Author's Note: I've added (instrumental) music to the side panel that you can listen to as you read. This song helped me write the chapter. So press play and enjoy. :)

Chapter 30 - Goodbye

It was decided the moment Mikayla felt the presence in the backyard.

She had to leave, and she had to leave as soon as possible.

She began to devise her plan immediately after Isaac’s departure.

In her room, she pulled out her empty duffle bag from the closet and began to pack her clothes. No one would notice because no one came into her room. She put the loaded bag back in the closet when she was done and closed the door.

From an inside pocket in her school bag, she pulled out a crinkled map of Arizona. Unfolding it and spreading it out on her desk, she peered down at it in determined contemplation. Should she go back to Navajo Country, or leave the state? As she debated her options, Anna-Marie announced from the kitchen that dinner was ready.

Quickly tossing the map into her closet, she headed downstairs, her heart twisting with pained anxiety.

She glanced around at the Wright family as they bowed their heads in grace, her gloved hands held by James and Anna-Marie. It was Aiden’s turn to give the little prayer, and although she closed her ears to the words, his voice, still unbroken like a boy’s, reverberated in her eardrums.

She would never see him grow up and become a man. She would miss him stand up for himself for the first time to those bullies at school, miss him gain confidence with each passing day, miss him ask a girl out on a date, or to prom, or to marry him. He was such a brave little boy, and all he needed was for someone to reach out to him.

As the prayer ended, they lowered their hands and raised their heads.

Mikayla kept her gaze down on her dinner, unable to look at the nine-year-old girl across from her. She would let Gracie down, crush her even, and the big sister she had always wanted would vanish without a trace.

It was so cruel. So cruel and unfair to abandon such a pure and innocent child with all of her hopes and dreams. It was because of Gracie that Mikayla even stayed with them. Her sweet nature broke down Mikayla’s barriers that she had maintained with every other foster family.

And it was because of Gracie’s untainted nature that Mikayla had to leave.

Mikayla said not a word during dinner, and kept her eyes lowered to her plate. She could barely eat. Her body was wracked with nerves and her heart was crying at the thought of leaving behind the one place that felt like a home since her grandmother died.

It has to be done, she told herself as she forced herself to eat, tasting nothing but the bitter saltiness of her choked back emotions.

She went back to her room after dinner and sat down at her desk, staring at the map she unfolded. The minutes trickled by into hours, and she still remained undecided as to where to go.

Waiting until morning, after everyone had left, seemed like the best idea.

Yet, as the night wore on, and everyone went to bed, Mikayla could not sleep. She was restless, unable to silence her mind with its incessant internal dialogue, and unable to relax her edgy body.

She ignored the presence she felt outside the house again between midnight and three o’clock, clenching her eyes tightly shut and fighting the invisible force trying to penetrate through her mind.

Just go way! She kept repeating to keep the outer force from reading her mind.

She must have fallen asleep sometime after 4 o’clock because that was the last number she remembered seeing on the digital alarm clock on her nightstand.

Two voices, one male, and one female, invaded the black void of sleep.

‘She will kill more. Her purpose in life is to kill and strike fear in the hearts of others.’

‘Surely, there is hope for her? Please, tell me there is hope for her.’

A pause. A sigh. ‘There is, but she must be broken before she sees the Light.’

‘Who cares?’ demanded a third voice, bitter and hot with wrath. ‘She’s a monster!’

Mikayla woke with a groan, her mother’s voice still echoing through her head, drowning out the rest of the voices in her dream.

Pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead, she pushed the acidic voice out and opened her eyes. Even with the curtains drawn, she could tell that it was a gray and dreary day outside due to the lack of brightness that usually flooded her room.

Gracie’s room, she chided herself.

Glancing over at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand, she pulled herself up briskly and swore. “Dammit! How did it get to be eleven?”

She jumped out of the bed, only to topple over on the floor; the blanket was wrapped around her from a night filled with tossing and turning. Groaning in exasperation, she unwound the blanket from her legs and tossed it on the bed.

Hurriedly, she surveyed the room to make sure she had everything. The morning frog in her throat wouldn’t clear, even when she tried to get it out.

She took a long, hot shower, the last one she knew that she might have for a while. The water fell against her skin, and she brushed her fingers gently over her slick shoulders.

I’ll never be touched. Never be stroked.

Never be kissed.

The frog hopped in her throat again as she thought about Isaac and his breath on her cheek. His lips trailing lightly over her shoulder.

She squeezed her eyes shut and forced the fantasy away.

It could never happen. She wouldn’t let it happen.

Releasing a shaky breath, she turned the water off. Pressing both hands against the wall of the shower, beads of water sliding off her body, she fought the trembling of her legs and the urge to scrap the plan altogether.

You have to do this, she told herself. You’re a danger to them all. The closer you get, the more you put their lives at risk.

It didn’t matter if she was crying. She wiped her face with her towel and stepped out of the shower. As she combed her hair, she pushed her emotions into her gut and collected herself as a strong determined badass with just her bike and the open road before her. No connections, no ties, no strings attached.

Once dressed with heavy makeup covering the bags under her eyes, she entered the master bedroom and began to snoop around. She opened Anna-Marie’s jewelry box and pulled out two gold chains and a pair of diamond earrings. She hoped they were real and worth pawning off. She pocketed the jewelry and continued searching for any cash that they might have stashed somewhere.

She searched between the mattresses, under the bed, opened dresser drawers, everywhere, but could find no hidden stash of cash. The closet yielded a small gray safe, but she couldn’t guess the code. Giving into defeat, she sighed and went about fixing the room up as if she had never been in there.

Returning to her room, she grabbed her duffle bag and headed downstairs. It was almost noon, and much later than she had intended on leaving.

She grabbed an apple and a banana, a couple of water bottles, and some trail mix to snack on from the kitchen before going to the closest and pulling her jacket on. Checking the interior breast pocket, she felt some relief knowing that the feather was there. She didn’t know how long the charm was effective, but she thought it would be long enough for what she was about to embark on.

Grabbing her helmet from the overhead shelf, she swung her duffle bag over her shoulder, punched in the code for the security system, and walked out into the garage. Her motorcycle stood ready to go, and once she had her bag securely fastened and her helmet on, she took a deep breath and pushed it outside.

The gray clouds overhead had gotten darker and looked ready to crack open and spill a torrential downpour at any moment.

Thinking twice about leaving just then crossed her mind, until she saw the car sitting in the driveway—with Isaac getting out from behind the wheel.

His eyes caught hers and the strength she had managed to build up over the last hour all but crumpled within her. She stared at him with bated breath, unable to move or say a word without breaking down completely.

“Mikay?” he asked, eyeing the motorcycle and the duffle bag as he tried to put two and two together.

Don’t answer, she told herself. It’s better not to say a thing.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed her bike forward along the passenger side of the car.

“Hey!” he called after her, hurrying around the car and meeting her at the trunk. “What’s going on? Where are you going?”

She gritted her teeth. “None of your business.”

He shook his head. “Mikay, I can’t understand a word you say through that helmet. Come on, take it off for a second.”

Push him away.

“Fuck off!” She pushed past him and was about to swing her leg over the seat, when he grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him. Nearly losing her balance, she almost fell against his chest, but quickly bounced back and regained her stance.

“Mikay!” he demanded as she twisted his grip off her arm. “Answer me!”

Tearing her helmet off, she glared at him as the wind picked up her black hair and whipped it around her face. “Fuck off, Isaac! It’s none of your business what I do and where I go!”

Thunder clapped over their heads and a single raindrop fell on her cheek. She could feel the electricity in the air and she tried not to shudder as it coursed through her veins. Her heart was beginning to race at the confrontation. She just wanted to runaway without being caught—was that too much to ask for?

She set her jaw, clenching and unclenching her leather-clad hands into fists at her side. Stupid Isaac… always getting in the way!

His face contorted in a glower and he pointed his index finger at her. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but it’s too early for you to leave and pick Aiden up from school—and I know you’re grounded too. So where are you going?”

She shoved him away from her with both hands. “And I told you, it’s none of your goddamn fucking business!”

He shoved her right back. “You’re running away, aren’t you?”

“Shut up!”

He snapped his fingers, as if a light bulb had flicked on in his head. “That’s why you’ve been through so many foster homes. You keep running away from them. Why?”

Another raindrop fell on her cheek as thunder rumbled in a muffled grumble through the thick clouds. Anxiety began to build within her with each second that passed as more raindrops began to fall one by one.

Go!

“I told you, it’s none of your fucking business!”

Just get away from him.

Now!

 “Mikay, just wait a second—listen to me,” he said as she stepped around him and returned to her bike. “You don’t have to do this. You can stay. No one is forcing you to leave. Everything will be okay, I’m sure of it.”

The frog jumped back up her throat when he touched her arm in a gentle gesture. Avoiding his gaze, she tried to force the lump down, but couldn’t.

True, everything might be okay if she stayed—but she couldn't take that chance. Isaac was getting too close. She could hear it in his voice, the subtle tenderness that amá sání had when she was being especially affectionate. It made her heart clench in both fear and longing. Her grip on her emotions was slipping. Something about him was drawing her toward him in a way that terrified her.

She wanted to be near him, craved hearing his voice, and longed for the comfort of his embrace.

But she could kill him—a fate he didn’t deserve, and a mistake she couldn’t bear to live with.

She had to push him away.

It was the only way.

“Just shut up Isaac!  You don’t know shit!” she croaked, trying desperately to keep her anger high and her tears from spilling out.  She had to be strong; she couldn’t give into weakness.

He tightened his hold on her arm and pulled her towards him once more.  “I know enough to tell you that you’re making a mistake!”

“And I’m telling you that you don’t know shit!” she screamed.  She could feel herself beginning to fall apart. The chaos inside was clawing with needle sharp talons and trying desperately to break free—to break her down.

She pulled away and swung her leg over the motorcycle.

“Mikay!”

Lightning streaked across the sky in jagged lines of electrical discharge.

You have to go, she chastised herself as thunder clapped and crackled.  You can’t let this get out of control. You have to protect them.  Leaving… it’s the only way!

She pulled her helmet on just before her tears broke free and spilled down her cheeks. She kicked the motorcycle into gear. The back tire squealed sharply on the pavement as she gunned it and peeled out of the driveway.

She heard Isaac calling after her, chasing after her.  She revved the engine louder, pushed the motor faster, to drown him out and increase the distance between them.

Rain began to splatter down on her, streaking the visor of her helmet.

He’ll never understand.  I’m a monster!  I cannot risk their lives with my stupid emotions.  I have to leave.  I have to protect them.  I can’t…

Her helmet began to fog up as her tears continued to overwhelm her.  Her body began to shudder as she pulled out of the residential street and onto a main road.

Running away was always painful.  It never got any easier.  Even though the Wright family would be the fourth foster family she ran away from, it never became any easier.

She had allowed herself to get too close.  To care too much.

Pain gripped her heart—the same pain that chained her up since her mother’s abandonment.

Why… why couldn’t you have killed me?  This isn’t living… This isn’t worth living!

She didn’t see the pothole in the road.

The front tire hit it hard and threw her from her bike.

She crashed into the windshield of an oncoming car, the glass cracking underneath her.  Pain shot through her body and she screamed within her helmet.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t forgive herself.

And she knew then that it was all over.

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Author's Note: Sorry for the wait! I had a hard time writing this chapter. I hope it's good enough for you all to read now. :)