When I got out I stood at the side of my truck waiting to slap the shit out of stupid little retarded Raven when she flew by playing airplane. As I was already bored ASF anyways I looked up, and something even stupider slightly caught my eye.The sweaty face of Duh Derrick behind the wheel of a rape van trolling for talent thru the parking lot at a high rate of speed. As soon as our eyes met ...he immediately lost his shit in mid jack attack.

I suddenly heard the sound of screeching tires across the parking lot. It was a high-pitched screech, the kind that becoming painfully louder instead of going away. The tires locked and squealing against the brakes, and then the rape van was like totally spinning stupidly across the icy parking lot right at Raven's dumb dancing ass.   

The sudden rush of adrenaline spiked right thru my skull and seemed to make my brain think things much faster ...but not really any better. All these unwanted thoughts about things bombarded my brain all at once, like a lot of thoughts fell thru my brain like rain. So I struggled to fight back the sudden wave of thinking things, because that shit hurt way to much for my head to handle. 

Then I saw several things simultaneously all at once ... 

First freaky ASF Eddie was standing a couple of cars down from me, glaring at me in horror. His twisted frosty face stood out from all the sea of forking faces, all frozen in the same mask of WTF. But of more importance than his stupid face was the dark blue rape van that was starting to skid straight at me. And the only thing between me and that rape van of death was the stupid little frosty forktard dancing around the parking lot.

Then amazingly, just as the rape van was about to impact that idiot, the little retard danced right out of the way just in the nick of time. So now, of course, it was coming right at me, instead of killing Raven like it so should have. And the rape van was going to smash right into my truck, and I was standing between them. 

I had one of those almost outer body drug experiences, the kind where everything suddenly got very sideways. Like the way it does sometimes when you mix Midol, Nyquil, and way to much weed and can hear your own heartbeat in your head. Then things were moving in super slow motion, and I was able to absorb everything in blurry detail all at once. I barely had time to close my eyes, just before I was smashed like a bug. 

And right at the end, just before I was about to die, all I could think was:  "Oh my God, I was gonna die a virgin? What kind of karmic justice was that shit! What a total waste of all that yoga that went into making a fine piece of ass like mine. That is so totes wrong of you God!"

Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the rape van folding around the back truck bumper, something slapped me super hard in the ass. But oddly not from the direction I was expecting, but from behind me. I spun around sideways like a rag doll and my head cracked back against the truck door, hard enough to make the fuzzy dice in the mirror spin around to snake eyes. Then suddenly I was dragged down, swinging my ass sideways, and I was down on the icy ground. I felt something solid and super hard on top of me pinning my face to the pavement. 

But I didn't have a chance to think any more thoughts about this because the rape van was still sliding sideways right at me. It had curled around the back bumper of my truck and, still spinning and sliding, was about to collide with my fine ass.

"Mutherfucker!" I called out to my mother at the last second. 

"Actually I prefer virgins to MILFS...just saying." Said in a stupid singsongy voice was impossible not to recognize.

That particular piece of stupid made me aware that someone was on top of me. WTF was this frosty fucker doing pushing down on my ass so hard it hurt? Then I realized that maybe he was mad at God too and wanted to attack that ass just once before we both died. And to be honest, as much as I really did not like this evil little asshole ...I kinda couldn't hate him for this final act of kindness.

"Thanks for the thought..."  I sighed sadly.  

"Check this shit bitch." A pale white hand shot out protectively in front of my face, and smashed a deep dent in the side of the rape van, and the van vibrated to a stop a foot from my face. 

"What the actual fork..."  I droned dully hardly believing my own eyes. Probably cause my eyes had lied to me way too many times before to be believed.

Then his hands moved so fast they blurred, or I was still blurry from my concussion. One hand was on the body of the van pushing it up away for my face, and the other one was right on the back of my butt gripping hard enough to hurt. A loud metallic thud hurt my mind, and the van settled back down to the ground, onto the asphalt. Exactly where my ass had been, until just a split second ago. 

Everything was absolutely silent for one ass long second before all the screaming began. Then all I could hear was everyone in the parking lot shouting shit. But more clearly than all the forktards screaming in horror, was evil Eddie low, evil voice in my ear.

"Is your ass all right?" He pushed up on me hard, like he was gonna hate-hump me real fast, right there on the spot. 

"My ass is fine ASF. Now get off me, you stupid psycho." But my voice sounded super strange and shit, almost as if I was being nice or something?

I tried to sit up and slap that bitch silly, but realized he was holding me down with an iron grip on my ass. And there was a part of me that was really liking the firm grim grip he had going. As if my fine ass was the most important thing in the entire world to him ...and he was never gonna let that shit go. Like that old marriage owners slogan, "you can have this ass back when you peel it out of my cold dead hands".

"Be careful stupid, I think you hit your head pretty hard." He smirked. "Not like that is anything new for you...but still."

"IKR?" I tried to shake off the sense of that statement, but then I became aware of a throbbing ache centered just above my eyes. I felt like the mother of all migraines was about to erupt in my mind. And even more thoughts were trying to invade my brain and take over. 

"Wait ...how in the hell did you get here?" I trailed off, trying to get my head straight. "Weren't you like just standing over there. So how did you get over here so fast?"

"Duh dumbass ...like I walked over here in between blinks?" He said, all like no-duh. "You know, while you were doing that long internal monologue you always do? All about your boring thought things that no one cares about besides you."

"No way, you were so not walking over here ...cause there was like no lame slow soundtrack." I roll my eyes. "And there is always a lame slow Euro trash song in the background when you strut around."

"No, I was totally walking and then I pulled your dumbass out of the way."  He smirked.

"No forking way." I set my jaw.

"Please, just try to be cool for once in your stupid waste of a life." 

"Why the fork should I?" I demanded. "I mean other than the obviousness of my awesomeness?"

I shifted to sit up, and this time he let me. He finally released his hold around my tight ass and sliding up on me as far from me as he could in the limited space between the vehicles. And I swear he was about to dry hump my leg like a bad dog. And what was weirder than getting groped by the guy was that he looked actually concerned or something. His normal evil expression was sort of not as Evil ASF,  ut horny as all hell. I was disoriented again by the force of his blood black eyes, looking super lusty and shit. 

I tried to get up, but Eddie's hard hands pushed me back down again.  

"No ho, just keep your fine ass in place for now." He commanded my obedience, in a way that I wanted to obey ...and then kill him for making me want that.

And there was a part of me that was really responding to all this macho bullshit he was pulling. It was almost as if I wanted him to slap me across the face and tell me to "snap out of it ...or else."  And as much as I hated it, there was a part of me that really wanted to know what the "or else" he had in mind was. 

"But it's sooo cold." I whined rubbing my boobs absently. Where the hell had that come from? What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I want to enflame his loathsome lust for doing really bad shit to good girls like me?

It didn't surprise me when he sucked in his breath all suddenly super turned on. There was an edginess to the sound of his sucking ...that I sort of started to remember ...something. Maybe it was my brain damage but the blood in his eyes seemed to blaze brighter. He unleashed the full, devastating power of his baleful eyes on me. They turned dark and stormy ...with stormy darkness and dark storminess ...as if trying to communicate something crucial. But before I could think of the next trashy thing to say there were people all around us saying stipid shit.

I could hear the older voices of adults arriving on the scene. But I obstinately wanted to hold on to my moment, and I don't even know what that SAT O-word even means. Which is so weird when you think about it. Cause since when did I start using all these big S.A.T. words and worse using correct grammar in my mental monologue? Did I suddenly just get smarter or something? Like that one time, I bought one of those thesaurus books about dinosaurs at a garage sale by accident. Or more supposably ...I think maybe I hit my head harder than I thought?

So I tried to focus on the one thing I knew I was still stupider than I was. The evil little frosty freak hovering over me.

Wait, what was I mad at him about again? Oh right....my aching ass.

"What the hell, you hit me?" I suddenly snapped getting my bearings back.

"Oh yeah. I totally smack that ass and saved you." Amazingly he sounded like he was trying not to laugh at me. "So you owe me some sex stuff...and I will tote collect on that debt." 

Then his expression turned hard, like he was not going to take no for answer. And my mouth got a little tighter than before, cause I remembered owing the cable company money and that was totes not cool with me at all. I so did not want to be getting phone calls at all hours of the morning reminding me I had a bill to pay, again.

But before I could say, "Hell not!" he quickly disappeared over the truck bed, like he was never there. Leaving me laying on the ground holding my boobs and looking sticky, broken and confused. 

And thats how they found me. A huge flock of forktards with tears streaming down their faces, all shouting at each other, and shouting at the driver of the van ...Duh Derrick.There was a sudden flurry of activity around me or lots of people caring about the only thing that mattered ...me.

"Get Derrick out of the van! Let's kill his forking ass for almost killing the Queen Bee!" Someone shouted, I think it was Angel or maybe Ninja. 

"Yeah, string that asshole up by his balls!" A flock of furious forktrards agreed. But then again there were a lot of forktards shouting stupid shit.

But before anyone could kill Duh Derrick, I heard the sirens coming now. Which must have scared off the majority of my minorities. Because suddenly I didn't recognize anyone except the teachers when the first ambulance arrived. 

In the end, it took six football players and two teachers ...Teacher Sex Science and stupid Hippy Dippy to shift the van far enough away from me to bring the stretcher in. I almost had a flashback of the first day of kindergarten when they put a short bus special Ed bicycle helmet on my head. I vehemently refused this shit, but some forktard told them I'd hit my head hard and probably had a concussion ...all because I had used vehemently correctly in a sentence, as if. 

When they'd lifted me away from the accident, I saw the deep dent in the side of the rape van. A very distinct dent that fit the contours of Eddie's lithe little fist. Almost as if he had punched the van with enough force to leave an impression.  

When they finally loaded me up into the back of the ambulance, it looked like the entire school of forktards were there, watching sadly as I was loaded up into the ambulance. And then there was Eddie's frosty foster family, all dressed in white and looking on from the distance. Their expressions ranged from stoned to stupid, but held no hint of concern for anyone besides themselves. And of course Raven was still running retardedly around the parking lot in circles playing airplane agian.

I consider the jumble of inexplicable images churning chaotically in my head, trying to think of a logical solution that could explain what had just happened. And the only solution ...that excluded the assumption that I was insane. I was finally turning into my sister'mother daughter. Cause this was exactly the kind of situation that could only happen to someone so completely oblivious to the world around her. And as the trail of broken boys behind sister'mom wake had proved ...that was not good for anyone ...well besides me anyways.  

So I leaned back in the ambulance bed thing, and just tuned out the many thoughts trying to think themselves into my hurting head. Thankfully I had been dropped a lot as a baby, so having a massive concussion was actually pretty comforting to me ...as I drifted off to sleep.  

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

The Co-Tied for Second Place "Award Winning Authoress" Notes and Feels for this chappie!!!

Hella all my Luvlies!!! Omidog can you forking "Beliebe" it!!! That I thought up a Ho-nother story so forking fast!?! IKR??? And I totes thought that it was about time chappie full of action stuff !!!

So what did everyone think about Eddie saving Bee from Duh Derrick's the rape van of death? Was it everything you hoped it would be and then some???  And what about Eddie getting is hero on??? I don't know about you but I was kind of turned on by that a little? And what about Bee kind of getting mixed up by all Eddie's macho man???  And do you think she is right not feeling like she owes him a little something-something for saving her ass from Duh Derrick?  

IDK ??? :) :) :) : )  I think that this is one of those things where I like to ask you Luvlies what you feels ...and what you want to see happen going forward. So truth or dare?  Yes or no???  Does Bee owe Eddie anything at all ...other than her complete hate?  

So anyways enough feels for a minute ...and onto the New Word of the Week Contest !!!

This week I put two new Words of the Week in my story for you to find. But because the Contest is sorta new I thought I would give you some hints.

So like just the other day I was kicking it with my sister ...and "U know who" walks by (Stupid skanky skank-a-lot who shall not be named ...C-word that rhymes with "ortney") And my sista said, "That stupid slut looks like she just got hate ______ (Blank)  

So if you want in the contest please put the answers here : __________ & ___________ 

So anyways ...as always don't be a silent reader and shit ...cause that's like wrong and it hurts peoples feels who are trying really hard to think of stories. So read, vote, over comment, overshare, add to ALL YOUR LIBRARIES ...EVEN THE BAD SHITTY RANDOM FANDOM ONES!!! Follow this account, create a lot of fake Facebook accounts to follow this account, so you can vote more on my stories, and all my friendlies stories, but not my enemies stories. Like that stupid skank (You know who!!! ) at WillS*ck4votes... such a tot's vote slut.

Oh and please keep my dog Mr. Bobo in your thoughts and prayers as he recovers from his "life-changing operation".  I know that a lot of people have been really worried about Mr. Bobo and what he is going thru right now in the aftermath of the De-Balling. All I can really update you on right now is that the operation turned out to be a lot more ...extensive than we expected. But much more on that later...   

And on another sad note, Balls4Bobo was not the stunning success we had hoped for. Balls4Bobo at GoFundMe.com, only received enough donations for one ball. And so with great sadness, I am announcing that the GoFundMe account is going to officially close as of Christmas Day ...sad sigh :(      

Anyways... until next time ...LUV U LUVLIES !!!!!