C H A P T E R S E V E N

☆☆☆

By the time Monday rolled around, I knew that I needed to have a serious talk with Collin. I sent him a text right after first period, asking him if we could talk at break.

When break time came, Manda and I were sitting in our usual chill spot at the far end of the field. Darren and Collin followed soon after and as soon as I saw him, the dread that had settled in my stomach worsened.

"Hi ladies," Darren greeted with his usual confident smile. Manda stood to hug him while I shuffled over to Collin.

"Hey..." he said. He was dressed in the school khaki shorts today and it made his legs look awkward.

"Hi," I replied, "let's take a walk."

We went a little ways away from Manda and Darren and kept a lazy strolling pace as we walked on the field.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Heat gathered in the space between my body and my blazer and sweat gathered in my hairline. It could've been the heat late January heat but it also could've been my nerves. This was going to be hard.

"Collin, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Collin stopped right in his tracks and turned to face me.

"Why?"

"I just can't do this anymore."

The look on his face was distraught, like he'd just found out that his beloved pet had died or something. I wished the ground would swallow me right up.

"Did I do something to make you unhappy, Paiten? Is it what happened on Saturday? I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make this right Paiten, please," He pleaded.

"No, it's not that," I began.

"Then what is it? What ever you want me to do, I'll do it for you Paiten. I want to make you happy."

"That's the thing, I don't think you can," I replied. I bit my lip and wished that I could drop dead in that exact moment because I felt awful inside.

"Let me try, please," he pleaded.

"I know you want to prove yourself to me Collin and the thing is, it's not you that's the problem here. It's me. I don't think I could ever give you what you want and you deserve to be with someone who likes you the same way you like them. I can't do that."

The look on his face broke me to pieces.

"And you're sure there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"

"I'm afraid not. I'm sorry Collin, I'm so sorry."

Collin grit his teeth so hard the muscle in his jaw twitched. He nodded a couple of times and braced his arms behind his head.

"Okay."

The word was filled with so much pain and I wished I could hold him and tell him that it would all be okay, but that would be an asshole move on my part because it was I who broke his heart.

He turned on his heels and walked off without another word.

Things between Manda and I had been a bit awkward for the entire week after Darren's and it was mostly my fault. I was just so distraught over everything that had happened that I didn't know how to act or speak around her.

I missed her more than words could ever express but my pride and insecurity made it impossible for me to stop acting so stupid and tell her how I felt.

I spent break time that entire week in the library, working on my history assignment while Manda hanged out with Darren.

I could already feel the stinging slap of rejection from her because that boy had now taken my place. She was happy with him though and that's all that mattered.

I was awakened on Saturday by my phone's incessant buzzing. It was a phone call from Manda and although my stomach twisted with something unpleasant that I couldn't quite decipher, I answered.

"Hey Manda, what's up?"

"Hey Pait. Uhm, we're having a braai later today and I just wanted to see if you wanted to come. Makhulu and them would love to see you... and so would I. I've seen so little of you this week. I miss my best friend."

Manda had never been one that could stand awkward situations. She was the type who preferred to sort issues out as soon as they arose.

"Will Darren be there?"

I hated how pathetic I sounded with that question but I had to know. I don't think I could stomach to spend another Saturday in Darren's presence again.

"No, it's a family-only event," Manda replied and I smiled at that because for as long as I could remember, Manda's family had referred to me as one of their own.

My dad dropped me off at Manda's house. I was glad that he was alone this weekend, without Anna on his arm because after I'd made a colossal embarrassment of myself in front of her, she was the last person I wanted to see.

I was dressed in a pair of leggings and crop tops and closed-toed shoes from Pick n Pay Clothing. I hadn't put much thought to my outfit because these braais were laid back affairs.

As soon as I entered the house, I felt my guard dissolve into nothingness. I was safe here.

I've adored Manda's family for as long as I could remember. They were kind and warm people who loved to have fun and who had welcomed me without a second thought.

I felt much more comfortable around them than I ever had with my own family. Manda's mom had let me in and after a few pleasantries I made my way into the garden.

The tantalising smell of Malom' Sello's steaks filled the air. He was the first person who made me see that there was an art to braaing meat because no one did it the way he did. His meat always tasted than anyone else's so he had been made the official braai uncle by everyone.

Manda's family was a stark contrast to mine. While I only had a few relatives Manda had multitudes of them. Her mothet had five siblings and each of them had their own spouses and an average of three children each. MaNcube was actually the odd one out from all of her siblings since she only had one child.

I'd gotten a chance to know each and every one of them over the years and Manda had taught me enough Xhosa to make light conversation with.

Everyone could speak English, but it showed them that I cared for them since I'd gone through the effort of learning the language.

I was in the middle of an entertaining conversation with Makhulu when Manda tumbled out of the house with an obscene amount of glitter in her hair.

"Yhu, haibo, what happened to you?" Manda's aunt Selma asked.

"Yandela found my old art supplies box and she thought it would be a great idea to make my bedroom rain with glitter. I have a headache just thinking about the mess I'll have to clean," Manda said with an exasperated sigh. "You guys need to stop having such naughty children."

We all laughed and she rolled her eyes. When she saw me with Makhulu she smiled and made her way over to us.

She was dressed in a pair of plain black jeans and an olive green shirt and her hair was tied in a messy bun. The flecks of silver and gold glitter shone in her hair, especially in the sun.

"Hey Pait. Why didn't you text me to tell me you'd arrived? Have you been here long?"

"No I haven't, I was just talking to Makhulu. We were catching up."

"Yes Amanda, Paiten came here for me, I'm her best friend," Makhulu teased and Manda shook her head with smile.

"Well okay, I'm so sorry for making assumptions, Makhulu. May I borrow your best friend from you then?"

"Take her to Xolani, I'm not getting any younger you know? I need to see that wedding at least within my lifetime."

"Makhulu, you've just turned sixty three and you don't look a day over fifty-nine," I said.

"Oh hush, hush child and go to your husband. Xolani kept on asking for you when he got here."

Manda took my hand and we walked over to the table where the food was set up.

"Are you hungry?"

I nodded, "I especially came here on an empty stomach."

"Good," Manda said with a smile and she dished up for the both of us. Our plates were identical in what they contained: rice, shesebo, chakalaka, butternut, potato salad and grilled chicken.

We headed back inside the house where all the other teenagers were. Manda's teenage cousins were all in the living room, Xolani included.

We sat on the couch and as soon as the boy saw me, he gave me a sly sort of smirk. Manda and I looked at each other and laughed.

"Paiten, baby. I'm so happy you made it. You look even more beautiful than when I last saw you," he said.

I was convinced that the ugly gene did not exist in Manda's family because they were all ridiculously attractive, Xolani included.

"It's good to see you, Xolani."

"Have you finally decided to accept my marriage proposal?"

"Bro, it's not going to happen. Accept that," Mandla, Manda's fourteen year old boy cousin said. The rest of us all laughed but Xolani was unfazed.

"Keep on doubting. I swear, I will make Paiten my wife and you will all regret the times you've doubted me."

"But you've been trying to slide for over seven years now and she still hasn't let you in. It's time to be realistic," Manda said.

Xolani just smiled at her and shook his head, "I am a man of faith! I will achieve the impossible. Just watch Paiten, I'll sweep you off of your feet. You won't know what hit you. That's a promise baby," he said and blew a kiss at me.

"Stop being gross dude, come on, Malom' Nkuleko needs us to get more ice at the Sasol garage," Thando, another one of Manda's boy cousins said.

All of the boys all got up and left the house in search of the ice. I stayed in the living room with Manda and her female cousins. We conversed for a while until the boys came back with the ice and we went out into the garden.

As the night progressed, a significant amount of Manda's uncles and aunts got drunk and they provided us with entertaining material. It was 01:00 when everyone finally left and although I'd planned to go home, Manda asked me to sleepover.

Once we were alone in her room an hour later, Manda said, "Paiten, I think we need to talk."

I licked my lips and nodded.

"What's going on Paiten? You've been so... weird lately. Did I do something that I upset you?

Her tone and the look in her eyes were pleading and a landslide of guilt passed through me.

"I uhm, I guess it's just been different since Darren came into the picture, I don't know."

"This is about Darren?"

"No, it's not just that, it's - ugh, I don't even know how to explain it to you."

"But I feel you started acting weird around me since we went to Darren's on Saturday so part of it has to do with him right? And Collin?"

Her tone was gentle, as was the arm she'd placed on my shoulder. Her eyes kept on searching mine for any clues.

"Help me out here Paiten, I need to know what's going on with you. You've never kept me in the dark like this before, I'm worried."

I truly didn't deserve this girl as a best friend, I didn't even know why she still put up with me; especially since this was all my fault.

"It's you, it's Darren, it's Collin. It's everything," I said with a sigh.

"Okay, we're getting somewhere now," she replied, then her eyebrows creased together, "is it because of what Darren and I did in front of you guys in the sitting room?"

"Partly. Look Manda I really want you to be happy and I'm glad you've met someone, but I just - I just feel that now that you have Darren..." my voice trailed off.

"I got scared you won't have time for me anymore. He's this amazing new experience and he's all you ever talk about and you're growing and you might not see it now but what if this causes a riff between us? I don't know, it's dumb, I know."

"Woah, wait a minute," Manda said and she cupped my face to make me look into her eyes.

"Paiten, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love you so much. I would never give up our friendship for anyone. Yeah, Darren is great but he's not you and he'll never be you. No one on this fucking planet will ever, ever take your place. I don't ever want you to think that,okay?"

There were tears rolling down my cheeks when she was done speaking but I nodded and let her arms engulf me in an embrace.

"I'm sorry," I murmured against her shoulder, "you're all I have, Manda."

"You're all I have, too. No one on this earth has held it down for me the way you have and I would never throw it away for anything."

Manda kissed the top of my head.

"I love you, Manda," and I didn't even try to hide the ambiguity in that statement.

After that conversation, things between Manda and I went back to normal. She made sure to spend every break with me without Darren present and spent afternoons with him. Collin still wasn't talking to me, and although I still felt bad for hurting him, I knew it was what was best.

Valentine's day was approaching on Sunday and while everyone else my age at school and on the internet freaked out about being single and alone, I cared little for holiday.

In my opinion, Valentines Day was the most was the dumbest holiday to have ever existed. It was a day dedicated to showering a partner in shallow gifts, why couldn't couples do that on any other day?

Manda had a different view to this than I did, obviously, since Darren was taking her out to Cappucino's for dinner on Sunday. It was all she could talk about for the week at school.

I was perfectly content with spending the night curled up on the couch by my single ass self with popcorn and other snacks with a perfectly good Tyler Perry comedy.

I was actually looking forward to it and when Sunday rolled around, I made sure to make the short trip to the small shopping complex near my house.

I bought my favourite pack of marshmallows, along with a Cadbury eighteen-piece chocolate and a bottle of Sir Juice. Back at home, the TV was already connected to the internet and I'd already loaded my favourite streaming site.

I planned to watch Madea's Big Happy Family first because it was my favourite Tyler Perry movie and not for the reasons that most people did.

I was halfway through the movie when the front door opened. I assumed it was my dad and didn't think much of it until I heard the unmistakeable feminine voice that belonged to Anna: "hey, Paiten."

"Hey," I mumbled.

"What're you watching?" she asked.

I turned my head to look at her, "Madea's Big Happy Family."

It was only then that I noticed that Anna was dressed formally, in a figure hugging black dress and her hair falling down her back in soft waves. Her make up was done and from where I sat, I could smell her tantalising perfume. I felt like I had sand in my mouth just from looking at her.

"Wow, Anna you look amazing."

"Thank you," she said and smiled.

It did something to my chest. I tried to ignore the feeling.

"What yucky thing are you and my dad doing tonight?"

"Just dinner. Your dad insisted on this, I actually don't like Valentines' Day. I find it very overrated but hey, if the man wants to spoil me then I won't turn it down."

"I find it overrated too," I said, "but I also know how much of a sap my dad is. Every year we used to argue about this," I said.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel awkward about being near Anna again. Maybe it was her beauty that was distracting me so much to the point where I forgot to feel any animosity towards her.

It may have also been the fact that I no longer felt threatened by her relationship with my father as much, granted I'd avoided her at every chance that I could in the past month.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"He was supposed to pick me up at my place but he got delayed at work so I came here to make things easier," she bit her lip and looked at me as if she was asking for permission. What was I even supposed to say if she did ask? No? My father wouldn't be too happy about that.

"Oh, okay," I said and grabbed the remote to resume the movie.

"I got you something, Paiten," Anna said and ruffled inside of her bag to look for the item.

"It's nothing major really, I was just in the mood for it and your dad told me that this is your favourite and I just thought to get it for you," she rambled as she pulled out a wrapped chocolate from her bag.

A small smile graced my lips as she handed the thing to me. Valentines' Day was still a fucking ridiculous holiday but I couldn't keep the smile off my face at the little note Anna had tapped to the wrapping paper: Happy Valentines' Day Paiten, love Anna.

I peeled the flimsy paper off with as much precision that I could muster and my smile grew wider when I realised that Anna had gotten me Lindt chocolate. My most favourite chocolate in the whole wide world.

"Thank you, Anna," I told her.

The look in her eyes softened and I understood the significance of this gift: it was a peace offering. Her and I hadn't started on the best foot, but maybe now we stood a chance.

A U T H O R N O T E

Glossary

Makhulu - [Xhosa] grandmother

Malom' - ethnic term for uncle

Yhu - ethnic form of expression in response to a situation that you feel is shocking/exciting etc etc

Haibo - ethnic term that has the English equivalent of "ohh hell no" or something along those lines

shesebo - beef/chicken stew

chakalaka - African relish made of carrot strips, pepper and spices