CHAPTER THIRTEEN
dust in the wind

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FEW PEOPLE COULD TRULY say that they 'had it all'. It was such a broad term, after all, and could mean something different to each person. While one individual might believe that 'having it all' means drowning in millions of dollars and living in the nicest mansion money could buy, another could just say that it's a career they enjoy and a family they're close to. To these people, there's always something they're missing—maybe 'having it all' is unattainable to them because they're stuck making minimum wage and barely keeping their head afloat, or because they have a strained relationship with their parents. That's the point, after all: 'having it all' is unattainable. Something you can strive for but never reach.

But Sabine Lambert truly did have it all.

She was a twenty-four-year-old artist living in the best part of Dijon, married to an amazing woman who fully supported her and her career, and made an incredible amount of money without exerting herself too much. She was close to her both her parents and her wife's parents, and had a close-knit group of friends and a toy poodle she would give the world to. Plus, she and Camille had started talking about adoption.

Sometimes, life was so good that it didn't feel real. How could someone be this fortunate, hold this many cards in the game of life? How could someone have everything without stepping on others for it? When would be the day that everything crumbled?

But there was no catch to the hand she'd been dealt. She hadn't made a deal with the Devil, nor rubbed a genie's magic lamp. She'd simply worked for what she had, even if it hadn't really felt like work. The only thing she'd been fortunate about was having people who supported her.

So, Sabine was happy. She had no reason not to be. She woke up every morning in her wife's arms, saw her friends nearly every day, and painted to her heart's content. Her life was hers, and she was young enough to have years and years more to come.

If she had to change one thing, though...

Sometimes, Sabine would wake up in the middle of the night completely drenched in sweat. As she lay there gasping, brushing her matted hair out of her face, her gut would tie itself in knots. And within the crevices of her mind would come a voice. A voice that didn't sound like her own.

You're not supposed to be here.

The episodes—which was what Sabine had started calling them—didn't happen regularly. They were sporadic; they could pop up twice in one week and then vanish for months on end. But they always returned. And they were accompanied by another bizarre symptom: dreams.

On nights bereft of the episodes, Sabine would have normal dreams. About Camille, about her childhood, about the future. And sure, a weird one would pop in on occasion—Sabine had once dreamt of a falling sky, with stars cascading down like raindrops—but they were still... well, to be expected. A little hazy, smudged, difficult to remember the exact details of in the morning.

The dreams Sabine had during the episodes, though, were completely clear. They played out like movies inside of Sabine's head, only better, because she experienced every smell, taste, and touch. When she woke up from one, she could recall perfectly exactly what had happened—it was as if she'd lived through it herself.

Yet, it was all so... unfamiliar.

A woman who wasn't her mother stared down at her, a sneer curling her features.

Her own hands pounded a punching bag until her knuckles bled.

She blinked at walls plastered with posters of bands she didn't listen to.

The worst one, though—at least, up until just over a week ago—had been the one she'd had just a few days after she'd turned eighteen. It started simple. She was walking late at night, enjoying a momentary reprieve from the stress of the day. Cars whizzed around her. The occasional stranger shouldered past.

Then she blinked, and she was in an alleyway. Two figures loomed out of the darkness, pointing guns at her head. She couldn't see their faces—they were obscured by grinning cartoon masks. A pink dog. A blue bear.

She woke up right when the gun went off.

Sabine didn't understand these dreams, nor the persistent feeling of displacement that accompanied them. Why was she dreaming of a life that wasn't hers? Why was she feeling like she didn't belong? She deserved to be here, after all. She'd worked her ass off for everything she'd gotten.

So, she tried to brush it all away. When Camille woke to her clutching her covers and asked what was wrong, Sabine just told her to go back to sleep. When that feeling settled into her stomach, she closed her eyes and told it to fuck right off.

For a while, this actually ended up working. Sabine proceeded with her life as usual, giddy and loving every bit of it.

But then, last week, something had changed.

On the morning of March 25th, she'd dreamed of swirling vortexes and funerals and a chimpanzee that looked suspiciously like Pogo from the Sparrow Academy. She woke paralyzed, clutching her arms as if they would vanish in an instant. Again, her entire body thudded with that uncanny feeling.

You shouldn't be here.

March 26th, she awoke with the sensation of a child's hands on her collar and a bandage wrapping around a stranger's head clinging to her. March 27th, it was sunny side up eggs, a cheerful, boring man (a piece of fucking white bread, her mind supplied, which was weird since she didn't usually swear), and...

Oh, yeah, there were also bullets ricocheting toward her head.

By March 31st, sensing that a cycle had been formed, knowing that she wasn't going to sleep in her own bed, Sabine finally snapped. Whatever was happening to her... it wasn't going to be solved here, in her apartment in Dijon. It had been going on for years, after all, and though she'd quelled the strangeness temporarily, it seemed to have come back in full force.

So, late at night on the first of April, Sabine hopped on a plane and headed to America.

She wasn't particularly sure why she'd chosen that as her escape. Oh, sure, this was where the Sparrow Academy lived, and she'd been a fan of them since she was seven, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was more to her chosen destination than just the desire to see him. Some... force, compelling her to travel there. As if it would reveal the answers.

So Sabine landed in America, and it was wonderful, and she got to see Marcus doing pull-ups on the top of the Sparrow Academy's mansion. She went to bed in her shitty motel room that night, tucking her hands underneath her head, praying that this, somehow, would fix things.

And it did.

She slept like a baby that night, nine hours straight. And when she woke up, she did so feeling more refreshed than she'd been in months.

Then her phone started glitching, tremors began to shake the city, and people went missing by the hundreds.

It wasn't safe to go outside alone. Sabine knew that—and it didn't hurt that every news channel was dissuading her from doing so. But something about the missing persons' cases was putting her off. This wasn't anything normal. This wasn't even the work of a supervillain. It was something... Sabine struggled to describe it. It was almost the same feeling as her episodes.

Her suspicions—vague as they were—were what enticed her to venture out into the public. By now, more than a thousand people had vanished without a trace, leaving absolutely no clues behind. Everyone else was spooked—so spooked, in fact, that Sabine was the only one on the street. Every store was closed. Every curtain was drawn. The only vehicles that screamed by on the road were police cars.

Without really knowing where she was going, she started walking, keeping her hands firmly in the pockets of her hoodie. The more she walked, the more uncomfortable she grew, but she didn't stop. Her feet were carrying her somewhere, and her mind urged her to follow.

After two hours, she ended up in front of a hotel.

There was nothing that really set it apart from any of the other buildings in the area. It was nine stories. It was made of brick. It had a moderately well-designed entrance. It was completely, entirely, and utterly ordinary.

Well. It would've been, in normal circumstances.

Today, though, people—screaming, gasping people—were streaming out of the two revolving doors, fleeing onto the street like a swarm of ants. There was more than Sabine had seen all day, and they shoved past her, attempting to put as much distance between themselves and the hotel as possible.

Sabine's brow furrowed. What was happening?

She took a step forward, cocking her head. Her confusion was palpable, and it might have even coerced her to make her way inside. Only the bright flash that seared from its interior seconds later sent her stumbling back.

It was a blinding gold, powerful and fierce as an out-of-control tide. It slammed against the doors with enough force to rattle them, nearly knocking Sabine off-balance. It was only the windmilling of her arms that kept her on her feet.

"Holy shit," she muttered—in English, no less. "What was that?"

The hotel hovered tantalizingly in front of her, promising answers. But after that crazy light show... Sabine couldn't help but move backward. Her heart was thudding in her chest. Her gut twisted and turned like clothes in a washing machine. Goosebumps riddled her skin.

That was wrong, too. This was all wrong.

She put her face in her hands. What was happening? How did this all connect? Why was she at the middle of it?

Why couldn't she just be happy?

The sounds of several more people pushing their way through the doors made her raise her head again. And when she saw who it was... well. It was safe to say her jaw dropped.

Ben, Fei, Kadence, and Christopher Hargreeves all burst from the hotel like the Grim Reaper himself was on their heels. Their faces were pale with shock, their usually spotless uniforms scuffed. And they ran, all four of them, tearing down the street, leaving only a shocked Sabine behind.

Oh, God.

Something that had scared the Sparrow Academy was certainly something Sabine shouldn't be going near.

And yet, this had to be the truth. This had to be the reason why she'd been having nightmares and sometimes felt as if her body wasn't hers. This had to be the explanation for the voice that had been whispering in her ear since she was a child.

You're not supposed to be here.

She finally made her way to the front door. Her footsteps were slow, her expression blank as if she was in a trance. One tentative, shaking hand reached out to push her way inside.

But just as Sabine—who really had it all, and would have continued to do so if not for this persisting wrongness pulsing through her—began to open it, a wave of blue energy washed over the city. Like a real swell of a tide lapping at a shore, it moved out, completely consuming everyone and everything.

Then it moved back in.

You're not supposed to be here, the voice breathed, seconds before everything dissolved. And Sabine, standing there, trembling, everything flooding into her, finally understood what it meant.

She wasn't meant to exist. Not in this timeline, anyway.

Moments later, she no longer did.

AFTER EVERYTHING THAT had gone down in the bathroom, Nadine found herself at the bar, idly picking at a blueberry muffin Chet had brought her. She didn't really have an appetite—how could she, after seeing two mangled corpses and the equivalent of a torture session by those she now considered her family?—but she needed something to distract herself with. Nausea and grief both burned through her, sinking deep into her gut, and with every breath she took, she hated the fact that it was still in this timeline. The briefcase was gone, somehow. If Sloane was to be believed—and Nadine did believe her, considering the fact that she'd quite literally been compelled into telling the truth—the Sparrow Academy had never had it. Which sent them back to square one.

A part of her wanted to find Viktor, but she figured he was busy dealing with Harlan's abrupt appearance. Klaus had gone upstairs with Stanley, who had been tasked with cleaning every guest's room as punishment for setting part of the hotel on fire. Allison was... well, she was gone, and even if she wasn't, Nadine couldn't help but be a little afraid of how she'd acted back in the bathroom. And Diego wasn't exactly someone Nadine normally confided in—she'd only done that once, and that was because she'd been having a panic attack.

She didn't even consider trying to find Five.

This left Luther. He'd brought Sloane to his hotel room in order to watch over her, preventing her from escaping. After Allison and Diego had practically accused him of betraying the Umbrella Academy, it was likely he didn't want to see any of them, but that was precisely why Nadine wanted to.

Now, it wasn't like her relationship with the Umbrella Academy's 'leader' was exactly comfortable. She'd been lukewarm toward him when they'd first met—he hadn't been as acrimonious to her as Diego had, after all—but then he'd decided to throw Viktor into a cage, slam Nadine against the wall, and betray her and Allison at the Icarus Theatre. That wasn't something that could be easily forgiven. Especially not by someone who held grudges as well as she did.

But when she'd seen him again in 1963, it was obvious he'd changed. Viktor, still amnesiac, had told her that Luther had come to apologize for everything he'd done. This had been hard for Nadine to believe at first, until he'd done the exact same thing to her, true remorse shimmering in his eyes. They'd made a truce, promising to be allies if they couldn't be friends, and Nadine had allowed herself to work with him.

Now, though... well, it was clear Viktor had forgiven him, and Nadine really was too tired to hold any remaining animosity. Luther was sorry, he'd obviously changed, and Nadine would be a hypocrite if she didn't let him move on.

And after what had happened in the bathroom... well, Luther had been as rattled as she had. Perhaps even more so. It was obvious he had a thing with Sloane—which was more than a little weird, in more ways than one—and seeing her hurt like that by his own siblings had obviously been a shock. He'd understand Nadine. He had to.

Still, the prospect of just casually asking for a chat with him—especially when Sloane was present—caused her heart to race. What would Sloane say? Did she hate Nadine for what happened to her siblings, even though it hadn't been her fault? Nadine didn't like her, but she didn't want to fight her. Not after what had happened last time.

We're not the monsters, she thought again. She didn't want to be the monster.

She took in a deep, even breath. What Sloane thought of her didn't matter. What Luther thought of her didn't matter. What did matter was that she needed someone to talk to, to regroup with. It was obvious they weren't going to save the universe today, but...

Nadine clutched the charm dangling off her wrist. God, if only you were here, Molly.

She wrapped her muffin in a napkin, feeling a little regret for the waste of food, and tossed it into the garbage before making her way upstairs. On the way to Luther's hotel room, she passed Harlan's. When she pressed her ear to the door, she could hear Viktor and Harlan's murmured conversations. Briefly, she was tempted to make her way inside, but she knew she should give this moment to Viktor. Even though she'd helped out Harlan back in 1963, she'd never formed the bond with him that Viktor did. All Harlan would see was a vaguely familiar stranger that kind of resembled his deceased mother.

So, she kept going, coming to a stop outside of Luther's room. She could hear a quiet conversation in here, too.

When she knocked on the door, however, it quickly drew to a halt. Nadine's heart pounded so loud that she nearly missed the sound of Luther's heavy footsteps coming to answer.

The knob turned, and, a few seconds later, the door swung open. Luther, brows furrowed, looked like he was about to open his mouth and tell her to fuck off. Then he saw who it was, and his face shifted into surprise.

"Uh, Nadine," he said. "Hi."

"Hi, Luther," Nadine said, drumming her fingers against her legs. "Sorry to, ehm, disturb you. I just—I just wanted to talk."

His eyes widened. "Uh, okay. I guess you can... you can come in. But, um. Sloane's here, too."

"I know," Nadine said. "I kind of—I want to talk to her, too."

Luther cocked his head at her. "You're not here to interrogate her more, are you?" he asked, his voice tinged with suspicion. "Because she's already told you. She doesn't know where the briefcase is."

"No. No, I don't want to... I believe her, Luther. I don't think she... I don't think she would make that up."

"Oh." He blinked. "Really?"

"Yes. Really."

"Okay." Just like that, Luther seemed convinced. He pulled open the door for her and stepped aside, allowing her entrance. Nadine nodded at him, curling her hands into nervous fists, and made her way inside.

The room Luther, Klaus, Diego and Five were staying in was a lot larger than the one Nadine shared with Allison and Viktor. It had a bunk bed, a couch, and a cot. There was even a television, though it looked about fifty years out of style. Notably, though, they didn't have a fireplace.

Sloane was sitting on the couch, holding an ice pack to her shoulder. She'd jarred it, somehow, when Harlan had attacked. Likely not dislocated—it had been nowhere near as deformed as Nadine's was when the Umbrella Academy fell—but bruised. The blood had been cleaned off her face, though she was still wearing her Sparrow Academy uniform. Tears glazed her cheeks.

When Nadine entered, she tensed, looking down. Luther held out his hands to her in pleading.

"It's okay," he said. "Nadine's okay."

"Hi," Nadine said softly. It was strange to look at a member of the Sparrow Academy and not immediately leap to the defensive, but this was another situation where her words would matter more than her fists. It had almost worked with Lila—maybe it had, considering the fact that she'd run off with Five. Maybe it would work with Sloane, too.

She really hoped so. Because maybe Viktor was right when he'd tried to make that deal with Marcus. Maybe she needed at least one member of the Sparrow Academy on her side. Especially with the end of the universe on the horizon.

"What do you want?" Sloane asked, wiping her eyes. She'd been crying again, fairly recently. Nadine didn't blame her.

"Well, ehm." Nadine took a tentative seat on one of the chairs near the couch and looked down at her lap. "First of all, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened to your siblings."

Sloane's breath hitched. "I thought you wanted us dead."

"No." Nadine shook her head vehemently. "No, never. I mean, I didn't exactly want you guys to run free—you did attack us, after all—but I can't... I'm not a murderer." A hand traced idly over the scar on her shoulder, unwanted memories filling her. "I just—all I wanted was for you guys to leave us alone."

"Well, you got your wish," Sloane sniffed. "Jayme, Alphonso, and Marcus are all dead. They won't be bothering you anymore."

"We told you it wasn't us." Nadine lifted her chin, finally meeting Sloane's eyes. "Look. I know you're grieving, and rightfully so. But we never—we never wanted this to happen. None of us, not even Allison and Diego. When we travelled back to 2019, we were supposed to be back in our timeline. The Umbrella Academy really did exist. Your father really did adopt the others. It's just—somehow, in this timeline, all of our mothers are dead, and he didn't want us, anyway.

"That's why we needed the briefcase. We wanted to go back in time and... and fix things. This isn't our timeline. And our presences here... well, they're causing something bad. People have been disappearing, and it's not going to stop. Not unless we fix things."

"She's right," Luther said quietly. "Sloane, we're not—we're not the villains here. We never were. And I'm sorry about how we met, and I'm sorry about what happened to your siblings, but that was never what we wanted. I promise."

Sloane looked down, settling the hand not holding the ice pack to her shoulder into her lap. "I need to—um. I need to just... think about things. Just for a little while. What your siblings did to me... I don't know if I can work with them just yet."

"That's okay. Take as much time as you need."

Sloane wiped at her eyes again. "Okay."

"Luther," Nadine said. "Can the two of us talk... you know, alone?"

Luther glanced at Sloane. "I don't think I can. I'm supposed to... you know. Make sure she doesn't leave."

Right. Sloane was technically their prisoner. Nadine pursed her lips. "Okay. Do you want to—let's just go to the other side of the room then. And maybe speak a little quietly?"

"Sure." Luther's tone was casual, but it was obvious he was a little nervous. Nadine didn't blame him. After everything that had happened between the two of them... well, he was obviously assuming there'd be bad blood. Even though that was the last thing on Nadine's mind right now.

"Great." Nadine nodded firmly, then moved away from Sloane, nestling herself into a corner of the room. After a few seconds, Luther followed, his footsteps halting.

"So," he said in a stage whisper, once he'd approached. "What is it?"

Nadine exhaled. "Not exactly what I meant by speaking quietly. But whatever. Ehm. I just—I feel like we never really got a resolution back in 1963. A real one, I mean."

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

Nadine swallowed. "I mean... I said that I was only going to consider forgiving you if Viktor did, and a week ago, he couldn't, because he didn't remember what had happened. But now he does, and he's made it pretty clear that he does forgive you... so. I guess I do, too."

"Oh," Luther said. "Oh."

"Yeah. The truth is, Luther, I need all the friends I can get. And I... I don't know. I think we could be friends. You know, if you wanted to be."

His face softened. "Of course, Nadine. Of course. But, um... are you sure you want to? Allison and Diego seem pretty convinced that I'm betraying the Umbrella Academy, or whatever."

"Yes," Nadine responded. "Luther, what happened back in the bathroom... I should've spoken up. That's never—that's never been us before. We don't just... do that to people to get information. I mean, I've hurt people before, but never like... never like that. I mean, Sloane isn't some rapist. And, yes, she might technically be our enemy still, but she's just—she didn't deserve that." She was reminded, at that moment, of Lila, who wouldn't have deserved it either, traitor or not. "I should've spoken up. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm not—I wasn't upset with you. I expected you to side with Diego and Allison, if I'm being honest. Since we've met, you've always seemed to have that 'I'm gonna punch my problems away' kind of vibe."

Nadine shrugged. "I guess I'm trying something new."

He shifted his weight. "Nadine... can I be honest with you for a second?"

Nadine blinked. "Yes?"

"I'm—um." Luther cleared his throat. "I'm starting to get a little worried about Allison."

She exhaled. So she hadn't been the only one who'd seen it. "Oh, yeah. Me, too."

"I mean, I've seen her like this before, especially when we were kids, but I thought she was... I thought she was getting better. And I'm worried that if she can't get Claire back, she'll go tipping over the edge."

"We'll find a way," Nadine said fiercely, even though she had no idea how. The briefcase was gone. They had quite literally no way out of this timeline. But at this point, it was either that or die. "We're not—we're not going to just give up. And she's one of my best friends, now. I hate that she's so upset."

"Me, too. You, um. You know that we used to be close, right?"

Nadine nodded. "Allison told me you used to be best friends, too."

"We were. She just—she always got me. Anything I told her, she understood. It was never like that with the others. I mean, Dad always pitted Diego and me against each other, Five and Klaus were always in their own little worlds, Ben... well, you know what happened to him. And Viktor... I never even considered trying to be his friend.

"Anyway, um, despite what the tabloids said, it was never anything... romantic. She was still my sister, you know? I loved her in that way. I still do. And I want—I want to see her happy."

Nadine's heart clenched. "I get it," she said. "I mean, I never had anyone like that, but I... I get it. I promise you, I'll do anything I can to help her get her daughter back. She deserves at least that."

"You deserve it, too," Luther said. When Nadine's eyes flickered to him, confused, he elaborated. "Um. Viktor told me about—about your dad. And I guess I pieced it together a bit before, but now... I know the dad that's waiting for you back in France isn't really yours. You deserve to see yours again."

Nadine's eyes burned. "Thank you, Luther."

"Hey, we're family now," he said. "You're a part of the Umbrella Academy. You're one of us. And I'm not going to leave you behind."

A smile grew on Nadine's face. And it was a real smile, pure and true, because she loved the Umbrella Academy. She loved that she'd stumbled into their house and come back out with people she could put all of her trust in. She loved that she could open her heart to them without anyone swinging a mallet at it.

"Thank you," she said again. She wiped her eyes.

The events of today had been extraordinarily difficult. She still hadn't gotten over them—there was no way she would speed-run the process—but standing here, she felt a little bit better. She'd finally made things right with Luther. She'd finally fixed the relationship that had been severed the moment he'd thrown Viktor into sensory deprivation.

Now, all she had to do next was save the world.

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HAVEN: i completely defenestrated canon for that sabine scene, but i don't care because i love it. poor sabine, tbh. she really did have a great life, she just... wasn't meant to exist lmao. like at all. she just got lucky with this particular timeline.

but yeah, that's the end of the sabine arc. honestly, tua season three ended up throwing me for a loop when it came to the mother plotlines and the text nadine got at the end of paramnesia, so i ended up working with what i had. i'm pretty proud of the idea to incorporate sabine, but i hope it was... satisfying?? idk. 

also nadine and luther is the brotp i've been waiting three seasons to write!! hell yeah.

i know kadence wasn't in this chapter but she'll be in the next one!! i'm building up to something big with her >:) i hope you're ready

thanks for reading <333