Rylan POV

Recently, I keep feeling the pains over my whole body. I don't know what the cause either. My sleep also filled by a nightmare. The nightmare about someone dead, by someone I mean Ivan. He dies countless times in my nightmares. The thought about it did not sit very well with me.

The rogues attack becomes more and more fierce with each passing day. Until now, we still can't locate their hideout or true motive. Since the day Ralph warned, I have been careful around Allen. I have changed him to home schooling even he did protest.

Every time, Alfred stepped into the battle, I feel restless because his healing ability start showing deteriorates sign. According to Miranda, this was due the losing of his mate. Two days ago, Albert had severe wound when defended the pack territory. Fortunately, his heal kicking faster because he has a true mate beside him. The world begins to spin in wrong turn.

My skin also paler as if my body didn't get enough nutrient. I never neglect my health but it still didn't improve even after I take the supplement. Last time when I got into this when I was pregnant. I'd tried the pregnancy test but the result was negative. Did the rejection sign start kick off?

"What you dream of, babe?" A kiss landed on my neck.

"Nothing, just am thinking about some business matter." I kiss his left cheek. "How about the rogue issue? Any improvement?"

"Not yet, but we have received some disturbing info this morning." He sighed and taken a seat beside me.

"What news?" I put my hand on his hand.

"Ivan just relayed a news about the recent attacked at his pack. The attacker had annihilated his patrol team in cruel ways. Albert is in his ways to Ivan's pack for further information. What I know Ivan in unstable emotion. He was seeking a vengeance upon his patrol team dead." He hugs my waist.

"Aren't that is a dangerous thing to do? And he is an alpha... what will happen if something goes wrong?" My heart was beating crazily upon the thought. I try my best to calm myself.

"Yeah but I can understand his emotion when it involved pack's member. And, his pack was priority bond over everything meaning they were so close like a big family." He said with an awes flash in his eyes.

"And, I'm thinking the rejection from his mate make him feel like the shit and not care about anything else anymore. He didn't think about himself safety like the mates couple. In simple word, he doesn't care even it is costing his life because nobody waiting his return." A guilty displayed on his calm face.

"Not your fault, Love. He deserved it..." He stares straight into my eyes as if seeking the true answer.

Did he really deserve it? Have everything I do to justify my revenge or for my love to Alfred? I confused now... confused by how the fate played his part in our lives. Not the fate but the choice I'd make for myself.

Will I feel the regret if one day I get the news regarding Ivan dead? I don't know the answer yet because right now my heart filled with anger and disgusted toward Ivan. Even the pull mate can't erase the feeling I contained in my heart.

But, the small voice in my head said it will too late if we ever feel the regret after he dead. Does he really love me as he claimed? Or, does he just to complete himself as a werewolf? Our last encountered also look shallow as if he was hide something from me.

"Babe, are you okay?" Alfred studies me carefully.

"Yes, I'm." My voice sound so small to convince him

"You're not." He tilts my chin up and shows me a wet fluid his wipe from my cheeks.

"Don't worry... I'm sure his cousin and pack's member will keep him in check. I mean, despite his attitude to you as his mate, he is kind of a beloved alpha for his pack." Alfred takes me into his embrace.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to think about him but the bond within myself keeps me thinking about him." I helpless writhe in his chest.

"I know..." He said.

The room filled with a silent treatment. I don't have any mood to talk. Alfred takes the television remote and played some comedian segment that earned both of us laughed like a crazy person. The segment was a good distraction for our gloomy moods.

********

I'm still in a daze when I opened my eyes. I don't know when I got to slept and Alfred have moved me to our bedroom. Shit! I have taken almost four hours naps or rather deep sleep. My body in an exhausted conditioned. I decide to take a bathed and plan to visit Albert's house, to pick my son. I'm sure Alfred also was there getting an information from Alfred.

After bathing and dress up, I walked to Albert home. The pack ground still in noisy with adults and kid's laughter filled the air. They waved when spot me walking to Albert house. I spots Allen was playing with his cousin under Alfred's parents watched.

"Where is Alfred?" I frowned when didn't see him or his brother.

"Oh, Alfred still has some discussion with Albert." Miranda said while watching her grandchildren.

I get inside the house, greets Albert's wife and walking to his office. My heart beat in some indescribable way. I stunt in my feet when I hear Alfred shouted and curse that was not like himself. I got close to the office and was lucky when the door open slightly.

"Ry has made his own decision to chosen me over his mate. That was his sole decision, not mine. So, I wouldn't hand him over to his mate again." He said with a hard tone.

"Oh I see... let me give an example. What will you do if you're in his shoe? I mean if your mate still alive. Will you choose Rylan over your mate?" He was silent. Somehow his silence make my heart hurt.

"No! Our situation would never be same. I know my mate and his know me too so the rejection will never happen. Of course, when the rejection never happens, I would not fall in love with other people." He said in distraught.

"I didn't understand, Bro. Do you still think Rylan as a second choice? Your mate replacement?" Albert asked again.

"No! I love him as himself. I met him after I lose my mate so replacement never happened." Alfred said determined.

"What if you already married and then you mate appear? What will you do? Do you hold the same conviction to honor your husband or choose your mate?" Albert still was unconvinced.

"Not in hell, you know my mate already dies." Alfred shouted.

"Just answer my question, bro. What if you lead a different fate? My question is IF..." Albert voice was high like a boss he is.

"I... mmm... I will choose...." Finally I felt Alfred defeated by his brother question. Sadly, I can't watch his facial because he back face me.

"You can't answer it, right? Because you have know downright that you will leave him and choose your mate instead." Alfred slumped in defeated.

"Yeah..." his small answer slices my heart. I still am not match to his mate. The question I fear to ask when I married him and now I have gotten it without tried to ask.

Lord, how foolish I'm here when I know the mate to werewolves is a sacred bond. They would never try to avoid but long for it as they reached the certain ages. What I need to expect? There is nothing at all. He doesn't belong to me from the start and if his mate still alive, I sure he is never batting an eye with me.

"I know you love him, brother. However, I just feel sympathize with his mate too. He looked like a walking corpse this morning. His health condition mirrored to your husband or maybe worst. Two days ago, he was infected by hunter latest weapon. His wolf can't recover him as us anymore." Albert tapped his office table.

"... You know this sign, right? Ivan appeared strong in front Ry and you, but he just condemn himself in the process. This might his way to atone his sin. However, do you think he deserves to shoulder it for the rest of his life? I don't think he ever choose anyone else to replace Ry again." Albert continues to add his two cents thought.

".... And, the elders have made decision to mate him to powerful mateless female alpha from somewhere if he didn't present his mate soon." The news shocked me the most.

I slide down into the floor. What Albert said was not wrong but he didn't taste what I have tasted. I know I couldn't let Ivan to punish himself through the life, but the think of him getting together with another person also didn't sit well within me. It's confusing and greedy for me to have two men. Like me, they also don't want to share their beloved one.

"Al, as your brother I want the best for you, priority you happiness and so on. Ry had made your life become much happier after losing Max. I don't want to be your happiness obstacle, but someone is dying after his mate rejected him."

I couldn't bear to hear the rest of the console and sobbing story. My life was mine to decide. If Ivan was dying that is a fruit from his own decision. I can be selfish as him for denying us a long ago. Therefore, I'd chosen the rejection as a way to end everything around us.

Afterward, we are free to start our life as we please. Yeah, I need to end everything for one and all. After this, nobody will come between Alfred and me. Nobody will blame Alfred for married someone else mate.

I ran to home forgetting the first intention I had when I'm going there. Why life always tormented me? I believe I have obtained the happiness but it is all fake. In other word, we just licking each other wound, him for losing his mate and me for being discarded.

I slammed the bedroom door and locked it. Why he is still haunting my emotion? Why he can't let me live as I please. Why he had given up on his life for me? Why? Because I'm his mate? Because I have his heir? Or, because he truly loved me. I don't know and I don't want to seek the answer. Something was better to keep as a hidden as long as we can sail our life smoothly.

"Babe, open the door, please." But, I was so tired to stand up. I just stare the door blankly. "Babe, please open the door. I'll force open it after three count."

Honestly, I don't want to face him right now. I don't want to force my love on him. Love? Did I really love him? Please door, please don't let him break in. I shouldn't show my weaknesses to him. However, my pray just vain. He breaks the door after the three count.

"Babe what happens?" He wipes the teardrop on my cheeks.

"Noth...ing." My voice chokes in throat.

"Did you overhear our conversation? Mum said you were there a while ago." My silence confirmed his question.

"Babe, listen to me. I would never leave you.... Just ignore whatever crap Albert talked about." Alfred cradled me in his hard chest.

"Will you leave me if your mate still alive?" I finally let out the long stored questioned. His face's color change when the questioned reached him.

"Babe, my mate already dead." He caresses my face but turn around.

"Just answer my damn question. Will you leave me or not if your mate still alive." My scream resounds around the room. I pull off from his hugs, lean back on the bed.

"This is hard question... You know how precious a mate for the werewolf, right? Therefore, yeah I'll choose him or her over everything else. I'm sorry." The shamed yet honest emotion displayed on his face.

I broke into hysterical laughter. I should've prepared myself to face the answer. He isn't my mate who thoughtless reject me. But, how about my pride? I just cling into zero hope.

"Babe, don't think unnecessary thing. My mate already died before we met. I'm available the day we met and I swear to love you as long I alive."

"What if your second mate appears?" This time Alfred was the one who laughter like crazy people.

"Second mate? Not in hell... if I was fated to meet them I've already felt it after losing Max. But, here I didn't feel anything, my wolf condition also declines by passing years." Alfred presses our forehead together.

He grabs me up, led me to the bed, and place me in between his legs. He cradles me slowly. The sound that accompanies us is our own beating heart and the clock's ticking.

"I want to break the mating bond quickly." I said motionless.

"When?" His body tense a little bit.

"Tomorrow."

"Let me call Ivan first to confirm." I hear the called connect and grab the phone from Alfred's hand.

"Hello? This is Ivan." The hoarse voice speaks in another line. My heart was beating crazily when his voice was booming in my ear.

"Hello?" He sounds annoyed.

"Hi, Ivan is me, Rylan Nightshade. I'm calling you about the rejection ritual we need to..." I pause when I feel my heart clenched tightly. "To be done quickly." I continue. I hear a muffle and heavy sigh in his side.

"Mmm, about that... when?" He breathe become heavily like an asthma patient.

"Tomorrow if you free." The line goes silence for almost one minute. "Hello?"

"Can't we postpone to next date?" I can hear plead in his voice.

"No. I mean I want to end it soon. No more delay excuse." My voice was higher than I intend to.

"Okay, tomorrow at four p.m. in my pack." The replied voice was rather sad with the choking sound before the loud and repeatedly coughing.

I try to speak but can't mumble anything. Alfred caresses my back slowly to calm me. The coughed, still heard, but my body doesn't want to stop the call or speak any word.

"Oh my god, why are you in the office? You shouldn't wake from the bed yet till you get the permission. Ernest calls your grandma now." I hear the rustling sound but can't guess what it is.

What happen? I get up from the bed and take the sit at recliner. I bite my lips from sobbing and praying nobody end the call. Alfred's shoulder slump before he walked out of the room. The second the door closed my tears run out like a broken dam.

The tears keep flowing out heavily even after I have wiped it a few times. Please! Please, someone please speak the current situation happening over there. I need to know. Why I didn't hear any replied from him except a harsh breathing.

Please don't let anything bad happen to him. My knees close to my chest, I used another free hand to cover my mouth and place the phone close to my ear for dear life. I need to know. I wanted to know his situation.

"What happen, Terrance? Oh my god! No!" A woman cried in the line. I feel like my lung when to rip open.

"I don't know... when I arrived he with someone on the phone line and keep coughing. He refused when I tried to remove the phone. Even Cedric came forward and snarled at me. He was having a fix attack and bleeding from vigorous coughed and scratching." Terrance as I known was his Beta speak to woman that I suspect his mother.

"... The pack doctor on his way, ma'am." He told the woman. Then the line dies. No, this is not happening. Why the lines need to end in crucial time? I tried to call the number a few times but it all direct to voicemail.

Half an hour later, Alfred comes in with a hog chocolate mug. I smile faintly to him and pretend everything was fine. He reacts with the same smile to me without question why I distance myself in middle of called. I can't show him an erratic feeling I felt now. This is unfair for him when I had sworn my loved only reserved for him.

"Is everything, okay?" He led me to the bed again.

"I guess yes..." I give him a hesitance answer.

"So, we need to sleep early, babe. You need to get a full rest for tomorrow." He pulls the quilt to cover our bodies.

I know I never can get any sleep when my mind and heart screaming any news from Ivan. Therefore, I need to do something to distract myself. A perfect distraction to ease my worried heart. I turn around and face Alfred. He opens his eyes as if he knows I can't sleep.

"Don't tempt me, the naughty husband." I laughed when I feel his member start hardened against my palm.

"So, what is the problem if I indeed tempted my beloved husband?" I run the tip of my tongue around his lips.

He gasps when my hand cups his member. His eyes darkened before he flips above me. I still grab his semi hard shaft and gently stroke over it. I could see the rising lust inside his dark mossy green pupils. I use my tongue teasing his hard nipples. He shuddered above me in a pleasant mood.

Deep inside my heart, I feel a guilty start eating me but I ignore it and the tick of small alarmed. I wipe off my mind from unnecessary thinking, solely giving my fullest attention to please my husband. The pleasure has successfully kept me from thinking about Ivan.

A/N

Sorry for the late update... I'm not feeling well since last week and suffered hard coughing too. huhu Please enjoy the chapter even it's filled with Rylan confused feeling. I think he is going insane like me right now. hahaha.