John put the armor plated priest's robe on and covered his face with the veil of the undertaker mask. "Put these on La." John said, holding out a set of handcuffs. "John, what if something goes wrong? I can't do much with my hands cuffed behind me." Lana replied, feeling uneasy about getting handcuffed."Just trust me honey and please put your hands behind your back mam. You have the right to remain sexy. Anything you say can and will be used to please me." John said, patting Lana on the butt laughing. "Ugh! Fine." Lana turned around and let John cuff her. He left the handcuff's locked on the last link and put the handcuff key in her hand which Lana tightly closed around the key. John walked over to the lifeless priest and took the sidearm from the one with the open skull and walked back and lifted up Lana's shirt and tucked the pistol in her waistline of her pants.

  "Is that a thong?" John asked, when he covered the gun up with her shirt. "Maybe." Lana replied looking back and rolled her eyes while she shook her butt at John. "Well suck my big toe. My wife wearing a g-string fellas! Wohh!" John yelled out. "I am sexy, huh?" Lana asked and licked her lips and smiled. "Have you ever banged a warrior priest?" John asks while moving his hands up and down his torso indicicating himself as the "warrior priest".

"Hey John?" Lana asked waiting on him to respond before continuing. "Yes La?" John asked while ushering her toward the same door that the priest's had originally walked through when they first arrived. "If you ever say the word bang to me and/or refer to yourself as a warrior priest again, I'll make you a warrior nun by clipping your nuts and banging yourself with them, honey." Lana replied and left John unsure if she was joking or not. They walked down a long corridor with shiny white tiled floor. Luckily they haven't passed by anyone yet, but since they had no idea where they were going, it was like trying to figure out a maze without being able to see what the maze looked like. "Hold on let me look at this fire escape diagram." John said jogging over towards the plaque on the wall with a layout of the building.

  "Where are we?" Lana whispered while keeping an eye out for any hostile jahoevah witnesses or some armed choir singers. "Oh shit." John mumbled loudly. "We're in Ohshit? Where the hell is Ohshit John?" Lana asked puzzled, but after a second it came to her and she realized John wasn't replying to her question, but rather he saw something troubling. When John jogged back over to her he said. "You will never guess where we are?" John left the question up in the air and asked. "What did you ask me a Second ago? Something about shit?" John asked waiting on an answer. "Um, what? Oh, I Um, nothing. I didn't say anything." Lana replied dubious not wanting to sound like an idiot about thinking "Ohshit" would be the name of a country or place they would be a prisoner at. "Okay, well we're at the mother suckin Vatican! Ha ha. Let's go graffiti the Sistine chapel babe." John said candidly. "Or we can go home and have lots of 'at home, not prisoner of the Vatican sex instead?" Lana replied with an overly exuberant fake smile and fake laugh to go along with it. "I was going to spray paint a giant Weiner and write beside it [John came here] in big letters." John told Lana while he patted her arm and continued saying "Get it? I came there. Like I splurged my load there? Ha! Classic!" John said laughing. "Its official, I'm married to a grown man-child." Lana said shaking her head in defeat.

  When they got to the next doorway, John looked down the left of the hallway while Lana looked down the right of the halfway. "Let's go this way. It leads outside!" Lana said cheerfully. "How do you know it leads outside genius?" John asked seriously. "Because my freakin fortune cookie said "The path outside is to the right." Lana said using her fingers to quote her fortune cookie note after uncuffing herself. "When did we get fortune cookies?" John asked confused,while lifting up the viel to get some air. "You are lucky your fine and have perfect abs babe." Lana said patting John on the stomach and turned around and walked down the hallway toward the double doors with a glowing 'EXIT' sign above them.

When the reached the doors at the end of the hallway, they peered through the small glass windows that showed them a set of stairs that led down to a parking lot with a large white vehicle sitting in the lot that John instantly recognized. "Oh! Oh! Oh! Look Lana! Its the Pope Mobile!" John said using his hand to make sure Lana looked by palming her head and directing her head to look at the bullet proofed glass car that the pope stood waving at when he would travel via automobile. Lana grabbed the veil covering John's face and lifted it up revealing his face to her. "What?" John muttered. "Just making sure I had the right dummy." Lana replied letting the veil drop back down and opening the double door and exiting the Vatican with John closely behind.

When John opened his side of the double door he triggered a extremely loud intruder alarm that could be heard a mile away and also clicked on a spotlight that shone directly at John, who stood there motionless. "Shit." John instantly turned back into soldier mode and covertly ran behind his frantic wife who seemed to of least her marbles now. "John, what do we do?" Lana asked worried. John sat crouched on one knee looking in left and right directions as he traversed a plan for extraction. They started to hear loud marching that seemed to be getting louder by the second. John and Lana sat crouched behind a monument of Pope Francis that was about 50 meters from their home free bullet proof ride that was parked and with the keys in the ignition that John used the scope of the rifle to verify the keys were there.

  "Listen baby, I'm going to draw there attention away from you and you run as fast as you can and get in the car and drive north until you run out of gas. Understand?" John yelled, but he might as well of been talking a foreign language because Lana replied. "Um, no?" John kissed his wife and stood up and someone yelled. "Stop! Drop the weapon or you will be fired upon. John was taking backward steps pretending not to understand the Vatican police. "'Uh, Me no speaky English!" John replied now twenty or so meters away from Lana. The Vatican Police were now in Lana's view and she could see more than thirty officers in military BDU's and looked more like Holy soldiers than religious police. Lana wasted no more time and bolted for the Dodge Pope mobile and just like her husband said the keys were in the ignition. When she turned the ignition Lana was not expecting to hear a hemi under the hood. The loud engine turned all eyes from John to her in the extremely white and glass dodge charger with a enclosed podium on the back and an african american woman spinning the tires of their holiest modes of transportation and coming in between their armed fugitive.

Someone went rogue and without being ordered too fire started spraying the bullet proof glass as the car came in front of John. When whoever was in charge ordered the cease fire John poked his head and tip of the rifle over the hood of the car and returned fire making sure to empty the clip before jumping in the passenger seat. The Vatican police returned fire as Lana jumped the curb and started going through the Vatican courtyard where the Pope would step out from his balcony and wave to the perishers that looked to him as a sort of God. The new Pope has not been decided on yet, ever since the murder of the last Pope and the unveiling of the hidden testaments. There wasn't as many people in the Vatican as there would usually be during the time when the cardinals decide on who is worthy of such a thing and someone finally gets tired of waiting and chooses someone other than himself so that the Chamberlign will let them out of the Sistine chapel.

At first there was so much debate and people of faith not willing to believe that their God would condemn the right of monogamous marriage. Monogamy is to marry a single spouse and it kind of makes sense that God would not allow a monogamous world. God made us in "his" image and "he" is devine and no other is "thou" God and anyone that claims to be is a false God. It just wouldn't fit for a selfish egotistical tyrant to allow such a thing of free will and true love to another person. Or would it? World leaders felt that it would be against God to not follow his commandments, but in actuality it allowed the rich folks and the corrupt politicians to let their mistresses come out of hiding and the bribing of elected officials and fixing of elections to end. It wax so the first lady didn't have to see her husband on the front page of the new york times wearing leather assless chaps banging a hooker and ruin their campaign for re-election. Makes more sense when you put the real reasons out there rather than false beliefs and religious virtues on the chopping block as a front.

"Put your seatbelt on." Lana said in a serious tone and a bullet smacked into the rear window. John turned toward his wife and raised an eyebrow at the odd request. "I think we have other things to worry about getting killed by dear than a fender bender." John said as more bullets clinked against the glass. Lana was driving about 75 mph and had four or five armed Vatican police cars in hot pursuit of Holy force 1. She looked over at her husband with a shocked expression and stopped watching the road and slammed on the breaks coming to a complete stop never breaking eye contact with John. "I wasn't asking. Put yo damn seat belt on." Lana more or less demanded. "Your the boss." John replied reaching for his belt and locking it into the latch. "There, you happy?" John asked sarcastically. Lana looked in the rear view and gripped the steering wheel and floored it. The Vatican Police suddenly stopped following Lana and John. "They must of forgot to pray or something" John joked when he saw the blue flashing lights cease and turn around. " Or maybe "Cops" must come on T.V. at 12:00pm over here." Lana joked with her husband who started laughing and placed his hand over his wife's hand which was on the gear shift.

"Where we going hubby?" Lana asked worried. "Paris." John replied with  serious tone. Lana's eyes grew wide at the news of the newlyweds going to the city of love made her raise one hand up and start dancing in her seat. "Uh oh. Gonna get our love making thing going." Lana said happily. "I have an old friend that lives in Paris that can help us get back home." John replied, still in a serious tone. "Oh." Lana replied in distaste as the romantic gesture flew out the window and smacked against an 18 wheeler and dissipated. "What do you mean "old friend?" She asked." What old friend?" Lana continued questionably. "My deceased brother." John replied. "What the fuck are you talking about, 'My deceased brother'?" Lana replied shocked. "Long classified story, hun." John replied patting his wife's hand and laying his head back against the headrest, finally able to take a breath. Or so John thought. "Wake up motha fucka and explain because I watched you mourn for Kyle after hearing he was K.I.A." Lana yelled after smacking his chest to get his attention.

"I couldn't tell anyone La. I would of been tried for treason if I did." John answered hoping that was enough to ease his wife's tyraid. "I'm going to punch that white boy dead in his mouth when we get to France." Lana said shaking her head reffering to John's brother Kyle. The "check engine" light came on and steam was coming from under the hood heavily. "We need new wheels babe." Lana said slowing down. "Duhh." John replied loudly and sarcastically. "Motha Fu-" Lana started to say to her husband before the engine blew and they came to a complete stop.