"it's easy to hide the pain we feel, but deep down, we know it's slowly destroying us."

I jolted awake from that frightening memory that I wished I could forget, but it's not easy to forget something that has plagued your mind. My heart was palpitating, and my head was pounding, as I took a deep breath, and laid back down. Still instilled with panic and fear, I stared up at the ceiling, my chest heaving up and down. My breaths were short and quick as I sat up, taking in the same old walls of the hospital.

This is why I hated sleeping. It only stays normal for a few minutes, and that serenity is soon broken by my nightmares. Always the black demons that hauntingly grazed my mind and thoughts, leaving me frightened and scarred. Even the hoarse voice that spoke so often in my mind wouldn't leave me alone. Instead, it gave me an eternal torment, a raging tornado of fear whenever I faced anyone.

Rubbing my eyes groggily, I yawned as I stepped out of the comfort of the hospital bed. Cold chills bit at my skin with harsh coldness, as I placed my feet on the floor. The piercing, crisp coldness stinging my feet at the contact. Shivering slightly, I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to stop shaking.

After that, I went out the door only to be faced by a long hallway, with blindingly white walls and corridors, ignoring the sharp, stabbing pain in various parts of my body. At this early in the morning, only a few nurses were up, and most of them gave me questioning looks, which I ignored wholeheartedly. I needed a distraction, something to whisk my attention away from the blundering nightmares.

As I trudged down the long hallway, I didn't actually know where the heck I was going. I'm just relying on my instincts to get out of here, the narrow hallways and small, tight spaces making me feel like I was captured. It felt like I was ensnared into a trap, and I didn't want to be in here any longer. The immaculate condition of everything, of how everything was in pristine condition made me hate the atmosphere.

I stepped out into the surrounding forest, and breathed in the fresh air. Since running away from my pack, I never felt anything like this. I knew I shouldn't let myself wander around in the state that I was in but I couldn't help it. Birds were chirping rather noisily, the sound of animals rousing up my ears as my wolf senses took over, and I could see every little detail, hear every minor sound, as I walked into the fresh greenery of the forest.

The room I was in had a view of how far the stretch of forest covered, and it was pretty long. However, I didn't spot any lakes or anything, so I'll have to rely on my instincts, though they won't do much if I do get attacked. My body was still healing, and wouldn't stand a chance if some rogue decided to pounce on me for whatever reason.

Truth to be told, of course I wished I was stronger, so I could fight my own battles, but they just had to take away the will to fight and rebel against them, although they had already done enough damage to last a lifetime. I hated being so weak, and watching the other wolves fight just urged me more. Every time there was an attack, I would be asked to stay in the room I stayed in, which was the attic.

Countless wolves had, of course, found the unprotected hiding place, so I had many injuries, and none of the pack members had even offered to help, when one attack completely demolished the only property I owned. I walked across the forage, with a couple rays of sunlight, flooding through the small spaces between trees.

Finally, I had reached a place where a curtain of foliage hung around the two trees, and I pushed it aside to find the edge of a cliff, with a glimmering lake on the side as well. Looking over the deep fall of the cliff, I heard the whooshing sound of water rumbling below. The grumble of raucous waves splashed against the rocks of the bottom of the dangerous precipice.

However, I still sat on the ledge, secretly praying that it was safe, and eventually, I got used to the feeling of being...free. Just for once in my life, I felt free. Wind sifted through my hair, carrying them along the direction of the gale. Strands of my hair flew, sending a feeling of flight to course through me.

Freedom. Something I never had for my entire life. I had always been trapped by walls, whether physical or mental, but I never had the chance to feel this free. The wind blowed through my long hair, and I stretched my arms out, though I was scared. I loved the feeling. Smiling, I relished the moment, just wishing for everything to be alright, to be normal.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realise someone behind me. "What are you doing here?"A familiar voice questioned as I turned around to meet the stormy midnight blue eyes of my mate, that were as cold as steel, though I could see a tiny hint of concern hidden by that cold mask.

"I just wanted to get some fresh air. "

"Oh. You shouldn't be out here; it's dangerous."

"Huh. Like you care."

"You don't know anything about me."

I cocked an eyebrow at his response. He sat down beside me, as we watched the rise of the sun, with a swirl of different colours splattered over the horizon in a beautiful ombré. Tension hung lowly between us, and my muscles refused to relax when he was around, afraid of him hurting me.

"Woah,"I whispered, amazed at the sight that was right in front of my eyes.

"Yeah, it's nice here, isn't it?"

Ignoring his question, I nodded, still staring at the myriad of colours spreading into the sky, like that of a watercolour painting. Biting my lip, I felt his gaze boring into the side of my head. Turning to face him, I could see his eyes darkening a bit, that swirl of black dotting the blue of his eyes, making him look more intimidating. Then, he abruptly turned to look at me, making me look away, embarrassed.

"You shouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

He let out a low growl, and I tried not to have a reaction to it, but I failed as I moved an inch away from him.

"Someone has their time of the month," I mumbled.

Gulping the fear down my dry throat, I looked away from him. I didn't want to push his limits. The sun finally gave in to dawn, and the sun was shining brightly, as I used my hand to shield my eyes from the piercing light. He kept quiet beside me, though I could almost sense the stare that bore right into the side of my head.

Soon, I got up from the ground, wanting to escape the awkward tension that filled the air around us. I slowly brushed off the residue of the materials on the forest floor, turning towards the direction that I think I might have used to come here. Confused, I scratched my head, looking at the various paths that I could have used to come here. Oh my god. Why is this happening to me now?!

A hand on my arm brought me out of my reverie, as tingles began to uncontrollably shoot up my arm. I turned around to see my mate. I shouldn't even call him that. Shrugging off his hand, I moved away from his touch, not allowing myself to yield into his hypnotising yet treacherous arms. Keeping my head down, he still didn't move, and unfortunately for me, I was pulled flush right against him.

Facing an indecision of whether to pull away or stay in the position, I decided on the latter, still in angst of what would happen next. Jolts pleasantly ran up my arm, and wherever else that he touched me. I shuddered again but this time, it wasn't because of the feeling of apprehension or uneasiness. It was because of the feeling of satisfaction.

The feeling was one that I wasn't at all used to. In fact, I was rather unfamiliar with the sparks and my racing heart, beating a mile per hour. Figuratively, of course.

I keep getting myself in these kinds of situations. My head was resting on his chest, and the bizarre thing was that his heart was thumping just as rapidly as mine. Warmth radiated from him, inundating me with a sheet of affection and ease. Inhaling his scent, I could smell something aromatic. His redolent scent sent a feeling of assuagement.

He awkwardly scratched his neck, asking,"Do you have any idea where you're going?"

"I could always-"

"Sure you do. Come on, follow me."

At that, I stopped for a minute there. Shrugging, I trailed after him. My stomach was rumbling for food and I was definitely in the mood for some pizza.

Reluctantly, and with effort, I trudged behind his incredibly long strides, following him to the hospital and into the public canteen, where many stared openly, and whispered. Nausea began to pile up in my stomach, as it churned uncomfortably. I gulped, helplessly following him, not knowing where else to go.

What a world to live in. A world filled with miserable hatred and fear that took over every single nerve. I hated the anxiety I felt at that moment, walking through the crowds of people, wondering what they thought of me, although I knew it wasn't supposed to matter. But it did to me.

I cared too much about what people thought of me, constantly wondering whether they thought I was insane, or perhaps, how they thought of how I looked. They judge us by our appearance on the outside, not the inside. Those quotes that say,'Beauty exists on the inside, not the outside.'

I know that's true, but I can't bring myself to believe that. In my mind, they're wrong, because beauty on the outside matters to me. What would they think of someone with scars like mine? With a face like mine. That's what they think. But the saddest part is that it's true, isn't it? I lowered my head, letting my hair fall down and cover my face, so they wouldn't see how I looked like.

My mate led me into a private kitchen, that had no one there, fortunately. He told me to wait here, as he ordered us breakfast.

The nervousness from before came rushing back, along with the nausea.  At the sight of food, and the mere thought of it, my stomach churned uncomfortably once again and I felt the tiniest bit sick. I waved it off, focusing on the food in front of me. My stomach seemed to gurgle in revolt, but I had to eat it since my mate was already staring at my negligence of food, probably wondering why.

I gulped and tried to swallow the delicious pancakes, and ignored the confused gaze my mate was sending at me. Eating it slowly bit by bit, I fought the urge to vomit everything I had in my stomach. I had only finished maybe a quarter of food on the plate, when I felt sick, nauseous. "Where is the bathroom?" I asked my mate as my stomach churned and growled noisily. He pointed towards the room at the end of the hall. As I felt bile rise up my throat, I raced out of the chair, and down the hallway as fast as I could.

Pushing the door open, I vomited every single thing that was in my stomach, when blood spurted out of my mouth. I stared at the red liquid in horror, sinking at the corner of the bathroom, sobbing. My mate had appeared in the bathroom, holding my hair back as I puked up some more bile, my throat feeling sore. His breath hitched, eyes widening as he saw blood.

At this point, I was beyond embarrassed, too much in agony to care, and I felt a pain in my ribs as I coughed rather violently, only to see blood on my hand. Black dots dotted my vision, blurring it, and the last thing I felt was my mate carrying me and then it all turned black. The world turned into one filled to the brim with darkness, melancholy and sorrow. What was odd was the lively sparks jumping on my skin, an orthodox to the feeling I had just then.

I lost consciousness, darkness sputtering amongst my vision.

**********

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