I'm sorry, this isn't art [I'm kidding myself that anyone cares], it's me asking for advice on something that will help me make more art

Lately I've,, felt like shit to be perfectly honest, it's a million awful things that I don't want to get into bc I have no fucking right to feel this way yet I do, wow Pearl how fucking edgy can you get

Bc of that I've been wanting to make vents, hell, I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to make a vent, but I haven't been able to, not even ones that I don't post [I try to post the majority of what I make]

I think it's bc I don't like drawing myself. Ik I do a lot but I never have. I hate myself and no amount of wide eyes or stylization can change that, honestly that's one of the reasons I make these vents in the first place

This whole not being able to draw vents bc the only person I want to hurt is myself and I don't want to see more of myself thing may pass me by, I'm not sure, but in the moment I selfishly do want to make this go away a little by venting and I can't like this. I mean, if I don't vent, people notice. I stop being amiable. I don't want that

I've considered drawing my 'sonas and, again, may do that in the future, but my cat and dragon ones seem so happy and I like keeping them a bit more separate from me while my persona, I dunno if I've mentioned this but I am working on one, is still under major construction

So here's where I ask for advice

I've seen people who say they have vent characters. In a way I do already, besides drawing myself you may have noticed I sometimes vent with my strangely coincidentally first initial sharing boys [Carter and Cody] since their arcs are already pretty self indulgent. I keep trying to explain why but even with my lack of details shared about them I'm guessing you can,, guess. However, they're my characters, they have their happy moments and are ultimately not me, and I don't want to turn them into perpetually sad self inserts. Besides, I like associating them with happy moments

What I think I need is a character who,, is sad all the time. Someone who only exists when I need to vent. I've heard them called ventsonas? Which sounds about right

Okay here I finally get to the fucking point if you're still reading I love you and your infinite patience

If you've ever made one or know about them or anything like that I'd really love to hear any tips you have. I'll do my best to design them soon, and ig we'll see if I really need them or not

I'm not in a state where I feel like venting right now, btw. Not really at least. If I was I'm not sure how coherent I would be. Sorry if I seem attention seeking, reading this over it definitely feels that way,, god I hate asking for help