You breathed heavily as you pressed your back against the cool surface of the dark hall. You'd slipped in a small space in the wall, desperate to avoid any prying eyes as you worked your way through your panic attack. In and out, in and out, you breathed, struggling. Eyes shut. Eyes opened, because you couldn't trust that someone wouldn't find you and drag you out. Eyes shut again, because you wanted to escape and not be here...

"You! You there. Where is she?" 

Your breath caught in your throat as you gasped. The voice was undoubtedly Hux's; he was on the hunt for you. You'd managed to flee from a meeting the moment it had ended without anyone noticing.

"Where is who, General?" the robotic voice of a stormtrooper asked.

You slipped slightly out of the crevice in the wall, your hands gliding across the cool surface of the wall.

"Where is who?" he mocked --- and then he said tiredly, "My fiancee, you complete and utter buffo---"

"I'm here, Armitage," you said. You walked confidently, putting on a fake show just for those around you. You knew you didn't look like someone who had just had a mental breakdown in a dark corner. You looked as powerful as your father to them. 

But stars, were they wrong to assume that you were. 

Truth was, you were tired. You were tired of this life. Your father had a strict command over you. You would never fully escape it. You had a fiance to take over when he was dead and gone.

"Ah, my love," he said, examining you closely. "Where ever did you disappear to?"

"The refresher," you said automatically. 

"Oh." He shook his head, slightly embarrassed. "You disappeared without a word. I had begun to worry about you." 

"I'm quite alright, General," you said, nodding. He would be charming, but you had long since stopped loving him the way you should be.

"Good." His gloved finger touched the tip of your chin, tilting your face upward. He pulled his hand away. "Since you disappeared, we've made a sudden progression in the search for the map of Luke Skywalker. The Resistance pilot that General Leia Organa herself sent to retrieve the map of Skywalker's location has been captured. Unfortunately, his droid that carried the map managed to escape our grasp."

"How is that sudden progression?" you asked, walking alongside Hux now. "It sounds like failure."

"You'd better learn to control your tongue," he snapped. Your blood went cold. "If Ren manages to get the location of the droid out of the Resistance pilot, then we will be successful." 

"The pilot is being held here now?" you asked. 

"Yes," Hux said, and at the moment, you heard a scream of absolute agony that made you jump. "That would be him. I sent some stormtroopers in there to get him comfortable. Ren should already be in there, preparing to deal with the rest."

You stared in horror at the set of closed doors, where the sound was coming from. Hux chuckled to himself quietly. 

How did he think this was amusing? A man's life was being taken from him behind these very walls. Couldn't he feel the ripping of his mind --- the tearing of his soul as he broke him piece by piece---

"My love, are you all right?" he asked. 

"Yes," you whispered, blinking quickly. You wiped your face of any horror. "I'm quite fine... just --- just feeling not like myself is all."

"I can tell," he said. "You've been out of sorts since this evening." 

"I know," you said. "I apologize." 

He gave you a look of disdain, but it was brief. He dropped your arm as he stopped in front of the command base. "You should compose yourself, Officer. You are the daughter of a Captain. I suggest you act like it." 

"Yes, General Hux," you said. "Forgive me."

He put his finger back under your chin and tilted your head upward. You let your eyelids drop shut as he leaned down and gave you a soft kiss.

There was a time, perhaps a handful of years ago, where you might've enjoyed the soft touch of his lips against yours. No longer did you feel that same rise of excitement at the thought of marrying this man you'd known all of your life. You grew up with Armitage Hux as your friend. You'd watched him transform from the frightened young man that was often bruised and beaten by his own father to the cold, strict General who led his army of stormtroopers proudly and supposedly held your heart forever.

You were never in love with him. Any hints of romantic feeling you had towards him were no more than brief moments of excitement as a young teenager felt knowing that someone wanted her.

No, you were expected to marry him. In fact, you were to marry him in the springtime. You silently hoped something drastic would happen to you or him to put off that day.

It sickened you to imagine being bound to him for eternity.

As your fiance kissed you, you heard the painful yelling of the Resistance pilot that was being questioned by the Commander. You squeezed your eyes shut to block it out, but it was consuming your every sense. You could feel him.

Armitage pulled away, his fingers stroking down your jaw before dropping to his side. "I will see you at approximately 09:40 for dinner. I've already arranged it with your father."

You nodded. "Could I talk to you about something, my love?" you whispered.

"Of course."

You licked your lips nervously and stared down at your shoes. 

"Speak already, ___."

"Armitage," you breathed, so he would know that you weren't being serious, but you genuinely needed him; not the General, but your fiance. Your friend. "Something inside of me has changed. Awakened, maybe. I can now feel the lives of those we kill slip away from them. I feel the silence they leave behind. It frightens me."

He did not speak, so you looked up at him through heavy eyelashes, and he was frowning. "Perhaps this has something to do with the execution of FN-2188 last week. He was right in front of you when he was ordered to be shot, was he not?"

"He was," you said.

"Then it is that," he said. "Your trusted soldier was killed. He disappointed you. The rest of my army will not."

You furrowed your eyebrows. It was true that the death of the young stormtrooper had bothered you. You'd watched the blood leak from his helmet. You'd witnessed the body fall backwards, caught by FN-2187, who grabbed his fallen brother in shock.

In that moment, you watched in horror as the emotionless helmet of the stormtrooper glanced up from the body and into your eyes. You felt something as he felt something. 

A pull.

The pain of the killed solider was immense, and the emotional shock and pain of the one that caught him was enough to paralyze you.

But that wasn't the cause of your feelings. "Armitage, I don't---"

The doors behind Hux slipped open, and you both turned as Kylo Ren stepped out. "It's in a droid," he said. "A BB unit."

"Well then," Hux said. "If it's on Jakku, we'll soon have it."

"I leave that to you," he said, passing by.

"I must go," Hux said to you. "Remember our dinner." 

"I will," you said. 

"And fill out those reports your father demanded for," he said. "I won't have you getting yourself demoted because of your distracted mind. You'll make a fool out of the both of us."

You blinked as he walked on, leaving you in front of the now closed doors. Behind them was the Resistance pilot that had just given up the location of the droid that contained the clue needed to find Luke Skywalker and vanquish the last remaining Jedi.

You despised this plan.

Lately, you'd despised everything from the Order.

Lately, you'd felt the impact of every single death on board.

That was what had finally done it in for you and pushed you to have your first panic attack. When Kylo Ren commanded the lives on Jakku be terminated, you felt each and every soul leave the system from where you stood.

Yet everyone else passed by without a single notice of this. Were you the only person that felt it?

And why did you feel like the answer to your question was right there behind the doors? Right where the Resistance pilot lay...

Your hands shook as you stood in your place, frozen with the thought of what you were going to do. You felt it in you, from the bottom of your feet to the crown of your head. It was written in every bit of your soul. 

You, the daughter of the feared Captain, the promising officer, the fiancee to the General Hux of the First Order, were about to rebel.

You turned. 

Faced the doors. 

Reached up with your hand, fingers on the pad. The tips of them touched the numbers as you typed in your code. 

The doors opened and you walked in with your eyes on the Resistance pilot.