I had a dream that I was waiting for Hobi.   I'm sheltering from the rain at a bus stop watching the cars go by, listening to the soft drizzle of the rain while the sun is still shining on the wet pavement.  He approaches me with a big red umbrella and a big smile on his face.   I feel his arm around me and his sweet voice whispering in my ear, "I missed you."  

I wake up, the dream still fresh in my mind but it's someone else's warmth that I feel.  I remember now. This angel I'm with made love to me. It was sweet. It was passionate. It was perfect. It exceeded my expectations but I wanna be next to you.  Do you even care that I slept with him?  Yoongi and I are both lonely, but that's no excuse.  If Hobi finds out, he will be hurt.  I just wanted to sleep next to him.  How did this happen?

💔💔💔

I get out of bed and head for the bathroom to shower and I cry in shame unleashing the pent up emotions.  I feel better now as I step into the bedroom drying my hair with a towel. I look over to the bed where his cute little figure is curled into a ball still asleep. Why is he so cute? I smiled to myself as I get dressed. 

Hobi should be back today so I check my phone again. No messages. He is supposed to be with his parents, but what is he really doing?  Do I even trust him anymore?  I miss him so much thought and I long for his closeness. It doesn't make sense for me to feel so abandoned because he has only been gone for the weekend, but that's how you feel when the person you love doesn't call you even once.   I feel the same as Yoongi.  Why couldn't we go with him?

I look around the room trying to gauge if I really belong here.  Am I truly part of his life? Everything feels weird without him here.  I feel like a close friend that is watching his kid.  I can't seem to remember the last time we made love.  If feels like a very long time ago.  I think that's why I feel so insecure and abandoned.

Even my friends are ghosting me. It's kind of my fault since I've been so wrapped up in my new job, Hoseok, and Yoongi.  My thoughts revolve around them but I'm not complaining, I do feel happy when I'm with them and I avoid my old life and lonely apartment as much as I can.  

Yoongi starts to move a sign that he's waking up.  His little head pops out from under the covers with his hair sticking up.  He looks so cute as he rubs his eyes looking around for me.  I walk to the edge of the bed and lean in to give him a kiss and pat his hair down.

My heart flutters as I look at his sweet expression. His dark eyes have a beautiful shape and so do his lips.

"How did you sleep?" I ask.

He smiles a little smirk that is cute and sexy at the same time.  "Great! I'm starving," he says as he grabs me and pulls me closer, "for you!"

He is definitely not in little space so I pull away not wanting a repeat of last night's mistake.  I need to make it clear to him that this was not okay with me. 

"Yoongi, no.  We can't do that again.  I thank you for making me feel loved when I was so down but we can't do it again. It would complicate things you see.  Please understand and don't tell anyone."

"Okay," he says sweetly but I can see the change in him.  "Yoongi wants daddy to love him."  Little Yoongi was back.  "I love you too!"  He says shyly making my heart melt.

❤❤❤❤❤

Yoongi stayed in little space and I wondered if it was my fault for rejecting him again.  He didn't seem to mind but it was probably because he was suppressing his emotions.  We continued to play as we did before pretending nothing had happened between us.  We even cuddled under his minion blanket while watching tv. 

Both our eyes went to the door as we heard Hobi unlock it.  I hurried to the door to greet him, wrapping my arms around Hobi with relief that he was okay.  I hadn't realized how worried I really was but Yoongi was not so relieved expressing his anger by throwing his King Bob at Hobi's face.

"Why didn't you call?" He says with a pout, crossing his arms in front of him.

"I'm sorry. I lost my phone and I don't know your numbers by heart."

Hobi kisses me. "I'm glad to be back. How was your weekend?"

Before I could answer Yoongi turns and runs back to his room and slams the door.

"Yoongi!" Hobi runs after him.

He opens the door and sees Yoongi crumpling a drawing tears forming in his eyes.

"Why are you mad?"

Hobi takes the paper from him before he can rip it further and looks at it. "Aww, this is so sweet. Thank you, baby! Daddy missed you so much."

Yoongi looks up tears glistening in his eyes ready to spill.  "You left me even though you know how much I need you! You a meanie!"  He says falling deeper into little space.

Hobi hugs him tight not letting him get escape. "I am a meanie but I brought you presents."

"Pwesentz!" Little Yoongi says as his face lights up.

Hobi starts tickling him and kissing his happy cheeks.  It's a little too much for me. I feel totally lost and ignored. Jealousy gets the best of me as I imagine them starting to make out hungry for each other.  I realize Hobi loves Yoongi more than me.  I need to run away before they start.  I can't take it.  I'm just a pawn they use to make each other jealous. I won't play their game!  It breaks my heart to leave them but I do.  The less time I spend with you the less I'll need to heal.

https://youtu.be/Lo3lxS-6joY