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But as much as we wanted, we couldn't stay away from each other. I find myself eagerly picking up the phone only two days after he told me to go away, his name on the display.

"You ruined me."

His words hit like bricks but I don't care. He's hurt me far worse than this.

"I, ruined you?"

It's silent on the other side of the line, leaving me to wonder if he's still here. And why he called in the first place.

"Come over."

"Okay." Too fast, too fast I reply to his question. Too fast I agree to be back in his life again, as if he hadn't asked me to leave, as if he hadn't broken my heart by asking that.

But a broken heart seems to have become the default with him. He's good at hurting people, even better at hurting me. Still I stay, because I love him.

So I take the fastest road there, not caring that he'll only hurt me more once I get there. I think part of me believes that I like the pain, it makes me love him even more.

I can't even hate myself for the fact that I'm here, showing up when he asks me too. Ready to destroy myself for no good.

Because Yoongi doesn't care about his efforts, about his love, about him. Yoongi just wants his body, and for some fucked up reason he's okay with hurting himself for it.

"You came?" Yoongi seems genuinely surprised. "Guess you weren't strong enough to stay away either."

"Don't say it like that, you knew exactly that I'd come right over."

"I hoped you would."

There he goes again, falling even harder for this man that has never believed in love.

"Let me love you." I say, hoping he would at least allow me to love him. "I'm not asking you to love me back, I'm asking you let me love you."

"J-jimin."

"No just wait, I don't care if you hurt me. I don't care whether you love me or not, I don't care that you sleep with other people. Just let me love you." I say, knowing I sound desperate but I am desperate.

"You do care, you care too much." He replies before stepping inside. Allowing me to come in.

"I can stop, don't you get that I can do anything for you."

"Jimin stop." He snaps, shaking his head as he goes to lean against the wall. "You need to stop because you're messing with my head."

"I'm messing with your head?!" I yell. "Do you have any idea what you have done to me?!"

"Which is exactly why we can't be together, I'd just hurt you worse because I like it!" He yells back. "I like hurting you! I like how you stay no matter what I do! Hell maybe I am hurting you just to see if you'll stay. Yet, I put you through hell and I still can't get myself to believe you won't leave!"

"You don't have to believe anything because the truth is that you I won't leave! Don't you get that?!" I feel hopeless, lost and tired. I just want him, I need to love him. I feel like I'm going insane without loving him.

"You can say that! But people say a lot." He shakes his head. "I want to believe you, but I don't and I never will."

"Then let me help you."

"I don't need help! Don't you fucking get that? I don't want your help, I don't need your help. Hell I don't even want you!"

There he goes, breaking my heart again. Hurting me again, yet I still love him.

"Then why ask me to come over?"

"Because you did something to me." Tears well up in his eyes. I wanna move to hug him, comfort him but I know he'll just push me off.

"You crawled into my head and refuse to get out of it. You're all I can think about and as I said I like hurting you but then you look so sad and broken and I feel guilty, yet I can't stop trying to push you away." He breaks down into tears. "You just won't leave, and I don't know how to make you."

"I told you I won't ever leave. I won't ever go away because I love you." I whisper, slowly coming closer. "And I know that scares you, but I think maybe there's a part of you that loves me too."

He shakes his head again. "You don't love me, nobody loves me."

"People love you Yoongi, I do, Namjoon does." I say, shuffling even closer. "Let me love you, I don't want you to change. I want to love you that's all."

"You're just saying that, you don't really love me."

"Then let me put it like this." I softly reach out to comfort him but he steps away. Not wanting to be touched when he's this fragile, this open. "I won't ever leave."

We're silent for a while, I know he's thinking, overthinking. He's driving himself insane, part of him wants to trust me but the rest is screaming at him not to.

"I don't want to leave, I can't leave and even if you told me to. I'd go far enough for you to not see me but I'd still be there, waiting for you to come to me if you need me, which may be never but that's how much I love you." I say, pouring out all my emotions, wanting the words to get through to him.

"So what you're saying..." he pauses, looking up at me for a split second. "Is that in order for you to never see me again, is more me to leave you."

I take a deep breath. "Pretty much."

"Then I'll leave you."

His words hit hard but I don't let it show. Instead I force a smile onto my face as I nod. "I'll be there if you need me."

"I don't need you, I do, but I don'f want to need you." He snaps before groaning. "Fuck you Jimin! Fuck you and everything you are. You did this to me! You made me feel this way." He yells before storming off and slamming the bathroom door shut behind him.

I just drop myself onto the couch, feeling more broken than ever. Yoongi has become my obsession, my drug, my addiction. I need him, I don't think I can live without him.

And I don't think he can live without me. We can't live without each other yet we can never e together. Because he, won't ever let his guard down. He won't allow me to love him, hell hurt and hurt me more until finally I leave.

Which I won't.

But now he's leaving me again, and this time it might be forever. He really doesn't want to fall in love. He wants nothing more than to not ever feel like how he felt with me. He hates me because part of him loves me.

I've list everything to Yoongi because I— too easily— gave him all of me. I didn't hesitate when he asked me something, I just gave, regardless of whether I could or not.

Him and his fucked up ways have managed to make me loose myself in him completely. And as much as I don't want to admit it, still I love him.

I should hate him, I really should but I can't. There is not a cell in my body that is able to hate the beautiful man that is Min Yoongi. With his first words he had captured me and after that he has never let me go.

I let him love me in his own fucked up way.

Because this is life, not some cheesy story. This is the cold reality that isn't changed easily.

Despite my efforts, I can't and won't ever change the fucked up man he's become. People don't just change, not even when they fall in love. I think falling in love made Yoongi even worse than he was before. .

Because now there's a small part of him that cares, a small part of him that's vulnerable and it terrifies him.

He hates me me for it. Because to him I'm the reason he's feeling all those things. I'm the reason he's afraid.

And I? I stay silent, let him scream and rage. I let him unleash the worst he has on me while loving him with all my heart.

And if I could, I would.

I would run far away from him, report him, hate him, scream back, hit back, but I can't. I can't break my own heart like that, and I know people judge me, asking me why I can't...

But there is no explanation.

Maybe I'm not strong enough, too weak to tear myself away from his hold.

I don't know why everything inside of me craves him like a drug but I can't seem to change it. Even if I try to run, I always end up right back where I started.

"Jimin." I look up at Namjoon, entering the house with a surprised look on his face. "Yoongi said he would be at yours."

I shrug. Yoongi says a lot.

"He went to the bathroom..." I slowly turn to the clock. "a while ago."

And as if in cue a strange sound emits from the bathroom. Namjoon and I look at each other, a dark feeling looming between us when I get up and walk over to see what's going on.

Namjoon knocks on the door. "Yoongi?" He asks and I feel my stomach turn. "Yoongi?" He repeats a little louder before slowly trying the handle.

It isn't locked and ever so slowly he opens it.

Scared of what's behind it, scared of what will happen next.

I stand frozen, looking at his pale body spread out onto the floor. Vomit surrounding him while his dull eyes stare at the ceiling, every now and then his body jerks oddly.

And it's as if I lock myself away from the world, away from the unbearable pain of what is obviously happening.

Softly I kneel down besides him, running my hand through his hair, not caring about the vomit or the stench.

"Yoongi." I whisper, his eyes snapping towards mine, pupils dilated and watery.

"There's so many colours Jimin, there's so many colours. Colours I've never seen before." He says while his body jerks in a strange direction. Distantly I hear Namjoon calling someone.

"I bet." I manage to choke out. He looks at me with something that might be a smile, before reaching his hand up to my face.

"I took so many drugs Jiminie, and finally everything is bearable ." He blubbers as his hand drops. He stares at the ceiling with wide eyes and mouth as he speaks his last words, slurred and just above a whisper.

"It's okay now Jimin, you don't have to leave me, I—"

THE END

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🌙 MOONSTRUCK 🌙
MONOWORLDS

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