My eyes slowly flutter open. My vision was blurry and my head was spinning. All over, my body was tingling both numbly and painfully. My eyes felt like they should have exploded and my body felt like I had been beaten. My memory was merely wiped clean and I had no idea what in the bloody hell had happened.

A hand softly grazes my arm and I nearly jump out of my skin before realizing it was Hidan. Wait- Hidan! I mentally groan and slap myself. What the hell was wrong with...suddenly all the memory came flooding back to me from last night. So it wasn't a dream...I sigh heavily before deciding to get up. As I'm throwing on some clothes, Tobi walks in and his eyes widen to oblong discs as he look from me to Hidan.

"Nioki?" He asks inquisitively.

I wave my hand dismissively. "Get out Tobi! And mind your business!" I didnt mean to snap but I couldn't take anymore.

I walk to the kitchen and begin to cook up a breakfast to distract me. I awkwardly avoid eye contact with everyone. I was humiliated, to say the least. They had seen me at my absolute worst. Awkward silence passes over everyone and as Kisame attempts to bring up yesterday night, I quickly hush him. "Dont bring it up! ...please..." He merely nods before continuing to eat.

After cleaning up, I hurriedly walk out of the base and shudder as the cold wind takes the breath out of me. I duck my head and rub my arms in an attempt to warm them. I sit on a bench, gathering my thoughts and observe the scenery before me. I brush away the tears gathering at the brink of my eyes. 'How...how could I have been so stupid...' I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing the tears to slide down my cheek. With my eyes closed, I realized the moment where I fell for him and the moment where I had lost him but not realized it until now. All those times he had dominated my thoughts and lured my heart deeper until it got lost in my own confusion and blocked by his.

"Nioki?" Deidara's voice asks hesitantly.

"Uh..hey. I was just leaving."

He tucks his hands into his pockets. "Well that stinks. I thought we could talk. We haven't in a while."

I shrug. "I mean, I can stay if that's what you want." We don't sit, just stand there silently. "So..."

"You and Tukiko like, for the most part, the same things right?"

I nod. I did not like the direction things were going.

"I thought so. Anyway, for a gift, what do you think she would like?"

And suddenly my heart was crushed and shattered into millions of little shards falling into an abyss of black nothing. I choked back tears as I struggled to form words. I couldn't contain the despair and neglect out of my voice. "What about me!"

"Nioki, why are you being like this!"

I sling tears away with tightly clenched fists. "You missed my birthday Deidara! My goddamn birthday!"

He faces the ground. "I know and I'm sorry."

"You know? How could you do that to me! Give me a false sense of hope! Out of all the gifts I got, you know what I wanted most...you! I wanted you to be there so much that it broke me when you weren't! It meant so much that you should've been there but you didnt care enough to even show!"

"I was going to I swear but..." By now, we were beyond shouting and people (with good judgement) avoided the area.

"But what! I wasn't worth it?"

"No I just didn't think you cared if I showed up so I didn't want to waste my time!"

"Now I'm a waste of your time!? So I guess I shouldn't waste my time trying or caring anymore! Sorry to waste your PRECIOUS time Deidara!" I shove him forcefully, causing him to stagger backwards onto the ground. "From now on, I PROMISE I won't bother and neither should you!" I take out a copy of a picture I had printed for him (my copy was back at the base) and tear it in two, the tear separating us. I throw it hopelessly onto the ground at his feet. "Remember this? The person in the picture, he changed! And I don't know what happened to him! And frankly, I dont even care...he is gone and gas been for a while now..." And with that, I left.

Back at the base, I had packed my bag and looked at his room once more. The picture was in the middle of his bed torn in half and with the broken memory was a note that read:

What happened to us? Lookin at it now, well I dont really know what happened. I just wish that I had never met you at all. -N.