There is a principle in nature I don't think anyone has pointed out before. Millions and billions of cells and bacteria are born and die every second. But within those great numbers not one micro-molecule matters. Not one is remembered. Is that what I am? What Im destined to be. A speck of life just waiting to be casted aside?

Cold water splashed into my face drawing me from my thoughts. Calm down. Focus. You're not crazy. My eyes cast down to the silver basin, watching the waster collect and drain, red drops from my face decorating it pink. The water caused my nerves to jump to life creating a stinging sensation to erupt. Pain. I knew it far to well. I took a deep breath before raising my face to the mirror.

On the far right corner the glass had splintered down, cracking my appearance and in a way it was suiting. My complection was ghastly, cheeks gaunt from starvation, eyes hollow and emotionless. I rose a shaking hand to my cheek, touching the jagged cut that dripped crimson.

I cupped water in my hands and splashed it in my face once more, turning the water pink. My head ached and pounded but I had to be quick. He would be waiting. And if I took too long it would get him mad.

I grabbed a black makeup bag hidden under the sink and spilled its contents. Most was for this but the eye shadows and lipsticks were for when guests were over. A dollop of pale cover up was applied to the cut, erasing the evidence. Then more under my eyes to hide the exhaustion that never ended. More to my cheeks and a dust of blush to put some life back in them. My shaking hand grabbed the black tube of mascara. This was his favorite. I unscrewed it and applied a thick coat. He loved the doll like look of long lashed. He liked fake thing. I was his fake thing. His doll. After spreading the makeup evenly I took the powder and brush.....I staked at face before applying it and finished my disguise.

My appearance changed. The ghauntness disappeared and I appeared healthy. It was a lie. A perfect lie. Tears ran down my swollen cheeks as my body collapsed to the floor.

I tucked my knees to my chest as I willed the tears to go away. It would erase my work and reveal what I was. Broken. Useless. Starved. With shaking knees I stood once more and fixed the damage.

What was life outside of this world? Is happiness real or was that a fairytale. A dream. Yet my dreams were filled with heartache and drew me awake, either crying or gasping for air. Are there good dreams?

BANG!!
BANG!!
BANG!!

"Dylan get moving in there! You know I hate to wait!"

His voice was venom. Corrosive enough to rot my being to the core, draining every ounce of happiness. A choked sob escaped my lips as I looked at the door. To go out there was a death sentence. But there was no other choice. And I was my own warrant. Issuing the sentence every day.

I grasped the metal knob and stared at the white paint chipped door. Nothing I ever felt was colder then that knob. That knowledge that beyond the wall was torment and you were willingly walking into it. But there was no other way....he was the only way. I turned the knob, stealing my breath, heart racing, and exited the safe haven.

The room was dark as it always was, the only light sources being the moonlight shining through the curtain and the dim light of the television. He was on the...our bed sprawled out leisurely as if the yelling and beating I had just endured 10 minutes ago never happened. And sometimes I questioned if it did. But the smashed vase on the floor and cut on my cheek told me otherwise. The remote sat in his hand as he flicked through the channels casually, dark eyes trained on the program. Those deep eyes that could paralyze me in a second.

"Are you gonna stand there or get your ass in bed? " his voice was gravel

I nodded quickly and scurried into bed, pulling my t shirt over my shorts more to hide my body. Ryan must have saw this pathetic attempt because he turned off the television and placed his rough hand on my upper thigh. My breathing caught as he stalked closer like a lion catching his prey.... On instinct I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my jaw.

His lips trailed up my neck, making my whole being want to vomit. It felt disgusting. He was disgusting. When those poisonous lips met mine I turned to stone. My mind blank. He felt me, touched me, kissed me, did everything to me. And all this time my eyes remained shut and my mind wandered. It wasn't the first. Wasn't the last.

It was late at night now. Ryan had fallen asleep after forcing himself on me. But I was awake. New wounds evident on my body. But even more on my mind.

Slowly I crawled out of bed so he wouldn't wake up. I approached the window and looked out into the moonlit night with envie. I wanted to frolic. Be free. Run. But I couldn't...
Why can't we? My wolf asked from inside my mind. I searched for an answer. He would be mad. He would kill us. We couldn't. He would......
..I didn't know. But freedom. Never once had I had such a will. Such a need to be free. Where would I go? What would Ryan do when he awoke alone? But what about us? What about our happiness? We matter too... My wolf argued. A new adrenaline filled my body. To be free. To run! It seemed too good to be true. Guards would try to stop him. But if he went out the window....it was a drop but...freedom.

I turned back to Ryan then took a breath. For freedom. I jumped over the edge and tumbled down onto the snow covered ground. It all happened so fast after that. I was bleeding but free. I breathed a cloud of fog and then did what I've dreamed of since I came into this hell. I ran. And kept running. All night. All day. Night. Day. Night. Day. It was a blur. I was loosing blood. Exhausted. Hungry. Soon I collapsed and everything slipped into a pleasant darkness. Warm. Inviting. Blissful.