"Occasionally I occupy my free time near the lake on the outskirts of Darlington because no one can bother me there. I have my usual: crickets, mud daubers, and dragonflies. I find the water comforting because it reminds me of myself: usually people don't notice it until it's splashing under their boots or they wanna stop to admire themselves. When they look into my eyes, I feel seen, but when they fix their hair and smile at what's really their reflection, I sink into myself. Like the lake, I deepen until I feel like a person trapped inside like Stevie's science project— a fly in orange Jello.

The water doesn't feel calming as it wraps around me like a snake, and it doesn't feel warm until it reaches my lungs and burns me from the inside out. I scream, but no one hears. They're what's keeping me under; they're bags over my head when I scream and a ball and chain around my ankles when I want to run away. I pray to God but on days like today, I feel he's ignoring me. All I ask is for Him to bring me a boat of people who care enough to pull me off the ocean floor." ~Judith S. Jefferson

1979

"After I gave my speech on why I believed that communism would contribute to the downfall of work-production in America," Judith's father says with his silver fork in his right hand and knife in his left. He's seated at the end of the long glass table with a chandelier hanging in the middle of the ceiling, providing light. "Then here comes Earl going, 'Well, I believe inequality could be just as counterproductive,' and that wasn't the point that we were making."

"Walter, could we talk about something other than your job tonight," Sheryl asks him as he picks at a strip of meat hanging from his turkey breast. The ringlets from her bun bounce when she turns her head to look at her daughter. Judith is sitting to her mother's left, her younger brother Stevie is across from her, and to his right is their younger sister Vera.

"I'm sorry. You're right." He bites the white meat off his fork and lays his eyes on Judy. "Care to tell us how school went?"

"It went fine," she answers when she notices that all eyes are on her. She's picking at her food, her stomach rumbling.

"Did you speak to David," Sheryl asks. "I spoke with his mother just this morning, and she told me that her husband purchased a colored TV at the electronics store last week. Of course, housewives in this neighborhood love to play follow-the-leader."

They don't respond to her rant, but Judy looks at her father after a heavy sigh.

"May I be excused?" He glances at her then nods his head. Judith stands from her chair and carries her plate of food and glass of milk to the kitchen.

"So, how was your day, Stevie?" She disposes the unfinished turkey and macaroni into the garbage bin, setting the plate into the sink. She pours the white milk in with the dish, then puts the glass cup in the center.

"I dissected a frog in my Anatomy class and finished my project for Chemistry class," he pridefully answers. She walks past the dining room divider on her way to the staircase. "Tomorrow, I'll have to swim a few laps for my survival class."

"That's good! I'll pack your clothes in your bag before you head for the school bus," she tells him.

Judith ascends the staircase, the bottom of her chucks clicking against each wooden plank. She reaches the second floor where two doors line each off-white wall.

Trekking down the long hall, she reaches the arch at the end. She's greeted by the lavender glow of her lava lamp sitting on her dresser across the floor.

She has a king-sized bed with pink bedding and skinny, white rails. She runs to the white door next to her bed.

Her bathroom is just as child-like as her bedroom. It has pastel pink tile flooring, walls, and matching plumbing as if it came out of a nineteen-fifties magazine.

Judith's stomach gurgles louder as she rushes for the closed toilet. She falls to her knees in front of the bowl, lifting the lid with her right hand.

When the potent smell of Pine-Sol enters her nose, her stomach thrusts her dinner into the clear water. After a few seconds, she leans back and takes labored breaths.

Strands of her afro stick to her forehead, and the rumbling subsides. Like every night before, she flushes the toilet, brushes her teeth, and changes into her olive-green satin nightgown, leaving her blue jeans and orange and white striped shirt on the floor in front of her dresser, and her rose gold hexagon glasses next to her lava lamp.

She glances at her digital clock which reads: 9:56. She turns over in her bed and shuts her eyes.

***

Hours pass and the constant ringing of her alarm awakes her. Judith's vision is blurry, but as if it has a mind of its own, her left palm swats the button to silence the clock.

She gives herself three minutes to lay in contemplation of the dream that's slowly slipping from her memory, and then she exits her bed to get dressed for her college classes.

Judith finds her way into the living room wearing a short blue jean skirt, a crème-colored blouse, and black flats.

Her mother, Sheryl, is past the divider with Stevie standing near her. She hands him a brown paper bag with the top rolled shut, then kisses his forehead as she usually does.

He walks past his sister, wiping away the sign of affection with a repulsed expression on his baby face.

"So, are you taking the bus to school, or are you walking," Sheryl sarcastically asks her. Judith walks around the partition and into the kitchen so their eyes can meet.

"I'm taking the bus," she says. She turns to face the sink of dishes hidden under suds and water. Despite her brain and grumbling stomach disagreeing with the idea, Judy opens her mouth to speak. "Mom, I wanted to talk to you about something; something – serious."

"What is it, Jude?" Sheryl glances at her daughter with a plate in her left hand and a Brillo pad in her right. She's donning a bland, grey dress with a faded green apron around her waist.

Just tell her the truth. The worst she could do is get upset.

"I'll see you at six, honey," Walter announces as he exits the guest bathroom under the staircase.

Remember what happened the last time?

"Okay." He walks out of the front door, tucking his white button-up into his grey slacks. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing; never mind." Judith forces a smile despite the sadness in her heart fighting to put a frown on her face. "Wish me luck on my project?"

"You know I don't believe in luck," Sheryl reminds her. "But I'll say a prayer before I vacuum the house."

"See you at six," she says before leaning in to kiss her mother's cheek. When Judy turns to walk away, she furrows her brows.

"Aren't you gonna grab some breakfast while you're here," she asks to her daughter's surprise. "I made eggs and baby sausages."

"Oh, um, I'm not hungry," she tells her with her back turned. She swallows the queasiness forming at the thought of eating. "I'll grab something during my lunch break."

"Alright, well, grab the food money I left in the basket by the door," she instructs her daughter. Taking a deep breath of relief, Judith does as she's told, then she steps onto the porch while tucking the five-dollar bill into her left hip pocket.

The October wind wraps around her exposed flesh, lifting the dark hairs on her light brown skin. She steps toward the sidewalk and begins her stroll to the bus stop. Her home is in a neighborhood that hasn't progressed since the late nineteen fifties – similarly structured houses with pastel vinyl siding, a daily paperboy, and a tall man who delivers milk bottles every Monday morning.

The birds chirp in their nests, but when she walks by, a few of the noisy blue jays fly to the other side of the road, and she watches them do so.

It only takes her three minutes to reach the bus stop, but she's too late for a seat. Two bulky men are seated on the hard bench – one with dark locks and the other with a fade – and two more are standing to the left, looking at the newspaper that the dreadhead is holding.

One of the two standing off to the side has dark, oily waves that fall to his shoulders and light brown skin, and the other has a high top like the Fresh Prince. All four of them are wearing grey University of South Carolina sweatshirts.

"The Space Jungle tournament is in a week," the guy with dreads announces to them. Judith stands a few feet away from them with her arms around her torso. "Are y'all going?"

"Yeah, I already saved my money cutting grass," the Mexican with wavy hair answers with a southern accent. They glance at him, but she keeps her eyes forward.

"What happened to the car," the leader asks him. He creases his brows.

"I'm still getting it. It's only a week away, so that's more money I'll be pulling in," he assures him. The leader nods his head, and his eyes return to the pages.

The Palmetto Breeze stops in front of them, and she steps toward the doors as they stand to their feet. The driver turns a handle that opens the doors with a grating screech.

"Good morning, Miss. Jefferson," the chubby man greets her with a smile. She reaches her right hand into her back pocket and releases three quarters into the machine.

"Good morning, Mr. Rogers," she responds with the same amount of warmth radiating from her smile. She walks to the back of the bus, giving quick grins to all who catch her eye.

She sits in the seat overlooking the entirety of the vehicle, and then she slides to the left to make space for the approaching men.

***

They reach the broad campus full of school spirit and three tall buildings formed with the help of beige cinder blocks, giving them a medieval appearance. Aside from them, there's a towhead in the seat behind the driver.

She stands with a purse slung over her left shoulder, and as she descends the steps, the group of men treads the aisle with Judy far behind.

The smell of fresh hotdogs and cut grass hit her as soon as she steps onto the campus lawn, and she's left in place fawning over the scent as the others trek to their expected areas.

Judith notices that the blonde woman is walking towards the building to the far left – where she's also headed – and she follows her. She reaches the door, then opens it for herself and Judy when she notices that she's behind her.

"Thank you," she tells her with a forced smile as she steps through the arch.

"You're welcome." Judy begins to continue down the polished hall of students when she's stopped by the timid voice of the blonde lady. "Uh, can you please show me which room NDCS is?"

"I was actually on my way there," she admits, then takes slow steps down the floor with her dark brown eyes on the woman's deep blues. "Just follow me this way, and I'll introduce you to the members. What's your name?"

"Mary Hendricks," she answers and walks alongside Judith. "What's yours?"

"It's nice to meet you. My name's Judith Jefferson, but you can call me Judy." Mary stares at the various posters for each club their school has and the odd choice of pastel green for the walls.

"It's nice to meet you as well," she says. Her black kitten heels tap against the diamond-patterned floor under her long jean skirt. "This is my second year here, and I've never been on this side of campus. Well, this particular building."

"Oh, really, well, you'll love it," she assures her. "I've been in this club since I arrived on campus for my first day, and everyone's extremely polite."

"I find that hard to believe." Judy furrows her eyebrows at Mary's comment, and when she notices the confusion on her acquaintance's face, she elaborates, "I was on the cheer team in Highschool when I was seventeen, and a girl scout when I was ten. There's always one rude person."

"Okay, that's fair." She nods in agreement. "La'Shawna Prince is our group president, and she's looking for a vice president to help out with the planning, and everything else that needs to be done, so with that comes drama. Kacey McDaniels was already catty before the announcement was made, but she's willing to claw her way to the top. I would steer clear of her."

"Noted. Thank you," Mary says with a humorous exhale – a brief and silent chuckle. They reach a tall blue door with a sign on the front that reads: Non-Denominational Christian Society.