Almost a month after learning the truth, I took a flight to Connecticut, a flight to Leah, and with a lump in my throat and an ache still in my heart I would force myself to stand in front of her, and ask of her, one thing. Was any of it ever real?!

Leah had respected my silence this past month and stayed away. I was glad of that, it gave me time to digest the unthinkable, what Annie had done, and the way she had violated me. My goodness, the way she hurt me, the trauma it brought up, and then Leah, and the way she let me go overnight. How did she bear that?! To break a heart knowingly of someone you were meant to love, and I know why she did it, but how?! How could she bear it. I couldn't compute that and I wanted the answers, because it all led me down a path of doubt, that any of what we had was ever real. I think after so much rejection, interference, and love that hurt, it was a natural defence, to hide your heart away like a prized possession you didn't want stolen or ripped away from you.

It was hard to get through something as traumatic as what had happened with Annie and Leah, when I had children to raise and be strong for. I had to hide my pain twenty two hours of a day, with my children, and my work. Then finally as days ended, and I got into bed, I fell apart, spectacularly so, lots of sobs, heart racing and anxiety inducing thoughts and feelings. They had two to three hours a day to show up and drown me before sleep took over and the whole cycle began again. Annie had left the day the truth all came out, she headed back to New York and messaged the kids to say she would see them in the spring break as planned before she had come to Arizona. I hadn't heard anything from her but her mother told me she was in therapy, and that she was sorry if Annie had hurt me. I was guessing Annie had relayed a small part of what had happened between us, to them, when she returned. Teddy and Harper had invited me to come and stay with them over Spring break so that I wasn't alone, and I think that was probably a good idea since Mia could take Blake back to Sweden with her now, and I didn't want to be a third wheel. I really did like the idea of spending time with Teddy and her girls. I would love to get to know them better, and Teddy as a mommy. I could sit back and enjoy watching that.

***
The flight gets in early afternoon. I take a cab to the hotel nearest the arena that Leah played at. I was nervous. So nervous to see her. I hadn't set eyes on her in over four months, not even watching her first games on the TV when she started back on court this month. I felt like it would feel like watching an apparition of a person you once loved, a shadow, an outline, all substance missing because what and who were they now?! How could I ever trust myself to make decisions in regards to my heart, ever again?! Who even was Leah Mitchell?! Did I ever truly know her... because I had no faith, and my confidence in her was zero... as if I never even knew her at all. Leah would have to show me, and make me believe it. She would have to make me see her again, not as someone who broke me but who made me whole. It would never be as simple as an apology. The road back to what we had, I didn't even know if it could be found anymore, perhaps it was no longer accessible, once well trodden but now covered in thorny vines that tore your flesh with one wrong step. No, I didn't know what it looked like now, our road back, but I was going to be brave and start walking, toward Leah, and if a path should open up ahead, I would have to really think about it first. Once bitten, twice shy, and yet I had been bitten repeatedly. So what did that make me now?! A cowering, anxious wreck.

***

I take too long standing at the mirror, feeling a little insecure. I look myself over and run my hand through my fair hair, shaking it out through my fingers, and assessing my outfit. Was it too casual or too something else? No I was just being ridiculous. You couldn't go wrong with a well fitted pair of jeans and a cute sweater. I threw my tan jacket over the top and bent down to lace up my brilliant white converse.

"Just breathe" I remind myself, standing back up.

***
"Leah" my momma says coming into the locker room.

I am thrown, because in my nervousness about Morgan arriving tonight I had completely forgotten my family were also here for this game. It was a big game tonight against a close rival team, and the players got a certain amount of tickets for family and friends. I had given mine to my momma a month ago, and been lost in my head ever since, rarely thinking of anything but Morgan and how I can heal the pain I've inflicted on her.

"Didn't you expect us" momma asks with a look of confusion.

I shrug off the surprise and walk over, half dressed, and hug her "of course I was... I was just in the zone for the game" I lie.

She smiles, her glorious warm smile and I feel more calm.

"Hey girls I'm sorry to intrude" Momma says to the other girls in the room.

They all wave "Hey Sadie" Aria says "love your shirt" she observes pointing back to my momma.

I look down, and of course it's my face and number with my name on the front and back, my biggest fan was my mom.

"You got this girls..." she calls out loudly to the team, pumping them up, and she looks back to me, looking at my stomach before poking my flesh "Lee Lee you most definitely lost weight" she observes.

"But she's gained a tonne of muscle" Tasia says wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I look up to her and smile, relieved she had saved me there from my mommas worried gaze.

"So she has" momma says running her hand up my arms "well I will go back up and find our seats. I've left your father and your sisters at the merch store. I need your new kit" she says excitedly.

Tasia laughs "momma Mitchell you are our teams biggest fan"

"Always will be" she says squeezing Tasias arm "see you up there girls" she calls.

I quickly remove myself from Tasias embrace and throw my jersey on before stopping my mom halfway up the hall "momma" i call after her.

She turns around "yes honey" she asks.

"Morgan is here tonight..." I begin.

Her eyes widen and she smiles "are we back on" she asks.

I frown "no... but she's here to talk and thats huge" I say as she nods "so if you could please be gentle with her... I don't want her to run in the opposite direction, not when she's so close to hearing me out"

"Lee am I ever anything but gentle" she asks eyebrows raised.

I let out a breath "no I know momma but I just need her to still be sat there when this game is over. I'm not sure what I would do if she wasn't... and I'm not worried about you, can you just make sure George and Laney behave"

"Of course..." momma says and she kisses my cheek "she's going to be there Lee, and she's going to listen and hear you and in time she will see, that you love her, and she won't be able to unsee that my darling. You are so easy to love my Lee, so easy, it's all going to be okay" she says stroking my cheek.

"I hope so momma" I reply.

She squeezed my hand "now go crush this team, honey" she says turning back up the corridor.

***
The arena is booming, and the crowd is pumped for the game. It's a little overwhelming, and I suddenly wonder if I should have even come here, perhaps I should have met her after, but before I can turn in my panic and leave, a friendly face appears and blocks my exit.

"Morgan" Leah's mom says, and her smile is completely disarming. All panic is gone as she laces her arm through mine "come sit with us honey" she asks.

I smile back "its good to see you" I say honestly. It was. She had such a kindness about her aura that she made my racing heart slow back down to a normal rate with her arm thrown through mine.

"I know there's been a storm recently, a really terrible storm, honey. Did you know that bees can sense a storm coming a whole day before it even arrives" she asks.

I frown slightly "no I didn't know that" I return.

She smiles back at me as we walk around the court to our seats. "They hunker down in preparation, they get ratty and irritable and every good bee keeper knows not to go near a hive when a storm is due... they are best left well alone" she says, and I wonder where she is going with this.

"Leah and you have been in such a terrible storm, and I know she's hunkered down. She's closed off, she's been bitter and angry and irritable and it's been hard for me to be the bee keeper, staying away when I just wanted to make it better. I wanted to take her and place her in a sunny spot with calm blue skies, and I know you've probably been exactly the same, coping with this all alone... but you both deserve to come out now. Storms don't last, the damage they cause can, but you can always rebuild honey... and I know Leah wants more than anything to be the one to do that with you... but I am also a woman with a heart that has been bruised before, and I know heartache and broken trust, they are hard to fix, and both take time to heal. Whatever you decide I hope you can both wake up in the morning and feel a little lighter for speaking tonight, whether you go forward as friends or more"

"Thank you" I reply, and we appear beside a tall man and two young women who I just know are Leah's sisters because one looks just like her mom, same build, and same look, and the other a lot more like Leah, taller and like her dad.

"Well who do we have here" he asks standing with an outstretched hand.

I take it as he shakes it "Peter, this is Morgan" Sadie announces.

Both of her sisters stand immediately at that revelation "nice to meet you" I say to Peter.

He pulls me into a hug "oh Morgan it's a pleasure... I've heard enough about you to know our Leah is smitten" he says.

A small smile tugs at my lips.

"This" he says pointing to the girls behind him "is Georgette and Laney... Leah's sisters" he introduces as he takes a seat.

They each shake my hand too "nice to meet you" they both say.

I take the seat beside Georgette on the end.

"Just call me George by the way" she says.

I nod "got it" and I look forward to the court, the energy is brimming, excitement for the game is at its peak as the doors open and the players appear.

My heart begins to beat a little fast as Leah appears second to last. It is the first time I had seen her in so long. She looks well, she looks great actually, her long brown hair is pulled up out of the way, wound tightly into a bun, and she has this look of concentration on her face, like she's most probably having to force it more than usual knowing we were all in the crowd watching her. Some of Leah's team wave to their family's before the start, but Leah doesn't even look our way, she pumps herself up and bounces off her team mates energy as the rival team come out.

The game begins and I watch her, so closely I could fall out of my chair for how I was teetering on the edge of it. My god the way she moved with that ball. Her biceps and shoulders were larger than when I last saw her. She had clearly been training hard pre season, her calves were the same, more defined as she made the twists and the turns with the ball, sneakers squeaking against the court, limbs flying through limbs. She jumps through the air and flicks the ball with her wrist effortlessly as it flies over five opposing team mates and swooshes into the basket. The crowd go crazy, it's her third basket in ten minutes.

"Well you certainly make her play better" George says leaning forward and imitating my position.

"I'm sure it's not me" I say looking to her.

She smiles "it's most definitely you Morgan" she says "and can I just say... I hope it works out... Leah has never been so hung up on someone her entire life... when I tell you that girl has been living in the gym to avoid life without you...I'm not exaggerating. Her screen saver is you both at Christmas, her playlist is depressing as hell and she almost murdered me for wearing her favourite jacket out the other week because apparently it doesn't smell like you anymore...she's love sick" George confesses.

I sit and look back to her on court. Leah was love sick, then what did that make me?! Because at-least Leah knew I had loved her, that this wasn't forever, but I, I had no idea. I wasn't love sick ... I was tortured by love, and again I find it hard to breath as I sit here among her family and watch her on court. The apparition of a girl and a love I once had. I stand up and move past her family "are you okay" her mom asks.

I stop and smile "I'm going to get some air..."

She offers a small knowing nod "I understand..." and I squeeze her hand and leave as quickly as possible.

***
The buzzer goes and the game is over, we win, the crowd erupts and we all come together as a team for our victory hand shakes and chest bumps. I haven't even looked at my family or looked for Morgan. I knew If I saw her I wouldn't be able to play at my best. I would have wanted to throw the ball and go to her, but I felt her energy and I knew she was here. Aria had even come over after the first half to tell me she had seen her, and that I was absolutely out of my league.

When I finally turn around and find my way back to the family through the mass of people. I am surprised to see the empty seat beside George "You did great honey" Momma says.

My dad grabs me in for a hug. "You are the best out there Lee"

Laney playfully grabs my arm "loved it sis"

"I think perhaps we need Morgan to attend all of your games" George observes.

I frown "where is she" I ask.

George shrugs "she left before the first buzzer and didn't come back"

The entire room falls into silence, my ears blocking everything, and my only thought is how fast I can get out of here "I have to find her" I say, and I take off running. I don't even let my coach know I just bolt out of the doors, still completely sweaty and disheveled from the game. I can't have her get a plane home without hearing me out, and without letting me explain. My god she couldn't go, not without knowing how I feel.

The hotel is across the road, a large and impressive one that is as high as can be, and when I run through the main doors there are fifty or so fans in the foyer, streaming in after the game. They all look to me with surprise, stood in my jersey and shorts, my socks pulled up to my knees, my white sneakers, and my hair wispy around my temple with sweat.

"Leah Mitchell" some young fans call.

I smile and wave before quickly moving to the reception desk "I am looking for a Morgan Keaton" I ask "can you please tell me her room number" I add.

The receptionist looks remorseful "sorry I can't do that it's against our privacy policy"

I look around panicking a little and realise I should have picked up my phone because she might have text me.

"Do you have a bar" I ask.

She nods and smiles "yes it's down the hall to the left"

I nod "thank you" as I walk down the hall as fast as possible and into the lobby. The sign to the bar is glowing purple above its entry and I stop and gather myself for a moment. I must look a wreck, but I didn't care. I just had to make sure she didn't leave.

I walk into the busy and loud bar and a few people turn to give me a strange look "go Sun" a patron calls, and a few turn to me and clap "woman of the game" Another call.

Then I see her. She turns at the bar, sat on a stool, my entire body registering her presence, and my goodness she is beautiful, but the sadness in her eyes, it cuts through me. I know this is going to be so hard, but I wouldn't ever be okay until I removed that look and put her back together again.

"Morgan" I say moving through the crowd of people toward her in the corner.

She smiles softly, like it was an effort to "Hi" she replies. She looks me over in front of her whilst sipping her drink "Did you just run over here" she asks.

I nod and take the seat beside her "I thought you were leaving" I say a little out of breath and relieved to have her in front of me all at once.

Her lips lift, this one was given with ease, and she places her hand on mine against the bar briefly "I wasn't ... I just needed some air. I did text you I would meet you here" she says.

I shake my head at myself "I figured that, once I had dramatically run out of there... and now I'm a sweaty mess that's about to be kicked out of this bar for being dressed inappropriately"

"Why don't you go back and take a shower and get changed... I promise I won't take off... and honestly I'm not sure I could if I wanted to. I've not eaten today and this one glass of wine went straight to my head" she reveals with a hiccup.

I raise my eyebrows "order some fries and eat. I will be right back"

She nods "I will"

***
When Leah walks back in, she is fresh, her hair is down in wavy long tresses that flowed down her colourful shirt. She's in a pair of tight black jeans with some colourful rainbow sneakers that matched the vibrancy of her shirt.

I chew and swallow the last of the fries and she sits back down beside me, her eyes taking in the empty basket and the empty glass of wine "you didn't save me a single fry" she asks.

I smile amused "not a one... but I'm feeling much less drunk so that's something..."

"I'm ordering us some sodas" she says raising her hand to the bar man who takes her order and busies himself filling two tall glasses with cokes. She looks back to me, and I am drawn right into her bright blue eyes, my mind transporting me back to that first walk, the way she made me feel, and the spark. I look away, like a spark now would turn into a blazing inferno that claimed all of me. She senses my discomfort at the eye contact, her fingers reach out and softly run up my cheek "please look at me" she begs.

I hold her hand to my cheek, not daring to look back "I'm not sure I can" I confess.

She moves her stool an inch closer to mine as her thumb continues to caress my cheek "I promise I won't hurt you"

I sit up and release her hand from my cheek "you already did" I accuse, as the bar man places down our drinks "thanks" I say looking to him.

She sits and observes me as I take a sip. "I know I did" she agrees remorsefully  "and I have regretted it every second since I left on New Years Eve, but Morgan what would you have done...if you would have been faced with the same thing..." she asks "because I never read the handbook on psychotic ex wives or how to make split second decisions based on their insane ability to destroy the one person you love in this world. I just wanted you to be set free from her forever... to be safe" she says, and her eyes are filled with so much pain as I look up to meet her gaze.

"I don't know Leah... but you and Annie both made decisions for me that night... to take away all I had left of my trust and my heart. My god my heart it barely made it through that separation, and then you came along and you forced it back out of me, from its safe place. You took it in both hands as if you were finally the one to claim it and keep it, and instead you squeezed it until it stopped even attempting to beat.... You have both destroyed me" I reveal, and tears try and fill my eyes but I don't want to cry. I want to just let it all out, the pain, and the way she had assisted Annie in the torture of me. "And I'm not sure if what we ever had was real... if you were ever real" I add through thick emotion. My voice was cracking a little with the weight of it.

"Don't say that Morg... you know it was real. I love you more than I've ever loved anybody...and I didn't make any decisions... I didn't have a choice... Annie violated me as much as she did you that night... it was like I was assaulted in every way possible. She took you and she took me and she killed it, with one spiteful threat and her evil smirk, she killed it, what we had... and I won't ever forgive her. So of course I understand why you don't forgive me, because you see me like her now... like I worked in tandem to destroy you...like I gave you up so easily" she says getting agitated and she frowns as she reaches out and grabs my hand "Morgan I didn't give you away... Annie took you... and forced me to watch... and that's where I've been... in hell watching you leave, watching you break, watching you move on without me thinking I'm the worst person in the world...and that's her poison. She knew you would wind up hating me... so much that even when I returned, which she must have known I would, it wouldn't matter because the damage was done... and it's true isn't it... there's too much damage?" She asks.

I can see the agony this question is asked with, the way she knows it is true, and I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I am overcome with the response I have to give, one I know will drive a knife straight through whatever is left of her heart. "I think ..." I say opening my eyes "that it's just ..." and her eyes take me in wildly, her heart beats so intensely I can see it through her shirt because she's awaiting the words that she knows will end it all. I can't do it, I can't say it because even though it feels like this is over, like the damage is irreparable...I don't want it to be. My heart and my head were both screaming different things and I couldn't hear my own thoughts through the battle my body was in with my mind.

"Leah it feels like it is damaged beyond repair... it does... but there's a part of me that still wants  you beyond anything else, a part that is deafening. I'm not sure if that's just the part of me that wants to torture myself, to hurt myself, but it is there" I confess.

She takes my hand and lifts it to her lips. "Please Morgan... please let me fix this... let me make it better. This doesn't have to be the end, it can be the beginning. Please don't let me go... I love you..."

"So much has happened Leah. I'm not sure we are even the same people. I've been trying to forget you...I've been sleeping with other people" I confess.

She closes her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek at the way that made her feel, before she opens them again and takes a breath.

"And that's something I will have to live with Morg because I put you in a position that you felt abandoned and lost. I knew you would, after that Spencer confession, which was unforgivable, but if it was just sex...one night stands"

I take my hand from hers and i place it back in my lap "there was only two... it's not as if I've been sleeping with anything that moves... but the second one, Sam" I say.

She flinches "She has a name" she asks pained.

"She does" I reply.

She shakes her head before holding it in her hands "someone made it to a second date" she asks like she's barely holding herself together. "Was it the blonde you took to Lydia's birthday" she asks, dropping her hands and looking back to me.

"No that's Mia... she's very much a friend" I correct.

She takes that in with some relief.

"Sam is someone I met out at a bar. We slept together. I didn't intend to ever see her again but she kind of found her way into my life, and she's best friends with someone Lydia is seeing. We hooked up at my parents party, for a second time"

"You broke the rules for her" Leah asks, and it hurts her, because I had done that for only her before now.

"I did... but I wasn't looking for anything serious... we just kind of click a little" I say honestly.

Leah let's out a long breath and sips her soda "are you guys a couple" she asks.

I shake my head "no" and she visibly looks relieved.

"She wants to date officially ...but I've not given her my reply yet" I confess.

"Why not" Leah asks me intently.

I look into her eyes and find myself falling into them "because I still want you" I reveal and her lips lift slightly at the corners with relief and her heart speeds up as mine does. A familiar chorus of butterflies fill my belly just to see the same look given back that I am offering her, one filled with so much apprehension, of love and wanting that neither of us knew what to do next, a look that said "let's jump"

"I'm so scared to take this road again Leah" I confess.

She takes both of my hands and draws me toward her "Morgan please ... just let me prove it... that I'm exactly the same person I was when you fell in love with me"

"You have your season to play and I have the kids at home and work. We don't have the luxury of dropping everything and throwing ourselves into this together" I say.

She licks her lips apprehensively "we have the luxury of technology ... and we can wait. I can come to you when it's over... when the seasons over" she begs "please"

I squeeze her hands "The truth is I need time Leah. I've got a lot of healing to do, and I'm back in therapy trying to make this all better... trying not to feel so worthless... I've been in a dark place... so dark. I have demons that don't involve you, and they have to be exorcized before I can ever enter into another relationship, so that I don't carry them around with me anymore. I don't want to be this sad version of myself for a second longer. If you will wait...and give me the space to work through what's happened ... perhaps we can take a walk... when your season ends and before the kids come home for the new school year"

"I will wait as long as I have to ... but your not going to like date Sam in the interim are you" she asks.

I smile and reach for her cheeks, taking them in both hands "I can barely handle one woman let alone two simultaneously... no I will let Sam down gently and wait for you...because even though everything inside of me is begging me to run from potentially being destroyed by you... my heart wants what it wants and what it wants is you" I say closing the space between us. Her lips press to mine, her hands landing on my arms and running down to sit on my hips as she opens her mouth to me. The sensations that follow are an intense warmth, the scent of her skin, the feel of her finger tips against my hips, and the way she kisses so soft and gentle. I am enveloped by Leah Mitchell, once again.

I break away first and release my hands from her cheeks.

"So I guess this is goodbye... for the summer" I say.

She reaches up and strokes my cheek, her eyes looking me over so lovingly I could cry "For the summer" she repeats "but you better believe when I get that invitation to Arizona I'm going to be on the first flight out..."

"I'm counting on it" I say and I reach forward and capture her lips one last time, a brief kiss, a parting and a goodbye as we both went our separate ways ...

"I love you Andromeda" she called after me.

I turn and smile "I love you too Perseus"

...

I had to go and throw myself into therapy and my own self discovery. I would have to relearn how to love myself, how to work through my past with Annie and come to peace with that broken part of myself before I could begin to let Leah back in, and I knew it would take longer than the summer but it was a start, and something I've learnt is that love has to start with you, you have to love yourself, be kind to your own heart and body. How can you expect someone else to fix you, you can't, it starts and ends with you. I had got so used to Annie dragging me down, making me feel less than, making me doubt my own thoughts and feelings that I needed a rewire, and when I finally took Leah's hand and started down that road back... I wanted to be me again, happy and free, that's who Morgan Keaton always was... and I would bring her back, bring her home, and I would protect her above all else. I deserved that, to be protected and loved and if Leah wanted to one day do that for me too...I would gladly let her.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]