Man with plans

Huminga ako ng malalim bago nilingon ang taong hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang makikita ko dito.

Nakatingin lamang siya sa harapan habang nakikinig ng mabuti sa nag s-speech. Ako man ay gustong makinig din ng mabuti tulad ng lagi ko namang ginagawa, bilang respeto rin sa nakikinig ay hindi ko magawa.

Hindi ko magawang makinig dahil sa halo-halong emosyon na nararamdaman ko.

Gulat, pagka-lito, inis at saya..

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Mahina kong tanong sa kanya.

Agad ko naman nakuha ang atensyon niya at bumaling sa akin ng tingin.

Halos mahigit ko ang aking pag-hinga sa ginawa niyang pag-lingon. Masyadong nakaka-silaw ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Tila, nasa ilalim ako ng hipnotismo tuwing mag-tatama ang mga paningin namin.

Ang puso ko ay sobrang nagkaka-gulo.

Hindi nito alam kung paano pakakalmahin ang sarili.

"Why? You don't want me here?" Aniya gamit ang tonong may pagka-malambing.

Nanuyo ang aking lalamunan dahil doon.

Parang hihigupin ako sa bawat pagka-rinig sa kanyang mapanuyong mga salita..

Umiling ako. "I'm just surprised to see you here."

Nag-salubong ang kanyang mga kilay.

Napabuntong-hininga ako habang tinitignan ang bawat ekspresyon na gumuguhit sa kanyang mukha. Nakaka-mangha ang mga ito, bawat kibot ng labi niya, bawat pag-taas ng kilay niya at bawat ngiti na sumisilay sa kanyang labi ay nakaka-mangha.

I never thought that I will love looking at someone else's expressions.

"Why?" Muli nitong tanong.

"Diba sabi mo may dinner party kayo?" Balik ko sa kanya.

He nodded like he still can't get me. Napaka-inosente ng kanyang expression. Tila naka-focus talaga siya sa akin at nag-aabang sa bawat lalabas na salita mula sa akin.

He pays too much attention and it's making me waver.

My heart is wavering-- again.

"So bakit ka nandito?"

"Kasi nandito ka?" Aniya na parang nag-tatanong din.

Napangiwi ako. "Carl."

Sumilay ang ngiti sa kanyang labi pero nanatili lamang akong naka-simangot.

"I don't get it, what's with your question?" Naka-ngiting tanong niya.

Umayos siya ng upo at tuluyang humarap sa akin. Pinihit niya ng buo ang kanyang katawan paharap sa akin, patalikod sa stage kung saan nag s-speech ang mga taong nag-daos ng charity event na ito.

I bit my lower lip while I watched him place his left hand behind my chair and slightly pulled it closer to him.

Damn.

There are a lot of people who could see us. Some are even familiar, I can't help but to get scared that they might tell Adrian's parents about this.

It's not about getting scared that our lies will blow out of proportion but scared that Tita Pin will get hurt.

'Yon ang pinaka-ayaw ko mangyari.

She stood up for me for so many times already, be it from my dad when he tried to force me get married. She stood up for me when I'm almost crumbling down because I can't accept my mom's death..

Though, nakuhanan na kami ng napakaraming litrato kanina, siguradong magiging laman kami ng balita bukas. Sigurado akong makaka-abot ito kay Tita Pin at Tito Theodore.

I can't imagine their faces.

Of all people? Si Carl pa?

Damn this. I really want to kill Adrian.

But the blame shouldn't just be on him. May kasalanan din naman ako, pumayag ako 'eh.

I need to deal with the consequences.

"Well, si Adrian nga na pasaway ay hindi magawang hindi pumunta doon dahil alam niya na oras ng pamilya 'yon, ikaw pa kaya? It's surprising that you'll prioritize a charity event over your family's dinner pary. I'm sure naman that you could order someone from your company to come instead as a representative." Paliwanag ko sa kanina ko pa gusto malaman.

I find it very confusing to see him here. Besides, sa tagal kong pumupunta sa mga event na ganito ay ngayon ko lamang siya nakita. Laging may representative ang Montgomery Prime Holdings.

Tapos ngayon, nandito siya?

"It's nice to know that you think of me as someone as responsible, contrary to what you think of Adrian." He said amusingly.

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin dahil nakuha niya pang pansinin 'yon gayong hindi naman 'yon ang punto ko.

Muling sumilay ang ngiti sa kanyang labi at mas nilapit pa ang sarili sa akin kaya bahagya akong napa-urong. Hindi ko mapigilan na hindi mapansin ang mga nakatingin sa amin, may lima kaming kasama sa lamesa, ang alam ko ay pinsan niya ang dalawa mula sa mother side habang ang ang tatlo ay hindi masyadong pamilyar sa akin.

"You're invading my personal space, Carl." I breathlessly said.

Umiling siya. "You invaded my being."

"What?"

May kung anong nahulog sa puso ko.

Kumurap-kurap ako tila hindi maintindihan kung ano ang sinabi niya. Narinig ko ito, malinaw at buong-buo pero parang hindi 'yon pumapasok sa akin.

My mind can't accept it.

"I said you invaded my being so this invasion of privacy you're saying is nothing compared to what you did to me." Aniya.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. "Hindi ka nakakatuwa." Pilit kong sabi.

"I'm not joking though."

Marahas ko siyang binalingan ng tingin at masamang tingin ang ginawad ko sa kanya na hindi naman nagpatinag sa kanya.

"I'm not in the mood for your jokes, Carl. Don't bluff. Don't fool me." May diin kong sabi.

"I'm not fooling--"

We'll do it all

Natigilan kami nang biglang puma-ibabaw ang tugtog. Muli akong napaiwas ng tingin at napabaling sa stage kung saan wala ng nakatayo.

Everything
On our own

Marahan akong napapikit, hindi ko man lang napansin na tapos na ang nag-sasalita sa kanyang sinasabi sa sobrang pagka-lunod sa taong kaharap ko.

I was drown to notice the things around me.

We don't need

"Come.." aniya sabay hawak sa kamay ko.

Anything
Or anyone

"What-- Carl!" Gulat kong tawag sa kanya dahil bigla nalang niya ako hinila patayo at dinala sa gitna.

Naitikom ko ang aking boses nang mapansin na may ibang napalingon dahil doon.

If I lay here
If I just lay here

Napalingon ako sa paligid at nakitang hindi lang kami ang nandoon. May mga babae at lalaki na rin na nag-sasayaw.

Wait.

Sasayaw?

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"Carl--"

Bago ko pa matapos ang aking sasabihin ay kinapos na ako ng salitang sasabihin.

I don't quite know

"What are we doing?" I asked with confusion.

How to say
How I feel

"We're dancing, sweetheart." Bulong niya sa aking tenga.

Napasinghap ako nang dumapo ang kamay niya sa aking bewang at mabagal na pumaikot ito hanggang sa mahawak niya na ang aking likuran.

Those three words

"I know we are.. but.."

I bit my lower lip when he pulled me closer until my body is touching his. I can feel him so much and I suddenly blame my gown for it.

Are said too much

My uncovered back is not helping.

They're not enough

"Carl, you're too close." Halos pabulong kong sabi dahil sa sobrang lapit niya.

His face is beside my face and I felt him placed his head above my shoulders. I closed my eyes when I felt him rested there. With that, I also felt my heart thumped slowly.. harder.

If I lay here
If I just lay here

"I ditched my family's dinner party for you, Kathleen. Adrian told me that you won't come and I got worried that you didn't come because of what I said. I got worried thinking that you might misunderstood me." His low voice said.

Misunderstood?

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"You have this thing for misunderstanding thing, you see.." dagdag niya.

Napangiwi ako at napamulat ng mata dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Bahagya ko siyang tinulak palayo pero lalo lamang niya akong nilapit sa kanya.

I'm quite tall but I looked so small compared to him. He can easily cover me with his broad shoulders and tall built.

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old

"But I don't regret it.. I don't regret going here and ditching my family's dinner party because here I am, dancing with you."

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

"People can see us, Carl.." pag-iiba ko sa usapan.

He encircled his right arm around my small waist and gently hugged me while swaying with the music.

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

"I don't care.. I'll be looking forward to see the news they'll publish tomorrow." Aniya.

Bahagya ko siyang tinulak muli pero tulad ng lagi niyang ginagawa ay hindi na naman niya ako hinayaan.

I need your grace
To remind me

"I'm not bluffing when I told you that you invaded my being."

"As if.." I whispered.

To find my own

Nag-ayos siya ng tayo at bahagyang lumayo sa akin pero ang kanyang mga kamay ay nanatiling naka-hawak at nakapa-ikot sa aking baywang.

Nag-bigay siya ng sapat na distansya para mag-tama ang aming mga paningin na ikina-bilis naman ng tibok ng puso ko.

If I lay here
If I just lay here

"Fifteen years, I liked you for fifteen years already." He said wholeheartedly.

Umiling ako. "No.."

I was only ten years old at that time and he was eleven. It was the first time we saw each other.

Impossible..

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"That can't be. How can you say that? We were young back then.. and.. and.. you went to Argao, you spent a lot of time there.." you even met someone. Someone I know you grew to like.

No. No, Kath. Don't tell him that you knew about that.

I shrugged. "Even when you came back, you were busy with graduation, with your company and now.. you're busy taking over your family's business. We didn't see each other for a long time, so how could you say that? How could you be so sure?" Tanong ko.

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old

Kita ko ang pang-lalambot ng kanyang tingin sa akin. Bahagya niyang hinaplos muli ang aking likuran na ikinatayo naman ng mga balahibo ko. Tila may kaka-ibang hatid iyon sa akin.

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

His beautiful eyes showered me with too much emotions.

All that I am
All that I ever was

"You're underestimating me. Time doesn't matter, with every glimpse.. every shared glance, even the slightest touch is enough for me to keep on wanting you." He answered with sincerity.

I lowered my eyes and stared on his tie instead. My heart is feeling too much and I'm afraid that it will burst.

Parang bumalik sa akin lahat, mga minutong mag-dadalawang isip akong lumingon sa gawi niya at mahuhuli ko siyang nakatingin na sa akin.

Mga segundong mag-lalapat ang balat namin at makakaramdam ako ng pagka-paso pero iwawaksi ko 'yon sa aking isipan.

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

But you liked someone else..

He did. Adrian told me about it, hinahanap niya ang babae. Alam ko 'yon kaya hindi ko magawang maniwala sa kanya. Kaya hindi ko magawang mag-tiwala sa mga sinasabi niya.

Dahil alam kong, sasadlak na naman ako pag naniwala ako.

I don't know where
Confused about how as well

"You know how I hated Adrian for being your first with so many things? First dance, first friend, first to be with on your trip to other country, he was even your escort on your debut.. damn him. He got so many things while I only wanted your smile and you even gave me a hard time getting that before."

Hindi ko napigilan ang tipid na mapangiti dahil doon. Naaalala ko iyon, lagi niyang sinasabi na ngumiti naman daw ako pero lalo lamang sasama ang tingin ko sa kanya o sisimangutan ko siya.

He will try so hard but I won't give in. Sa kanya lamang ako ga'non.. sa kanya lang.

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Natapos ang kanta at may bagong kantang puma-ibabaw pero hindi ko na nagawang intindihin kung ano pa 'yon dahil abala ako sa taong kaharap ko.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at tumigil sa pag-sayaw.

"If that's the case then why did you make me feel like.. you don't want me around? Like you'll be so close to me then one moment you'll be so distant."

Umiling siya at marahang ngumiti.

My knees felt so weak but his arms supported me well, that kept me on holding myself together, so I won't fall.

"I'm a man with plans." Aniya.

Kumunot ang aking noo pero dahan-dahan siyang lumapit at dinampian ng halik ang aking noo na nagpa-pawi ng pagkaka-kunot nito.

I felt like flying at that very moment.

His kiss made me feel so alive which I never felt for a very long time.

My heart kept on wanting more but it is something I can't be greedy about. It is something that I need to treasure now because there's a big possibility it won't happen again.

"And my plan for us started fifteen years ago."