after that night, things slowly begin to escalate.

josh is more snappy, taking his frequent bursts of anger out on everybody (including tyler). he'll leave the house without telling anybody and won't come back for hours. on the off chance tyler actually does get the chance to talk to him, the conversation usually ends in josh shooing him away because he "has work to do."

no surprise, this makes tyler more mopey. he's worried, sad, and honestly afraid. nobody exactly knows where josh disappears to. they don't know why he's been so on edge. tyler worries it's something involving him. maybe josh is seeing somebody else, maybe he just doesn't want to be around the boy.

josh hasn't shown him any physical affection since that night. no hugs, no kisses, tyler hardly even gets a pat on the back. they haven't had sex in over a week, and tyler wants to cry because of it. he craves attention, thrives off of it. he wants josh, no, needs josh to touch him in some sort of affectionate way. otherwise, he feels like he might explode.

"hey, you ready?" felix asks, pushing open tyler's door.

"no," he sighs.

josh has been making felix train tyler ever since the brendon incident. he thought it would help the boy feel stronger and more confident. in all honesty it has, but tyler is exhausted. his knuckles are bruised and swollen, scarred from being broke open time and time again. his shoulders are killing him. he feels like he's going to go insane if he has to shoot at one more target.

"something on your mind?" felix asks, shutting the door behind him as he joins tyler on his bed.

"where's josh?"

"in his office, why?"

tyler sighs again, eyes trailing over his red knuckles. "i don't think i'm cut out for this."

"huh?" felix frowns.

"you guys can train me to be strong physically, sure. but mentally?" he pauses, looking to felix in desperation. "i-i... you can't fix that. okay? a-and.. i just can't take it."

"ty..."

"no, stop. you know i'm right. i'm a little bitch. i cry all the time, and when i'm not crying i want to cry. i'm scared all the time, scared of getting hurt, getting killed, getting kidnapped, losing you, losing josh. i'm hurt all the time. josh is busy and that fucking hurts me. do you know how ridiculous that makes me seem?

and i can't say anything to him about it because he probably doesn't care, and i can't get upset with him for doing his job. all i want is for him to just give me ten minutes, felix. it's like he's forgotten i even exist. i-i-i just... i feel drained."

"hey," felix starts, platonically cupping tyler's face in his hands. "listen to me, tyler. i know. it's exhausting, i understand. you feel too much, but that's okay. i love that about you, i would never want you to change that. i know josh wouldn't either."

"what's so good about it? i'd change it if i could."

"well, it makes you human." felix offers a smile. "you're the most human out of everyone in this damn house. you shouldn't be ashamed of that. i can understand how tiring it must be to have such strong emotions, but could you imagine if you didn't feel anything?"

"life would be a hell of a lot easier."

"and a hell of a lot more meaningless, don't you think?"

tyler is a bit taken back. he's never realized that before.

"josh is stressing, ty. i don't know exactly what he's thinking or what he's doing, but i know it's in good faith. he doesn't mean to snap so much or seem so distant. that's just how he gets when he's overwhelmed, kinda like how you cry."

"shut up," tyler mumbles, both boys chuckling.

"do you want me to talk to him?"

"no," the brunette sighs. he removes his face from felix's hands, hugging his knees into his chest. "you always talk to him for me. i want to be able to do it myself for once."

"what are you going to say, then?"

"...i don't know."

felix laughs. "you kinda have to have that figured out, bud."

"or i can just wing it," tyler shrugs.

"or you can just wing it, i guess."

"do i have to go now?" he asks, glancing at the door a bit fearfully. "what if he yells at me? o-or is just an asshole?"

"then just walk away. you don't even have to say anything, just leave. he'll realize what he's done, trust me."

"okay..." tyler sighs. "but do i have to?"

"you said you wanted to do this yourself," felix says, raising an eyebrow.

"right, i know. okay. will you stay outside the door?" tyler pleads. "j-just in case.. i don't know.."

"you'll be fine, ty. come on, it's josh."

"okay, okay," the brunette mumbles, finding the courage to stand up. "okay, i'm gonna go now..."

"okay, want me to wait here?"

tyler nods. he leaves before he can chicken out, creeping down the hallway to josh's office. his knuckles rest just inches away from the door. he doesn't know why he's so scared. taking a deep breath, he knocks.

"come in."

he gently opens the door and pokes his head into the room. "hi."

"hi," josh responds, not looking up from his computer. he looks busy, typing frantically. maybe now isn't a good time.

"um... can i come in?"

"i just said that."

okay, but like, that's josh kinda being an asshole, isn't it!? tyler can't just walk away already. he probably didn't even mean to be that way, anyway.

tyler enters the room completely, quietly shutting the door behind him. he looks at josh a bit timidly, afraid to distract him from whatever he's so busy with.

"you need something?"

"yeah, actually, but.. y-you seem busy so-"

"it's fine," josh interrupts, stopping abruptly and meeting tyler's eyes. "what do you need?"

"i was just wondering i-i-if you were free to talk for a few minutes," tyler chuckles nervously, mentally punching himself for stuttering like an idiot.

"a few minutes won't hurt," josh responds. "sit down."

tyler nods, taking a seat in the chair opposite josh's desk. "what's got you so worked up, josh?"

"what?" josh raises an eyebrow.

"i can tell you're overworking yourself. you're stressed, you're miserable, you're snapping at everybody, you're always gone and when you're not you shut yourself away," tyler rambles, getting a sudden burst of confidence. "we've hardly talked since the night of the party, you haven't given me any time with you, it just feels like you're too busy for me. it kinda, well actually, it does upset me."

josh doesn't say anything. he just looks at the boy, his gaze burning a hole through his skull. every bit of confidence tyler had has been squeezed out now as he shrinks under josh's stare.

finally, josh says, "i don't mean to upset you."

"that's a little hard to believe when yesterday you yelled at me for asking if you wanted me to bring you dinner."

the man sighs heavily. he leans back in his chair, fists rubbing his eyes. "i just have important shit to do. i don't want to fuck up again."

"again?" tyler repeats.

"i shouldn't have left you alone, tyler."

"josh, you have to stop blaming yourself for that," tyler frowns, a bit shocked the man was even still thinking about it. "is that why you're working yourself so hard? you're afraid-"

"afraid i'm going to fuck something up."

"but, why-"

"tyler," josh interrupts, again. he hesitates. "i... i shouldn't feel so stupid for admitting this but god dammit, tyler, i can't lose you. you're the first person that's made me feel anything in my entire life. i'm not afraid of messing up in general. i'm afraid of messing up so bad that i lose you. understand?"

"yes..."

and now tyler just feels awful. he wishes he would've known all of this before he convinced himself that josh hated him.

"i've been trying really hard to keep an eye on that urie fuck. him being here was not something that should be taken lightly. do you know what it means?"

"not exactly..."

"it means some dumb fuck here let him in."

"a traitor?" tyler gasps.

"right, a traitor. i've been hoping somebody would fess up, but no one has."

"do you have any ideas?" he asks.

"a few," josh nods. "don't ask me who, it doesn't matter. when i know for sure, that's when you'll know. i'm just trying to keep you safe, dear. honest. i'm sorry i've been pushing you away in order to do that."

"it's okay," tyler smiles, a bit sadly. "i understand, i guess. i just wish you would've told me..."

"i don't really like to talk about my feelings, if you haven't guessed that already," josh chuckles. "guess that'll have to change, huh?"

"it would be nice.."

"come here," josh says, standing and opening his arms. "i miss you."

with a wide smile, tyler leaps out of his chair and into josh's arms. the two embrace, the older soothing his hands down the younger's back. moments later, they're lip-locked. they keep at it for a while, making out until josh says he can't anymore because he's going to get a boner.

"so?"

"so, i still have work to do, dear. i haven't solved the mystery yet."

"damn," tyler whines, raising a hand to rub at his eyes.

"what's this?" josh frowns, fingertips brushing over the boy's knuckles.

"what? oh, that's just from training."

"really?" the older frowns, feathering kisses over the broken skin. "shit..."

"yeah, it's okay, though. i have to learn how to fight. i have to get stronger," tyler says a bit too sarcastically.

"do you not want to?"

"no, i do... just... i don't want to have to train for hours every. single. day. it's exhausting, josh. my whole body hurts so bad," tyler complains. "i can't even lay in bed without some part of me feeling like it's on fire."

"okay, i'll tell felix to stop. i'll be training you from now on."

"really?" tyler's eyes widen a bit. he doesn't know if he should be scared, but he definitely is anyway. scared of what? to look weak? to be pushed too hard? who knows, but when isn't tyler scared?

"yes, really. it'll be fun, promise," josh grins.

"fine... oh, and can i sleep in your bed tonight, josh, please?"

"of course, dear, you don't have to ask."

"okay," the boy smiles. "can i have another kiss?"

"sure."

they kiss several more times before josh starts laughing. "come on, tyler. i really want to get back to this. you can hang out in here, if you want."

"no, that's okay," tyler says, feeling much better now that he understands.

"okay, well don't be scared to come get me if you need me. i won't snap at you, promise."

"okay," he grins. "and promise you're gonna be in bed when i leave tonight?"

"i promise i'll be in bed when you get home."

"fair enough," tyler nods. they kiss again before josh sends tyler out the door, lightly smacking his butt on the way out.

the younger laughs, quickly shutting the door behind him before josh can smack him again. he immediately takes off, sprinting down the hallway.

"felix!" he shouts, springing into his room.

"what! what's wrong!?"

"absolutely nothing, i have to tell you everything!"