the sound of glass breaking startles the brunette awake. he sits up quickly, looking to the spot beside him and expecting to find josh. but josh isn't there. nobody is. he isn't in josh's room, he's in brendon's. the boy sighs, running fingers through his disheveled hair. there's a lot of noise coming from the other side of the door.

tyler gets up slowly, his knees popping as he does so. god, his body is so exhausted. it's dark outside and he has no idea what time it is, but it sounds like everyone in the house is wide awake. opening the door a crack, tyler peeks out to be sure nobody is going to catch him coming out of brendon's room. he doesn't see anyone, so he quickly exits and shuts the door.

the source of noise is coming from the room over, so tyler follows it. about six girls (including melanie), dallon, ryan, and brendon are found in the living room. a girl who tyler doesn't know the name of is sweeping glass off the floor. ryan is in brendon's lap. melanie is taking a swig from a bottle of
alcohol. brendon is holding a... uh, a blunt?

brendon notices the brunette first. he rests the blunt between his lips and beckons for tyler to come over with his index finger. hesitantly, tyler makes his way over to brendon and receives a lot of stares while doing so. the older takes a hit of the blunt, blowing out thick smoke before grinning. "did we wake you?"

"yeah, what time is it?" tyler asks, trying not to meet the death stare that ryan is giving him.

"only eleven, or something like that," one of the girls says, and tyler follows her gaze to the white powder laying on the coffee table. wait a damn minute. is that...

"come on, sit," brendon urges, patting the thigh that ryan isn't currently sitting on. tyler smiles a bit awkwardly.

"oh, i don't know. it doesn't look like there's much room. i think i'm just going to head upstairs and go to bed. busy day tomorrow, you know?"

"oh, come on," brendon pouts, jutting out his lower lip. he holds the blunt out to tyler. "at least hit this. it'll help you fall asleep."

the boy takes it reluctantly, heart racing. he's never smoked weed in his life. hell, he's never done anything besides drink. "really?"

"hell yeah," brendon giggles. "it's safe, you'll be fine. go ahead. just be careful because it's-"

tyler eyes the blunt before deciding to just say fuck it. he takes a long drag before brendon can finish his sentence, eyes widening. it burns his throat a lot more than he would've thought.

"-strong." brendon chuckles, taking the blunt back as tyler doubles over in a coughing fit. "god damn, tyler. i tried warning you."

the brunette can't focus on what he's saying. he's too busy coughing and trying not to die. he can hardly breath, it's like he's gasping for air between each cough. he finally settles down and decides he really needs to get comfy, so he takes brendon up on the offer to sit on his lap. ryan doesn't look too happy but tyler couldn't care less.

his body starts to grow more and more heavy, and his eyes feel more and more droopy. he can't really focus on any of the conversation, he's too busy feeling peaceful. for once, he doesn't feel a single ounce of anxiety or pain. his heart doesn't hurt like it usually does. instead, he's scrutinizing the features of brendon's face. he giggles to himself, thinking it's so funny that he ended up in this situation.

he knows josh would be pissed, and for some reason that only makes him giggle more. he doesn't have to worry about pleasing josh anymore. brendon passes the blunt to ryan, wrapping his now-free arm around tyler. "how do you feel, gumdrop?" he asks lowly, lips nearly touching the brunette's ear.

"good," tyler smiles lazily, shivers sent down his spine as he feels brendon's warm breath. "i like you."

the man chuckles, lifting the hem of tyler's shirt and brushing his fingertips across his skin. "oh yeah?"

tyler nods, leaning his head to rest on brendon's shoulder. god, he feels so comfy like this. he's missed cuddling with someone so much. "you're nice to me."

brendon doesn't comment on that, just smiles. "you feeling sleepy?" he asks, lowering his hand to rub the outside of tyler's thigh.

the boy hums, suddenly aware of how much he just wants to go to sleep. "i need water first," he decides, moving his tongue around the dry roof of his mouth.

brendon tells ryan to get off of him, which ryan definitely does not like. he obeys, however, and tyler finds himself getting scooped up in a pair of strong arms. he shuts his eyes, letting the man carry his dead weight into the kitchen. he hears the sink turn on and a glass fill up, then hears rummaging in a cabinet. "i'm hungry," he realizes aloud.

i know," brendon replies. "i'm getting you a snack."

tyler doesn't bother peeking to see what brendon grabs. his eyes are so dry that they hurt to open. besides, if he closes his eyes it's pretty easy to imagine that josh is the one carrying him. god, he misses that man with every fiber in his being. he feels like he's going to cry until brendon sets him on his feet, holding out the glass of water. "drink."

the brunette does so graciously, chugging down every last drop as brendon watches. he's handed a cookie next, which he gladly scarfs down. then he's thirsty again, so he re-fills his cup and drinks it all again. brendon picks the boy back up (even though tyler is capable of walking on his own) and begins carrying him upstairs.

they go in silence, tyler tapping his fingers on brendon's back in the tune of a song that's stuck in his head. if it bothers the man, he doesn't say anything. he gently places tyler in his own bed, making sure to help the boy get under a blanket. tyler gazes up at him tiredly, humming when brendon cups his face. he leans into the touch, smiling.

"look at you, little lovebug," he whispers, making tyler grin more. "i'll always take care of you if you stay with me no matter what, tyler. i'd like to think i take better care of you than josh ever did, won't you say?"

tyler nods because he's too high to do anything except blindly agree and also because he mostly forgot what brendon even said. whatever it was though, him agreeing puts a smile on the man's face. the brunette shuts his eyes, suddenly aware of how much they hurt. he lifts his hand to hold the one that is caressing his face. so easily he can imagine it as josh's. and so easily he can imagine the lips that he slowly kisses to be josh's as well.... but when he opens his eyes—they aren't. of course they aren't.

tyler just full on kissed brendon and he feels so guilty about it. it's not like he even wanted to, he was thinking about josh. god, josh would be so mad if he ever found out. tyler doesn't want josh to be mad at him...

"goodnight," brendon whispers. he kisses tyler's cheek, offering a smile, then leaves the room.

tyler is suddenly wide awake, staring into the darkness. his heart hurts so much, stomach sick with guilt. without a second thought, the boy rolls over and grabs his phone. he unlocks it quickly, opening imessage. he clicks josh's name, quickly typing out an "i miss you" but his finger hovers over the send button.

tyler was the one who decided to leave. he put himself in this situation. how could he tell josh he misses him after telling the man he hates him?? he erases the message and opens the phone app, quickly typing out the number he's memorized. again, his finger hovers over the call button.

what's he going to do if josh picks up? ask if he can come back? is that even what tyler wants? he doesn't fucking know what he wants anymore. he wants josh. but brendon has been so good to him. in all honestly, tyler doesn't want to be in the life anymore. he wants to be normal, with a normal job and a normal family. he wants a normal boyfriend. neither josh nor brendon can be that.

he sighs, quickly erasing josh's number. he types a different one instead, and only hesitates for a moment before hitting call.

"tyler?"

"hey, felix," the boy mumbles. "i'm surprised you answered."

"oh my god," the man responds. there's a lot of shuffling around in the background. "where are you?"

tyler's heart sinks. "i don't want to tell you, i'm sorry. i just wanted to talk to somebody, because... well, i don't really know why. i'm high. i did something bad, i guess. but it shouldn't even feel bad."

"you have to come back, ty. you have to. where are you?" felix urges, completely disregarding what the boy said.

"i don't know if i want to do that, felix. i don't know what to do. i'm happy, but i'm not. i'm tired of all of this. i want to be normal," tyler continues rambling, feeling so sorry for himself.

"listen to me, okay? you said you're high, so are you safe?"

"i don't know," tyler sighs. "i think so. maybe not. i don't know, okay? it's hard."

"what's hard, bud?"

"trusting," tyler frowns. "it's so hard to trust. i'm told i'm safe, but can i believe that?"

"if you just tell me where you-"

"do you even care?" tyler interrupts. "did you ever even care about me? why hasn't anybody tried to reach me? was i just nothing to all of you?" he asks, growing heated by the second. "let me guess, the big man in charge told you all to forget about me. he probably told everyone i was the one in the wrong, didn't he? no fucking surprise."

"no, tyler. that's not-"

"you know what? i should've never even called. i'm not coming back. fuck all of you. fuck you for treating me like i'm just another fucking dollar bill. i'm hanging up."

"wait!"

"bye."

just as tyler is about to pull the phone away from his ear and hang up, a stern voice rattles his bones.

"tyler robert, don't you dare hang up this phone."

the poor boy's heart cracks, eyes swelling with tears. "josh?"

"if you hang up this damn phone, then i'll have way more of a hell of a time trying to locate you. don't be stubborn, for once."

tyler scoffs, sitting up in bed. "excuse me? i don't want you to come looking for me. you're all bastards. i'm getting treated how i want, and i don't even have to ask for it."

"oh, you mean getting high?" he pauses, then sighs. "i didn't mean that. i didn't mean to call you stubborn. tell me where you are so i can pick you up and we can talk about everything in person. not over the damn phone."

"sorry, not going to happen. i don't want to see you. besides, i wouldn't be allowed to leave anyway."

"why did you call, then?" josh asks, and tyler can feel the smug look on his face from there. "if you don't want to see me, you don't want to me to find you, you think that we're all bastards... why did you call, then?"

shit, he has a point. why did he fucking call? oh, right. because he kissed brendon and felt like shit for it because he's high as hell and can't think straight. "well i did something that didn't make me feel good and i thought talking to one of you would make me feel better, but it didn't because i realized none of you give a shit about me."

"what makes you think that?" josh asks, voice softer than tyler expected. he frowns.

"i-um... nobody tried to contact me."

"well, no. because we all thought you wanted nothing to do with us. now that you finally called, that obviously isn't the case."

"that's so stupid," tyler argues. "even if i wanted to come back, i couldn't. so... sorry."

"and why's that, baby?"

tyler wants to fucking scream at the top of his lungs. he misses this man so much, and he just lays the pet name on him? "you know the rules, josh. can't leave without a superior."

"tyler robert."

"joshua william," he challenges.

"don't tell me you are where i fucking think you are."

"and where would that be?"

"urie's."

tyler's eyes widen. he clamps his hand over his mouth, holding back a shocked gasp. well, now what? josh found him. is that good or bad? does he want that? yeah, maybe he does. maybe he finds it a bit funny.

"you are, aren't you? that son of a bitch. did he fucking hurt you, tyler? did he lay a goddamn finger on you?"

"no! well, i mean yeah, but not in a bad way. not in a good way either! oh my god. shut up, josh. why do you care?" tyler blushes, loving to hear the jealousy spew from josh's mouth.

"because i just fucking do. you don't understand. you won't until you get your ass back home so we can talk."

"you know, he's a lot nicer than you are."

"bullshit," josh spits. "it's fake. it's an act. he's manipulating you, tyler."

"then he's doing a damn good job."

tyler doesn't know why he keeps going back and forth. brendon's side, josh's. brendon's side, josh's. you know what? he does want to go back. he hasn't forgotten what happened, of course. he just wants to be with josh one more time, even just to hear whatever bullshit excuse he's come up with. if it's something tyler doesn't like, then he'll just come back. well, hopefully. hopefully he can just sneak out and sneak back inside, but he's going to give josh hell before he agrees to anything.

"tyler, you aren't seriously falling for his shit. are you? he'll treat you like a princess and butter you up, but don't you see how he treats everyone else? please tell me you're not so blind."

"he kissed me," the brunette blurts out, slapping his hand over his mouth a second after. eyes wide, he braces himself for the outburst.

"he kissed you," josh repeats, surprisingly calm. "is that all? did he touch you?"

"he pretty much conned me into showering with him, but he didn't touch me like that..." tyler explains, feeling guilty as a bitch.

"oh..." he hears josh swallow. "okay, so he hasn't yet?"

"yet?" tyler repeats.

"you're okay?"

"um..." tyler glances around his room. "not really, but i'm not physically hurt. i can't believe i'm even talking to you right now. i can't believe i feel fucking guilty for kissing him after what you did."

"tyler, i'm coming to get you."

"what! right now!? no, josh! everyone's downstairs!"

"yes, right now." tyler hears shuffling coming from josh's end. "can you get out through your window?"

"what!! no, are you crazy!? it's too high up, and i'd never get past the gate and security. josh, don't."

"i'm coming, tyler. i'll figure something out. just be ready with your bag."

the line falls dead. "fuck!" tyler whispers, slamming his phone on the bed.

his bedroom door opens, suddenly, causing him to shriek. he clutches his chest, heart stopping as his eyes meet brendon's.

"something you need to tell me, joseph?"