tyler awakes the next morning to felix shaking him. he groans, swatting his hands away and rolling over. he feels exhausted. what time was it when he fell asleep? what time is it now?

"get up, sleeping beauty. josh's orders."

"ughhh," he groans, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "did you tell him i slept in here?"

"i had to, i'm sorry. he saw you weren't in your room and panicked. he didn't seem mad, just confused," felix explains, chuckling as tyler throws the covers off himself. "you should probably put some pants on before you go downstairs, though."

"shut up," he mutters, smiling slightly. "creep."

"you're the one who slept half-naked in my bed," felix counters.

"only 'cuz you're my best friend," tyler defends. "okay, i am gonna go put pants on now, though."

"have fun."

"will do," he chuckles, returning to his own room and throwing on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. he finds josh downstairs in his office, typing away at his computer.

"good morning, dear," josh greets him, relieving tyler of any anxiety.

"morning," he smiles, taking a seat. "why did you need me?"

"is it wrong of me to ask why you slept in felix's room?" he asks, frowning ever-so-slightly.

"no," tyler shakes his head, trying hard not to let himself smile. is it possible josh, himself, is now the jealous one? that wasn't tyler's intent in the slightest, but he's glad to know the jealousy isn't one-sided. "i just... couldn't sleep. my brain wouldn't shut off."

"why didn't you come talk to me?" josh asks, genuinely confused. he doesn't look hurt, but the tone in his voice tells a different story. god, now he just feels awful again.

"i'm sorry," he says, shamefully looking towards his lap. before he can explain, josh is reaching out and lifting his chin.

"hey, don't apologize. it's alright, i promise, i just don't understand."

"i didn't want to annoy you anymore," tyler admits, gulping as josh's confusion grows by the second.

"annoy me anymore? you don't ever annoy me."

"i feel like i do, though. i just... i don't know. it doesn't make sense, i guess." the brunette sighs heavily, watching josh's features soften. he leans across the desk to kiss tyler's forehead, an action so simple yet so comforting.

"it's okay, you don't have to explain if you can't. seriously, though, you don't annoy me. not at all. i love you, dear. i'm supposed to be there for you when your thoughts are too loud, aren't i? am i not doing this right?"

the fact that josh is so concerned makes tyler feel a bit better, but mostly worse. he always does this to himself. he gets worked up over nothing, only for josh to prove him wrong over and over again. why hasn't he learned by now?

"no, you're doing everything right. you are. it's just me, i guess, and my stupid brain..."

"how many times do i have to tell you that your brain isn't stupid?" josh chuckles weakly, opting to join tyler on the other side of the desk. he kneels down before the brunette, holding both of the boy's hands in each of his own. "i love you and your brain, even if that seems hard to believe. i don't mind having to help you take care of those bad thoughts, silly. in fact, i want to be the one to help with that."

"i'm sorry," is all tyler can think to say.

"why are you sorry?"

"i just feel bad, i don't know. i feel like a bad person."

"why's that?"

before tyler can respond, the office door opens. josh quickly drops his hands, standing upright in an attempt to appear normal. tyler glances toward the source of the noise, finding an unfamiliar face standing before the both of them... pete.

"didn't anybody ever teach you to knock?" josh snaps, taking tyler a bit by surprise.

"oh, um, sorry," pete stutters, glancing between the two. "it's just, uh, you told me to come find you in the morning..."

god, he's hot. how in the hell is this guy not josh's type? he looks similar to tyler, just... a bit older. and a bit more manly. it definitely seems like he would be josh's type. who knows, maybe tyler is just being stupid again. he tries to brush it off.

josh sighs, giving that stone-cold stare he gives whenever anyone who isn't tyler is around. "right, but knock next time."

"okay, sorry."

"tyler, this is pete," josh introduces, pretending like nothing just happened. "pete, this is tyler. he's going to be training you."

pete nods, standing in the doorway awkwardly. tyler glances back and forth between them, raising an eyebrow. pete looks uncomfortable, josh looks amused, tyler feels annoyed.

"alright, i'm guessing that's my cue to get to work," he mutters sarcastically.

"we'll talk later, tyler. come find me when you're done," josh says, patting the brunette's back as he follows pete out of the room, grumbling in annoyance.

"i didn't expect there to be another guy here," pete says, attempting to make conversation.

"neither did i," tyler deadpans, leading pete somewhere quiet for them to talk. he doesn't want to do this, but he knows he has to just suck it up. it's his job.

they go sit outside in the backyard, mostly because tyler just feels like he needs fresh air or else he might burst. they sit at the circular patio table, tyler crossing his arms as he scrutinizes the new recruit.

"uhhh..."

"how long have you been doing this?" tyler asks, his tone unintentionally cold.

"since i was 20. i'm 23 now, so... three years."

"right, so you don't need much help then. i'll just go over the basics."

tyler begins listing off the rules of the house, careful not to miss anything so he can't be blamed for any misunderstandings. he purposely talks fast, hoping pete won't be able to process it all and he'll end up fucking something up. it's a bit funny, honestly, tyler acting like a dog protecting his territory.

"got it?" he finishes.

"uhhh..."

"god, you're slow, aren't you?"

"how the hell is it my fault you were talking like a four-year-old excited to tell their mom a story?" pete responds, and tyler tries so hard not to smile because it was pretty funny.

"do i really have to repeat everything, then?"

"no, no, i think i got it. i'll be fine. so we just... hang out here all day?"

"yeah, basically. i mean, it's not bad. there's the pool, the gym, the sauna, the hot-tub, the game-room..."

"and josh," pete finishes, grinning.

"huh?"

"josh," he repeats. "he is one fine ass man."

"uh-huh," tyler agrees, narrowing his eyes a tad. "i must've forgotten to mention; josh doesn't do relationships. or anything at all, for that matter. besides, he's straight."

"damn," pete tsks, shaking his head. "that's too bad. should've seen that coming. what about you?"

"what about me?"

"straight?"

"dude, i'm a prostitute. do you really think i'm straight?"

pete laughs, slapping his hand on the table a few times. "you're right, you're right. god, that was funny, the way you said that."

tyler finally cracks a smile, deciding that maybe this guy isn't too bad. well, he did just call josh a "fine ass man," but he isn't wrong. "unlucky for you, though, all relationships are forbidden."

"eh, that's understandable, i guess. kinda hard to have sex with random people when you're in a relationship."

tyler nearly laughs. it's really not that hard, you just need to know to the difference between lust and love. that's something he's been able to do since he first started. "right."

"well, are we done, then? shouldn't you go find josh?"

"yeah," tyler agrees. "you can just... i don't know, do whatever you want, i guess."

with that, he leaves pete sitting at the table and heads inside. he finds josh still in his office, now filing through several papers.

"whatcha doin'?"

"wow, that was fast," josh points out, taking a break from his work as tyler joins him.

"yeah," the brunette responds, nearly grinning. it was only so fast because he made it go fast so he could just get back to josh.

"how'd it go?"

"fine," he shrugs. "he called you a fine ass man, though. should i be worried?" he pretends to be joking, but he is worried.

"god, no," josh scoffs. "pete's not my type."

there it is again! tyler unintentionally rolls his eyes. "what is your type then?"

"you, dear. you're my type. if it's not you, i don't want it."

tyler studies him for a few moments, trying to find any hint of something that would elude to the fact that he's lying. josh looks completely serious, though, so tyler has no choice but to believe him. "okay..."

"i know, that's probably hard to believe. i mean it, though. i promise, and i'm real serious about promises," josh tries again, wanting tyler to believe him more than anything.

"okay," he repeats, smiling in the slightest as the man's lips press against his cheek. "sorry my brain is being kinda dumb."

"it's alright, dear," josh says softly, running a soothing hand through the brunette's tufts of hair. "i understand. i love you."

"i love you too, josh," he says, honestly. "can i tell you something?"

"of course, anything."

"well," tyler hesitates, sighing. "sometimes i wish we met under normal circumstances."

"meaning..?"

"meaning... i just wish we were normal people that met doing something normal like grocery shopping. i wish we could be a normal couple who could kiss, and hold hands, and hug all the time out in the open without having to worry about it. i wish we could live in our own little house together with normal jobs and a dog, maybe, and then maybe even a kid. i don't know, maybe that's dumb. sorry."

"that's not dumb, sweetheart," josh responds, gazing into the younger's eyes lovingly. "honestly? sometimes i wish the same things."

"why couldn't we, then?" tyler urges. "we... we could have all that, josh. we could. we just-"

"no," the man quickly interrupts, smile fading away. he shakes his head. "no, we can't. i'm sorry, but we can't."

"what? but why?"

"because, tyler, we just can't," he snaps, suddenly, startling the poor brunette. he flinches softly, blinking at josh a bit fearfully. he didn't mean to upset josh, he didn't want to start a fight... he just had too much hope, apparently. "hey, i'm sorry..."

tyler chuckles nervously, fearing anything he says will further upset josh.

"tyler?"

"y-yeah, yeah, it's okay," he quickly spews out. "yeah, i'm sorry, duh, that was stupid. i'm gonna go... like, i don't know, hang out with billie or something."

"tyler..."

said boy offers a small smile, leaving the room before josh can stop him. he races upstairs, fearing josh will try to follow him, and quickly lets himself in billie's bedroom. she glances up at him, frowning as soon as she notices how heavy he's breathing.

tyler took it too far. he knew it as soon as the words were leaving his mouth, but he just couldn't help himself. he thought that maybe, just maybe, josh would agree and they could live the rest of their lives normally. he was wrong, of course, just like every other time. just like he was wrong to come in here when he was clearly on the verge of panicking. maybe he was already panicking, he didn't know.

josh snapped at him, so what? why is he taking it so hard? he should just let it go and get the hell over it, it's not like josh meant any harm. he can't get his brain to understand that, though, which is how he winds up crying in billie's arms.

"shhh," she shushes, rubbing his back soothingly. "it's okay, it'll be okay."

tyler doesn't say anything, he's too damn embarrassed. he didn't expect to just waltz in here and have a breakdown, but now that he is he isn't sure what his next move should be. is billie freaked out? is she going to make fun of him? is she going to expect him to tell her what's wrong? god. he. is. so. stupid.

"do you want me to get someone? felix? josh?" she asks, holding him against her chest as if she isn't actually smaller than him. tyler doesn't know what he wants, though, so he doesn't respond. "hey, can you hear me? can you breathe for me?"

and then tyler realizes he's holding his breath, tears silently streaming down his cheeks. he inhales sharply, mimicking billie as she breathes in and out, in and out. it helps, a lot. after focusing on breathing for a minute or so, he's able to calm down almost entirely.

tyler wipes his eyes, feeling pathetic. "sorry..."

"it's okay, don't be sorry, really. i just want to make sure you're okay. are you?"

"yeah," he nods, taking another shaky breath. "i think so."

"mind if i ask what all that was about?" she asks gently, still hugging tyler against her and rubbing his back. he really appreciates it. she doesn't have to do this for him at all, and they both know that.

"just... got in a disagreement with josh, i guess. i don't know why i got so worked up, and i didn't mean to just drop in and have a mini-meltdown. i'm sorry," he mumbles.

"it's okay," billie repeats herself. "he's scary when he snaps, especially when you don't expect it. i get it."

tyler nods, grateful he doesn't have to explain any further for her to understand. "i feel like a baby."

"being emotional doesn't make you a baby, tyler," she points out, but he isn't so sure about that. "it's normal," she continues. "i bet josh even cries, too."

"yeah right," he retorts, chuckling. "i bet that man has never shed a single tear in his life."

"okay, maybe you're right," she laughs along, the two of them falling into a comfortable silence. after a few moments, billie suggests, "want to go work your feelings out?"

"by?"

"the punching bag, of course."

tyler smiles. "let's do it."