful, and if I didn't know her better I would be lulled into this moment like a lamb to the slaughter, but I did know she still had feelings for me, whether she was trying to hide them now or not, and I had to keep my guard up, I wasn't convinced Annie was being truthful, I wanted to believe it, but I just had this nagging feeling all was not as it seemed.

***
When the elevator dings, we step out into the foyer, Annie rolls my case out for me, Asher and Gage run to the door "Mom close your eyes" they beg as they wait for Annie to hand them the key.

"Why" I ask apprehensively and Jamie takes her hand and covers my eyes "play along mom" she says and I smile as I hear the door open, my case roll along, and Jamie guides me inside "ready" they ask excitedly and I nod "ready" I agree and Jamie's hand slips from my eyes and I look up wide eyed "wow" I confess as I look around the large apartment that I once called home, our second and most lived in home, somewhere Annie and I had brought our babies home too, the place we spent all of our years, our memories all came back to this apartment. "It looks amazing" I say eyes wide impressed "oh my loves it really does look magical" I say as they all lean into my arms, and it did, the entire apartment was dressed for Christmas, reds and greens, bright lights, it was the best it had ever looked.

"We wanted it to be perfect for you" Annie says squeezing my shoulder as she passed by "now come and sit down" she asks "we have a whole evening planned, movies, snacks and a lot of hot chocolate, your favourite one from downtown" she says smiling.

"Guys I love it... and I love you" I say kissing my babies heads "I have a case of Christmas jammies to unpack..." I add raising my eyebrows as Jamie notes my excited expression "oh gawd mom" she groans "are they matching" she asks and I nod enthusiastically "of course" I say like it's mad to consider they wouldn't be.

"Do I get a pair" Annie asks and I nod "yes" I reply with a gentle smile and she returns it "thank you" she offers. "I will take your case and put it in the guest room..." she says rolling it away out of sight.

This would be the strangest Christmas, to be around Annie and not be a couple, to spend it alone in the guest room, but to then come together for the kids in the morning, so, so strange but I could most definitely do this, if Annie played ball and we created healthy boundaries, this was more than bearable, this could be good, healthy even, because I enjoyed being around her when she was like this, when she dropped her games and her intense hold of me and just lived in the moment for our babies.

***
The evening comes, the lights of the city twinkle outside of the windows, the kids are all asleep on the couch, blankets over them in their striped candy cane pyjamas. Annie and I are the only ones still watching the last movie of the night but as the credits roll we kind of look to each other either end of the couch and then to the kids between us "I think I better carry Gage to bed" she says and I nod as she stands and gently picks him up, his little legs flopping out of her arms as she carries him off to bed.

I lean over and brush my hand over Asher's forehead, sweeping his fair hair to one side before placing a kiss on his temple. "Time for bed my sweet boy" I whisper as he stirs and stretches "Santa won't come if you aren't in bed" I remind him and he nods sleepily as Annie reappears "come on Ash" she says taking his arm and lifting him slow as she guides him back through to his room.

I lean over and cuddle into the back of Jameson, she looks so sweet when she's asleep, her lips all pursed together, her fair hair cupping her cheeks, her hoody pulled up over her pyjamas, my sweet girl was so close to being a teenager, I doubted how long I could get this close to her again as I wrap my arm around her. She stirs and groans "mom" she says shuffling into a sitting position and I push up beside her on one arm "come on it's Christmas give your old mom a snuggle" I beg and she leans back and wraps her arm around me, squeezing me tightly "that better" she asks and I close my eyes and inhale her "another five minutes" I ask as Annie leans over the couch behind us, her arms wrapping around our shoulders "My girls" she says lovingly and she kisses Jamesons forehead. The scent of Annie's perfume makes me pull away and I stand up and reach my hand out for Jamie, she takes it and I tug her into my arms beside the Christmas tree "I love you Jamie" I whisper into her cheek before kissing her there.

"Love you too moms" she says looking to both of us "Happy Christmas" she adds with a smile.

"Happy Christmas" we both add as she pads away down the hall away from us.

Annie looks back to me "wine" she asks and I shake my head "no I'm going to bed" I say reaching for my phone.

"To call Leah" she asks motioning to the phone and I nod "yes it's Christmas Eve... of course" I add and she licks her lips "yeah I should call Tasha..." she replies and she takes her phone form the counter as I pass by her, her fingers catching my wrist as I do and I turn and look to her "Happy Christmas Morgan" she says affectionately "I'm happy you are here" she adds and I smile "me too... Happy Christmas Annie..." and her fingers slip away as I walk to the guest room, and I stand with my back to the door, my breath a little fast, could we finally be okay?!

***
"Hi" I say as Leah answers.

"Hey" she says "are the kids all tucked up" she asks and I smile "yes they are all down for the count... awaiting the big guy"

"And you... how was your night" I ask "are you tucked up waiting on him too"

"I am not... I'm sat with George watching a movie... hang on she's throwing me daggers for talking over it" she says and I can hear her move around "there that's better.., some privacy" she adds.

"Did you see Joplin and Spencer" I ask as I slip into the bed and cuddle in, my phone pressed to my ear on the pillow.

"Yes we had far too many Christmas cocktails at Nectars" she admits and I laugh.

"Your local bar is Nectars" I ask smiling.

"It is indeed... like I said ... our town live for this shit...if it's to do with honey... we will use it"

"Clearly" I throw back jovially.

"Morgan ... I wish I was in bed with you right now" she admits and I inhale deeply and close my eyes "I would pay good money to get you here if I could" I confess "Christmas Eve with the girl I love... sounds a dream" I whisper and she sighs.

"Next year" she asks and I smile and open my eyes, unable to contain the way that made me feel "I will put it in my phone's calendar right now" I say taking the phone and actually typing it in "there" I state and I place the phone back to my ear.

"Did you pencil me in" she asks and I laugh "no I used permanent marker... Leah Mitchell doesn't get maybe, or possibly, she gets a hundred percent confirmation. Next Christmas Eve... I'm yours" I confess.

"Good... I will be there with bells on" she says playfully.

"Like on tassels on your nipples" I suggest trying not to laugh as she does "no... Morgan ...but I love how you are envisioning that right now"

"I am ... and it's absolutely delightful" I say rolling onto my side and placing my hand on the empty pillow beside me "well Goodnight Leah.... I love you so much... Happy Christmas"

"I love you too... sweet dreams ... and Happy Christmas... speak to you tomorrow maybe" she asks and I nod "I will call in the evening"

"Love you" I say again before clicking off.

I roll onto my back and look at the ceiling smiling like an idiot, everything felt so absolutely perfect, I was finally at a place where I felt like life was working with me, not against me, and perhaps, just perhaps, a love had found me, a love that would stay, a love to last.

***