Chapter 17 - What Is This Feeling?

“What was that about?” Brandon asked as Isaac got back in the car.

Isaac’s eyebrows were pulled together in deep contemplation.  He didn’t know what to make of everything.  Mikayla was brash, rude, violent, but something deeper in her eyes hinted at a lost and troubled soul.  He remembered the feeling he got when he was close to her out on the field the other day.  He felt so completely drawn in by her that it scared him now to think about how close he had gotten.  He had held her, breathed her in, and got lost in the moment—right before she pushed him away.

“I don’t know,” Isaac admitted as he buckled his seatbelt, his thoughts still muddling around in his mind.

He didn’t want to be the one to bring her homework over, but somehow he wound up having to do it anyway.  He was still frustrated about what happened with her, but he wasn’t surprised when he was designated “homework deliverer” since everyone (even the teachers) knew he had been trying to be nice to her.  That wasn’t including the record he had for bringing homework to students who had been off for a few days because of illnesses.

Isaac heaved a sigh as Brandon put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb.

“Do you think that was her brother?”

“I don’t know,” Isaac replied.  “They didn’t look similar at all, but they could have been stepsiblings or something.”

“Maybe she babysits the neighbor’s kids?” Brandon suggested.

Isaac wrinkled his nose.  “Somehow, I can’t imagine her babysitting the neighbor’s kids afterschool.  Or rather, what kind of parents would entrust their kids with a girl like her?”

“Yeah no kidding.”

“Plus, I don’t think the kid would have defended her when I called her a bully if he was just a neighbor’s kid.”

“Yeah, I heard that.  Didn’t he say that she was going to teach him self-defence too?” Brandon asked.

Isaac squinted into the glare of the sun shining down on him through the window.  “Yeah.”

“Damn, that must be so weird.  That kid must have been running laps or something.  Don’t think I’d want her teaching me self-defence.  He must have been desperate.”

Isaac shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand.  He wished he could figure her out, but he also wished he could figure out why he responded so strongly to her.  Why did he feel so drawn to her, and yet the other kids at school could hardly look at her in fear of being caught in the act?

Why was it that he suddenly got hit with a massive headache when he tried to reach out to her?  Almost as soon as he left her alone out in the field, the headache disappeared.

There was something he was missing and that had to be the key to the puzzle.

After a few moments of silence, in which Isaac was off in deep thought, Brandon interrupted and suggested they grab a smoothie and take it out to Arrowhead Rock, a little scenic spot just outside of town.

A smile tugged at the corners of Isaac’s mouth and he agreed.  It was just what he needed.

They stopped at a small burger joint that made the best fruit smoothies on this side of the city before they got back in the “shitbucket” and headed out of town.  With the windows rolled down, and the dry air blowing in their faces, Isaac already felt better when the city fell behind them and the countryside opened up, with its sand dunes, dry shrubs and grasses, and cacti.

After a few minutes of driving, Isaac with his eyes closed and the wind in his face from the rolled down window, Brandon said, “Feeling any better now?”

Isaac nodded, his lips curving up slightly.  Brandon knew just what he needed.  Arrowhead Rock was where Isaac always liked to go to getaway from life.  Before either of them got their licences, Brandon’s dad used to drive the boys out to Arrowhead Rock, light a fire in a can and roast marshmallows under the stars.  Brandon’s dad knew a lot about the stars—or at least, he pretended to know a lot.  As boys, Isaac accompanied Brandon and his family for camping trips at the various national parks in Arizona.  He’d been to them all, and especially loved the Grand Canyon.

Out in the desert, several dirt roads off one of the interstate freeways, Arrowhead Rock wasn’t a common tourist attraction.  Few knew about the place since it was so far out of the way, but it held the calm that repeatedly drew the boys out.

As much as Isaac loved his family, he needed to get away from them from time to time—as did his parents.

And right now, Isaac wasn’t ready to go home.  He needed to work through some thoughts in his head before he was ready to take on his responsibilities again.

When they arrived at Arrowhead Rock, Brandon parked the car on the side of the dirt road.  Pulling out the folding chairs from the trunk, they walked about twenty feet out and took a seat overlooking the rolling red hills in the distance from the slight peak that Arrowhead Rock got its name.

“How are things with Jake?  Same old same old?” Brandon asked as he took a big gulp of smoothie.

Isaac nodded.  “Yeah, he’s been good the last few days.  He’s still exhausting at times though.”

“I think you’re picking off more than you can chew with Mikay at school.  With her suspended, maybe you should take it easy the next two weeks, huh?” Brandon suggested, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair.

Isaac looked down at the miniature canyon before them.  The sun was beginning its descent and they knew that in just a few hours, the temperatures would drop and the sun would disappear over the horizon.  

He knew Brandon was right.  Mikayla was wearing him down just like his younger brother did, but in a different way.  At least with her, he could talk sense to her and she would understand—she just chose not to cooperate.  That was what made it so frustrating with her.

“I think you should just drop it with her,” Brandon continued, taking another gulp of smoothie.  “She doesn’t want to fit in, man.  No point in wasting your energy on something not worth your time.”

Isaac didn’t want to admit that Brandon had a point.  Mikayla was tiresome, and Jake was draining, and he had no energy left for himself.

Still… “I know, but…” Isaac agreed finally, heaving a big sigh.

“But?” Brandon quipped, turning his head to Isaac and looking at him.

Luna had said…

“I get the feeling that I’m the only one who can reach her.  Luna said Mikay needed me.”

He remembered how she stumbled down the hallway.  Her face was pale as a ghost, but her eyes… Luna’s eyes haunted his memory.  Had he been seeing things?  Could her eyes really have turned white?

“Luna?  You mean that goth girl?”

Isaac nodded.  Luna had said that he needed to go to Mikayla, that she needed him, but how?  Mikayla wouldn’t let him in.  She kept pushing him away, and even tried to shove dirt in his mouth to get him to shut up.

Yet, in that last moment, she had been on her hands and knees in the dirt, poised in defeat.  She was crying, and in his anger, he had left her in complete abandonment.

How cruel…

“Dude, what's up?  Spit it out, man,” Brandon urged, playfully slapping Isaac’s arm.

Isaac looked at the edge of the cliff just ten feet away.  How it seemed to rise up slightly towards the sky, coming together in a point before it ended.  He knew the other side had a steep drop of about thirty feet with jagged rocks at the bottom.  He had reached that peak with Mikayla out in the schoolyard.  That point where everything blew up in his face, and he pushed her off.  She crumpled to pieces at his feet and he just walked away.

He had dusted his hands of her then.

But she still had a hold on his mind.

Sure, he had been furious with her, mentally raged over her after that confrontation.

But he didn’t hate her.

If anything, he couldn’t stop thinking about her then.  Her stupid words echoed throughout his mind, how her eyes betrayed her in her moment of weakness, the way she felt against his chest…

He hesitated, his breath catching in his throat.  He was drawn to her.  There was no denying that fact.  He’d never felt this way about a girl before, and Mikayla wasn’t his type.  But at the same time, he didn’t even know who she was.  There had to be something more to her to draw him in like this.

But what?

“You like her, don’t you?”

Isaac snapped to attention then and stared at Brandon with wide eyes.

Brandon met his gaze and his jaw dropped.  “Holy sh—dude, I was joking!”

Isaac realized that his face was hot and his stomach twisted in a knot.

“But that’s it, isn’t it?” Brandon said.  “That’s why you can’t drop it.  That’s why you’re so hung up on her.”

“I don’t get why though,” Isaac said, leaning forward, his head in his hands.  “She’s a pain in the ass, and I know practically nothing about her because she won’t open up to me.”

“You guys had a fight, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but only because she was being a stubborn bitch, pushed me away, and tried to shove dirt in my mouth!”

Brandon burst into fits of laughter.  “You can’t be serious?” he said between guffaws.  When Isaac didn’t say anything, he continued laughing and slapping his knee.  “You guys are just like kids!  That’s fucking hilarious!”

“Shut up!  Don’t you see how ridiculous this is?”

Brandon tried to pull himself together with some difficulty.  “Wow, I didn’t foresee you falling for a badass biker chick.  That’s pretty kinky man.”

“Brandon!”

Flustered, Isaac rose from his chair and stomped away.  He headed towards the cliff, then veered off to the right.

“Hey, wait up!”

Brandon ran after him—all humor void from his face and replaced with a serious expression.  “I’m sorry man, it’s just… damn.”

Isaac stopped, running his hand through his brown hair.  He began to pace back and forth a few steps at a time.

That feeling he had when they were out in the field, how intoxicated it made him feel, how he wanted to touch her, pull her body against his, feel her chest heave against him—if nothing else made sense, the reactions of his body were the only things that did make sense.

“She’s not my type so, why do I want her?”

Brandon watched him helplessly as he stopped pacing and began to chew on his bottom lip.

“Dammit!” Isaac spat then, realizing how he wanted to feel her lips on his.

He turned his face towards the red hills in the distance in an attempt to conceal his flustered face from his best friend behind him.

He didn’t want this right now—wasn’t ready for this right now.

“Dude, I’ve never seen you like this—it’s freaking me out.”

“How the fuck do you think this makes me feel?  I can’t ignore it, and she won’t accept me, so what the fuck should I do?” Isaac demanded over his shoulder.

He didn’t expect Brandon to have any idea either, but getting his thoughts off his chest was better than bottling them up.  Furthermore, Brandon was his best friend.  If he couldn’t confide in him, then who could he talk to about things that troubled him?  They’d always talked about their problems together growing up, but this was unchartered territory for Isaac.  He was always the one listening and giving advice to others, not the other way around.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in and attempted to clear his mind and calm himself down.  He was hot and sweaty now.  He wiped at his brow and returned to his chair, collapsing and closing his eyes as he turned his face up to the sky.

“This is a nightmare,” he grumbled.

Brandon came and sat down next to him, leaning forward on his elbows.  He shook his head in disbelief.  “You sure can pick ‘em, Isaac.”

“Shut up, I didn’t pick her.”

“Well, at least she’s hot.  I gotta give you kudos for that.”

“Flat as fuck though.”

Brandon erupted in roars of laughter again, the sound cracking a smile out of Isaac and diminishing some of the anxiety that built up in him as a result of discovering his own inner secrets toward her.

They sat out there for another hour before packing up their chairs and climbing back into the shitbucket and returning to the city.

It was dinnertime by the time Brandon dropped Isaac off at his house.  A wave of dread washed over him when he heard shouts inside.

He sighed.  It was fun while it lasted, he thought as he said goodbye to Brandon and headed into the house.

.

Author's Note: I spent an hour or two scoping out the countryside near Tucson, Arizona, but couldn't find a location for this chapter that fit my imagination.  So I made up "Arrowhead Rock" just so I had a place Isaac and Brandon could call their own.

Next chapter is good... ;D