cg/l!!au

*dance dance!!*

*

dowoon = 19

wonpil = 20

jooheon = 20

changkyun = 18

kihyun = 21

hyunwoo = 22

minhyuk = 21

sungjin = 21 (even tho he doesn't directly appear in this, here's a gorgeous gif lol)

jae = 22

brian = 21

***

"jooheonie-hyung!!"

dowoon raced toward the aquarium worker, a wide grin flitting on his cheeks. it was now the day after he had met wonpil, and he couldn't get the man out of his head. the golden hair and the golden smile swam around his sloshy, warm buttered-milk mind when he woke up, when he brushed his teeth, when he went to college... even when he reluctantly slipped back into little space. and so little dowoonie was excitedly running to his friend to tell him about his new caregiver, his FIRST caregiver, at that.

"oh! hey, dowoonie!" the man turned away from barya, who was preventing him from cleaning the walrus tank, and sent dowoon a wave. "what's up?"

dowoon skipped up to him, barely hearing barya release a dissatisfied grunt and splash sideways into the water as he excitedly screamed out, "honey-hyung, honey-hyung, i have a caregiver now!!"

"is that so?" jooheon murmured out, a satisfied grin slowly slipping onto his face. "i'm so happy for you, dowoonie!" he abandoned his work and stepped down from the step stool to give the younger man a hug.

as dowoon happily snuggled into his friend's arms, he heard a cheery laugh issue from behind him. "yah, dowoonie-hyung... what's got you so happy?"

the excited boy was about to escape jooheon's arms when he was tackled from behind, an excited changkyun joining their hug. "changkyunnie- changkyunnie-ah!! i have a caregiver!!"

the younger man laughed in joy and asked him, "oh! do they make you happy?"

and dowoonie did not hesitate to nod and murmur, "he does... he makes me so, so happy..."

the entire time he was at the aquarium, dowoon helped out. but he also couldn't get his mind off wonpil, no matter how many times changkyun and jooheon pointed out new fishies to him or showed him his favorite marine animals. so whenever his mouth opened to speak, he was most likely blurting out something or the other about his new caregiver. "he works at a daycare with little kids!" or "wonpillie-hyung has yellow hair!" or even "his lips are so soft! i miss him so much!!!"

"hyung seems a bit jittery... is something going on? or maybe do you think he had some coffee before he came here?" dowoon heard changkyun whisper to jooheon while he scrubbed at the aquarium wall in circles and searched for wonpil's reflection in it.

his heart burst at the words, big-dowoon's anxiety and fretfulness kicked in with the fear that he was being a burden, an annoyance, and little-dowoonie reflected it. just like the first time he came to the aquarium, crying his eyes out and repeatedly warbling out 'i need to see the fishies! i need to see them, please... please!' until minhyuk took pity on his little self and let him stick around, dowoon felt himself grow embarrassed at his actions, and regret filled his rattling brain. he rushed over to the two men and, with a pout, murmured out, "i didn't have any coffee... i just really miss my pillie, changkyunnie... i'm sorry if i was being loud and annoying..."

jooheon immediately reached over to flick his friend's forehead with a tut, and changkyun's face became red in embarrassment. "ah... ah, dowoonie-hyung... i was just a little worried... I thought that maybe jooheon knew something i didn't..."

"it's okay!" and little-dowoonie burst off down the hallway in the direction of the shark tank where minhyuk was, big-dowoonie still anxiously gnawing at his mind with his worries.

as the man fell to the bench where minhyuk was taking a break from cleaning, he was violently thrown out of his little space, the door slamming behind him with a thunderous boom.

"hey, dowoonie!~" minhyuk looked up from his phone with a smile, then his face immediately became worried. "oh my... jagiya, what happened?"

the black-haired man's expression was at once sour and thoughtful. "i'm back," he told his friend simply.

"back?" minhyuk nudged him, suddenly amused. "you were here this whole time!"

dowoon looked at the man's butterfly tattoo, which was fluttering from the rumbling of his laughing neck. with a sigh, he gently pressed his finger to it and stroked its frantically beating wings. "i'm just... i'm so fucking embarrassed! one minute i'm a selfish six year old and the next i'm a pissed-off man! every time i come out of little space, i regret it; you know why?" dowoon stopped to draw his finger away from his solemn friend's neck and angrily poke his own chest. "because an adult is useless if he acts like a child. and— and life is hard enough without having to live through your unfulfilled childhood... you know what i mean, hyung?"

minhyuk looked at him with what dowoon assumed was pity, because that's what he'd been offered the last time his little space abandoned him so suddenly (when hoseok had accidentally rejected him). "you, dowoon-ah, are an extremely conscientious young man. i respect you for that... but i don't respect you for dissing who you are. you have to learn to accept yourself, because you aren't seeing the obvious — when people see you in your little space, kindness grows in their hearts. they become happier people, better people, healthier people, even... and the most important thing is... they think you're okay with being who you are. they think you're naturally that peppy and that wonderful. and i think so, too. so please..." the black-haired man took his hands and looked him straight in the eye with a serious expression. "jebal... don't deny yourself. don't make yourself and others suffer. because your little space is what makes you — you. 'dowoonie's' what makes you so kind and caring. so please... don't try to make that part of you go away, nae?" and, with a final plea of "for wonpil-ah... he needs you..." minhyuk stood up and left dowoon to think about it.

dowoon went home with a heavy heart and a heavy mind. he had apologized to jooheon and changkyun for making them worry for no reason and the pair had told him it was okay and changkyun had even promised to come see him at the dog shelter the next day, but dowoon still felt embarrassed about acting like such a self-centered brat when he should have been talking to them about something else. like the gig the two had last night, as he only realized once he was comfortably seated at the back of his usual bus, all wrapped up in his earphones and his worries. I'll have to ask Changkyun about that tomorrow, he thought to himself as he payed attention to the drum solo echoing in his ears. but as the calming 'ddak-ddak' of a keyboard soon took over and eased his burning ears, he couldn't help but nod off, his eyes drawing closed in a light slumber.

"dowoonie, yah!~" the young man was shaken awake and, with a groan, he sat up straight in the seat and wiped his eyes. "you're home, sweetheart."

dowoon looked up to see his favorite bus driver and a sad smile made its way onto his cheeks. "hi, jaehyung-hyung..."

the purple-haired man tilted his head to the side and blinked a few times in confusion. "do-dowoonie... what's up with you? did something happen??"

dowoon sighed. "just came back to my normal self, i guess..."

"that's not what i mean..." jae sat beside the boy and gently held his hands. "have you been crying?"

the confused man tugged his hands away from jae's and brought them to his eyes. the corners were, in fact, moist with pitiful droplets. "i mean... i guess so..."

jae looked on with worry as dowoon frantically wiped at his eyes, then reached inside his shirt pocket and offered him a tissue. "did someone upset you?"

"no... just me being me."

"... do you wanna come to my place?.. brian is staying over at the studio, so he'll be away."

dowoon glanced over at the concerned man beside him and allowed himself to nod. "only if you make me some milk with butter," he murmured in a small voice. "even when i'm not little, i can't seem to break the habit..."

he simply earned a slap on the shoulder and a laugh, and then jae was returning to the driver's seat and revving up the engine. dowoon stayed in the back with a sigh, because that was the only place he could sit without feeling the urge to vomit.

this time, he stayed awake throughout the entire journey, listening to the sound of jae belting pretty lyrics into the air and looking at the view of pretty houses passing by the window. his gaze caught a particularly appealing pale yellow nook of a home surrounded by roses and a variety of other red flowers. he sighed out when the pretty sight left his vision and leaned his head on the window. the vibrations of the bus buzzing down the road tickled his cheek and he nearly giggled out in joy, but fortunately he was in control of his actions. so the giggle was stifled in his throat by his strict adulthood, his unwillingness to let his childishness show, because it was embarrassing, it was weird... it was unnatural and so, so wrong in so many ways... then the bus was stopping in a parking garage and jae was getting out of it to check the exterior. and he was giving dowoonie the okay and the black-haired man was nodding and getting off the bus with his things and sliding his arm into a tired loop with jae's and letting the man lead him out of the parking garage and into the cold air of late evening.

they approached the street they had just driven past, this time on foot. a calming silence had washed over the two men, allowing dowoon to clear his head a bit and just breathe in the nice air and gaze fondly at the pretty little houses lining the unusual street. as they approached the yellow house with red flowers, dowoon let out a grunt to hide his squeal of happiness. "is this your home, jaehyungie-hyung?" he breathed out, trying to control the tremor so he wouldn't go back into little space because of his sudden excitement. because that would be embarrassing, that would be so embarrassing...

"yes," jae chuckled out in relief, "yes it is. this is where brian and i live."

"... are you sure it's okay for me to spend the night?" dowoon asked, chewing the nail on the thumb of his free hand in anxiousness.

"of course! i would be lonely all alone, you know?" the purple-haired man cheerily nudged his shoulder and asked, "do you want some popcorn?"

the younger man hesitantly nodded and kept biting into his thumbnail as jae joyfully led him up the steps to his pretty little home. dowoon waited for his hyung to open the door and step into his house before he crossed the doorframe himself and let his eyes wander in wonder over the interior. it was... neat. and nice. and extremely well-cared for. and bright and light and lively... "wow... your house is so nice, hyung!"

"thanks!" jae chuckled and scratched the back of his neck as he messily threw off his shoes and backtracked to carefully stuff them into a nook in the wall. "actually, it would look trashy if not for brian. he's this house's savior. it was a literal garbage heap before he came along..." he threw off his socks and lay back on the couch in his dirty uniform, sighing. "so i can have one night of freedom while my clean-freak of a housemate -- whom i love by the way -- is out whacking his head on a table while writing lyrics. it's great to be free if you have a security to return to, you know?"

"yeah..." dowoon, in fact, didn't know. he never felt great in his little space, because the regret he felt every time he returned to the security of his normal headspace outweighed the ecstasy of feeling the joy of youth once more. he simply had TOO much freedom, and he was kind of stuck in it without knowing how to escape. so he found himself thoughtfully murmuring out under his breath, "not really..."

jae peeked at him before leaping off the couch, dusting it off in retrospect, and speeding off to the kitchen with a retreating yell of, "yah, i'm gonna make that popcorn; make yourself comfortable!"

dowoon spent his night at the 'jaehyungparkian casa,' as his hyung had put it. he laughed while jae interrupted the cryptic movie running on the tv with his hilarious stories in that weird dialect that could only belong to park jaehyung, and he lathered the evening in warm, buttery popcorn and milk. his sleep was filled with golden hair and golden smiles, the couch feeling ten times more comfortable than it should have because of them. and when his hyung woke him up the next morning with buttered toast and nutella and bananas and gave him a warm wave goodbye at the door when he left for college, the black-haired man felt fulfilled and excited for the day to come. "maybe it won't be so bad today," he murmured to himself as he got on the early bus and stole a seat at the back. "maybe i'll be normal for once..."

needless to say, that was not the case. dowoon's head was probed by little space early in the day, and he spent his classes zoning out and doodling fishies on his notebook borders. his professors were too busy lecturing to notice him dozing off and his classmates were too busy frantically breaking their wrists while jotting down endless pages of notes to wake him up. so when his last class of the day was over, the drooling boy woke up with a start, blinking his eyes in confusion and calling out, "wonpillie-hyung?" in a sleep-laden voice and adding on, "where am i? i want to go home..." before the realization came to him and he groaned out with a slam of his fist on the desk. he had missed all the essential notes for exams.

he picked up all of his things and slumped out of the empty classroom, hoping that he would not miss the bus to the animal shelter where he volunteered. luckily he got paid to care for the dogs because of his long-standing loyalty to this work, or else he would have to give up both the shelter he adored and the drumming gigs he loved for a part-time job so he could pay his rent. the bus ride there was solemn and filled with blaring metallica in his ears with the intention not to slip back into little space. once he filed out of the bus, he was greeted by changkyun. "hey, man! how are you feeling today?"

dowoon ripped his earphones from his ears and enveloped his friend in a tight hug. "not good..." but he soon stepped back and asked, "how about you? how was your gig? i never asked about it..."

changkyun chuckled. "it was great! the crowd was great, the music was great, jooheon was great..."

a smile passed over dowoon's face. "i'm glad." he grabbed onto his friend's backpack strap and swung it back and forth. "want to go look at the dogs?"

"of course!" and the pair walked into the shelter with smiling faces and joyful eyes. they were half an hour into giving the dogs their weekly baths and groomings when a knock resounded on the door to the employee area. changkyun stopped his humorous flapping of jim-jim the bloodhound's ears and turned to the entrance with a curious gaze. "who is it, hyung?"

dowoon was just as surprised as the blue-haired boy. "i don't know, kyunnie..." he turned off the tap and carefully lifted ta-ta the pomeranian out of the washing-sink, encasing her in a towel so he could carry her with him to the door. once his slippery hand successfully turned the knob and revealed the knockers, he nearly dropped the poor, dripping dog balanced in his arms. "kihyunnie-hyung?.." his gaze flitted to the figure smiling widely beside him and, with a twinkle in his eye and a skip in his heartbeat: "wonpillie-hyung?!!"

as kihyun gave out a chuckle, the blondie beside him gushed and rushed over to encase both dowoonie and the dog resting in his arms in a light embrace. "ah, dowoonie! it's so good to see you again! kihyun hyung and i took a break during naptime and he took me here to come see you!"

changkyun sent a grin to the pink-haired man with the soft smile and called out, "so this is the infamous wonpil, huh?"

kihyun cheekily nodded and headed over to him to coo at all the wet dogs surrounding him for a sniff in the hopes of a good petting. "sure is. i can't believe i didn't think of introducing them earlier. they really kicked it off quick!" kookie the pit bull licked a stripe up his cheek as kihyun kneeled down to scratch behind shooky the beagle's ears and the man laughed in dual joy and disgust.

while changkyun and kihyun chatted and petted the dogs, dowoon stepped back from wonpil so he could release ta-ta onto the floor and gave him a real hug. wonpil settled into the contact despite the younger man's soaked shirt. "how was your day, hyung?"

wonpil must have noticed something different in dowoon's tone, because his reply wasn't constructed to appease a child -- it was an honest answer. "crappy. how about yours?"

dowoon found himself chuckling in relief at wonpil's reaction to his normal headspace. some people got surprised, others got worried... some even criticized him for being a faker or a liar or a psychopath. so the fact that his caregiver was so dang understanding and considerate and fucking wonderful... it fucking gave dowoon tingles. "fucking terrible," he murmured into wonpil's hair after he nestled his face into it.

the blonde grunted in agreement and nuzzled his chin into dowoon's shoulder. "that's the most relatable and honest thing i've heard from anyone today, dowoon... thank you." the blonde twirled around and brought the younger man into a small spin with him to show his gratefulness. "want me to come to the aquarium monday evening?"

"yes." dowoon's eyes closed as he rose his hand to curiously play with the small hairs on pil's neck. "if it's okay for me to ask... why can't you come today?"

wonpil's sigh worried dowoon and he stepped back to open his eyes and look at the blonde. "i have to go to the therapist on tuedays and fridays..."

"oh."

"i just get sad sometimes when i shouldn't be sad. it's nothing too big, so don't worry about it!" the older man's smile lit up dowoon's world, and he held back his urge to kiss those blooming-like-the-flowers-in-jaehyung-hyung's-garden lips. because only kids do impulsive shit like that without thinking and without warning and without permission... and dowoon... dowoon was NOT a kid.

months had passed since their first proper meeting at the shelter. or at least that's what dowoon thought of it as. the pair met in the shelter again during naptimes at the daycare on weekdays and met at the aquarium on mondays and wednesdays and thursdays when wonpil was not at the therapist's. saturdays and sundays were their busy days -- dowoon had his gigs which he would never give up for anything and wonpil had his weekly trips home to visit his parents and his older sister's family.

woon now had a new reason for hating his little space -- it kept him from going to the therapist with his pillie for support. the 19-year-old knew he was a determined man. and he also knew that this feature carried over into his little state as stubbornness.

god, he hated his little space... he hated himself for having one, and he so, so badly wanted it all to just go away. he wanted his childishness to vanish out the window, to leave him alone so he could actually do something productive... but he had no control over his own mind. he told himself — "i'm ill; i have to go see a doctor..." — and yet, here he was again, looking at fishies at the aquarium on a tuesday when he should be taking his hyung to the therapist. he so desperately wanted to be there for his hyung, to drive him to the clinic... but how could a six year old boy drive a car? or think of somebody other than himself?!

but that had been yesterday, and now it was wednesday. it was wednesday evening, and surprise surprise... the boy was in his little space yet again. so there dowoonie was, rambling about the new fishies he learned to the happily nodding wonpil, holding his hyung's cold hands, receiving proud kisses on his cheeks from time to time. and he didn't know what else to do.

minhyuk had noticed that dowoonie was acting a bit jittery and put on some music on the pa system. the boy excitedly leapt up from his squatting position at the glass of the jellyfish exhibit as the pulsing rhythm of cherryfilter's flying duck resounded down the corridors of the aquarium. "hyung, hyung, let's dance! please!!~" dowoon couldn't help but feel a bubbling spurt of energy light up in his chest and found himself unable to hold back the urge to bounce on his heels like a child. his mind was aware, but his body defied it. he could not control his impulses no matter how hard he tried...

wonpil, who had been pensively kneeling beside him, stood up as well and gave out a pleasant chuckle. the younger man's heart fluttered in his chest. "of course! dancing is so much fun!"

dowoon's mind said 'NO!' but his mouth said, "can i stand on your feet then, hyung? hoseokie hyung sometimes let me stand on his feet!~"

wonpil's expression became confused, but then he released a more amused chuckle and laughed out, "how about i teach you how to dance instead? i think that would be WAY more fun..."

the blonde's enticing voice lathered over dowoonie's ears like honey, and the boy immediately burst out, "okay! but only if you promise you'll teach me well!"

wonpil immediately held out his pinkie. "i promise, dowoonie... i promise."

they started off with wonpil gently gripping the younger man's hands and instructing him on how to sway his body from side to side. "like this?"

"mm." the blonde smiled over at his dance student and nodded. "now let's go!"

and they gripped each other's hands and wildly swayed around, wonpil raising his arm to spin dowoon around from time to time. the black-haired boy laughed and laughed and grinned in joy, and his hyung joined him in his happiness, twirling around and letting dowoon spin him once, twice, three times, then hold him close and sway from side to side in a dance of mingled chuckles and noses in the crooks of each other's necks and soft flutters of eyelashes on one another's cheeks. then the exciting song was ending and a calmer song was coming on, the gentle vocals of jungkook melding together with a smooth piano melody to ease in the introduction to hold me tight.

"that was sweet, dowoonie... thank you for the dance, jagiya~" and just as wonpil leaned over to land a proud peck on the younger man's cheek, the drummer's ears lit up like a warning light and he turned his face away in fear. dowoon had slipped out of little space. and he was scared.

on the day after the incident, dowoon woke up with a groan. his house was a mess (as usual), he was a mess (as usual), his life was a mess (... as usual)... the man had a day free of college and the dog shelter had asked him to come in later than he usually did (4:00 instead of the usual 2:15), so he decided to finally get his shit together and clean his trashy apartment. so he grabbed some rags and bins and got to work. he threw food wrappers away, he scrapped broken drumsticks, he scrubbed at the floors, and he scrubbed and he scrubbed, all until everything was free of cocacola droplets and butter smudges and nutella stains. luckily there were no ants or roaches, because dowoon simply didn't have the energy to deal with those right now. he sat for a few seconds before getting up to collect his dirty clothing from the furniture and throw it all in the washer regardless of color or shade. it would all end up in the same dryer, anyway... then his feet led him to his kitchen, where he gathered the dirty dishes and grabbed the dishsoap. he was tired of wonpil walking in on the mess in his apartment... and he thought it was about time for a change for the better.

dowoon was walking the dogs around 5:00 when they led him to a gazebo beside the park's lake. the man hid behind a tree in surprise as a familiar voice caught his ears. Wonpil-hyung?

"now brian-hyung..." Why does he sound so angry? dowoon couldn't help but eavesdrop, shushing the skippering dogs whose turn it was to go for a walk. mang the greyhound, jim-jim the bloodhound, and shooky the beagle sniffed at his out-held hand, excitedly lapping at the treats successfully hidden beneath his fingers. "tell me what the FUCK you have against my dowoonie!"

"he just... he doesn't sound normal to me!" brian furiously shouted, startling the antsy man hiding behind the tree. the drummer's lip shook as the pain from being criticized so openly seared his raw heart. he saw wonpil look at the silver-haired man so menacingly the older drew back.

"what do you mean, 'not normal?!' of course he's not normal! but don't EVER talk about MY dowoonie in such a demeaning way. he's more pure than you or me or ANY other fucking human in this entire world!! and if you do even one thing to make him lose his confidence or -- god forbid -- hurt him, hyung... i will cut off your fucking fingers and tongue and burn them on your boyfriend's grill. you got me?"

"jae... jae is not my boyfriend," brian breathed out, seemingly stumped. "i'm not into guys!! that's not normal!"

"well, you aren't fooling anyone with that," wonpil snapped back, as if on instinct. "your relationship isn't that translucent, okay hyung? and of course it's not normal, you turd. that's what makes you special, and you should embrace it. or jae. preferably both."

"w-- what the?!--" brian grimaced and passed his hand through his hair in frustration.

"admit it, hyung-- you're never going to be normal. and you know why?" wonpil got in his hyung's face, his finger poking the confused man's chest hard. "because no one in this god-forsaken world is normal. but that doesn't mean we have to bring down people who are 'less normal' than the majority of weird people. it means we have to understand them and help them and be CONSIDERATE. where's the considerate man i thought you were? you're better than this, hyung... SO much better..." the blonde shook his head and blinked away his angry tears. "tell me... what's so wrong about dowoonie? has he killed you? has he kidnapped your family? or perhaps eaten your dog? he's just a kid looking for some friendly faces among the people surrounding him, and if you aren't one of them..." the man now grabbed younghyun's collar and growled out, "STAY AWAY FROM HIM."

from behind the tree, dowoon did his best to not release a sound of surprise. he was violently thrown into a memory as his heart beat out a whacky rhythm in his chest and a cold sweat trickled down his back. he was colder than his childhood days of freezing on the isolated mountainside, pressed to his crying uncle's chest, the clothing and arms wrapped around him not doing much to shield him from the freezing air and the bone-chilling snow flinging itself from the darkened sky onto their shaking forms, their teeth clacking and their shivering legs just barely stepping forward and down and down in the direction of the dividing line into a safer territory, the forced immigration taking a huge toll on dowoon's and his only remaining family's lives. his six-year-old self had wished for only the warmth of his home and his murdered parents, or at least for some happiness for himself and his uncle in front of the hearty hearth of either stranger or friend, anyone but an enemy. his uncle had stripped him of his clothing on a particularly merciless night and had used the last of his liquor to wipe it all over the boy, dowoon's bones wracking in tortured motions, his body covered in goosebumps as big as his dead father's fists, and he remembered the massive relief of the burning substance on his skin as if it was yesterday. and right now, after overhearing what he did, dowoon felt that relieving fire spread across his skin for the second time in his life, giving him a newfound passion to live and to fight for who he was and to protect the wonderful man who was just protecting him. he wanted to strike away the cruel sadness surrounding his precious pillie-hyung and just wrap his arms around the blonde and utter reassuring words into his ear as he stroked his hair...

as wonpil stormed off in his direction, fear coursed through his veins and his limbs screamed 'RUN!! RUN!!' but he stayed put, hoping that the man wouldn't notice him. and, luckily, he didn't.

for the first time, dowoon let himself enjoy the things he loved so much which always triggered him into little space when he denied himself. he skipped to the bus stop after his shift at the shelter, he hummed and stomped his foot to the song blasting through his ears on the bus, he ran up to minhyuk and lifted him into a spinning hug when he arrived at the aquarium, and he politely asked him if wonpillie was here today to tell him some new things about the fishies. "ah, sorry, dowoonie... pillie couldn't come over today. he asked me to tell you that he had something to take care of with someone called brian."

dowoon, who had willingly allowed himself to slip into his little space for once, ignored his jolting heart and told himself to trust his sunshine-hyung. "oh... where will we be cleaning today?"

as usual, he caught the bus home at 9:45 and immediately told jae in a childish tone, "hyung... we're going to your house!"

jae's eyes went wide but he didn't question the boy and simply closed the doors while dowoon skipped to his usual seat and began to play footsie with a metal pole. "sure thing, sweetheart~"

they soon arrived at the parking garage and the purple-haired driver led the uninvited guest to his house. as jae unlocked the door and ushered the younger man in behind him, they were greeted by a honey-sweet voice. "dowoonie! what are you doing here?~"

dowoon's face broke into a wide smile and he raced over to his beloved caregiver to give the blonde a hug. "i wanted to see you. and i wanted to meet brian-hyung..."

wonpil nodded against his shoulder, shifting to sit more comfortably on the faded red couch. the leaf of a house plant brushed against dowoon's cheek and he pulled back to smile at the blonde shrouded in rhododendrons and poppies and incased in his arms. "he's taking a shower. said he wanted to calm down before jaehyung-hyung came home."

dowoon saw jae carefully slip off his shoes and place them in their designated place and gasped. "ahh! wonpillie-hyung, i forgot to take my shoes off!"

the older man brokenly giggled and untied the black-haired man's shoes, slipping them off his feet. "here. i'll go put them in the guest cubby with my shoes. brian-hyung's strict about that. almost ripped my head off when i first came in..."

"keep them on," jae's voice suddenly sounded from the kitchen. "you still owe me that grill scrub!"

wonpil sighed and turned back to dowoon. "why don't we go do that, then? give our hyungs some space..."

"okay!~" and the drummer happily jumped up from his place on the couch and grasped his shoes in his hand while the blond man grasped his other hand with shaky fingers and led him out to the backyard.

lightning bugs flitted around the dark moonlace, lighting up the faint white flowers littered among it in careful clusters. cicadas and crickets tittered out a cacophonous melody to which wonpil and dowoon began to scrub the grill stationed near the lavender bushes and lilac trees to hide its less-than-satisfying scent. "how do you know brian-hyung?" little dowoonie chirped out. now that he was trying to be comfortable with his little space instead of defying it, dowoon could more easily control his actions and his thoughts and his words. and it was great.

"he was my sister's wedding florist," wonpil huffed out, wiping his brow. "we kind of clicked and became friends... but sometimes, he's kinda a blind jerk."

"does he like jaehyung-hyung?"

"of course. but he's being silly and denying it..."

"oh..." dowoon thoughtfully looked up at the moonlit sky and tried to count the clouds surrounding the stars in their shadowy puffs. "hana... dul..."

"do you want to dance... dowoonie?"

the man turned around to look at his hyung and excitedly nodded. "the cicadas are singing pretty, so it'll be fun right, hyung?~"

"it would be fun even without them..." wonpil's smile warmed dowoon from the inside out despite the chilly night air and he grasped his caregiver's hand, pulling him close. as they twirled and goofed around, waving their scrubbing brushes around haphazardly, wonpil laughed out, "dowoonie... why do you like fishies so much?" his curious tone brought a spark to the younger man's eyes.

"they kept me alive when my uncle and i were running away!~" dowoon swayed from side to side, tilting his head at the confused man before him and smiling widely. "they made me smart, and they let me eat them when i was starving, and they kept me warm when ahjussi made fire from his lighter to cook them!"

wonpil still looked confused, but he still nodded and gave dowoon a satisfied twirl. "well i'll just have to thank those fishies for that, won't i?"

the black-haired boy enthusiastically nodded and spun wonpil around a number of times until the man was dizzy. he nearly fell backwards, but dowoon caught him in time and held him loosely at an angle closer to the ground. "but now i want to thank you," he whispered, his lips brushing the air barely a centimeter away from wonpil's. and dowoon allowed himself to press a soft kiss to the blonde's cheek before he pulled away and ran off to hide in the fragrant lilac tree, giggling madly.

wonpil carefully brushed his fingers over his cheek and went back to scrubbing at the grill with a grin. and a minute later: "dowoonie, we're done! let's go wash our hands!~" the man leapt out of the bushes beside wonpil and encased the squeaking man in a surprising embrace. "yah! you scared me, woonie!~" but the giggle following let dowoon know that his character was helping the blonde become happier.

after meeting brian -- who was hesitant and fearful at first, gripping jae's fingers so hard his knuckles became white and jae gasped in pain, but who warmed up to dowoon's cheeriness and childlike wonder and kindness faster than wonpil could properly introduce him -- wonpil and dowoon were standing outside the door, fingers softly caressing one another's and feet softly clanking together from their close proximity. "it's late." the blonde's voice cracked. how had dowoon not noted the cracks and breaks from before?.. "let's... let's go home." dowoon noticed the red streaks below wonpil's eyes. and he knew.

dowoon opened the door to his home, inviting wonpil in. he was no longer in little space, having been satisfied by all the earlier action, so he busily got to hanging wonpil's coat on the clothes rack, offering the blonde a seat on the couch, and setting the kettle to a boil. "what kind of tea would you like?"

"chamomile with sugar and honey... i mean two spoons of sugar and six drops of milk."

dowoon smiled and rustled through his drawers in pursuit of his sugar. he found some in cubes and grabbed two, then took the milk out of his refrigerator and poured out six splashes into a cup. the kettle soon boiled and he took it off the stove, grabbing a baggie of chamomile and setting it in a separate cup before pouring it over with hot water. as the tea steeped, he made himself some buttered milk, then put the sugar and milk in his hyung's cup and mixed, mixed, mixed until it was perfect. see, he was independent!

the black-haired man carefully gripped their cups by the handles and carried them over to the coffee table. as he sat down beside his hyung and smiled at him, the blonde looked away from his phone, setting it down. "i just let sungjin-hyung know that i'm staying here tonight."

dowoon nodded, because he had been the one who suggested wonpil stay at his place (which was walking distance away from the jaehyungparkian casa) instead of asking his housemate to come pick him up. "i made your tea for you, hyung."

wonpil's smile warmed dowoon's insides more than his buttered milk ever did.

thirty minutes passed. "can i... can we sleep together?"

dowoon looked over at wonpil, who had just come out of the shower in a change of some spare clothing. "hyung... is everything okay?"

the blonde's lip was trembling and his nose was sniffling, as if he could break down at any moment. he shook his head and dowoon let him collapse into his outstretched arms as he began to sob. "i'm sad, dowoonie... i don't know why!" he pushed out, his chest and arms violently wracking with every sob.

"are you just sad, though, hyung?" dowoon softly stroked his hyung's hair as the man cried into his shoulder. "maybe it's not just sadness... there's something bothering you... let me go to your therapist with you tomorrow."

wonpil's nod unknotted the knot in dowoon's throat and he rested himself and wonpil onto the bed in a soft heap of comfort. the blonde's head rested on his rising and falling chest, and soon enough pil's sobs eased away into gentle hiccups amid his sleeping breaths.

the next day, wonpil seemed to be rethinking his acceptance of dowoon's proposal to come to the therapist with him. they were standing under the shade of a lilac tree behind the daycare where there was a little garden that led straight to the bus stop. "hyung... you promised..." the black haired man pleaded, gripping the blonde's hands, which were wrinkled at the bottom from washing daycare dishes. dowoon had rushed to the daycare by bus after his shift at the shelter, finally getting to see wonpil at work. it had been wonderful, wonpil had been so patient and so terrific with the kids, and dowoon had a lot of fun. but now that it was time for them to catch the bus to go to the therapist... everything seemed a gazillion times less fun than before.

"choding," wonpil breathed out in reply, trying on a smile. it immediately slipped off, along with the thin veil that had been holding back his tears. they fell along with it, and the younger man's heart clenched at the sight.

"i'm not being childish, hyung," dowoon said, for once without the usual tangy taste of whine whenever he said that phrase to people who didn't understand him. who didn't understand anything. the young man walked closer, taking the shivering, whimpering hands of his wonpil-ah, his strong, strong protector, who was now reduced to sobs and wracking shoulders and wretched tears. "i just want to be there for you. to support YOU for once."

and that did it for the older man. he stumbled forward, caught dowoonie's waist, and pressed his broken face into the drummer's chest, pressed it in so hard that his tears imprinted themselves on dowoon's skin along with his shirt. the younger hesitantly slid his arms around his shaking hyung and brought him close, closer than close, closer than the clothing covering his shoulders, closer than anything that he had ever held before. he patted the pathetic man's head like wonpil had done to him so many times, slid his fingers through the man's blond strands of hair, kissed his ruffled crown. "woo-- woonie~"

and dowoon pressed more and more soft kisses to the fragile man's head, murmured gentle words onto it, pulled back to caress wonpil's cheeks. "pillie-hyung," he quietly breathed out, the hushed sounds faintly drifting around the pair. "pillie~" his lips curved up in a reassuring smile as his thumbs wiped away the cruel, salty water lining his precious pil's face. "you know that i love you, right?" and, with a wistful lean of his head downwards, the black-haired man brought closed eyes and puckered lips closer to the shorter male. wonpil's eyes closed on instinct and then big dowoon felt the warmth of another's exhale on his lips, then the foreign sensation of a plushy mouth on his own.

he found himself sighing in content when wonpil pulled back, found wonpil taking a deep breath before leaning up to capture his tender lips once more. "want to go out with me?" the blonde murmured onto his mouth once their lips drifted apart after a sweet and slow drag.

dowoon's pleased answer was a smiling smooch.

"come in!"

dowoon reassuringly held the hand of his jittering hyung as the latter led him into his therapist's office. "hello, dr. sohn..."

"hello..." the big man stood up from his chair and extended his hand to dowoon. "and who may you be?"

dowoon's hand burst forward to meet the one extended to him, and then: "wonpillie's boyfriend."

wonpil's face grew red.

dowoon's ears and face grew red, too. that had NOT just come out of his mouth... had it?

the therapist's soft chuckle made his handshake seem even more warm and friendly than before. "didn't i tell you to find someone to love? you actually listened for once, wonpil?"

the blonde opened his mouth to reply but shut it real quick. dowoon spoke up. "dr. sohn... does that mean i can make pillie-hyung happier?"

"mhm." and a seal-like grin appeared on the man's face, his eyes practically melting into his face.

"hyunwoo-hyuuuuuung~"

wonpil's groan brought chuckles out of both hyunwoo and dowoon's mouths, and the latter pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's crown, squeezing his hand. "it's okay, hyung..." dowoon caught wonpil's gaze and sent him a wink. "i'll take care of you."

***

This is late, but it'll have to do ;)