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It was sickening. The way he could look at me. With such loving eyes, as if I was everything to him and that I was all he needed. His eyes would express sheer love while his fingers would trace every inch of my skin. Not missing a millimetre. He would look at me and all my imperfections as if I was his world while merely seconds later he would get up and leave me to myself.

"Don't go." I plead as I watch him get dressed. His pale skin looking even paler in contrast with his black clothing. His skin was like the moon. White, pale with beautiful imperfections. His eyes like the night sky, dark mysterious. His hair soft like just washed sheets.

You couldn't help falling in love with him. His beauty was out of this world and me, like everyone else couldn't help but fall in love with his deep voice and rough ways.

"Why would I stay?" He asks running a hand through his hair while looking for his t-shirt. My mind is racing trying to find a reason for him to stay.

Here. With me. Together.

"It's snowing. It's dangerous to go before they cleared the roads, at least stay until they've cleared them?" I ask and he stands up straight looking at me for a few seconds. His eyes seem to he looking right through me.

"Fine." He mumbles taking off his pants again. I feel a smile creep onto my face as he gets back into the bed with me. I know better than to cuddle up to him. He would only leave if I did that. He lights a cigarette while leaning against the headboard.

"Don't you want to sleep?" I ask and he shakes his head a little while taking a long drag of the cigarette. "Why don't you sleep?" I ask and he shakes his head for the second time.

The thing with people like Min Yoongi is that you want to fix them. I want to fix Min Yoongi. But I can't fix him. He won't let me, or anyone else close. Still I love him. I love his broken, bruised and insane mind. I love his body with all it's imperfections.

"Staring is rude." He says not even bothering to look at me. "You are beautiful."

He chuckles sarcastically before looking down at me blowing his smoke straight into my face. I wave my hand around trying to get the smoke away. "I'm not beautiful." He says his voice deep and raspy as he speaks. "People like me aren't beautiful."

"People like you?" I ask reaching out for his cigarette taking a drag of it myself. "Since when do you smoke?" He asks and I shrug not feeling like answering his question. "Since when do you care?"

"Wanna fuck again?" He asks taking the cigarette back and I sigh. "I'm tired."

"Yeah me too."

We sit in silence for a while. "Fine we'll fuck." I say giving in to him. I know it's stupid to give in. His touch will only make me love him more. "I'll finish my cigarette first."

I look up at him. The way his lips wrap around the cigarette is simply pathetic. The way he sucks on it is desperate. He's desperate for something that destroys him. Something that eases his colourful mind.

"Let's go." He says pressing his cigarette against the cold metal ashtray that I bought especially for him. Because I know he likes to smoke.

He moves closer pulling the blankets of my still naked body. He smirks down at me before leaning down to run his tongue up my torso. I feel a shiver run down my spine and I arch my back. I'm desperate for his touch. Too desperate.

"So eager." He whispers against my skin as he runs his tongue over my nipple. "So fucking eager."

I moan and grab his shoulders while he teases my nipple with his tongue. "Just fuck me." I say feeling too tired to deal with all his teasing.

"How?" He asks pushing my legs up so he has full access to enter my body. "How do you want me to fuck you?" He asks running his thumb across my lip while he stares down at me with those mysterious galaxies he calls eyes.

"Hard. Fuck me hard." I say sounding pathetic but I know that he only knows how to fuck someone hard. He doesn't do slow. He once told me; 'I don't make love. It would show that I care.'

That's one thing Min Yoongi won't ever do. Care. He doesn't care about anything, not even himself. It adds to the mystery to why he grew up to be this way but it's also saddening. Who or what hurt him so much that he stopped caring all at once.

"Jimin." He says his tip already pressing against my entrance, no prep needed since we just fucked. "Yes?" I say and he smiles down at me before slamming himself inside of me without warning. I gasp and dig my nails into his shoulder while arching my back of the bed.

"You're always so fucking tight." He groans but I'm too focused on breathing correctly that I barely even hear his word. It's okay, I don't think he expected an answer anyway.

"Yoongi fuck." I moan pathetically looking for something to hold on to that isn't his body. I don't want to damage his skin more than I've already done. "It's okay." He whispers while thrusting into me over and over again. "You can go ahead and dig your nails in my back." He pants and I immediately wrap my arms around him holding on to him for dear life as he fucks into me.

With every thrust he's slamming himself into my prostate, abusing it without mercy. I'm a moaning and groaning mess my body desperately squirming underneath his.

"I-I'm close." I pant while arching my back of the bed as I feel the familiar heat in my lower abdomen built. "You're always so sensitive to my touch." He breathes picking up his speed making my eyes roll back into my head as I run my nails over his back at the feeling of sheer pleasure.

"You feel so good wrapped around me." He groans his pace softly becoming less rhythmic. "Fuck." I moan arching my back and curling my toes while my load shoots up my chest. He keeps on thrusting into me and I feel tears well in my eyes.

"Too much."

"Just a little longer." He pants and I stare up at his concentrated face slowly turning into a face of sheer bliss. His eyes closing and he bites his lip while a growl manages to release it self from his mouth.

I feel him come undone inside of me and I realise it feels different. Very different.

"You didn't use a condom." I state but he doesn't say anything as he collapses on top of me. Both of us breathing heavily our hearts so close to each other but yet so far away. I want to hold him kiss him love him. I want to run my fingers over his body and name everything that is beautiful about him. Which funnily enough is everything.

But I also want to scream at him. Tell him to stop smoking and get some sleep. I want to be mad at him for not using a condom and coming inside of me without my consent.

I look up and take a look at his damaged back. Red lines that are following no pattern are painted across his back. The painter being me and the paint brushes my nails. I softly run my fingers over one of the lines and repeat what I said before.

"You didn't use a condom."

"Sorry I forgot. It's not like you can get pregnant anyway." He snaps finally pulling himself out of me and I hiss at the sudden emptiness as I feel my hole dripping with his cum. "Condoms aren't for preventing pregnancies only."

"What do you want me to do?!" He spits grabbing my hair and pulling me closer to him. I hiss at the tugs on my hair but allow him to do what he wants. "I can't take it back now, can I?"

I shake my head in agreement. He can't.

"Just use one next time." I say and he pushes me bak onto the mattress before lying down next to me. His eyes seem to shine in the sunlight as he lights another cigarette.

He mumbles something. "What?" I ask.

"Want a cigarette?" He repeats.

I shake my head no. He shrugs while taking a drag of his. He looks so messed up. He looks bruised and broken but it's also part of his beauty and mystery.

"What's the time?" He asks and I look over at my alarm clock. "5:30 AM. We should sleep." I tell him and he sighs before sitting up. "I have to go."

"Why?"

He leans over to me blowing some more smoke in my face. "Because." He says staring down at me with a look that makes me want to believe he loves me. That he wants me and only me. He doesn't. He doesn't want anyone.

"Stay." I breath and he shakes his head a little. "I'll see you at work tonight." He breathes. I want to pull him down for another kiss and taste the cigarettes on his lips. I slowly reach up running a hand through his hair. Beautiful Yoongi. Beautiful fucked up Yoongi.

"Smoke one more cigarette and leave after." I say and he sighs leaning down to kiss my neck softly. "Only if you smoke one with me." He whispers and I release a breath as I feel warm breath against my skin.

"Okay." I say realising that I'm willing to fuck up my lungs just to get him to stay a little longer. He hands me a cigarette while lighting a new one for himself. He smokes fast. Too fast.

He lights his own and then puts down his lighter leaning forward again to light my cigarette with his. It makes me wonder why he hadn't just given me his lighter. Does he want to be close to me?

"Why do you smoke?" I ask and he just chuckles shaking his head a little. I take a drag of the cigarette. It isn't my first cigarette. "Why do you breath?" He asks and I shrug. "You're going to die no matter what. And I would like to enjoy whatever I can before I die." He explains and I frown but don't say anything. I want to ask if that's the reason he doesn't love anyone but I'm too scared he'll get mad.

We hear a door slam and I sigh realising my roommate is home. He probably already did useful stuff today and here I am trying to stay awake as long as possible to be with Yoongi.

He gets up from the bed in all his naked glory. I want to grab his hand and pull him back but I just lie there frozen. Staring at him while he gets dressed. Dressed to walk out on me again.

"You're beautiful." I say and he chuckles while putting out his cigarette bud. "Want to see beautiful?" He asks and I nod hesitantly.

"Give me your phone." He says and I grab the thing of the night stand handing it to him. He swipes across the screen once and hands it back to me. I turn the phone to see the selfie camera opened and I see myself.

I look up just in time to see my bedroom door close. I stare back at the camera and stare into my own dull and tired eyes. He thinks I'm beautiful?

I put down my phone and starts crying uncontrollably. Long wails and enough tears to fill an ocean. The cigarette still between my fingers. The cigarette and his smell on my pillow the only thing that's still here even thought he has left.

I feel someone take the cigarette from my hands and look up hopefully. I wanted to see Yoongi but he isn't there. It's Hoseok. He smiles down at me sadly.

"Jiminie." He whispers and I honestly never felt so broken before. "Don't do this." He says wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer. "He's not worth it."

"But Hobi." I cry while curling into his warm embrace. "I can't let him go." He sighs deeply before forcing me to look up at him. His brown eyes holding sadness caused by me.

"You have to Jimin. It's destroying you." He whispers and I shake my head while looking up at him. I will be fine. One day I'll move on but for now I can't. For now my life seems to be stuck on Min Yoongi.

"You deserve better." He says and I shake my head while I feel my exhaustion catching up with me. I slowly shut my eyes as I shake my head.

Min Yoongi I love you

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