Because I'm not mean enough to leave you all with just that. ~Silver

~~~

It should be raining. The dark-haired man squinted against the clear blue skies as tears slid down his cheeks. His calloused hand rested upon the cold grey headstone as a gentle breeze caressed his face, chilling the liquid upon his cheeks. Birds happily chirped from their branches as the day moved on.

But Aizawa Shouta didn't. The world was grayscale, now. It was cold and meaningless and his heart hurt with every beat. Each breath was shallow and shaky and he sank to his knees as a strangled sob broke from his dry lips.

It shouldn't be like this. It should've been one horrific nightmare. He thought it was bad when Shirakumo died, but... This was infinitely worse. He let his hand slide off the grave as he hugged the leather jacket to himself, burying his nose in the familiar material.

His scent was stale, but it was there. For a moment, he swore he felt his arms around him, holding him close to his chest like he always did when Shouta was close to breaking.

Then the wind came and washed away the phantom warmth with its chilly touch, and Shouta let out another broken sob.

It should've been him.

He should've been the one in the grave, not...

He jumped when his phone dinged, reminding him that he had places to be. Things to do.

Things he didn't want to do. Places he didn't want to be. He wanted to stay there, curled up against the grave until his body finally listened to his wants and just quit. Until his shattered heart finally bled out and fell silent.

Until he died, too.

But he'd tried that, already. After a full day of laying there in the pouring rain, Nemuri had found him and dragged him back to the apartment.

Shouta hadn't gone back to school. His students were worried about him, and Midoriya in particular seemed awfully sympathetic. In fact, he'd often find the kid coming to his place (he didn't question how the kid knew where he lived, and he honestly didn't care much at this point) and just... filling the silence. He wouldn't really talk much, but he'd hum and put on some music and cook Shouta dinner.

He never asked for it, but some part of him appreciated it. The kid would give him this understanding look. Like he knew what Shouta was going through.

He ignored his phone, though. His eyes lingered on the name of the gravestone, and he felt his heart shatter all over again.

Yamada Hizashi

Shouta just couldn't take it anymore. He felt so alone. He knew, logically, that there were many people who were trying to help him. Nemuri, the way she'd stop by and try to help him get ready in the morning, even though the only place he ever went these days was to visit Zashi.

Principal Nezu gave him two weeks off school, paid leave. He would also send him messages and call him to try to distract him.

Power Loader made him a basket of cookies the other day. Shouta hadn't even known the guy could cook. And he felt bad that he couldn't bring himself to eat a single one, because Hizashi loved to bake.

Thirteen would often come by just to check up on him. They wouldn't become intrusive, and they wouldn't make him talk about things or go outside, but he could tell they were deeply concerned.

Vlad would try to drag him out of the apartment, but after the last time he did that, and Shouta punched him, he stopped. He felt guilty for socking him like that, but it felt like he was trying to make Shouta forget Hizashi. And it made him angry.

His students had been sending him cards and baked goods and all sorts of things. Koji had once come by with his bunny and let Shouta borrow him for a little while. It helped a little, but even Shouta's own cats hadn't helped ease the pain. He still appreciated the thought.

Even Todoroki had tried to help him. In fact, all of 1–A had banded together to make him a weighted quilt, each square with some sort of picture or saying stitched in to represent each member of his class. It made him smile a little, when Midoriya and Iida ran it over to him.

But even that... Even their kindness and caring...

He still wanted to die.

His heart was beyond aching. It felt like someone had stolen everything. Logic held no meaning. Life held no meaning. Life without Hizashi...

He rested his back against Hizashi's grave. The early afternoon sun shone brightly overhead, and he knew that everyone was busy with school.

Shouta let his head fall back against the cold stone as tears slowly dripped from his eyes. He didn't care anymore. About anything.

He felt something in him shift. Like he'd passed over an internal roadblock. All the pain started to fade, and he was overwhelmed with a wave of peace. His shoulders relaxed as a gentle smile came to his face. He didn't feel the need to take another breath. His body didn't scream for the need of oxygen. He wasn't scared.

Aizawa Shouta closed his eyes as he felt the first droplets of rain fall to the earth, like the sky was weeping.

Ten minutes later, Nemuri would find Shouta sitting at his husband's grave with a gentle smile. She would reach out with trembling fingers when she realized he wasn't breathing. She would panic and call Recovery Girl when she couldn't find a pulse.

Recovery Girl would call the time soon after. She would not find a cause of death, beyond 'a broken heart'.

All of U.A. would mourn the loss of Aizawa Shouta, but none more so than Class 1–A.

Linechanhere!YoumayknowmefromsomeofSilver'sotherstories!Ihopeyou'realldoingokay,andwe'reallsorrywecan'tbeheremoreoften.Pleasedon'tcry.Thisstoryisn'toveryet.:)

Shouta snapped awake. His hand went to Hizashi's spot on instinct, and he felt his heart clench painfully when he found the cold empty spot. Of course it was a dream. He reminded himself bitterly. Life would not be kind enough to let me die.

He curled into Hizashi's pillow, taking in the scent of caramel and pine with a strangled sob. He couldn't stop. One sob was followed by another as he shook the whole bed with his sorrow.

He didn't notice when someone ran into the room in a panic, flicking on the lights. Whoever it was, whether it was Nemuri or Midoriya, they could just fuck off. Shouta was in pain. He wanted to die. The only person he wanted was—

"Shou?"

He gasped, biting back another sob. No, he couldn't have heard that. He was imaging things again.

"Shouta? Please, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" He felt a very solid very warm hand on his shoulder and slowly raised his gaze to meet panicked green.

Not Midoriya's green. Hizashi's very alive green eyes.

"Z... Zashi?" He whispered, unable to believe it.

"Shou... what?"

He didn't allow his husband to finish that thought as he threw himself into Hizashi's arms and sobbed for all he was worth. He held him tight and refused to let go.

"Shh... It's okay, babe. I'm here. Whatever nightmare you had was just that—a nightmare. Everyone's okay."

A nightmare? God, it hadn't felt like a nightmare. It felt so real. He'd seen Hizashi die. Felt his blood, hot and sticky all over his hands, and felt his heart stop. He held him tighter.

"Please." Shouta whispered brokenly. "God, please... Don't ever die on me, Hizashi. If you do I... I can't live without you."

Hizashi just held him as he sobbed, whispering quiet promises as Shouta whispered broken pleas.

It took him three hours to calm down. By that point, Hizashi had already texted Nezu to let him know that neither of them would be coming into work today. The Principal was concerned, but Hizashi had promised to explain later.

"Shouta, what happened? I've never seen you so... so devastated. Not even after..."

"It didn't feel like a dream, Zashi. God, I really thought I'd lost you." He clenched a fist over his heart as the pain made itself known again, only to be soothed by his husband's solid arms encircling him. "There'd been a villain attack... And... and you died, Zashi. God, you died in my arms, and I felt it." He let out a strangled half-sob. "I felt your heart stop. And... and I remember the whole thing so clearly... And it wasn't just that. It was a whole week. I begged and pleaded and nothing I did... nothing worked. I prayed it was a dream, but no matter what I did, I just couldn't. Wake. Up."

Hizashi stared as Shouta clawed at his left arm for a moment, green eyes widening in understanding. "Oh, Shou."

"Zashi, I can't tell you how many times Nemuri had to drag me away from your grave because I wouldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. And everything I saw just reminded me that you were... gone."

"I hate seeing you like this." Hizashi held him tighter. "Please, Shou. Please don't go back down that hole."

"I..." Shouta let out another sob. "Just don't ever die on me. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere, Shou." Hizashi spent another hour calming his husband down. It was well passed nine in the morning, now.

"Shit... school." Shouta realized as he glanced at the clock. He felt so out of it. He'd spent the last week—or what he thought was a week—wallowing in his deepening depression until he finally died at Hizashi's grave. But it was apparently all a dream. Just a big fucked-up nightmare.

"I've already called Nezu. He's excused us both for the day." Hizashi explained calmly. "C'mon, Shou. You look like you could use some coffee and a good meal." He smiled, and Shouta felt his heart unclench.

"Yeah. I don't think I've eaten in a few days." He muttered absently.

"You're really stuck in that dream." Hizashi blinked as he led him to the kitchen. "We had dinner yesterday."

"I..." He furrowed his brows. Normally dreams started to fade after a person wakes up, but... "That nightmare's not fading at all."

"That's... weird."

Shouta took a long sip of the coffee, and sighed in contentment. Hizashi was fine. He was alive and well. The caffeine started to wake up his brain a bit.

"Was there...?" He paused a moment. "Hey, Zashi?" He asked, and his husband turned from the cooking breakfast.

"What is it, Shou?"

"Wasn't there a villain fight yesterday? I can't seem to remember it clearly."

"There was a robbery, but the two of us took care of it fairly quickly. I think one of them got you with a minor paralysis Quirk, but Recovery Girl didn't find anything wrong, so... Oh. Oh." Hizashi's eyes were wide and Shouta let out a shaky breath.

"I don't think it was a paralysis Quirk." He drained the coffee and pulled out his own phone. He dialed Recovery Girl and put her on speaker.

"What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she picked up the phone.

"Why do you just assume something's wrong when Shouta calls you?" Hizashi pouted.

"Because neither of you two are here today, and Aizawa's the type to come to work on his deathbed."

"Fair point." Shouta sighed. "Remember that Quirk I got hit with the other day?" He cursed the tremor in his voice, because he knew Recovery Girl would pick up on it.

"What happened?" Her tone was sharp and concerned.

"It gave Shouta one of the worst nightmares I've ever seen. He's only calming down now, but he really thought..."

"It was a hyper-realistic dream that lasted ten and a half days." Shouta picked up. "A living nightmare." He whispered with a strong shudder.

"Come in as soon as you have the chance. I'd normally come by for a house call, but All Might took over your homeroom for today and I want to be here in case Midoriya breaks any more bones." She huffed, and Shouta groaned.

Of course All Might would take over his class.

An hour later showed Shouta and Hizashi entering Recovery Girl's office. "Sit there, Dearie." She motioned to Shouta. He sighed as she went through a physical, only to stop short at his left arm.

At first Shouta didn't know what she was so concerned about. She knew about those scars. Hell, she'd been the one to find him cutting three days after Hizashi's... oh.

"Shou?" Hizashi's eyes were wide.

"It was in the dream." Shouta explained.

"Perhaps I should know what kind of dream this was." Chiyo huffed.

"Hizashi died." Shouta said, and like that, the pain was back. That heartbreak and that loneliness and his eyes watered and then...

"Shh... I'm right here, Shou." Hizashi's arms held him tight.

Chiyo's eyes were glued to something else, though. "How did you wake up from that dream?" She asked, looking at Shouta with a piercing gaze.

"I died." Shouta answered. "I fell asleep at the grave, and just... died."

"Wait here, I need to make a call." Her eyes flickered to Hizashi. "Stay with him."

The two men shared a concerned look. If Recovery Girl was worried about Shouta being alone, then something was obviously very wrong.

She came back twenty minutes later with a stack of papers. "Detective Tsukauchi sent me the man's Quirk Files. The system was being debugged yesterday, which is why we were misinformed about his Quirk."

"Misinformed?" Hizashi's brows furrowed in concern. "So it wasn't a minor paralysis Quirk?"

"No." Chiyo shook her head as she drew off some liquid in a syringe and gave it to Shouta.

"What was that?" He rubbed his arm.

"A mild sedative. Trust me, you'll need it."

"That doesn't make me feel any better." Shouta muttered, and he knew Hizashi felt the same.

"It's called 'Reality Warp'. Despite the name, it just messes with the person's view on reality. It will show them their worst plausible nightmare in the form of a dream, and keep them in it for as long as it can. These dreams are hyper realistic. Upon waking, the person won't be able to tell it was a dream. Several people in the past have gotten severe PTSD from it. You're lucky you were only stuck for ten days, Aizawa. Some have been trapped for years, and nobody knew because it only lasted a night."

"But the scars..." Hizashi hugged him.

"Injuries and wounds will travel over. It convinces your mind so wholly that what you're experiencing is real, that your body creates the injuries you've obtained—and heals them, too. If you'd died by any other method in the dream..."

Shouta shuddered. He would've left Hizashi alone. He felt his husband's hands shake a little.

"That being said, 'Broken Heart Syndrome' is a thing." She looked at Shouta carefully. "People can die of a broken heart. The surge of stress hormones caused by the emotional pain you've experienced can cause short-term heart failure. And from the physical I gave you, I can confidently state that you did actually die for a short period of time."

The two stopped moving and Shouta felt his heart clench again.

"Oh, no. None of that." Chiyo pushed Shouta down into the bed. "This is why I gave you the sedative. No startles or scares or added stress right now. Your heart's in a precarious state." She looked from Shouta to Hizashi, who was rather pale. "And since the stress in the dream stems from you dying, you'll be staying with him. Doctor's orders." She huffed and scribbled down something on a clipboard.

"Luckily for you, you'll recover just fine. But I'm mandating bed rest for today. You can go back to work day after tomorrow—teaching only, no hero work until I okay it. I'll inform Nezu for you, as well as the rest of the staff."

Shouta sighed. God, this was a mess. But at least Zashi was alive. That was what mattered.

"Thank you, Chiyo." He gave her a small smile.

"Just get some rest, Aizawa." She smiled and Shouta felt his husband curl up on the bed next to him.

He snuggled into his warmth and let the sound of his heartbeat lull him to sleep. I'm home.