Ivan POV

If Terrance and Kai did not appear on the right times, I may as well need to say goodbye to my life now. The area splashed with the red colored liquid that some of it still pouring out from the dead corpse. The last rogue's body fell down on the earth after his head severed from the body.

The dead bodies lying across the ground were beyond recognizing. The innards gushing out from the stomach, the severed bodies' limbs, the fleshes, and poking bones from freshly wound. I laughed in hysterically saw my own deed art.

In the pure rage and deep sadness, I have made a very reckless move to fight with a group of rogues. The madness and anger course thoroughly my veins, clouding my better judgement. Moreover, for the first time I lost myself in pure enrage. The sight was so horrible and deed already done.

I won in alone fighting but I feel nothing at the same times. My left hand was barely intact to my flesh. The bloods were still gushing out from the raw wounded areas. I feel numb in indescribable pain. I couldn't move even an inch and the wave of thick blood keep spurt out from my mouth. The healing rate also slower than usual, a sign of rejection start kicking out again.

We had already lost him for good this time, buddy. It's laughable how our decision seem reversible this time. - I whisper to my wolf. He can leashed all his anger on me now.

Sorry I cannot heal you this time. As you should know the rejection starts making its move. – He said in totally defeated.

We need to stop pursuing him if we can out from this death claws. – I groan when try to move the badly wounded hand.

Yeah, I think it is better for us to stop pursuing him. No matter how badly we loved him, he never responds to us like other mates should be. He totally different and unique in his own ways nor the weak mere human as we thought he is. – Cedric smiles faintly that make my heart clenched in guilty.

You and I for the first time getting into agreement. If he is happy with someone else then let he be with the person. His happiness is our happiness too. This is the new form we can show our love to him. – I laughed bitterly.

What about our son? I want to sniffle him closely, want to hugs, and nudge him. Want to running freely across our territory – Cedric said sadly.

It's may have become impossible right now, Cedric. I have made yet another mistake by punching his father front him. Like you, I also have a great intuition the kid is ours. – The scene keeps playing in my mind. He must suffered a great pain taken two punches from alphas blood.

It was not your fault alone. Your anger mixed with me and that had led to earlier event. So, don't beat yourself alone. I'm confident the kid was our son, Ivan. Really sure... - Cedric tries his best to comfort me.

Hmm... If the thing called rebirth truly happen I pray you will get a new perfect and good vessel that always heed your advice. – I take a long breathes.

Pfft, a good and perfect vessel? Lol, that is the dummy word I ever hear from you, my good for nothing human. If I ever get the good human vessel then I will lose all the excitements in life. The life will become boring as hell. I'm a rebellious wolf that need the rebellious human whom can rein my leash. – He tries to joke to distract my pain.

Cedric, please forgive my foolishness and stubbornness for never heed your advice before. Thing became complicated because I ignore your wished over and over. – I cried.

Shhh, it's okay, my human... It's all in the past. You can rest now coz I can smell Terrance and a few familiar wolves closer to our area. We are safe so you can surrender to the temporary darkness. - His word lulls me to heavy sleepy coz by blood lost.

I groaned when I fight with heavy eyelids. I feel like I had slept too long for my liking. My body and limbs feel like glue to bed sheet. I pry open my eyelids only to meet with the bright white fluorescent light. I groan again and slowly open my eyes again.

Where I am? Why the room is plain white? This is not my room and I did not recognize it even a little. My mind still confuses to process all my thought. I turn around and spots the recognizable medical tools; a heart machine and IV drip attached to my body. I can't move freely as if I just been hit by 40" trailer.

"So, it's a wonderful feeling to be a lone hero?" A snickering comment was sound at the room's door.

"Yeah the most amazing feeling I ever taste." I rolled my eyes after replied the comment.

"Care to explain why the most sensible and collected alpha fell into anger?" The eerie tone comes closer to my bed.

"No your business, cousin." I groan annoyed.

"My business right now coz you have owed a big and a big favor from my mate and he just out from high fever after taking all your pain." His word makes my eyes widen.

"Feel more grateful if you just let me die peacefully." I turn my sighted to the open window. A crispy slap echoing inside the room and I bet a hand print clearly on my right cheek.

"Say that word again and I'll gladly send you to Hades feet." He grabs my collar cause me to have a lightheaded.

"Stop it, Babe. He still in sick and his mind couldn't construct a better word yet." Kai released the collar and I slumped into the bed again.

"I truly don't know what happen to you, Ivan. I tried to question your Beta but he had tight lips. One thing I knew was your heroic stunted had put all people close to you fell into grieve. Your mother fainted and your son wailing nonstop." Kai pulls his mate on his laps. I feel a pang of jealousy waves seeing their loved each others.

"What happened? Tell us... maybe we can find the solution together." Ralph voice gently hits my ears.

"No... nothing can solve my problem anymore. I give up, bro." I sigh heavily.

"What the thing you have given up?" Ralph still questions me.

"My mate... I had given up to pursuing him. I never want to ruin his happiness... at least that the ways I can grant to him as his ex-mate." I feel my words almost choked myself. I'm unwilling to given up but what choice I have right now.

"What? Did he an officially reject you?" Kai shocked by my resolve.

"Not yet but eventually yes. Literally speaking, he had rejected me unconsciously from the ways he's made a decision to not having any related thing to me ever. But that wasn't his fault; he remembered all my filthy deed that even if the hell broke can't pay my sin." I let out big heaved.

"You're in pain, little bro, take your time to rest first. We will talk later." Kai pats my shoulder. For the first time his voice become gentle.

"I'm letting him go... this is my ways to love him my own way. I hope that one day I will get an opportunity to hug my son. Hope he will accept and forgive me for hurting his father." The tears start making its way down my cheeks yet don't care anymore.

"Is he the same kid we saw before? The kid certainty is an alpha... what about your son? I mean the one living with you." Kai carefully arranges his word to not hurting me any further.

"Probably... I mean Cedric and my instinct 100% confidence the kid belongs to us. It is a strange feeling that we never encounter around Ernest or others pup. If my assumption true then I have failed to become their father and only have an ability to put a fake hope on Ernest. He must disappoint with me too."

"He is your son, Ivan. No matter if his mother your mate or not, if he show a qualifying to lead your pack then he had right to claim it as your heir." Kai said seriously.

"No between him and my mate son, Ernest only possessed a few percent of the alpha's blood. He is more to Beta group. On the other hand, my mate son is possessed a true alpha blood." A single tears successful running from my constraint.

"What do you mean?" Kai and Ralph said together.

"I may or not only have one son... and he is living with my mate. Shit! I have made huge messed. Ernest not biologically mine at all." I wipe the warm tears on my cheek. Their face shock and I know they are discuss through the mind link.

"I know the pain you throughout, bro. One day the pain will subside and you will get new happiness." Kai patted my shoulder lightly.

"You make me laugh, Kai. I will carry the pain all the way until death came to visit me." Damn it! I just wanted to share my suffering no to earn their pity.

"You can through it, Ivan. Stay strong..." Their voice drifts off when the sleepiness once again consumes me.

After twelve days fighting between pain and depression cause by physical and rejection, I discharged from the hospital under Kai's pack. My body still sluggish and need to consume the painkiller together with a few description pills consider my healing rate become slower.

I feel guilty when my mum keeps wailing in my chest when I get home. The pack's members also curious to know what the cause but Terrance had dismissed them with a white lie. He told them that I was attacked when we were in middle to scout out rogues hidden place. The pack members take the bait and stop theirs curiosity.

Terrance really a quick witty person that always knows how to get out from the troublesome situation. For the meantime, Terrance and my father shoulder all my work and keep the pack smoothly.

Today I need to attend the meeting at Kai's pack. The treaty meeting to protecting the small and new established packs around here. I get the idea after meeting Alfred. In other word, he had open my eyes about the problem that was faced by small packs. Honestly, we were too arrogant to just sit here ignoring them.

Therefore, I talked to Kai and asked him to find a solution regarding the issue. His mate also gives all the information about the small pack littering around. Kai informed me that Ralph also helped small packs around the world in secrecy.

As a result, we had brainstormed an idea, but I plead them to exclude my name as a one whom generates the idea. I want to avoid meeting them in a meantime, to heal my heart and Cedric. We need a space and time to back to our old self or so.

I never intent to meet him soon after I've decided to give up on him. However, fate always likes to play a game with me. Two week after the nearly suicidal action, Kai and Ralph hastily make an invitation treaty with the small packs around them. It was because the rogue's attacks become more vicious.

I asked them to invite Nightshade pack too because from the rumor, the pack quite had a lot rogues attacks. I worried about my mate and son safety if Alfred was force to back to their pack ground later.

Kai feel suspicious with my eagerly attitude to include the small far away packs into the treaty. Because giving my true nature I never give a damn shit whatever happens outside our region. I brush his suspicious aside.

I make him swear never tell them that it was me who suggested the idea. Let them think I still the same selfish bastard whom always stomped on people feeling. Without doubt, my son also will forever hate me after witnessed the punched I land on his other father.

Great! Really great starting to left a deep impression when first meeting your son, I don't know whether I want to laugh or cry. Either way it is not used anymore. I can see an astounding aura engulf his small frame. I had lost many opportunities to hold my own son, to embrace him, to hear his first word, first step, and everything else. The opportunity won't come again. I'm the loser as a father and mate. And, here I still hope he is my son.

The day was coming soon for my liking. I force my aching body to attend the meeting, hardened my heart resolve and ignore him when we were getting dinner together. I chatted with Alfred like an old best friend. Only God know how much my heart has suffered seeing their chummy to each other. Cedric whimpers inside me but like me, he also had given up to chase our mate.

He smiles in bitter way and tears running down, wetting his fur. I try my best to not showing my true emotion, happily laughter with a bunch of clueless alphas and slutty here. I avoid being alone, scare I will broke my promised. I feel grateful when the day ended quickly than I think. However, it still not near to my comfort zone.

I mean what the hell, Kai put too much trust in newly alphas, to invite them watching the new shift pups. Sometimes, I think he is having a loose screw somewhere inside his mind. God, why we were shared the same bloodline.

My body stiffened when a group of slutty surround me but thank to Ralph interfered making the all slutty scurry away. He dares me to race with the new shift pups. They were a perfect matched from heaven. Easily getting into people annoyed side. Then, another surprised came to my face when Ralph transformed. Holy shit, he really transformed into a snowy white wolf, grinning evilly to my direction. I just ignore him knowing that Cedric can't temporarily shift.

What is a weird couple? I turn around when I feel a tingle on my shoulder. I collect myself to remain stoic when he faces me. I can foretell why his approached me. My heart was bleeding whereas I used all my will to contain myself. Cedric whimpers, gloomy in my mind.

"We need to talk... mmm... by we, I mean you, Alfred and me. And, I want it to be in private." I barely register whatever words his muttering; slowly leading them to one of Kai's meeting room.

I think the situation worse than any hell folktale. Every word and his denied statement make me endure the unbearable pain. The pain shot every nook under my skin. Anyhow, deep inside I still hope that he still reversed one tiny love for me unconsciousness.

Seriously, I almost fall into an empty space. My hearts become numb because numerous pain. Everything was coming out from my mouth just half-hardheartedly replied because it mixed up between wanted to take him and give up on him that equally to reluctance.

But, in between the talks some of the words I muttered was from my heart. That makes the pain become more worst because he keeps denying and pushed me around. I didn't intend to hurt his husband's feeling but I need to. I need to make them fully hate and forget everything about me. I also learnt that Alfred had lost his mate long ago, so he wouldn't hurt or left Rylan for his mate later.

I felt guilty hurting his feeling, knowing I also suffered the feeling of losing my own mate. I shouldn't have muttering the sensitive word about mate front him no matter what the valid reason I have. In the midst of conflict, Cedric push me and surface, I couldn't cover my emotion when I heard Cedric pleas for the last time but like me, he also got denied.

With that he left us, leaving the pack's ground without waiting for the meeting. I burst into hysterical laughed after he slammed the heavy door. This is the right! This is the right decision! I comfort my own bleeding hurt. Cedric asked me to let him hibernate for a while. I just nodded seeing his retreat form. I feel empty, feeling fucking alone all of sudden. I lost my wolf and mate at the same time.

Technically, Cedric isn't going to disappear but when decide to hibernate, it means he will disconnect from me. Stay strong, Ivan! Stay strong for the people who need and depend on you. I clutch my hand till it turn white.

I open the door when the knock got three times. Kai was standing there with sad expression. Without waiting any word from him I lung myself in his embrace. We were both sliding down to the floor. He caresses and rainy a kiss on my hair. I used his shoulder to release all the pent up emotions. I sense his mate close but didn't have any strength to cover my embarrassing side.

"It hurt, Kai! It's fucking hurt, Kai." I whimper on his shoulder. He tightens his embrace and rocking our bodies together.

"Please, Kai, please kill me. I can't bear this pain anymore, it burn me..." I take his hand and plead.

"Dead doesn't resolve anything, cousin. Think about the people you will leave behind. And, 100% I can bet, your mate will spend his life in guilty too." Kai told me.

"Shhh, don't give up, Ivan. I know you're strong like Kai...you can pass this obstacle and start over your life again. We will always back up and support you to through it." Ralph hugged me from behind.

"But it really hurt... hurt too much..."

"Shhh, don't think the pain anymore, cousin..." I feel Ralph was nuzzling my neck before his sink his canine in.

"What the hell, you're doing?" Heavy sleeping assaults me before both of them disappear from my sight line. In other word, I have fallen into the bottomless darkness aka deep slumber.

KAI POV

"Can't you just break their bond, Love? I can't endure seeing him so vulnerable like this." I put Ivan limping body on the bed that he instantly curled into fetal position.

"I wanted to help him too, babe, but this isn't not what his heart truly desire nor his wolf too. Only he can make the final decision." Ralph sat beside Ivan.

"It's too much for him to endure it. One day he may break or turn feral if he keeps taking the pain endless. I fear he may lose himself..." I know the pain he have endured right now.

It was the same pained I thoroughly when Ralph almost slips from me the second times. Fortunately, Ralph still has chosen me as his mate again. However, the thing was different for my little cousin. His mate had made the final decision to end their bond.

And, he have given up to chased his mate not because his valued his pride but it was a part of his nature. Everyone only saw his fake outer facade he wore. They never know his kindness that he always covered with the bad boy attitude.

He always said that he would claim whatever shit he wanted but in truth he only chased them without hurting others. Then, like me, he also scared of shit to admittedly that he mated to male knowing theirs pack like a huge family. He does not want anyone undermine his authority nor disappointed anyone.

When I scold him during his wedding, I could saw a clear answered in his eyes and the ways he answers the question with conflicted an emotion. That was enough to proven that he wasn't completely rejected his mate out of shame.

"At least wipe his pain memory, love." I said senseless.

"Running away from the problem not solves anything, Kai. He needs to build up his strong wills, willing to move forward." Ralph lean on headboard, slowly caress Ivan's hairs.

"What about his wolf? I can't sense it." I said worriedly.

"He just hibernates after taking most all the pain from Ivan. Don't worry his stubbornness was the same level as a Blake." He chuckles softly.

I take a quilt and cover Ivan body until his neck. Ralph turn off the lamp and we were both leaving him alone until he is willing to wake up and face his fate again. Ralph has put a sleep spell that going to follow Ivan's will. Good night, little cousin, sleep well and nice dream. I said before close the door.

A/N

Hi guys, sorry for missing updates again. I wish this chapter could make it up. Huh... Thank you very much for always vote and comments on my story. Btw I'm kinda busy for this weekdays and weekend too. If I have time, I will try to update again but dunno which stories. Keyword 'TRY'. See you next time, beloved reader.