Hux stared forward at the projection of the Supreme Leader. His leader stared down at the two men with disgust, without respect, with complete disdain. 

"The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance," he said, and Hux felt the rumble of his words through the soles of his feet. "Leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise."

 "Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility---"

"General!" roared Snoke, standing up to his feet. Hux struggled not to flinch --- he wouldn't have, only he felt so out of sorts now. "Our strategy has now changed."

"The weapon," Hux said, "it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance, the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before the reach Skywalker."

Snoke sat down, calming down now. Hux could breathe a little bit easier, but he knew he wasn't out of the water just yet.

"You are eager to kill the Resistance, despite your fiancee having fled to join their ranks," Snoke said, nodding to himself. His bony fingers curled around the edges of his throne. "Perhaps you are a better general than I thought. Not allowing your personal feelings to get in the way of what truly matters is key, General." 

"Just because she fled, does not make her Resistance scum," he said. "Only a coward."

"You don't think she has joined the Resistance?" he asked. 

"I do not," Hux replied. "Despite it all, I believe she is still loyal to me and the First Order. Perhaps her father was never the strict disciplinary figure she needed."

"Perhaps you are correct," he said. "If she is found, see to it that she is not killed, but captured. I will deal with the rest. Besides, she may have found some useful information about the Resistance. There may be more to this girl than we have previously thought. Now go. Make your preparations." 

"Yes, Supreme Leader," Hux said. He turned, glaring at Kylo Ren's black mask as he did so. Then he left. 

* * *

You were chugging down your third canteen of water. The water was on the warmer side, and you felt the salty sting of sand that had gotten in it, but it was the best tasting water you'd ever had. You were grateful as you finished your third canteen and finally had the ability to think of the food that was in your lap. 

Poe, who was sitting next to you, had just done the same thing you did. As he pulled the canteen from his lips, he wiped away the water that dribbled down his chin with the back of his hand. Then he grabbed his spork and scraped the bottom of the tin, where a chili-looking substance bubbled up at you.

"It's nice of them to feed us," he said, shoveling the food into his mouth.

You swallowed hard, staring at the brown liquid that bubbled. "Is this... is this good?" 

Poe looked at you, already halfway through his bowl. "Uh-huh. You'll like it. Try it." 

But Poe had no idea what you would like or not, and you felt your stomach turn as you thought of taking a bite. "We've never had anything like this back at the Order," you said. 

"Shh!" Poe looked around. "If people find out you're from the Order, they'll shoot you." 

You nodded in understanding and said, "Okay."

He had gone back to eating already. "What do you normally eat back... back home anyway?" 

"Not much," you said, looking at the horizon. The sky was blue now; a dark and rich navy blue. "We get three meals a day. For breakfast, a cup of caf and some grain of some kind. For lunch, we get a meat of some kind and fruit. And then dinner is the same, just a larger portion."

"Ever had blue milk?" he asked. 

"No," you said. "I've only had those things I said." 

Poe's eyebrows furrowed. "How long have you been with them?" 

"All my life," you said. "I am the daughter of a man that has dedicated his life to them. He has killed for them, lied for them, destroyed planets for them... and all the while, he waits for a promotion that'll never come. They will use him until the day he dies. He is nothing special, but he does not see it."

"But you did." 

"I did, because I'm the same," you said, shrugging. "They only ever wanted one thing from me."

"Can I know what it was?" Poe asked, scraping the bottom of his tin. When he caught your gaze, he held up a hand. "Hey, if it's too personal, it's too personal. I'll just back right up---"

"All they cared about were what babies I could have," you said. "How many men I could bring into the world for the First Order to use until they could bring in more, too."

Poe looked away. "That's... really personal." 

You rolled your eyes. "I was engaged to a general on the ship. I'd always known I was supposed to end up with him. It wasn't even a matter of courtship. It was simply that I grew up, became less a child and more a woman, and my parents began to plan my future right in front of me. I was engaged without a proposal. I am supposed to marry him in the spring."

"You don't love him?" he asked. 

You inhaled through your nose. "I would love him if we were anywhere else in the galaxy. It's hard to love somebody through a war." 

"I never thought about anything like that," Poe said. He sat his tin down in front of his feet. "I don't have anybody in my life."

"Married to your job, huh?" you asked, your lips twitching.

He laughed. "Yeah, I am pretty much married to my job." 

Your eyes lowered to the chain around his neck. There was a ring hanging off of it. "I notice you've got a ring, though. So you must be prepared." 

He touched it self-consciously, but laughed it off. "It belongs to my late mother. She passed away a long, long time ago. But she was a great woman, and I know that I'll be giving this away one day, if I ever find anybody that I want by my side." 

"I'm sorry," you said genuinely. "That's a lovely story and thought." 

"Thank you," he said, smiling at you. "You really should eat. I want to leave before the sun comes up." 

You nodded and scooped into your food. You took a bite; it was salty. Saltier than you'd ever imagined, but good. 

"I like this," you said, and Poe stood up to stretch. "It's really not bad." 

"See? Told ya. Welcome to life outside of the Order, where things are actually enjoyable."

You laughed. "It's going to be a difficult change." 

"Hopefully a few days on Resistance base will lighten you right up, yeah?" He chuckled. "I'm gonna go talk about this ship. I'll call you when I'm ready to go." 

You nodded, the smile vanishing from your face. You swallowed hard as you thought about where the ship was going.

How would the Resistance accept you?

They wouldn't. 

Surely they couldn't all be like Poe, so willing to accept two strangers who changed their mind on their alliance. Surely they would arrest you on the stop --- and who would blame them? People knew who you were. They would know. 

You couldn't go to the Resistance --- you had to go into hiding. Fear built up inside of you and you stood up fast. You had to tell Poe that you wouldn't be joining him. You had to make sure---

Something stopped you; a low, gentle buzzing sound that was growing slowly and slowly, building up, vibrating your eardrum. 

They were a dot on the moon; a fast moving line zipping across the horizon, turning and looping back towards you. You recognized the speeders at once. 

"Poe!" you screamed. He turned quickly, dropping the tool from his hand. "They're here! They're coming!" 

His face reflected your fear. "Come on, let's go!" 

"The Order?!" the creature that rescued you and Poe, Naka lit, cried. He grabbed you. "You brought them here!"

Guilt consumed you. Yes. Yes, you had. They were desperate to find you, to kill you before you released all the information that you knew.

You ran over to Poe and grabbed his arm. He was reaching up to grip the wing of the ship, to hoist himself up---

And as you saw the flashes of blaster shots in the nearby village, you felt the souls of those that were being killed. Your fingers yanked down on the sleeve of Poe's shirt, and he looked at you, and he paused when he saw your tear filled eyes. 

"Those people are dying because of me," you said, pointing to the horizon. "I cannot run. I have to fight."

He followed your finger and then nodded, jaw tight. "Then I will fight too."

"You don't need to do this," you said. "They're here because of me."

"Trust me, they're here for me, too. I've done my fair share of ticking them off. Naka! We're going to keep you alive, but we need weapons. Do you have blasters?" 

"I do," he said. "Take what you need. Kill them all. Go! You brought one of them here, and now we all have to pay the price for her mistakes."

You and Poe took a blaster each. They were covered in sand and dust; obviously scavenged from broken down ships, or dead bodies that this creature had found. Still, you were grateful for the weight of it in your hands. You and Poe ran across the sandy plane and then dove forward at a dune, using it as coverage as you aimed your blaster and began to shoot. 

Shooting one of your own men was strange to you. You felt like a monster with every press of your finger. You were betraying everything that you had grown up to be. You were ending the lives of those your family entrusted to protect their cause.

"Nice shot," he breathed. 

You took in a slow breath. Suddenly, you weren't on the sand, but back in your past, less than ten years ago, watching the new shipment of children get beaten into submission to become stormtroopers. 

Suddenly, you were standing in front of them, watching a stormtrooper beat a child with the back end of the blaster he held. 

"Hux, you have to stop this," you said, eyebrows furrowed. "That's a child."

"He's a soldier, and he'll be treated as such," he said simply. "Continue." 

Your eyes widened as the child screamed. He was maybe sixteen years old, being pounded with the back side of the blaster relentlessly. Blood dropped on the floor from the wound in the side of his head. 

You knew now that this was Finn. Your heart broke in two. 

"He - he didn't even do anything!" you cried. 

"No, but it shows the newest soldiers that this is what could happen to them if they step out of line. FN-2187 didn't step out of line, but he is being punished because his job is to show the new soldiers what could happen." He smiled. 

"Enough of this," you said. 

Hux lifted his hand, gesturing for them to continue---

"I said enough!" you screamed, grabbing Hux's hand and yanking it down. 

He recoiled, then brought his left hand up and down to slap you across the face. He stopped inches away from your cheek, then opted to grab a fistful of your uniform instead. He slammed you against the wall and dug his elbow into your chest. 

You cried out and held onto his wrist, trying to pry his fingers off of you.

"Know your place!" he roared in your face, spit flying off of his lips.

Now, as you fired shots at these soldiers that were once children, you were reminded of how horrible this war really was.

"___!" Poe screamed. "Hey! You with me?" 

You blinked hard, and suddenly you were aware of the night sky, of the blasts of blue and orange, of the cooling sand against your skin. You were shaking, and you realized that it was because Poe was knelt beside you, hand on your shoulder, shaking you out of your stupor.

"Hey! Are you with me?" 

"Poe," you whispered, eyes meeting his. At the same time, you saw the end of a blaster hit the back of his head. His eyes rolled back and he slumped forward on top of you. "Poe!" 

The stormtrooper that hit him aimed the blaster at his back. You freed your arm from underneath Poe's body and shot the soldier in the chest. You worked on catching your breath, only for a split second before you were getting picked up by another. 

"Traitor!" the stormtrooper said. "You betrayed the Order."

Poe groaned and rolled over, hand on the back of his head. He blinked hard, dizzy, as he saw your figure in the darkening night.

"You will die for betraying the Order," he whispered. 

"If you were smart, you'd do the same as me," you said. 

The blaster poked into your back and you threw your elbow backwards to catch him in the face. His head flung back and he released you. You turned and shot him in the stomach, then kicked his body down the sandy slope. 

Another fired at you, and you whirled around, taking him out with one shot to the face. You ran up the rest of the slope and then jumped off of the top to land on the two that were planting a bomb in the sand. Your knees met both of their helmets and you let out a shout of anger as you landed hard in the sand, slipping down the rest of the way before coming down to a stop.

Poe was crawling up the slope, his hands digging into the sand so he could peer down and make sure that you were alright.

"Poe!" you said, and you ran back up the slope. He turned over on his back and you put your hand at the back of his head. "Are you alright? You got hit pretty hard." 

"Ouch!" He reacted to your touch with a flinch and a hiss. But he opened his eyes and looked at you. "That was --- that was really amazing."

Breathless, you managed a smile. "Thank you."

"I mean that was really impressive. We could really use someone like you on the team."

"Poe," you said, "no one there is going to want me." 

"They will," he said, "once I describe to them how exactly you saved my butt from bleeding to death on Jakku. What do you say?" 

You swallowed hard. Only minutes ago, you'd wanted nothing more than to run and hide. You wanted to find a ship, go to a desolate planet, and live out the remainder of your days hiding away from the entire galaxy. 

You'd never felt as if you'd belonged with anyone, or any group. Never belonged with your family, or your rank, or anyone at all in the Order.

And yet, you seemed as if you were born for this. Not killing, or hiding, or running away, but fighting. You were good at fighting for what was right. That was why you left the First Order. That was why you'd confronted Hux when he ordered FN-2187 nearly get beaten to death. That was why you'd insisted on fighting for the village that was attacked. 

You were born to fight for this; fight to save the Resistance, to save the dream.

Your voice wasn't strained, but loud and clear. "I'm in."