Ivan POV

I feel restless and great agitated all because my stupidity stunted over a few days ago. Cedric also paces inside me with a great annoying and edgy. Where they were going? After a big fought with my mate's husband and I had calmed down, I decided to stalk my mate doing.

To my surprise, their house emptied, so I thought they must go back to their pack or so on. But the feeling turns to dread after three days. I mean where the hell they were missing. I called their pack and disappointed when the Albert told me, he don't know where his brother at the moment.

I pace in an annoying raked myself with a few an answer. God, please don't let Rylan disappeared again. I couldn't bear to lose him. Then, the possibility the child is mine also added a possessiveness of mine. I need them even I have to rip every obstacle in the way.

Honestly, I never feel remorse after beating Alfred. He took the precious person in my life and refuse to handing him to me. Additionally, he was so daring to insult me even it was true. I have indeed made a bigger mistake in my life but come on nobody was perfect.

He should give me a chance to prove myself. However, his word held the truth, I scared when he dared me to ask Rylan own decision to choose who he want to live with. I know the moment Rylan tell his decision mean I need to forget him forever. Yes, I know whom he will choose, it was none than his current husband.

Called me a coward or brutal, I don't care at all. What I really need is my mate and so long I can having him, I don't care what method I need to use. He can hate me forever if that is his condition to be living with me. Truly, I don't care as long as he take me as his mate again. Pride and people view mean nothing to close the gaping hole inside my heart.

Now I know the darkness in love. Love can drive people sanity, love can turn a saintly people to devilish road. Love can turn someone to a murderer and love can make people lose their will to live on.

Everyday, I keep going to Rylan house, hoping I can see him again. My patience was running out. My anxiety start chewed me from inside. I fear that Alfred had taken him and flew into unreachable place. I'm sorry I am such a mess and that I don't always have the right words to say but I'm trying I really am.

Yeah, I'm trying to become his worthy mate, to defeat his husband. I need his forgiveness, but because the fretfulness I just become worst in his eyes. My beta was right, Rylan will become more disgusted with me after the fight I have with his husband.

My beta also gives me a worse solution to becoming friendly with my mate family. How in the hell I want to pretend being chummy with them when jealously eating me from inside. I shot down his proposal on the spot.

For the first time, I feel so hopeless and weak. The worst is when I sense every second my mate fuck with his husband. The burning sensation and indescribable painful assaulted me. If people say 'you reap what you sow', then the idiom truly perfect description for me. I had granted this same woe on my mate once upon a time. Our situation had reversed now.

If I could open my eyes earlier, none of this will happen in our life. Each time, my warrior coming I hope he or she will deliver the news that my mate had come back. But, every time was vain, every waiting was leading to despair.

It's passed one week since I had fought incident. My wariness become ugly, I ignore every one include my son. Terrance had taken Ernest to living with him temporarily. My parents were going to their anniversary trip. I'm really thankful when Ernest has not argued back when Terrance taken him.

I can't face him nor I can show a more ugly side of mine to innocence kid. I can't trust myself from saying any hurtful word in my drunkard day. He is just a kid who had dragged into complete messy life. I know he misses his mum so much but that ungrateful bitch never thinking twice before she disappears.

I also had banned her from step into my territory ground. The Luna title also ripped from her. My pack members keep making a wild assumption but they never dared to question my sanity decision. They know not to step onto a land mine.

On the surface, people see me as a heartless and unaffected by the occasion happened, but from inside I felt so much crumble in sight their scrutinized. I need to explain every truth to them soon. Then, what did I need to present? I'm a failure an alpha to them later. Even the biggest shot Alpha can accept their same gender into their warmth love. But my cowardice rejected him without second thought.

Gosh, the taste of my own medicine was bitter than hospital worst pills. I notice the office door squeak, but didn't turn around to see who they're.

"Alpha, it's time for pack meeting." Terrance informed me. I get up and mindless walking pass him. He grabs my arms, lead me to the bathroom. "At least fix the appearance first before meeting them. Your son also in the meeting. Do you wish to let them see how messy you are?"

"I'm already swimming in deeper mess." I mumble before splash the water in my face.

I saw a beggar reflection on the mirror. The dark circles and a bloodshot red eyes, a wild stubble decorate my face and bed head. Is this the current me? I punch the innocent mirror hard. Terrance burst into the room and shook his head. He takes the first kit, wash the blood away, and bandage my hand. The truth is my healing ability deterioration so much recently.

"Punching the mirror not resolve any problem you have, Ivan. Please be patience, one day we will come up with a great solution on your mate matter. Please I beg you to snap out from this madness. Your current state had struck an angst around the pack member. The older you become more aggressive and strong to take back whatever belongs to you. You're not this weak." Terrance lecture hit the bottom of my self-confidence.

It like Terrance have dropped an ice bucket on my confuse head. The turmoil was quickly disappearing from my mind. One positive thing is I need to find a different approach if I wanted to get my mate again. The silence doesn't mean I will let him go. I take a long breath in and breathe it out softly as if to wash over every negative feeling I carried inside mine.

"You're right, Terry, this isn't like me at all and fire can't fight with another fire. Just keep close to me in case I lose my cool again." I give him a soft smile. He nods we walk side by side.

The pack member curiously eyeing me, as Terrance said they got very wary with my presence. This isn't like the family type pack I raised in. It is more likely everyone was in their best fake to cover up their fear. Damn It! What have I done with this pack?

Terrance pats my back as if he can feel what I'm thinking. I'm truly lucky for having a true loyal Beta like him even I have betrayed him and his family in the ugliest way. I decide to lift off the banner law on his brother soon.

The meeting was currently discussing about the recent strange occurred that involved the hunter and rogue collaboration. It was odd to see they were getting along. For werewolf community the involvement of rogue was a big slap and not forgiveness acted. They have betrayed our communities and bore us naked to the enemy.

Our discussion was length up when the pack members start the question and answer for their safety matter. I had to order them to working in three to five members per group if they had an urgent matter to solve in the red zone.

Thankfully, Kai was faster in delayed the news to all the alphas around here. But the way Kai and his mate delayed the news was a bit odd as if they have a hidden motive. Or they have suspected a mole exist among the pack member.

I make the mental note to meet him again. My instinct feels something of the way Kai told me by phone. The news somehow makes me imagine the worse possibility will happen in the future. I ended the meeting with apologize and feel relief once they forgave my selfish self in one heartbeat. That is why I'm so in love with this pack.

Ernest runs to my way once the meeting ended. He said he misses me so much and promise to be a good boy. He starts telling me about his routine and school day. Man, I'm so fucked up as a parent too. Terrance smiles to our direction before grabbing his mate to their home.

I carried my son to our house. The house that was clean up from any memory of his beloved mother. I'm very thankful to an omega who clean the house neat and throw away all Kayla's things.

I lay the sleeping boy on my bed and chuckle when thinking that this boy will get along with my mate's son. They will become a great buddy in no time. Man, why I'm so dreamer since my eyes got opened up.

Rylan, I'll take you again, will woo you again and will get your heart once more time. You'll become a great father for Ernest too the way you treat your boy. For the first time, I got the peaceful sleep without booze help.

When the morning comes, I wake up without suffering any headache. I let Ernest sleep more and get into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, shave all the wild stubble, and take a long bath. This is my starting point and the result should not to be worried right now.

After that, I cook the breakfast, heard a tiny footstep running down the stair. Ernest flashes his white teeth when I turn around.

"What the breakfast today, daddy?" Ernest hops onto the chair.

"Pancake and hamburger." I said shortly.

He giggles on his seat, stare my back carefully. "Daddy wasn't sad anymore?" He carefully was asking.

"No, baby because I had decided to fight in my own way." I said to him.

"I'm glad you back to the old you." He smiles again. We eat in silence until we finished eating and his excuse himself to hang out with other pups.

If the boy with Rylan is my biological son, then the Alpha title will belong to him. I feel sad because all along I have trained and giving Ernest the false hope. Ernest will disappoint if he knows the truth. I just hope him understanding it one day even I had sworn not to reveal his true background.

I'll love them equally, no favoritism or discrimination. The children a pure as a white clothes, they are in the learning stage. Today, I decide to walk around the town again. I need to get some supply stuff and meet a few neighborhood alphas to delay the message. Terrance will accompany me with some data we just get from Kai's mate. That guy unbelievable has an accurate information for every stuff happening.

We buy all the needed food stock to fill up the safe place if the war really breaks again. After that, we were meeting with the group of alphas and get agreement to having a training and patrol together.

After that, we were stopping at my mate restaurant. Terrance gives me a wary look but I just ignore him and proceed to get inside. We are ordering the food and eating without any word. I try to sniffle my mate out but nil. He still not coming back yet, I think.

"Are you done?" I said Terrance who eyeing one of the sexy waitress.

"Yes, definitely content." He winks at me.

"Don't dare to flirt around when you have already mated." I remind him.

"Don't worry my heart and eyes only belong to my mate. Just right now my eyes a bit naughty." I rolled my eyes after hear his illogically statement.

He punches my shoulder before giving a big tip to the sexy waitress. His mate really has a big endurance to deal with this ex-playboy.

When we get to the parking lot, I spot the man, I have been waiting this past two weeks. My car key slips off from my finger as I watched their intimate interaction. Cedric pace in an ugly jealousy, try to endure his possessive side. My emotions become turmoil again with the inner battle.

I watched as my mate leans on their car and Alfred lean his body on him. They kissed passionately, ignoring the surrounding. My blood begins boiling, despite my mind keep reminding me to be patient. Terrance takes a cautious step to prevent me from taking a rushing decision again.

Without a deeper thinking, I walked to kissing couple, part them away and punch Alfred face. Terrance separates us before I land another punch and kick Alfred. They both shocked when realized who I'm. My mate rushed to his husband's side and glare me with deepen hatred.

I feel hurt when he is siding with another man. Alfred faces me after spit a blood from his mouth. I growl and Alfred retaliate me. But my growled was more powerful than him.

"Why you punch my husband?" Rylan ask in a high tone.

"Why? Because he was kissing you."

"He has every right to kiss me anytime, anywhere without need anyone permission because his is my legal husband." Alfred glares hotly to me too.

"But you're my mate." My chest become tightens.

"Mate? The word was meaningless to me. In the human world, husband/wife was the highest position in love marriage. Unfortunately, you just a stranger to me now. So, stop all this madness and back off from my life. You're lucky we didn't take any charges on you." Every word he mutter was like a volcano's lava that burn my whole body.

He rejected me, he disregard as his mate. The world had almost gotten me into hyperventilation state. I stay still on my food, recover, and calm myself quickly. The thing needs to resolve immediately.

"Back to me, Mate." I plead him.

"No mean no, alpha."

"Please, I need you in my life."

"I would never become yours. You should've known to stop pursuing or force someone who never belong to you."

"You're mine, mate. That is our destinies."

"Yes, the destiny that you treat rejected me over that woman. Sorry, but you mean nothing to me now." He pushes me and grabs his husband. I twirl around and catch my mate hand again.

"No, please give me another chance...please." I don't care my pride now. What waiting me later was the hard punch. Terrance and my mate gasp beside me.

"I'm tired with your tactic and rudeness. You hear it very clear right, bastard? Ry has rejected you as a mate. He does the favor that you asked him a few years ago. So, he was mine right now and don't you dare to get close to us anymore." Alfred voice roar in high pitched.

I saw red when the word leaving his lips. We start to brawling, I sense my mate fear and restless during the fight. I had command Terrance to standing on his own feet via the mind link. Then, without realizing we have punches Rylan when he getting in the middle of the fight to stop us. We saw as he limp on the ground. Damn it! Cedric howls in pain, knowing we have hurt our mate.

No! I kneel down to the shaking Rylan who lay down on the ground. My hand was shaking but another hand swat my hand before I touch my mate. I snap my face to the angry Alfred whom had gathered Rylan in his arms.

"Don't ever touch my husband." He roars sharply.

"I... I don't have any intention to hurt him. I..." I lost my word when I spot a tearing boy behind Alfred. He cries face makes me feel so much guilt and a sharp pain assault my chest.

No, this isn't what I intend to do. I just decided to make peace with them, getting their trust and slowly woo my mate again. But, everything shattered when I couldn't rein my anger and jealousy.

"I...I...am sorry." I feel shame to the boy.

"How dare you hurt, daddy and papa?" The kid shouts before I feel a small kicking and punching. "You're the worst human being, I hate you." The boy still kicking me until Alfred nudges him.

"We are leaving, Allen." Alfred said.

I feel frustrated and remorseful to have disappointed my mate and the boy an expectation again. I become more villain in their eyes and hearts. God, I feel so useless. The mixed an emotions overwhelming my whole being, mentally and physically. I have left a bad image in their eyes, unworthy to become a part in their life.

The collide feeling between Cedric and I had created a big depression. Without thinking, we transform on the spot and run faster as we can.

"Where are you going, Ivan? Stop it and we were lucky nobody here when you transformed." I block the mind link and continue running through the thick bush.

We stopped at the no man land, I give a full control to Cedric and his rampage around it to vent our frustration. Others animal was running away to save their dear life, leaving the area void from any creature. The snapping branch make me alarm, soon the group of ten red eyes rogues appear with an evil grinned.

They have completely lost the humanity side. The own whom control their bodies is a mindless and enrage wolf. The stinking scents, the lolling tongue, the rainy saliva, and deep red eyes were the final stage in their life.

One of them lunge to my direction, I avoid it. In normal situation, I may have avoided from them. It isn't because I fear, but it's for safety matter, no matter how strong you're, you can't reckless fighting with ten rogues alone. That is the warning I keep reminding my pack members too.

But, in the current situation, the anger and frustrated have made me lose the better judgment. We use this opportunity to vent our anger. The ripping flesh and splashing red blood not waver my anger. We still going even I feel like some of the rogue have successful torn one of my hind legs.

The area had been covered up by a great amount of red blood and torn flesh anywhere. It's a more gruesome scene than the heinous act by Jack the ripper. I fell down and breathing heavily when I killed the last rogue. The healing process has also slowed and my mind begins getting dizzy from lack of blood. Great way to die, right? I laugh when I couldn't keep my werewolf form. Maybe this is time for me to let him go. Yeah, that man can give him a true happiness as we failed to give him.

Sorry mate if my existence only brings you a trouble and miserable life. Now, you're free to live as you like. I won't interfere your life again nor I'll let anybody harm you. And, you know what? I only realized how deepen I had fallen in love with you after hear our fake death. Funny, right? I feel like crying forever until my life over. I give up, munchkin. We were mate but we may not meant to live together.

But, it doesn't mean I'll forget you, munchkin when the precious memories of us together for six months are stuck on replay in my mind. Your smile, your eyes. How happy you made me. Even the memories were under my bad scheme but the loved you showed was real. Those were some of my best memories. And, I will never be able to erase them. If I could, I would in a heartbeat. It'd be so much easier to move on.

I'm not saying I'm totally over you because I don't think I ever will be. But I've gotten so much better, I can live, like actually live without you now, and I feel numb to feel anything else. However, I know I still think about you all the time, reflecting my stupidest in the process too. I still miss my munchkin like hell. In addition, I know if saw you again, I wouldn't be able to breathe right.

So, it's better if we didn't meet again, munchkin. You already have a great man to supporting your life, caring you more than caring himself. I love you much munchkin, so much that it ripped my heart when you keep rejecting me, watching you happiness with someone else. But don't worry anymore, munchkin, I'll keep it all in myself. This time I'll keep it safely in my heart. And, I'll try to be happy as long as I know you're in higher happiness. That is my promise.

I love you, munchkin!

I love you, munchkin!

I love you, munchkin!

I love you, munchkin!

I keep chanting the phrase until I surrender to darkness. The darkness that has a power to soothing the wounded me, the pitiful me. Munchkin, I love you forever and ever.

https://youtu.be/BmErRm-vApI

A/N

Have a nice weekend, friends. Sorry, for another late update. Thank you so much for all the votes, comments, and new follower. So far, I still manage to keep this book under the normal chapter unlike The Cruel Rejection. Hehe

Important Reminder:  If you such a Nazi grammar, please avoid from reading any of my stories. I hate to mute people, and lose concentrate to write the next chapter when someone comments about that grammar, this grammar. It kill my good mood to writing any chapter.  :'(