Rylan POV

Why he rescue me? Why he didn't just let me die? I wouldn't have a second strength to muster the strength to attempt second suicides. I scare and shame to face with my son as I have set a bad example for him. I lay onto white bed with Ivan snoring near me.

Somehow, seeing the man lying near me make my heart skip faster and in peace. The throbbing heavy pain disappeared the times he sealed his mark on me. Gosh, the mark pain sent a shiver running down my body to the core. The feeling was different from the one I shared with Alfred.

I touch the mark and it still sends the wave of shiver and electric current to my entire vein. Ivan moans and moves slightly in his sleep as I caress the mark. It as the mark can use to control Ivan body. What if I use the mark against him?

Argh the evil me still want to surface again. My face is blushing when notice I wore the oversize clothes that hold a heavenly scent of mate that keep loving the weak me. I watch the calm wave of breathing up and down the chest beside me. His skin color drastically changes into better look. Is this how powerful once mate close to each other? What will happen if both of party seals an acceptance as a mate?

I'm a sinner for both of person equally important to myself. If rejection is hurting then what the degree of pain, I had granted to them. Why Ivan never gives up from chasing me? Why he endured the pain of rejection over and over? I don't quite understand about the people in love plus sharing the mate bond.

I'm naïve and it is understandable. I may have fallen in love with Alfred but the love we shared was half of the love that Ivan showed me. How I want to face Allen? I feel ashamed, as I have harbored the nasty word just to ward them off. No matter how reluctant I voiced it, I should not ever mutter those hurtful words to him.

I need to throw away the egoist and proud. I need to restart myself to turn a new leaf. I need to ask forgiveness from Allen. I don't want to let him take my word as a serious one. I need to make an explanation the meaning behind those hurtful words.

Argh, I feel the surge longing to hug my baby boy. I gently push the hand that circle around my waist, slowly walking out from the comfortable bed. I went to the bathroom. I saw the ugly reflection of myself in the mirror. The wild beard decorates my face. When the last time I trimmed my face? The crack lips and messy hair bed.

Nonetheless, the very thing that attracts my sight is the fresh mark on my neck. The beautiful mark that means I belong to him. An absolutely belong to him. The mark had successfully erase the old one. I trace the mark and shuddering from the sensation, it had caused. I know the mark is half done because it didn't involve the sex intercourse. The mark only to improve the healing rate after I foolishly failed attempts the stupid suicide.

I take the spare toothbrush, brushing my teeth, but still can't tear my sight from the mark. The mark seems like half completed me in one and another way. After a long deprive slept and depression finally I got a ways to follow the ray of light. Should I follow what my heart desire most? Were the things will get better? Would he keep love me in sad and happy days? Do I better enough to be his life partner? Time. Yeah, I need a little more time to sort of the thing, to observe if my choice is correct or not. The choice doesn't involve us only, but Allen as well.

But resistance wouldn't be the crucial matter anymore. With his mark proudly embed in my neck the outcome had been sealed. I don't have any choice but to stay close to him or I will become the one who is slowly killing him. Another thing if I leave him, I either becomes the target to other because an alpha's mate is a favorite target for those bad werewolves. I don't want Allen to lose anybody of us anymore. It is enough for him to only one through that tragic death.

Argh, I really miss my baby boy. How is he? Did he resent me? The tears stained face of him on that day still freshly picture in my mind. How come I become so heartless to ditched him aside just too drunk in my own misery and indecisive world?

Ouch... Ouch... I shrieked when the shaver slash my chin. That is what I get when I was daydreaming while holding the sharp tool. A soft chuckle attracts my attention. I turn around to see the persistent mate of me standing at doorframe with an amuse smile graced his face.

My heart thumping hard as I see he advances in my direction. He slowly pulls the shaver from my hand, thumb up my chin and gently running the shaver on my face. I close my eyes savoring his finger running on foam shaver across my cheeks and chin. The feels enough to make me drunk and craving his touch more.

I came to my sense when he rinses my face. The reality hit me twice as hard when I almost stood in scum level. I mean this is Alfred's house. The house that filled with our sweetest moments and the starting point of our relationship. At least, I need to respect him even if he had departed from this cruel world.

"I know I messed up but take a chance on me. I love you so much I can't just up and leave. Please don't let this thing come between what we have. I want you back, Munchkin. Please give me another chance..." He catches my hand and forces me to face him.

"I can't... I... Alfred..." I don't know how to explain to him in simple but worth for him to hear it.

"I don't care if Alfred roots so deepen in your heart, I don't care if you can't love me like you love him. I just need you to accept me and I will prove myself worthy for your acceptance. Please I need you to stay beside me. And, I'm sorry for marking you without your consent." I can feel his honesty through the mark.

"I... just can't." he grips my shoulder tightly with close eyes.

"Give a try, please." My heart swells tightly with his painful plea. I don't know how to respond to him. "Don't worry, I won't force you to accept me immediately. What I want right now is for you to stay close to me and our son. He need you... both of us need your presence... at least try to accommodate with us. And, don't push Cedric aside. He is an innocent party here..." He releases the griped and walked out without waiting my reply.

The tears make it ways pass the rim of my eyes. I let the hot drop running down freely as if to manifest the crying heart at the same time. Please Ivan, please understand I just need some more time to settle the demon inside of me. I want to take your offer but I feel disqualify and scare that I will get the negative result again. Happiness is just not my thing in this life.

I turn on the shower and let the cold water to calm the tremor in me. The pain makes me feel numb to the cold water that fall on my skin. I don't know how long I was under it until I feel the water running out. A pair of warm arms shook my body harshly.

"Damn it, why you always take me for granted. I have said I never want to force you, so rest easy. It is a simple thing, Rylan. I just want you to stay close to me." He said with tears stained face. His eyes glassy because the never ending water circles in it.

I didn't respond upon his replied, watching him silently take off the wet clothes from my body and dry me. He wraps the towel and drags me out from the bathroom. After done changing the clothes, he say, he needs to get back to his pack ground. I feel relief merely for one second before he drop the bomb that say he will take me there too. No argument, is needed. Such an ass alpha. I just think to have some time for myself to think everything carefully. Now he didn't give me any privileged to have it. I only can sigh to show my protest as I had lost a strength to bartering with him.

For one, I want just follow the stream of fate that had been bestowed to me. I want to know what it have gifted to me in the end of my road of life. I'm too tired to struggle against it. No matter what I am just a weak human that don't have any power to fight what had written in my fate.

More or less than three hours, we finally arrive at the pack ground. The pack member giving me bewilders curious looking. Some were giving me the honest smile, some were disgusted with my look, and some were just being ignored. I eye around to find my little boy but disappointed when Ivan told me, Allen already taken out by his parents to their close relative.

For the first time, I take a good look around the big mansion front me. The house has the capacity to have over three hundred occupants. A soft chuckle cracks my own thinking. I clear my throat and follow his step up over the plight of stairs. He is humming a kind of song as he carries some of my stuff. This house so big but didn't have an elevator. What is there have any an emergency case?

"This mansion have three elevators, but I like to take a stair to sober up a still drunkard mate of mine." I glare when detects a smirk plastered on his handsome face.

"Oh yeah... then I expected a good liquor in this big mansion." I humorless reply him. He just stares unbelievable toward me.

I silently walked behind him; from the close observation, I can tell he had loss quite lots of weigh past few years. I don't want to say it caused by me. I feel a great sadness washed over me that I almost hit his back when he suddenly stop.

"I don't know what you are thinking right now but I can feel your emotion suddenly drop down. Do you by any meaning don't like this pack house? If yes, then I can bring you to my house instead." He carefully eyes me. I just shake my head to reply him.

When we at the third floor, he decide to take an escalator to getting upstairs. He must want to shorten our walking time. I glance over his figure and battling either this is a good or not decision to stay here. I want the best option for my son, so I need to tolerate with all this condition.

"This is your room. Press your thumb here to registering it in pack system." I put my finger on the screen when he busily enters the required data. The door opens when he acknowledges my thumbprint.

"This is a fully furnished room. If you find uncomfortable with any color or furniture, you are free to remove them any time. Just filled out some document and you can make over the room again." He put the key card on the table and sit my clothes bag on the nearest recliner.

This room is rather looking like a private condominium rather than a mere room. He bring me to every nook of the house, telling me how to intercom each facility department in case I need any help. I wonder if the alpha suite is where he lived with his ex-wife. I inhale a long air before exhale it when I feel a big lump in my lung.

"Oh, before I forget, actually this room is connected to my room through walk in closet. You and I will share the same closet actually." My face contort when he tell the last unexpected part.

He turns into another direction with a hurt flash in his eyes. "So, yeah, that's all I need to tell you. Get some rest before Allen gets back." He disappears behind the walk in closet door. I open the bedroom door and get into the soft mattress. My body and mind feel so much tired to process anything else.

I choose to take a little nap before confront my boy. I need to resolve the misunderstanding I had created. I need to set everything straight again. I close my eyes and let it bring me to dreamland. I wake when hears the loud whistling, for minutes I confused where I am but then the last memory before I slept coming and light all the confusing matter.

I wash my face and finish my business in the toilet. After that, I walked to the balcony and saw a group of pup running happily through the football field. This pack is really big and wealthy. The security also top notched to provide total safety to the pack member.

I turn toward the door when hears the ringing. I open the door and crouch down immediately when see Allen is fidgeting outside the room. He avoids from staring straight at me. I take my boy and caress his back softly as he hiccups in my embrace.

"Papa, please don't leave me alone again. Please bring me with you no matter how much you hate me." He speaks in between a low whimper after cool down from the suffocating reunion. I nod while bringing him to my bed.

"I am sorry, Allen. Please forgive the stupid me." He is shaking his head viciously.

"No... whatever papa said was true. Because of me, Daddy... daddy died." Tears are freely running down his cheeks.

"No Allen... your daddy dies as a hero protecting his precious son. Don't let his sacrifice going in vain with the way you are regretting his sacrifice by beat yourself. That was not what your daddy wants you to feel." I bring the crying Allen into my bosom, letting his vent off all the bottling feeling he had stored.

He calm down after quite a long crying and whimper. I rain a kiss on his face and whisper the soothing word when his eyes start to close. I put him on the mattress and going to take a bath. I swear not to let my boy suffer again.

A week passed since I moved here. I avoid meeting the pack member and Ivan even though he had come visiting me at least one per day. His visit only messes up every thought I have. Allen refuses to move in with me. He wants to have his own room and space. What annoyed me the most when Ivan always plan a family outing just to force me outside.

The family outing only consists Allen, Ivan, Ernest and me. Ernest is a talkative boy but Allen just wears a bore expression and rarely speaks during those small picnics. I can see he despises Ernest and ignore the other boy. However, that won't break Ernest from keeps talking to him though. I admired the boy encourage to make a friend with my stubborn son. I feel strange because the usual Allen was friendly and have lots friend either with pups or with schoolmates.

He really changed after through that bad experience and keeps himself isolated. And for me, I still hardly firm in my decision to avoid talking unnecessary thing with Ivan. I know he is keeping the guard on me in case I still want to run away. I sigh when it is true that I still not sure either to keep my life here or run to end of the world. I want to forget everything. But in the same time my heart keeps chanting Ivan's name.

I am not less than a whore who changing the man when night is coming. A knock at the door wake me from self-degrading. I walk lazily toward the door and slowly open only to reveal the man I feel ashamed to face. I wear a bore annoying mask to signal that his visiting is unwanted.

"How are you? I glad that you consider in starting over with Ivan." He smiles while self-invite sitting on the bed corner.

"Oh please I never said I want to start over with him. I just want to get close to my son. You and your relative mean nothing to me. All of you can go to hell. Stupid selfish prick."

"Oh I see... I love to see the fiery look back in your eyes. Those eyes befit to be this pack's Luna. So, I think that my visiting is unwanted at all." He stands up again while pat his pants.

"Luna? For the fuck sake, I am a genuine guy and have never intended to change the gender. So your cousin can go and fuck any whore outside to entitle as his whore Luna." I spat the word to his face. "And, don't do it is your business to meddle with someone matter. You never taste the feeling of being used and cast aside like some trash." A pain and hurt emotions is flashing on his face before he turns to another side.

"Yeah... maybe... but as a fellow parent, I just want to prevent you from taste the feeling of losing." He inhales a long breath before continuing; "You need to accept your mate for the sake of your son. He needs both of you to guide his future. As a stranger, I already see a depression and withdrawal signs have infected your son. He may laugh and talk to you nonstop, but do you think you know what exactly in his heart?" Ralph said in sadness voice I ever heard from the usual easy going him.

Ralph walks to the window and opens it. He leans on the windowsill, staring outside like a lonely figure. He looks like on the verge of tears.

"Don't lecture me about what I shouldn't do or not. I will decide myself what I want. You're lucky to have a devote mate that accepts the whole you without any discrimination." He bitterly smiles as if to mock the statement I just muttered.

"I know what you had tasted. I know the degree of rejection pain and when the one you loved most look down on you. The feeling of totally alone when you were pregnant and delivered them without the presence their other father. The feeling of losing someone that lifted your spirit in darker time. I do feel it. I hate my mate so much that I never intend to show his pups to him. So much that I had destroyed my daughter only wish to meet his other father. But, that child so understanding that she could everything in her own, hide her own wish to make me happy. Until in the end, I can't fulfill her wish even when I had come back to his dad side." What is he talking about? Wasn't he mate treat him better and so romantic?

".... Until now, I still ask myself if I do back to my mate soon, will I can avoid from losing my daughter. I can avoid from sacrifice an innocent girl that I considered as second love. I think I'm strong enough to protect my little family. But I'm not good enough without him. The proof when the hunter killed my daughter." I see him wipe his cheeks. I never expected behind his easy going attitude there was a dark secret and regretted he kept carrying around.

"It is up to you what you want to do or what you have decided. Just don't take a wrong path that makes you regret for your lifetime. Ivan can protect you and your son. Think about your little boy first before you follow your stubborn mind." He walks out of my room.

I slump onto the recliner processing each word I just heard. Honestly, I will die if I am losing my only one son. His word like an ice bucket that thrown in the midst of my messy mind. It had cleared the path that I scare to step in. Ralph is right. I need to prioritize my son over the past. Recently incident had proven that Allen needs a strong guardian. Given the situation Ivan is right choice to guard his safety.

He may have rejected me, but then wasn't I am same too? I keep pushing him aside, calling him for the convenience time and blame all the faults on him. It is me who worse than him. If my mind serves a right memory regarding the past than it was not alone his fault, it was mine too.

Because, Allen wasn't a product of rape. He was created under the love pretext. Yeah, I admit the first time I saw Ivan; I had already fallen in love with him. The love in me keeps increasing each time he came to visiting me. It is not an illusion at all because he at that time was exactly same with now.

I still remembered all those beautiful electrical blue eyes brimming with love in whatever we talked about even for most boring topic. He treats me like a real lover and I didn't detect any fake in his action. The love he showed me was the pure one from the bottom of his heart. Same goes to the pair of purplish orbs that keep behaving like lost puppy love whenever it replaced the blue ones.

Both of them sincerely loved me at that time. Maybe Ivan never intended to stretch the feeling but when we kept meeting in an odd way, he slowly falls for me. I know the bond we shared also was a contribute factor. How should I explain? I feel a great battle in my mind to choose between him and my late husband. Between the desire and morality. For fuck sake, my late husband just passed away just few weeks ago and here I am battling to accept a new man.

I startled when feel sparks on my hand. Ivan kneels fronts me with glistering eyes. I really didn't notice when he steps into my room. His face fills with sorrow emotion.

"Mate, is me, Cedric, Ivan's wolf. Sorry for sudden an intrusion, I had knocked and called, but didn't get any response. I know my foolish human had made you suffered enough to forgive us. You have a very right to reject us, to hate us or to take revenge on us." A sad whimper passes his throat.

"I can't decide yet." I say that earns a hopeful stare from him. I just realize the one front me have a pair of purple eyes means that he is really the wolf. "Where he is?"

"Sleep inside... I put him in sleeping mode when he refuses to give the control to me. He insists to fix our relation because he felt it all his fault. He wants atone his sin for you and me." Cedric leak a true smile. Now, I know where my son got his beautiful dimples.

"He is a fool." I smile when caress the man's hair that rest on laps.

"You know each night he would woke up in middle of night just to make sure you are still here. He have changed lots since you left and met you again. He flood me with heavy emotions of regret and sadness as he vow to protect your happiness. Then, yes, he is a big, big foolish alpha ever." Cedric add that earn both of us burst in fit laughter. "By the way, why Ralph rushed out with red crying eyes?" Cedric is curious looking straight at me.

"Mmm, I said he never tasted the suffering I had through during the rejection period." I guiltily confess to him.

"I think maybe the foolishness truly run in this family DNA. Ralph is a nice guy and yes, our cousin indeed rejected him. They separated for ten years when Ralph was going missing. One day he just appeared with a set of triplets pup. Supposedly, the quadruplet but his daughter died in hunter's hand. " Cedric tells me.

"I need to apologize to him."

"If you think so... but I think maybe tomorrow is better. Right now his mate who coaxing him." Cedric is giving a mischievous look.

"Cedric, can you shift? I want to hug you." I said in small word. Cedric look me with happiness shone in his eyes. This beast wasn't the one who fault. He is just a victim here being bound to human.

Immediately, he gets into his feet, standing straight while his back facing me. Therefore, this wolf also has the decency. He slowly removes the T-shirt that revealing the mouth-watering abs following by the jeans and finally the last piece of clothes on his body. This man really has the perfect sculpture like Greek's God.

Then, I hear the breaking bone when he gets on four. Soon, the man replaced by a huge wolf yet loving wolf. He licks my hand that send a thousand sparks through my body. I throw myself on his stomach where he put the gigantic paws on me.

Truthfully, he is twice bigger than Alfred's wolf. I comfortably sit myself with him. We talked through the mind link about the thing that was going on during the separation period. It is cute when seeing the big bad wolf in jealousy when I tell how I met Alfred and so on. He also tells me, how he was always goes against whatever stupid thing Ivan want to do and childhood life they shared together.

I feel comfortable and calm that I never taste before, the very soothing that put always all misery in my life aside. The omega come and delivers the food bow slightly to their alpha's wolf. Cedric asks me to finish all the food when he just patiently waits me after refuses to eat together.

A/N

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May this Christmas be bright and cheerful and may the New Year begin on a prosperous note. Thank you very much for every soul that doting their time to read my stories during this year.

Please comment and vote is the chapter pleasing you. J Good Night.