C H A P T E R  T W E L V E

☆☆☆

ANNA CARSON

☆☆☆

By the time the sun had risen, my eyes fluttered open slowly and with a groan, I sat upright and rubbed at my throbbing temples. I’d had a restless sleep last night and had tossed and turned into the new day.

It had everything to do with had had happened last night with Paiten. I couldn’t shake the feeling of disgust with myself as I’d left Paiten in the living room last night.

I had taken advantage of her; she was vulnerable and had trusted me enough to open up to me about her feelings – feelings she hadn’t shared with anyone else and I’d abused that.

Paiten was only seventeen and although she was old enough to give her consent, I was the adult in the situation. A full seven years her senior, I shouldn’t have let the kiss happen.

I wasn’t entirely sure on who truly initiated the kiss – if if was me that leaned down or her that pushed up but that didn’t matter. I should’ve disconnected our lips the moment they touched, disentangle myself from her and apologized.

It didn’t matter how right kissing her felt – and dear God was it amazing. I’d known the moment I’d laid eyes on her and studied her facial features that her lips would be soft and intoxicating and I hadn’t been wrong.

Paiten fit perfectly in my arms too and holding her was the most natural thing. She smelled homely too, like lavender and something else that reminded me of youth and innocence. I could’ve held her close to me all night long, just to ingrain that smell into my system so that I never forget it.

But none of that mattered, not her soft lips or her perfect body. All that mattered was that she deserved an apology and I was still waiting for the burst of courage that would propel me out of Robert’s room.

I’d been staring at the door for the past thirty minutes from the bed, unable to move. I wanted to crawl under the sheets until it was time for me to die. Getting out of this room would only solidify my sins but if I stayed here, my guilt and I could fester and rot together and no one would have to know.

When I heard the shower go off followed by loud music from Paiten’s bathroom, I knew it was time to face the music.

Paiten had a hockey practice at some public park today and I had to drive her. I made a quick trip to the bathroom to empty my bladder, wash my face and brush my teeth. I was far too anxious to put on any makeup or make an effort with my hair so I fashioned my long, dark blonde hair into a braid. I changed out of my sleepwear and donned on a pair of leggings and casual button up paired with black pumps.

I went downstairs and made breakfast: two bowls of Jungle Oats, scrambled eggs and French toast and a pot of coffee.

Paiten needed all the starch she could get for the energy required. I went through the extra effort of filling her water bottle with ice-cold water from the fridge.

Paiten came downstairs a few minutes after I’d laid our dishes on the kitchen table.

She was dressed in a pair of cotton shorts and an old golf shirt with her large curly hair squeezed into a tight ponytail.

She already had her shin and knee guards in place, covered by a long pair of thick socks. Her face was clear of any makeup and her eyes were sparkling with a full night’s rest. She looked beautiful and I felt my knees weaken.

“Wow, you made this all for me?” she said as she approached the table.

“Yeah, I know you have a busy day ahead and you need all the energy you can get.”

“Wow, Anna. I don’t know what to say, a thank you just doesn’t seem adequate.”

“Eat and finish your food, that will be thanks enough for me.”

“Okay,” Paiten said and sat down. I sat across from her and while we ate I tried to gauge her emotional state.

There weren’t any traces of anger or sadness or hatred towards me and I wished I could just read her mind so I could know what was going on with her. She kept her head down, tapping at her phone while she ate. Rob never allowed her to use her phone at the table so I’d given her that liberty because I didn’t really mind. I was never chatty over breakfast anyway.

Once Paiten had finished majority of her food, she took her cup of coffee and her last slice of French toast into the sitting room and switched the TV on. Paiten had to be at the park at 10:00 and it was 09:15. Said park was a thirty-minute drive away so we had to leave soon if she wanted to get there on time.

I went into the living room and found her watching TV while tapping away at her phone and eating (her multitasking skills were fantastic, mind you.)

“Hey Paiten, we have to get going.”

She looked up at me and nodded, “okay.”

She stood up from the couch and switched the TV off. She dashed into the kitchen and placed her dirty dishes in the sink and came back into the living room to where I stood.

“Hey Paiten, can we talk?” I asked. It was now or never.

Paiten’s large brown eyes focused onto mine and I could see the anxiety swimming in them.

“Uhm, I owe you an apology,” I said.

Paiten frowned.

“For last night. You were vulnerable and you needed someone to be there for you and I took advantage of you by kissing you. I’m really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.”

I fought the urge to look to the ground as I spoke to her because she needed to see the sincerity in my eyes.

Paiten was still frowning though and she shook her head. Her lips parted for a few seconds then closed shut again, as if she wanted to say something but decided against it.

I wasn’t prepared for what happened next: I felt Paiten’s lithe body collide with mine and her hands were on my cheeks again and she was kissing me. Her tiny hands reached for my arms and once she had them in her grasp she placed them on her own waist and pushed herself closer to me.

I’d denied myself the dirty pleasure fantasizing about kissing her again, yet here I was with my bottom lip cushioned with hers, feeling those soft lips cloud my mind with an insatiable lust. On instinct I tightened my hold on her and I felt her moan against my lips as I deepened the kiss.

She was soft and warm and I could feel my brain begin to short circuit. When we pulled apart, her eyes were dilated and her chest was heaving.

“Pait-” I was interrupted by one of her fingers pressed against my lips.

Paiten shook her head.

“You don’t have to apologize because you didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted to to kiss you last night and I wanted to kiss you five minutes ago and I want to kiss you again, don’t you get it Anna?”

My heart began to pulse through my veins and I could feel blood pumping in my fingertips. I hadn’t expected those words but when they came, they were beautiful.

“You’re so beautiful, Paiten,” I murmured to her, tracing patterns on her exposed collarbone.

“And so are you,” she mumbled and placed a soft kiss against my neck.

I can’t remember the last time my heartbeat was this wild.

As soon as I’d dropped Paiten off at the park I sent a quick text to my only friend.

Anna: Hey Georgie, got a free minute to text?

Georgina: Better yet, I’ll video-call you.

Anna: Okay, give me a few minutes because I’m driving.

I drove for a kilometer and parked my car in small shopping center.

A few seconds later my phone vibrated with an incoming video call and I answered it immediately.

My best friend’s smiling face took up the screen and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey Anna!” she said and in the background I could hear the cries of her her two-year old daughter Nicole.

“Is this a bad time?” I asked.

“No, Nicole is just being a little demon. Andrew will take care of her,” she said with a dismissive wave.

“Anyway, what’s up? What time is it there? I miss you so much”

“It’s almost 10:00, nothing much is up, I miss you too, it’s why I texted..”

“I miss you too Ann-Tams. I’m glad you texted me too, the past week has been a little crazy. Nicole had some kind of allergic reaction and we had to rush her to the emergency room last week, but she’s fine now. She nearly gave Andrew a heart attack.”

“Wow, okay your life problems are nothing compared to mine,” I said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, you were wise enough not to marry young and have a child at twenty-two.”

“Nor did I move to fucking Australia and abandon my only best friend.”

“Hey! I did it for love!” Georgina defended herself.

I’d met Georgina in my first year of university and we’d been inseparable since. She came up with the nickname “Ann-Tams” one night while we were drunk out of our minds and it had stuck since.

Life hadn’t been the same since she moved to Australia two years back to live with her now-husband.

She only ever came to South Africa once a year so social media had become a lifeline to us.

With all the recent events, I needed someone to talk to and she was the only one who truly understood me.

“You know I love Andrew, but I fucking hate Andrew.”

“I’ll pass the message on,” Georgina replied with a cheeky smile, making the apple of her cheeks shoot upwards. Georgina had one of those plump, round faces with impeccable cheekbones and warm brown eyes that made her seem warm and inviting. And she truly was: she was friendly and kind and I loved her with my entire heart.

“How’s it going with your man?”

Her voice was softer now, like she could sense I needed to discuss something serious with her.

“We’re good, no problems with us,” I replied honestly.

“And that testy daughter of his?”

I sighed.

“Well, she’s finally warmed up to me and she’s quite a delightful human being. I genuinely like her and enjoy her company. She no longer sees me as a threat now so that’s good.”

“I sense a ‘but’” Georgina said. She ran a hand down her brunette hair and pursed her red-painted lips.

“That’s because there is a but,” I said.

“Okay, spill.”

“Her family hates her.”

“What?”

“Her family, they hate her. Rob’s mother called her a kaffer in front of my face and Paiten heard it and she was very upset. I haven’t found the courage to tell Rob about it but it’s eating me up, Georgie. Like, I just don’t get how they could treat her like that.”

“Robert doesn’t see that they treat her weirdly?”

“No. The day it happened Paiten was sulking in the backseat and he bought her lie when she told him she wasn’t feeling well and attributed her off-ish behaviour at family gatherings as her being ‘shy.’”

“Wow, that’s deep.”

“I just don’t know how she’s managed to handle all that hatred for all her life. I feel so bad for her sometimes.”

“Yeah, from what you’ve told me, it doesn’t seem like she’s been dealt the best of cards.”

“And she’s such a wonderful girl, Georgie. She doesn’t deserve any of this.”

Georgina frowned, “I think you should tell Rob.”

“What if it causes a rift between him and his family? Because he loves  that girl with all his heart but he loves his extended family too.”

“What’s greatly concerning in the first place though, is that he doesn’t see it.”

“I know men can be oblivious but it’s so obvious Georgie. The way his mother treats her versus her other grandchildren is as clear as day. Her aunt is fake smiles and veiled intolerance, her cousins alienate her, it’s a mess.”

“I hope you figure something out soon, hey,” Georgina replied.

“Me too.”

I knew that I could’ve used this opportunity to tell her about what had happened last night and this morning but it was far too private for me to share, especially since I hadn’t made sense of my own emotions of this.

I also don’t know how Georgie would handle the news of me cheating on Rob with his own daughter when I claimed to like him so much.

The whole situation was a mess and I was far too conflicted to open up about it. Talking to Georgina about what had happened with Hester a while back was therapeutic, I felt like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders.

The video call ended soon and on my way home, I thought back to what Paiten had said to me that morning:

“ I wanted to to kiss you last night and I wanted to kiss you five minutes ago and I want to kiss you again.”

My body shivered involuntarily as I thought about the implications of her words because in all honesty, I wanted to kiss her again, too.