It sounded like lightening; or maybe an explosion. Then I heard the sound of something heavy falling to the hardwood and the gun hitting and sliding across the floor. My eyes snapped opened.

            Hey, this isn’t heaven. My hands frantically combed my body searching for wounds, and I saw to my utter relief that I was in fact not dead. Not even hurt. I looked up at the scene in front of me, shocked. It had all happened in a second.

            Earl was sprawled out on the floor, shaking with shock. Johnny was in front of me, standing where Earl had been. He’d run into the room, collided with Earl and thrown him off his feet. The gun had slid underneath the voluptuous skirt of Karalyn’s gigantic bed. Earl looked back at the two of us, then shuffled toward the bed an in attempt to retrieve the gun.

            I was still in shock, feet planted tightly to the floor when I felt Johnny’s hand wrap around my wrist. Without thought, warning, or word he dragged me almost completely off my feet and pulled me out the door and into the hall.

            Somehow my brain reconnected with the rest of me and I found myself struggling to keep up with Johnny’s hurried pace. As our feet shuffled rapidly on the carpeted floor of the hallway I heard the door behind me swing out and slam back against the wall.

            I dared to glance over my shoulder and saw Earl standing in the doorway; gun pointed this way; hell in his eyes. Another sudden explosion went off and I heard the definite sound of breaking glass above our heads.

            Johnny ducked down low and I followed suit, the two of us at long last reaching the stairs. Once we got to the bottom we could simply run through the pink room, through the foyer, and out the front door. All we had to do was keep running and avoid the bullets and we were home free.

            But as we were about half way down the stairs, Earl bounded up at the second floor and leaning over the banister fired again. A pop sounded loudly near me, and dusty bits of wood splintered off the banister and rained over my face; stinging my eyes.

            Another gunshot and suddenly Johnny cried out and the two of us plummeted the rest of the way down the stairs. Tumbling over each other we landed with a thud on the bottom floor. Johnny was doubled over, holding the side of his abdomen where blood was seeping through his shirt and trying desperately to keep moving.

            He moaned and fell over again. “You get out of here. I’ll only slow you down.”

            “Like hell.” Not wasting time I looked around, seeing to my horror that in the reachable vicinity of this anal retentive manor, there was nothing to grab for protection but an end table and the lone lamp that was illuminating the hall at the bottom of the stairwell. I heard Earl’s feet moving toward the stairs. Remembering Karalyn’s fondness for luxurious but dangerously old furniture, I kicked my leg out toward the table, and sent the lamp crashing to the floor just as another bullet went flying by.

            The room was abruptly bathed in complete darkness. God bless outrageously expensive but also delicate porcelain lamps. As silently as I could I helped Johnny to his feet and led him through the swinging door of the kitchen.

            “That was very clever, Miss Evelyn.” I heard Earl goad from the second floor.

            I looked around but could only make out the slightest shapes in the moonlit kitchen; the island, the counters, the stove. Goddamn it, no backdoor. I thought back to the day I watched Karalyn eat that pie. There were knives on the counter, but a gun beats a knife almost any day of the week. I didn’t have much time to consider as I could hear Earl walking softly around, searching the rooms close to this one.

            I hovelled Johnny over to the pantry, opened the door quietly and set him on the floor inside. It was a walk-in as I’d suspected for a house this size. Perfect for hiding, but only room for one.

            “I’m not going to let you do this.” Johnny whispered to me.

            He started to move but pain brought him right back down. On a good day, yeah, Johnny could take Earl easily. He was younger, twice Earl’s size, and unquestionably stronger. But Earl had fire power, and Johnny was injured. I pulled the worn shirt he was wearing over his head and pressed it into his side in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

            “I’m going to go out there.” I said solemnly. “While I have him distracted, you get out as fast as you can.”

            “You got our roles reversed, girlie. I’m the one who’s fighting; you’re the one who’s running.” He made to get up again but I could see his feature’s contort even in the shadows of the pantry. He was far too hurt to play hero.

            “I’m the one who’s going to have to go.”

            “You are without a doubt, the most stubborn woman I have ever met in my life.”

            “I assume that honor comes with a cash prize.”

            “Are you making a joke? Now?!”      

            “Truth is that right now, your disability trumps my femaleness. We both know that I’m faster and stronger at the moment. If you go out there you won’t come back at all.” A heavy silence hung between us as the truth of my words set in. If I let him face Earl alone, he wouldn’t make it out alive. He knew that. “You should know by now that you can’t argue with me when I make up my mind.” I stood and squinted down at him one last time trying to make out that contemptuous face of his in the dark.

            “Okay, but if you can, run for the door. And be careful.” He conceded defeat, and I closed the pantry.

            I tiptoed over to the kitchen door and pressed my ear against it trying to time it just right. I listened intently as Earl stalked angrily around. When he lost us in the dark, he’d immediately run for the door, assuming we’d done the same.

            For the past few minutes he had worked his way back, checking all the rooms along the way. The kitchen was next. The slow deliberate tap of his boots on the hardwood made my throat close up. It was like being in some kind of sick cat and mouse chase.

            I waited until I could feel his weight pressing into the other side of the swinging door, then rammed into it with all the strength I had. The door whacked him hard in the face, sending him flying to the ground again, and the gun skirted down the hall. Not wasting time I jumped over his body and ran for it, but Earl grabbed my ankle from the floor and I went sailing face first into the hardwood.

            We struggled, nothing but limbs scratching and fighting for their lives. I was almost up but Earl drew back and punched me across my face. My head fell back with an agonizing thud against the ground, causing my vision to blur as Earl took the opportunity to run forward and retrieve the gun.

            Fighting through the disorientation I stood to my feet. When the room stopped shaking I could just make out the shape of Earl pointing the gun at me. With a swiftness I didn’t know I possessed, I ducked out of the way as the next bullet went off, shattering something only a few inches from where I had stood.

            I took off running and tried to make my way to the front door through the darkness of a house I was mostly unfamiliar with. As I was dashing through the pink sitting room, relief in my mind since the door was only another room away, I was pulled back suddenly and severely by my hair. Tears came to my eyes as Earl threw me violently to the ground, taking a few clumps of my locks in the process.

            “You’ve caused me more than enough grief!” He yelled, shoving the gun back into my face. “Some stupid girl is not going to fuck this up!”

            His hand drew back and I felt the strike of cold metal connect with my cheek. If you’ve never been pistol-whipped let me tell you, it hurts like a bitch. My tongue instinctively ran over both rows of teeth, checking to make sure they were all in place. Nothing was loose or missing, not that it mattered. I’m sure I’ll be dead in a few minutes anyway.

            And I have no one to blame but myself. More than one person warned me not to get involved, but did I listen? Of course not. I’d had the nerve to stand in Manny’s face and accuse him of tunnel vision when I was just as guilty. In my single-minded quest to save Jackson, I’d gotten Henry hurt, myself killed, and would later probably get Johnny killed as well. Then Earl would be free to live the rest of his rotten life in Ecuador or wherever he’s going. How am I going to explain that kind of track record when I get to the Pearly Gates?

            And you know what the worst part is? The most horrible thing about this whole situation? I’m gonna have to die in this goddamn pink room! It’s like the nightmare I just can’t escape. Like many a healthy women, I’ve always imagined that I would die in the more obvious way, one hundred and fifty years old…in a hot tub…with a Jamaican on one arm and a Puerto Rican on the other.

            And maybe that’s asking a little too much, but it was certainly more enjoyable and leagues more plausible than I, Evelyn Harper, small business owner and busybody extraordinaire, dying at the hands of a murderer in this cherry colored atrocity! Life is so unfair sometimes.

            “All I have to do is kill you and that little friend of yours. Wherever he is he can’t hide for long.”

            As I stared up into Earl’s gigantic cranium surrounded by the sickening sugary sweetness of the heinous pink room, sure that this would be the last horrible sight I ever saw I heard the greatest ten words in any human language to ever be uttered by a human being.

            “Freeze! Put the gun down and put your hands up!”

            In the darkness I watched Earl blanch. I glimpsed behind him and saw to my great relief that there were four, five, maybe six cops all standing with guns ready to unload into the back of Earl’s head if he didn’t comply. And they looked mad serious too. Those stone cold eyes were so not afraid to shot someone dead if they wanted too.

            The game up, Earl set the gun down, panic on his face; and then slowly raised his hands as one of the uniforms rushed in to secure handcuffs around his wrist. Relief washed over me and to my absolute revulsion like so many before me, I began to cry like a girl.

******************************************************************

            After an hour or so, I was sitting on the back of a police cruiser with my head down still reeling from the trauma when Detective Juarez walked up. Just the sight of him sent me into another fit of erratic howling. Geez, I never cried so much in my life.

            He looked down at me with actual compassion in his eyes and laid a gentle hand on top of my head.

            “Aw. Don’t cry, Scooby. You’re not hurt.” Tell that to my busted lip, black eye, and the knot on the back of my head.

            “I know but-“

            “I know, it was scary, but you did good. You’re okay, we got your friend out of the closet; he’s probably at the hospital already. Everything turned out pretty well.”

            I looked up at him with what I’m sure could be described as comically sad puppy eyes and with tears staining my cheeks I said one word. “Karalyn.”

            He grimaced. “I’m sorry about that. It couldn’t be helped.” He leaned back against the car and crossed his arms over his chest.

             I nodded gravely but tried my best not to cry again. “How’d you get here?” I asked obscurely, though the question was clear.

            “Your friend called. He was pretty insistent that we come up to the Conway house on the double. Not that he needed to, we’d gotten a warrant for Earl a mere hour before he called.”

            God bless best friends who can understand when you’re in trouble just by the tone in your voice. It wasn’t two seconds after I ended my call with Henry that he’d called the cops himself.  You know, just in case. It’s a good thing he has far more foresight than I do. Wait a minute what did Manny just say?

            “A warrant?” This was news to me.

            “Yeah, we did some background checking, covered our bases, and discovered that Earl had access to Mrs. Conway’s money and that he had just bought a ticket to Paraguay or somewhere.” He said it so nonchalantly. Like that information was no big deal. I could have stayed home. I could have been in bed right now instead of bawling like a bitch in front of my policeman crush. And he knew this whole time!

            “Then why did you arrest Jackson?”

            “Did we arrest Jackson? ‘Arrest’ is an obscure term; it might have only been a holding. Or at the very least a questioning.” I want to strangle him right now!

            He caught the absolutely dumbfounded look on my face and smirked. “We’re the cops, honey. I don’t tell you anything I don’t want you to know.” He stood up straight and looked me dead in my eyes. “Even if I am being asked by someone as pretty as you.”

            And with a wink he walked away as if he hadn’t just blown my mind. This whole time he was actually doing his job. This whole time he was making me crazy and his only excuse is ‘I’m a cop’. I ought to get off this car and go deck him one. I ought to give him a piece of my mind! I ought to go home; I’m far too tired to do this right now. I don’t like playing him anymore, he doesn’t fight fair. Not in the least.