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The next morning, I simply wake up. I wake up in a room I've never seen before but I don't feel scared, I don't feel threatened or anything.

I turn around and am faced with none other than Kim Namjoon.

"Good afternoon." He says while putting his phone down.

"Is this your room?" I ask and he nods slowly. "It is, do you like it?"

"I do, your sheets are soft." I mumble before running my hands over the soft fabric.

"Sorry about your couch." I say remembering last nights events a little well. I remembering vomiting all over it after the XTC had hit me. After that I had started crying hysterically before yelling at Yoongi who just hit me.

After that Namjoon punched Yoongi.

Yoongi locked himself in his room and then Namjoon kept my crying ass company, occasionally feeding me and keeping me hydrated while I sat through the high which lasted too fucking long.

"He hasn't come out yet." Namjoon says probably knowing that that would be my first question to ask. Even after what he did I can't find it within myself to hate him, there isn't a part of me that hates him.

"Jimin." Namjoon sighs while sitting across from me. "You're a good kid, why are you here?" He asks and I shrug. "I love him." I say without hesitation.

"Of course you do." He mumbles before rising to his feet. "Go shower, I'll get you some clean clothes." I nod my head before slowly making my way to the bathroom and shutting the door.

Only to see Yoongi sitting on the floor looking down at his phone.

"Morning." I mumble. His tired eyes look up at me and I find myself falling all over again. Why is it that whenever he looks at me my heart skips a beat and my stomach fills with butterflies.

"Wanna fuck?" He asks and I nod my head. I don't. I want to do everything but fuck, yet I can't say know. I'm too scared of angering him to the point where he won't speak to me ever again.

He gets up tossing his phone in the sink before bending me over it. I let him. I let him use my body the way he wants to, I moan when he hits the right spots and I arch my back.

It's a perfect sex scene but it's so fake. He doesn't love me and with every passing second I love him more.

"Yoongi." I manage to choke out when my release hits me. He silently keeps thrusting in to me not making any sound.

I feel like I lost Yoongi. It's not like I ever had him before but it seems like part of him died last night. he silently finishes before pulling out.

I realise he once again didn't use a condom. I just sigh and go step inside the shower. Without a word he gets in besides me. He doesn't say a word and just turns on the tap.

Cold water washes over us but neither of us care. He stares into my eyes while the water slowly gets to the right temperature.

"Jimin." He whispers slowly leaning in cupping my face staring into what feels like my soul. His eyes suddenly feeling with tears.

"Why do you do this? Make me feel these things. It scares me. You scare me." He whispers sounding so fragile, like a little kid that just saw a scary movie.

"Sorry." I say and shakes his head. "No." He breathes. "I'm sorry." He leans in, his hands pulling my face closer.

His lips softly touch mine, a soft peck that makes my head spin because it's so weirdly gentle. He rarely kisses me like this but when he does I find myself wishing he'd do it more often.

Pulling back we stare at each other again, his eyes filled with pain. "We should stop seeing each other."

And with those my heart drops. Not see each other? Not be together? My entire day I think about him, my entire being is resolved around him. I can't live without him.

"No." I breath. "We should not."

"But I'm bad for you, I know I am. And I like it, I like seeing you hurt, struggle. I like seeing you going through hell, for me. You go through hell for me." He says, softly cupping my face. "But when will you understand that I'm not worth going through hell for. I can't ever give you what you want."

I feel tears rising in my eyes. "That's what you told yourself. I'm not going to give up on you Yoongi. I can't give up on you, I don't think I can ever let you go."

"Let's fuck again." Is all he says. Eyes cold, and filled with annoyance. I just bite my lip. "Not now."!

"Now." He growls pressing me against the wall of the cabin.

"O-okay." I stutter out because if he wants to, I'll give it to him. I'd give everything to him, my heart my soul, my body, everything.

"This is what I mean." Yoongi gets out of the shower before grabbing his clothes and a towel. "I'm going out, when I come back don't be here. Delete my phone number, forget my address. Forget me." With those words he leaves the bathroom leaving me to cry silently.

My heart smashed into a thousand pieces. I should feel lucky, lucky that he wanted me around longer than anyone else that he chose me to get close with. That he endured my company like no other fuck buddy he ever had. That he let me love hik for so long, but I don't feel lucky.

I feel dirty, used and tired.

Yet, all I want is keep loving him. Keep letting him use me however he wants. Because if that's the only way I can have him, then I'll take it.

Slowly I turn off the tap and brush my teeth with his brush. I wish he was here, rolling his eyes and telling me it's gross, I'd shrug and tell him I just want to brush my teeth. He'd ask me to fuck again and I'd say yes.

With a towel tightly wrapped around me I go to Namjoon to ask for clothes which he gives me. They're huge on me but they make me feel cozy, warm and safe. Everything Yoongi doesn't make me feel.

"Yoongi asked me to drop you off at home." He says and I sigh. "Can't you talk to him?"

Namjoon shakes his head. "I could, I don't want to. You're a bright kid Jimin and you don't belong with someone like him."

I grit my teeth. "Don't say that, I do belong with him. I love him."

"Jimin are you aware that you could walk into a police station and charge him for, mental, sexual, physical abuse and drugging you." He says and the words hit me like bricks. But not in the way they should.

"Don't say that, it's not true." I spit, angry that he dares and say such a thing about Yoongi. Yoongi is good.

Good Min Yoongi, Good but fucked up Min Yoongi.

"Jimin he raped you."

I surge forward slapping Namjoon across the face. Pushing his body as I scream at him. "Shut up! Shut up! He didn't! I never said no!"

He groans, grabbing my shoulders. "Saying no doesn't always have to be verbal."

I slap him again. "Don't talk about him like that! Don't say that, you're a liar. You don't know anything, you weren't there. You don't know anything, you don't know anything, you don't know—" Bursting into tears I allow him to wrap his arms around me, stroking my back as I cry.

Part of me knows he's right, part of me knows I could send Yoongi to jail for god knows how long. But I don't want to believe it, Yoongi is good, maybe not to me but at heart. All he does is because he's broken inside.

"This is your way out Jimin, take it." Namjoon says and I shake my head before looking up at him.

"Yoongi needs me."

He sighs. "He doesn't Jimin, he doesn't need anyone and I doubt you're doing him good if you stay. Yoongi is not just hurt, he's damaged, broken. And not like quirky girls and boys on the internet claim to be broken, no, Yoongi's spirit is shattered, his heart is shattered and you might think you're fixing him..." he pauses, knowing his words will only hurt me more but I don't stop him from speaking up.

"But you're only making things worse. Because his heart doesn't trust anyone and now he's starting to want and trust you which he can't. So he hurts you, pushes you away, to test you but he isn't going to stop. He isn't going to let you in but he wants to. And the want is going to tear him apart, because it's fighting everything he knows, and the more he wants to let you in, the more he's going to hurt you." Namjoon sighs. "You're everything his mind and body is trying to keep out.

"B-but if I endure it, he might open up." I say hopefully, only making him chuckle sadly. "Yoongi needs therapy and maybe after years and years of therapy and healing there might be room for love but for now all he knows is to fight love with all he is. To fight you off."

"Then why doesn't he go to a therapist? Why doesn't he talk about what caused him to be this way?" Jimin asks.

"I don't he can, the pain is there. Hidden and behind walls but he can't talk about it. Because then he has to open up the gates to that pain and when he does it all comes out, which he can't handle. It's too much pain, stowed away for too long. So he no longer wants to acknowledge it, so he hides it but it's displayed in his behaviour." Namjoon says.

"You can't save him, I can't either. Only Yoongi can and he doesn't want to."

I shake my head. "We need to try Namjoon."

"I have, I have tried so hard but I can't. When people don't want to be saved they won't be saved. So I accepted it and I promised him that I'd be here every step along the way and that I'd help him clean up his messes because I'm his friend and that's all I can do for him right now."

I bite my lip. He's wrong, Yoongi needs saving. He's only pushing me away to see if I come back. To see if I truly care enough to not let him go. I know it. I'm sure of it.

He needs me. He wants me.

"Let's go Jimin. Grab your stuff and I'll drive you home, there you can work on letting Yoongi go." He says, a smile on his lips while I robotically gather my things. Something inside me has gone numb, I feel like I shouldn't go.

But I can't stay, if Yoongi wants me to go I'll go. I'll try to be strong enough like Namjoon. To stand by and watch him destroy himself while all I can do is clean up his mess when he can't do it himself.

"Believe me kid, he's doing you a favour." Namjoon says. I look up and shrug. "I love him Namjoon."

"I know you do, so be strong enough to always carry him in your heart but as loving memory."

"I don't know if I can, I'm not strong. I've never been strong." I say making Namjoon scoff. "After all you've endured with him, can you really say that?"

"But I did those things for Yoongi. He gives me strength."

"Then do this for him too, let him go for him."

I swallow thickly before wiping away any tears that were threatening to spill. I need to try, for Yoongi. Didn't I say I'd do everything for him. Didn't I say I love him? If I really do, I must be able to let him go.

"When he gets back, tell him I love him."

Namjoon smiles. "Believe me, he knows."

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