IVAN POV

The more you dwell in love, the more it will take your insane. That is what I have taste now. Rylan still is stubborn with his decision to leaving me. Allen's condition was far worsen after hearing Rylan's statement. I understand he still in sadness after losing his husband, but he had no right to blame it on Allen.

Allen never wished nor did he want to be kidnapped victim. If he knows everything will end with more grieve, he will think that die in the hand of the rogue is better than alive shouldering the scornful look from his papa.

The kid's spirit had left his body. He became soulless kid and keeps hidden in his own room I given to him. Thankfully, Ernest can accept my son as a sibling. I am glad that Ernest never gives up on trying being friend with Allen.

He has not given up when everything he said only result a zero replied from Allen. I always spotted Allen keep staring into blank space. He never says anything and closes his mouth completely. We also need to force him to eat.

However, sometimes, I caught a longing glance in his eyes whenever he spots Rylan. Since the incident, both of father and son avoid from meet or talk to each other. It is really sad considering how they displayed a beautiful love bond before.

Allen also refuses to talk about the kidnapped incident. In addition, he didn't remember me as his savior. He became distant and complicated boy each passing day. Nobody knows what he had thought inside of his mind considering how well he covered his feeling.

He also avoids from being in same space as his papa. Do not tell me he actually overheard our conversation the night Rylan awoke. It will become worse if the kid starts to isolate himself from others. I need to talk with him again. I need to get his trust to step into his shield.

I knock his room but nobody reply so I invite myself in there. The boy sits on the chair while sink in deep thought. He jumps when I touch his shoulder. His eyes wander around the room like deer caught in the light.

"Mind if I join you here?" He just ignores me as usual. "How do you feel staying here? Have any progressing become Ernest's friend? He really hopes you could be his friend," Somehow, he grits his teeth when I muttered Ernest name.

"I don't want a friend. I don't want to live here. Leave me alone. Your adult is a big liar." He vicious wipes off the tears.

"Liar? I don't understand. You know, son, I am willing to become anything if it can make you smile again. You need to be strong to become your father pillar. You're the right medicine to get your father out from his depression." I try to persuade him in subtle ways.

"But he doesn't want me. He..." Tears are wetting his cheeks. I used my thumb to wipe the tears stained. My stupidity rejection had lead the innocent child suffered something that shouldn't have been tasted in young age.

"Come here, son." Without delay the boy land himself on me while crying hardly. It is better this way than he had built up the tension from inside.

"Shh... give your father some more times to revert to his old self. After all, you're only the jewel in his heart." I am rocking the small body that still sobbing mess in my chest.

After a few minutes, he stops the crying and looking outside the window with the vacant eyes again. No emotion displayed on his cute face. The boy takes a lot resemble of Rylan except his nose and the pair of eyes.

He is a beautiful kid with leader aura. Allen didn't resist when I carried him to the outside. I want the pack member to start taking his scent. Otherwise, he is bound to be their Alpha in the future. Since he was coming here, Allen keeps himself in either the bedroom or the dining hall. He never steps outside, even for one.

I see many curious eyes want to ask the question, but bite their own tongue after I warned them last night. When the time is right I will announce to them who the kid in my arm. First, I need to work up to let Allen getting use with the pack member.

I instantly know that half of the pack's members already hit the jackpot when they assume Allen is mine. Certainly, bringing your son stirred up a strange feeling within you. The mixing feeling of the pride and joy. Feeling that I never have before I meet and getting in touch with him.

I know I act like some an idiot right now, keep grinning nonstop to no one. I bring Allen to kid playground, put him on the swinger, and swing it. He didn't protest nor mutter any word.

"Mind I ask you something?" I tried to catch his attention again.

"Hmm..." He said while use his leg to keep the swing on and on.

"Do you want home schooling or to go to the school? The option is yours to choose." I glad he didn't push me out.

"Home schooling." He looks at the soil.

"Okay, baby." I smile upon his answer.

We come back after the sky start painting with an orange tinted. He didn't resist or flinch when people get close to me. I am so proud with how he learns to conduct himself in front stranger and act brave. He didn't show any negative thought except being aloof.

We reach home and my heart was weighing again. Allen curious peeking after I let out the heavy sighed. I decide to spend the time with Allen and noted to myself to confront Rylan tomorrow. We need to settle everything soon. The more we delayed it, the more distant we are.

Allen gives a bewildered look when I follow into his room. I smile on his mixing emotion that display on his cute face. For a second he disapproves when I did not stop from the step into his room.

"Mind if we sleep together tonight? I want to catch everything I have missed during our separation. Can I?" I give him a puppy eyes.

"Hmm... maybe. But please don't touch me in sleep, uncle." I see his chest frantically up and down as if he fears something. Don't tell me they indeed have raped him. I clench my hand tightly.

"Okay, I promise." I give him my promise. It is hard when in the same time I need to contain the angry Cedric in my mind. He blames me for giving an easy dead to those ruthless rogues.

"I want to take a bath." He said in a small voice. My heart is screaming to know the answer behind his scared to other people touch. He may act brave but I can detect his sweats hand was shaking slightly if someone approaches us.

"I can bath you, son." I tried my luck to break his defensive wall.

"No, I want to take it alone." A purplish orbs answer me. I put my hand in surrender to the growl pup. I know his wolf had surfaced to protect him.

I need to get use because my son was an exceptional than other pups around his age. He is special and maybe stands equally with Kai's kids. I want to introduce him to them but unfortunately, the crazy couple have a family reunion with Ralph's family.

I wait nervously with every tick of the clock. It passes an hour before Allen emerges from the bedroom. He had to wear a complete pajamas looking at me like deer caught in the spotlight.

"Okay, Allen, dad plan to take a bath with you earlier but unfortunately I was unwanted so now I need to take it alone." I fake a sulking mood.

"Sorry, Uncle." He said while nipping his small lips nervously.

"At least call me as a dad." I tried to bait his mood.

"Okay, un... dad." His word makes my eyes brimming with happy tears. The feeling was indescribable by any word. Without thinking, I take him in my arms, crying in the nook of his neck while he stifles his body.

Cedric was howling in happiness. It may a small step but the result was so big to us. At least we get our son back. Thanks moon Goddess for bringing him back to us. After a few minutes, I let him go. I take a relief breath.

"Forgive for my uncalled hug." I said bashfully.

"It's okay." He walked to the mini library connected to his room.

I take it as a cue for me to back to my room. I meet Ernest halfway back to my room. I invite him to take a bath with me, which make him delighted accept. I wish Allen would react just like Ernest. He stills a small boy that should explore more in a kid's world.

After bathing and dress up, I invite Ernest to sleep with Allen but he politely declines because he had promised to sleep at my parents' house. Since the case with his mother out of our concern, Ernest have been mature that make our love for him become more.

I pat his hair, mind link the warrior to escort Ernest to my parents' house. I walked to the kitchen and glad when Myra hand me the tray of food. Myra is an omega and Ernest babysitter. She also had a hard time to get close to Allen.

I bring the tray to Allen's room. As usual, Allen will sit near the window and stare outside. He jumps when I touch his shoulder. His eyes dart around the room with fear cover his small shaking body. His reaction awoke the sleeping anger. They had inflicted and trauma the innocent kid with their wicked planned. I need to find out from Ralph why the hunter wanted my son.

"Allen, this is me, your dad. I will protect you from all the danger. You are alright now." I cup his face, wiping the fresh tears.

"They killed daddy, he didn't deserve the torture. It was all my fault." He sobs uncontrollably in my chest.

I take his small body, carried him to the balcony. Allen's depression will cool down when he takes a fresh air. I rock his small body and sing the song 'I believe in Angel'.

https://youtu.be/aeXhe7rpmyw

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder (wonder) of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
Oh yeah
I have a dream (have a dream), a fantasy (fantasy)
To help me through (help me through) reality (reality)
And my destination (destination) makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness
(pushing through the darkness baby)
Still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
everything I see yeah
I believe in angels
(I believe in angels )
When I know the time is right for me
(time is right for me)
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream (oh yeah), a song to sing(song to sing)
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder (if you see the wonder) of a fairy tale (of a fairy tale)
You can take the future even if you fail (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see (everything)
I believe in angels (yeah)
When I know the time is right for me (right for me)
I'll cross the stream (cross the stream) - I have a dream (have a dream)
I'll cross the stream (cross the stream) - I have a dream
Oh

I glad he had calmed when the song ended. I bring him back to the room and place him on the chair. First, he refuses to eat, but his stomach growling loud, that make him blush and avert his eyes. I nudge the spoon at his lips.

He takes a small bite and almost to puke when swallows the food down his throat. I can guess what he had imagined about the food. The tears trick to get out from my eyes. I had set an appointment with my friend the specialist in the kid trauma department. I need to bring him in there by next week.

After done dinner, I let him watch the cartoon but I can see he not interested in what displaying on the television screen. I just let him have his own space. I switch off the television when it reaches the bedtime. Allen follow me to the bed with wary step.

"Which side you want? Left or right?" I ask him.

"Right." He replied shortly.

I smile and let him get onto the bed right side. He curled and tucked the blanket over his small figure. I take the bedtime book and read to him. Judging from the way he moves his body I know he like to hear the story before sleep.

He sleeps at the end of the story. I watch him in sadness while fist my hand in anger. God, recently even small matter can get me mad like madman. After the accident, I never give an easy dead to the rogues whom trespasses my territory.

The thought makes me hard to fall asleep. I turn right and left but my eyes still fresh from any sleepiness. When I almost close my eyes, I hear Allen trash viciously. He keeps muttering 'don't hurt my daddy', 'don't touch me.'

"Allen, wake up, son." His eyes fill with water.

"Daddy, daddy forgives me. Don't leave me." He hugs me.

"I forgive you, baby boy." I repeatedly whisper to him until he falls asleep again.

That thing had completely wiped off the sleepiness in me. I lean on headboard as I put my son on my chest. I take the IPad and scroll the news or whatever shows that can take my mind off from going rampage.

*********

I groan when hears the knock on the door. However, the knock didn't stir the sleeping Allen. I mind link Terrance as he scent drift in my nose.

Come in. – I said through mind link. He grinned when watched the scene in front his eyes.

Aw, the sight so beautiful. Wish I have a camera with me. - He uses the mind link to avoid disturb the sleeping Allen. At least he had some conscience.

What make you disturb me early morning? - I avoid from talking about unnecessary things.

About today's schedule and the hot rumor flying around pack member. - He shrugged when sit on the chair.

What about it? – I nonchalantly said.

WELL.....One, they say Allen is a product of your flirting around. Second, some said Rylan is your mate and other said he is the wrecker of your family and so on. – I sighed because the baseless rumor that not far off from the truth.

I need to correct them. – I firmly said.

Yes, you are right my great alpha. – He uses an annoying sissy voice as if to provoke me.

I don't know either you are complimenting or criticize me. – I rolled my eyes when detects a big smirk on his face

Take it in whatever option that can please you. - I shake my head when he tried to caress Allen's hair.

I can sense a great alpha wolf inside him. – He said making my chest puffing in proud.

Yeah, you are right. And, I will train the omega group this afternoon. You can train the warrior. – I agree with him.

After a while, he excuses himself when Allen woke up. Allen gives a wary look and snuggles close to me. His fears of the adult kind of making me worry. He lost his collected self after last night nightmare. Why didn't Rylan mention the crucial like this to me earlier?

"Good morning, sweetheart." I smile to him.

"Hmm, good morning, unc...dad." I won't tired hearing the word for the rest of my life.

"Thank you, son. What do you want to do today?" A smile still decorates my face as I ask him.

"Nothing.... Maybe read." He says while playing with his fingers.

"Okay, son. If you ever feel boring just ask people around here where is my office. I will be there until this noon. After that, I'll going training the omega after that." He nods and I kiss his head. I glance over him before exiting the room.

After taking the morning bathed, I groan when seeing the pile of file on the table. The omega brings my breakfast to the office room. I ask them to bring something light for Allen and Rylan too. Thankfully, the dear father had sorted the document from top urgent to small case.

Terrance joins me not long later. He takes the medium urgent files. The pile of the file only takes a few hours than I had expected earlier. The room becomes neat again and Terrance grins when seeing I was restless.

"I don't know what to do with a stubborn mate of mine." I need to share my problem with someone to calm myself.

"Just show him the modest and loving side of you." I glare when detect the mockery tease in his advice.

"Be more serious, Terry." I groan when he laughs like maniac person.

"You are unbelievable so cute Alpha. Can't help from tease you." He pause a while before make a fake cough. "... Try giving him some more time, Ivan. He just lost his husband and still trapped in depression. Once he in clear mind, approach him and tell him the danger that will approach your son. He surely will take priority on his son's safety and that can open new door for you to court him again. Just take a slow step for now." Terrance advises me once his laughter dies.

"Our time is running out. We can't wait too long as our mate close." I could feel Cedric devastated inside of me.

"At least you get him within your radar, buddy. Cedric certainly can understand it. You can last for five years when he disappeared, so why not you just wait a little more before getting him in your embrace again." I nod try to absorb his advice.

"Okay." He pats my shoulder before he went to observe the training. I check an email and carefully read them all. I left the office when I had settled everything. I took the time to have a lunch with Allen. I bring the lunch to his room and shock when spot the purplish marks around his face and hand.

He quickly hides the marks and averts his eyes. I place the food on the table and quickly walk close to him. He retreat from me, I take his hand and lead to the table. Cedric wants to know who cause the harm to our son.

"What is happening? Who beat you?" I stoically ask as I use antiseptic to clean the purplish marks.

"No one... I fell down from the staircase." I know he is lying but stop from asking him more.

Who have beaten my son? – I send a large mind link to all pack members, patiently waiting their reply.

After thirty minutes, Myra came and informed that Allen indeed fell from the staircase. Cedric and I finally can calm down when Allen stiff on his chair. I will have order Myra to take a good care of my son in the future and inform me immediately if something happen to him again.

Allen silently finished his meal, I gather all the empty dish and ask if he going to join me but he just shake his head. I ask him to take a bath and rest. I feel strange when the bruise doesn't heal immediately. He grabs one of the storybook from the shelf and starts to read it.

I pass the dirty plates to Myra and walk to training field. The group of an omega had gathered there with jokes and mock fighting. I clear my throat to get their attention. They give a full attention when I explain the training we are going to do today. They nod in understanding get to their position. I want them to fight in human form with the weapon they are compatible with.

I let they choose the familiar partner and encourage them to fight with someone that twice from their strength level. My grandpa was the one that invented the strategy to use an omega as a last shield to protect themselves and pups. Some omega indeed surpasses some warrior.

The fight later on begins after I whistle the signal. I watch the mock fight intensely, for both parties; offensive and defensive. Suddenly, Gina, my cousin jumps on my back in my back. She was half-naked and grinned like an idiot.

"I hear you had brought your mate and son over here. When you want to introduce them to me?" She pouts when I throw her on the soil.

I turn around when I detect the intense stare. I caught Rylan on the balcony with his eyes fix on Gina. With the heightened eyesight, I can see his eyes harbor a hatred. What is going on? Then, I chuckle when my mind crack the puzzle. He was jealous when Gina throws herself on my back in half naked.

He shift his eyes on me later, immediately run inside the room when detect my grinned. His action had lit a hope in my case. That proof I am already invading in his heart. Deep inside his heart, he still loved me like the old times. Oh, god I am so happy.

"Ah, someone is getting struck by cupid love arrow." Gina whistles grabbed unwanted attention from the fighters. I want to struggle that little girl's neck but she had disappeared. After one hour, I ended the training.

My heart is pounding hard as I walk near his room. My hand trembles as I knock his door. He opens the door with solemn face. The excited feeling I had earlier dropped the moment I saw his reaction. Maybe I act hastily to bring our relation to the next step. However, I really cannot drag it anymore. The more we close, the more I need to claim him as mine. I fear I will lose him for the second time.

"What you want again?" He said when I step into the room.

"I think it is a time for us to discuss our relation." I sit on the chair waiting his next snapped.

"No. I want to get out of this shitty place soon. You can keep your spawn anyway." His words really slash my heart. What if Allen hears what he said just now? The kid already broken and the word can shatter his world completely.

"Listen to me, Rylan. Allen needs both of us to complete him. You have a responsibility to shoulder for our son wellbeing." Without thought, I shake his face harshly as if to push some sense inside of his stubborn skull.

"For your information, I had done my part from the day he was created in my freaky womb till now. He is your responsibility from now and onward. And, I want to get out latest by this noon no matter what. If you try to hold me that mean you're willing when I abuse Allen." Is this the same mate whom I saw lovely and caring our son when his husband still alive?

"No, I wouldn't let you go for the second times. I had my lesson the first time I thought you had died. I don't want to go through the hell again. Can't we try to repair our relation? I beg and will patiently wait for you." I can't think anything else, begging for his mercy to patch our broken hearts together. My inside ache and bleeding over and over.

He pushes me after my heart feels heavy to let him slip from my embrace. I need him. I need him for the lifetime. I may have vowed to silently watching his happiness from far. However, his husband dead had broken the vowed. I won't hand over him to anyone else.

He push had break the hug. I stood still when I see him race to the door. No. it can't be. He wants to run away from me again. I hastily follow his step and harshly grabbed his hand the moment he wants to open the main door.

"I won't grant you any permission to get out of my land." I said firmly but that did not make him react at all. He just stood here, in front me with the spit of hatred.

"As if I care. You mean nothing to me and I had nothing to do with this mutt pissing territory. Am I clear? I reject you as my mate." He said in clear heartless mind.

Soon the heavy pain bombarded my heart. The pain causes of hard breathing and making my move sway right and left. With blurry eyes, I saw Rylan figure becomes far away. I muster the inner self to absorb the pain.

When I can steady my breathing, I rush out only to witness Rylan another cruelty. He pushes our only son around, hurt the child feeling, and make the child cried as if his world already damned. Because of the heavy emotional and ringing in the ears, making me can't catch their conversation well. Just every word he mutters invites the big tears from Allen.

I watch as his push Allen and I catch him before he landed in the mud. The raining had started falling on us, but nobody wants to take shelter. They want to watch how the drama folds. I don't care how my people judge me. I don't care if they degrade me. I just know I want my mate.

I grabbed his arms but his viciously shook me. I kneel and plead with all my might to softer his heart but everything is vain. I watch as he silently walked away, leaving us. I can feel all the strength left my body as I am fighting the faintest symptom.

I want to growl when Terrance gives a bunch of key to Rylan. The tears fill my eyes when the car's engine roars leaving us in total despair. Allen shifts and follows his father, but shift back to human form. He still weak to hold his shift at the moment. I feel an emptiness and void from everything.

I walked like a walking corpse toward my son that sobbing on the mud. He so heartless to deafen his ears from hearing his son pleaded and cried. He can hate me wholehearted but please don't leash his anger on Allen. The boy still tried to adjust himself and overcome the trauma he had through.

I gather the wailing boy in my arms, walking in heavy rain to my personal cottage. My heart had died. He had killed me without he notices it. I'm tired, so fucking tired. Maybe it is better if I just let him go wherever he wants to go.

I really can't think anything, anymore. My mind blank, my heart emptied, and void from any emotion. I bring Allen to the bathroom, to wash the dirt while slowly cradle him. The sounds that accompany us are his sobbing and droplet water.

One week passed without anyone mentions his name. Allen becomes more and more isolate from anyone. He completely shut himself and the counseling produce the negative result. The therapist told me, Allen didn't cooperate even for tiny things. He just mute and free himself from any emotion. The damage had already done. The innocent kid had been dragged into the chaos by his stupid parents.

My life becomes dull with endless pain attack every second. The headache also becomes worst that sometimes make me black out. My time spend either with the children or pack matter. Allen's eyes become vacant and he pushes Ernest each time he tried to get close. Two days ago, the fight broke between them, resulting my parents take Ernest to their home.

Ernest apologizes nonstop saying all the fault was his. In addition, Allen just gives a wicked stare as if he looks down on Ernest. That was not Ernest fault. The thing bound to happen when Allen has fallen into rogue's hand. He snarls at everyone including the omega.

Resulting the rest of the whole pack's member feel worry to let their children near him. The hush going on said Allen like a rabid animal when he attacks others. Just this morning, Mariah, a daughter of Mary runs to me with a gash of the wound on his forehead and swollen cheeks.

She said Allen attack her when she invite to play together. Luckily, Terrance was around there and stopped the fight between them. For that, I had put him under room arrests. Being my son doesn't grant him any privileged to run from any problem he had created.

He just stood still and mutes when I asked the reason for bullies went around. I don't know how to deal with my own son. He was an exact stubbornness copy of Rylan and me. I chuckle inwardly when the childish thought enters my mind.

I smile when spot Allen read the book while eating the food. He put down the spoon when my scent hit him. Immediately, he stops eating and push the food in the middle of the table. I can't register what emotion playing in his mind. It like he had so much power in controlling his emotion and mind.

As far as I can tell, Allen more likely suitable as a lone wolf than pack's alpha. I can see clearly how people scurried away when he step outside. He can't form any bond to others people. I block myself when hears Cedric whimper for missing his mate.

Cedric's emotion drifts as waves of heavy pain rumble inside of my chest. I groan when the pain assaults me again. Allen stares with concern but wipe off the emotion when I glance over him. The runaway of his father completely broken himself, trigger the brutal side in him.

"Baby boy, what can I do for you to revert back to your old self? I want you to smile and politeness like the old time." I sighed while caressing his thick mane.

"I want my daddy and papa back. I want them, not you, or anyone else. I swear I'll kill all rogues when I'm an adult." His eyes flashes dangerous with a concrete determine. The barely reach six years had been talked to take peoples' life like nothing. In the end, Allen had chosen an option as a feral wolf.

That is a result of torturing he had through when captured by the rogue. God dammit! We are really late. If we couldn't take a right measurement, Allen will drift off further from us. The feral alpha is a tenfold worse than normal one.

The problem is Allen never taking the first step to open up himself to the therapist I had appointed. Moreover, he has a strong control over his own mind. Even hypnotic haven't any effect on him. Maybe Ralph can help us considering how he had compounded Allen's mind last time.

Seriously, I had lost the right mind. I can't think straight and lost an idea how to re-educate my own son. Goddess, please give me some strength and guide for me to move forward. At least to stay alive to the people who really need me. I am willing to be the slave to those people whom in need me rather than slave to unrequited love.

A/N

Hey guy, sorry for the late update again. I hope this long chapter can sated you for the time being because maybe I need to delay from update the next chapter too. I have to do some research at rural place that the internet was out of the question. Back to old ages, I think. Hahaha Btw, thanks for all those lovely comments and votes since the day I have posted the prologue until now. Good Night everyone.