RILEY

I PUT ASHER'S STUFF IN HIS ROOM.

I don't spend much time inside, I'm out the door just as fast as I entered. I feel like I'm on airplane mode and if I feel this way then I can't imagine how Asher feels. I keep thinking about the fear in his eyes, in his voice, his body language. He was terrified.

Bringing my phone close to my face, I try to see the notifications clearly.

Asher reached out.

But all he said was 'St John's children's hospital'

No updates on Tommy.

The rest of the notifications on my phone are junk emails. I take a deep breath and type a response letting him know that I'm on my way right now and then I tuck my phone away.

Question fly around my brain as I make my way towards my brother's room.

Should I even be going to the hospital? Is it really my place? Layla, Asher's ex-girlfriend who I just met unexpectedly, is at the hospital right now with their son. I've never seen anyone cry like that before. Not even when Dolores' husbands or boyfriends leave, and I know the situations are far from comparable but seeing Layla breakdown like that in front of me makes it obvious that whatever happened to Tommy is unexplainably traumatizing. She's seen it, she's been through it and she could barely speak.

I know her history with Asher, and I know what happened to get Tommy here but there's no doubt that Layla truly loves her son. With Asher, his parents, Layla and maybe her parents at the hospital dealing with the most important person in their lives...

Where do I fit in all of this?

He needs you. He needs you. He needs you there too.

The words echo inside my head over and over and over until I'm knocking on my brother's door.

"What do you want? I'm going to take a nap." Cole's voice muffles behind the door.

"It's me." I rasp.

I don't think he hears what I said.

"Riles?" Cole sounds surprised. So he did hear. Then I hear footsteps from the other side, "Hold on," he says and just like that the door opens. My brother's got helmet hair and bright red cheeks from the harsh conditions of the game tonight. "What's up?"

Now that I'm face to face with someone else, my brother at that, I don't know how to say it. The words won't leave my mouth, they're trapped on my tongue. I feel my throat constrict. Tommy, the little boy I babysat one night, the little boy I read bedtime stories to over thanksgiving, the little boy who painted with me, took pictures with me, stayed on my hip. I haven't known him that long but I can't fathom anything happening to him.

With eyes suddenly filled with concern, Cole notes. "Why do you look like you're going to cry?"

Do I?

He reaches out and pulls me towards him in the doorway. He's doing what he always did when we were kids, comfort me. "Is it Mom?"

Instantly, I glance up at him but don't pull away. The mention of Dolores just earns a blink from my eyes. "No," I shake my head, "It's Asher. Well, it's Tommy. He's in the hospital and Asher's there right now and I just wanted to let you know. I don't know if he told you."

"No, he didn't tell me," My brother says. "Is that why his ex showed up? Shit."

"Yeah,"I exhale, "She just looked so... devastated." I can't get the image out of my head. The tears, her smudged mascara, her bloodshot eyes.

Cole's chest moves against me, he takes a deep breath. I feel it. "Do you know why Tommy's in the hospital?"

He lets go of me and I stand by the doorway. "No but I think it's bad so I'm going. It's St John's."

Without hesitation, he says, "I'm coming with you." He turns into his room and starts browsing through his drawers.

"Cole?"

"Yeah,"He looks in my direction, throwing a thick green hoodie over his head as he does so.

I don't know why I ask. "Why did you think my expression was because of Dolores?"

"I'm your brother and I know you."He says it so quick, so sure. "She's the only person you cry about even if you don't talk about it anymore." I hate that it's true. I was crying on my birthday after listening to her voice message that I purposefully directed her to because I didn't want to speak to her.

Cole doesn't stop there, he continues, "I remember when you were so excited to show her your painting of a horse, it was more like a unicorn in my opinion, you were so much better than me."

Only at being creative. He was better at everything else.

"I think we were around eight or nine and when you found your painting in the trash after showing her about a week later, you came to me about it and you just sobbed. I hated it when you cried. I gave Mom the cold shoulder for two days because she did that to you." He grabs his phone from the bed and move around for proper pants and a coat.

I clasp my hands in front of me as the memory zips through. "Okay, that's enough. I hate it when I cry too."

I watch him put on an overcoat on the hoodie that he's already wearing. "You love Tommy. We all do. Nothing's gonna happen to him. There's nothing to worry about until we get there, okay?"

I nod. He's right. I shouldn't worry until I see the condition and get more information on what's going on.

"Guys!!!" Cole calls out and I move from the doorway which allows him to close his door on the way out.

Eric comes upstairs to show his face with a textbook in his hand so I'm assuming he's been studying. One of his eyebrows raise. "Why are you yelling?"

Tyler's door cracks open next and he quickly defends himself as if he's being accused. "I didn't leave my hockey gears downstairs. Whatever it is, it's Rhett's."

"Rhett!" Cole calls out before turning to Tyler and Eric. "We're going to St John's. Tommy's there, we don't know what happened to him so we have to go. All of us."

"St John's children's hospital." I chime in, just in case it wasn't clear.

Roughly five minutes later I'm driving to St's John's. I'm following closely behind Rhett's car where all the guys are right now. I could've went with them but I wanted to hear myself think so I didn't. The glowing yellow headlines guide me in the right direction as we draw closer and closer. I notice my breathing pattern when the windshield gets foggy.

When we get to the hospital, I tuck my keys inside my pocket after leaving my car parked near Rhett's. Anxiety starts boiling inside my stomach. There are so many cars here. Children are in wheelchairs being transported. My pace quickens to the lit entrance. The guys are walking faster than I am, Tyler gives me a quick glance like he's making sure I'm still with them. I wonder if one of them called Asher on the way over. Should I have called him?

I banish the thought as I step through the doors, immediately greeted by the smell of disinfectant mixed with all sorts of perfumes. The waiting room is packed, children are sitting with their families in uncomfortable chairs. Squeaky wheelchairs are being pushed around by nurses wearing crocs.

For the first time, I ask out loud. "Do you guys think I should be here?"

"You should be here, you're Ash's girlfriend, right?" Rhett glances my way.

Girlfriend. "Right, yeah."

"Then you should be here."

"Cole."A voice calls, pulling my focus from Rhett. It's Asher's Mom—Lindsay— and she's on her feet making her way towards us. "Thank you guys for coming."She says, giving me a gentle hug. "We need the support so this means so much that you're all here. I wasn't expecting all of you but this is good."

"It's no problem."Tyler nods, going for a hug afterwards which Lindsay easily returns.

"Any news?"Eric asks, shoving his hands into his pocket as he looks around nervously.

Lindsay breaks away from Tyler and stares at us with sad eyes. My heart beats wildly in my chest. "He has pneumonia,"She exhales, nodding to herself. "Right now, he's got a high fever and he can barely breathe."

I flinch. Oh God.

"Is he going to be okay?"Cole quickly follows up. "He's going to be okay, right?"

"I mean, he has to, right? He's a fighter."Lindsay responds, seeming solid. "I think he's going to be okay. He just needs support right now. So they're keeping him here for a while."

"So, Asher's with him right now?" Rhett nods, coming to the conclusion on his own. "We'll stay here. We don't want to crowd the room. Let him know we're here."

"Okay." Lindsay nods back.

The guys grab different empty seats scattered around the room. I look at Cole and point ahead. "I'm going to follow Lindsay."

I jog towards the older woman and a nurse unlocks the door. All I had to say was 'I'm with her'. I'm following Lindsay to the elevator when she says. "I was waiting for you down here. Asher told me that you were on your way, it's nice to see all the boys with you though. He's gonna need support."

I shove my hands into my coat. "Yeah, they decided to get here immediately."

Once we're off the elevator, Lindsay leads the way down the lit narrow hallway. The floors are so shiny, I could see my reflection. She opens one of the doors on the right and walks in first. "Hey, Riley's here." She tells everyone, gesturing for me to come in.

Instinctively Asher grabs my hand from my coat's pocket. He's sitting down near the door. "Thanks for showing up."

"Yeah." I brush my finger over his. "How is he?"I whisper.

"They gave him antibiotics." Asher says, his eyes tell me a million things too. "His body is finally cooling down. He didn't sleep so that's what he's doing now."

"The guys are here. They're in the waiting room." Lindsay whispers and Asher reluctantly lets go of my hand.

"Okay." He stands up. "Be right back." Then he leaves the room followed by his father Dave who squeezes my shoulder on the way out before Lindsay closes the door with a creak.

Now it's just Layla and me.

And Tommy.

He's asleep on the hospital bed just like Asher said. From here, I can see how quickly his chest rises and falls. How pale he looks. Oxygen tubes are attached to his nose and the beeping monitor makes it real to me. This is actually happening. He's really here in this powerless state. More and more I understood why Layla broke down the way she did. It's not easy seeing Tommy in a condition like this.

"I'm not a bad Mom." Layla's voice slices the silence.

"I wasn't thinking you were." It's the truth. I wasn't. Besides, a bad mother wouldn't have driven to the arena to get the father of her child to the hospital for an emergency when he wasn't picking up.

"It all happened so fast. I thought he had a cold for a few days. I thought I had it all under control and then he started having chest pains, he wasn't getting better. His body was so hot, the fever made him miserable and we got here and the doctor said he's gonna need oxygen. I just... lost it."She sighs, her head in her hands.

I make my way over and sit down. "None of this is your fault."I say.

Layla glances up at me, her eyes still looking the same as they did outside the arena but she doesn't seem to care. "It feels like everything is. Maybe this is my karma." She laughs a little like maybe in some twisted way this is her reward. Before I could say anything, she added, "I came to the arena because I wanted Asher to have a say and he needed to know. I didn't know what anything meant. I've never seen Tommy needing oxygen before so I needed Asher to be here." She leans back on the seat, shifting her legs.

It sounds scary. Things like this happening to kids. I assume young adults not so much but children and old people were the most vulnerable, right?

I don't know what to say. Is she talking about what I think she's talking about? Does she know that I know? Regardless, what happened between Layla and Asher is just between them.

I clear my throat. "Is it okay that I'm here?"

"Yeah, I don't mind." She shakes her head in response. "This is Asher's life and you're a part of it too. He told me."

This is what his life looks like. School, hockey, his teammates, his son, and his ex-girlfriend who is also the mother of his child.

"And that means you're a part of my son's life." Layla tells me. "He told me that everything is just starting and new with you." It is just starting and new. "When you were babysitting Tommy I knew that the babysitter bailed and you stayed with him. He does this out of respect for our co-parenting relationship."

That makes sense. Of course they communicated.

I realized I haven't said anything until Layla starts talking again.

"After thanksgiving Tommy kept mentioning gummies that you gave to him." She sounds like she's okay with it. "He loved those."

I smile a little. "Yeah?"

Layla just nods.

Then it's silent again.

I can't help but wonder. "Are your parents here too?"

"It's just me."Layla swallows, rubbing her hands over her face. "I'm not on good terms with my family. I've never really been."

"Oh, okay."I nod because I completely understand in some way. "I get it."

She hums then says. "Crying in front of you must've been something. It probably is the most embarrassing thing ever but at the time I didn't think about it. Now it's hitting me."

I drop my hands on top of my legs. "Don't worry about it. It wasn't embarrassing at all. Trust me, you're fine."