VERY IMPORTANT AUTHORNOTE AT THE END!!

*

P A R T   V

BRAMFONTEIN, 2020 

*

Friday the 22nd of May for Amanda Ncube went like this:

It started with a 09:00 lecture in calculus and ended in a 13:00 tutorial for actuarial financial management. Then at 13:10, she got a text message from Asanda:

Hey, won't be able to hang with you in the afternoon, something came up. See you later tonight though, yeah?

Amanda should've felt a little disappointed; she'd been looking forward to spending an afternoon on one of the many spacious lawns in the sunspots on campus with the new girl she was seeing.

They would've shared a blanket, fruit, juice, sweets and perhaps she'd get to lay her head on Asanda's lap, while the girl rubbed her head with her long, glittery manicured nails.

Amanda liked that; she also liked being able to feel comfortable on her soft, large thighs. And things had been going well with her.

For the first time in years, she considered that she could build something worthwhile with the girl... so when she cancelled, with no real reason, Amanda was not sad. Instead, she opened her iMessage, to her conversation with Paiten earlier that day at 10:45:

Paitee💕✨: hey. gonna be done for the day at 14:00, then i'm going to starbucks at rosebank to study. i'll be at your res by 17:00, so we can meet Asanda at 18:00 will you be free by then?

Manda🖤: Yeah I will.

She set her fingers to typing her follow-up text:

Manda🖤: Actually, I'm done now. Don't mind going with you to Rosebank. Come pick me up? We're still meeting Asanda at 18:00 for sure.

Paitee💕✨: you're a nightmare to study around you don't shut up tho.

Manda🖤: I promise this time i will. listen, first freezo is on me, okay?

Paitee💕✨: you don't have to say that twice! omw!

*

It would take Paiten less than twenty minutes to get to her, fifteen with no traffic. And when she finally arrived, Amanda assumed her designated seat in the passenger side.

Paiten was dressed in a cute, earth tone winter outfit, with her hair fashioned into two tight ponytails- a protective hairstyle to keep her hair from any damage done by the chilly late May wind. 

Amanda scarcely remembered teaching the other girl how to take care of her hair years before and she'd come a long way since then, especially since she could now tell the difference between a conditioner and a deep conditioner, a wash-and-go versus a full wash. It was the little things, but it made Amanda feel a little nostalgic for the awkward, impatient girl that had been her best friend in their adolescence.

Once they got to Rosebank, everything else followed like clockwork: the short trek to the Starbucks store where Amanda would ridicule Paiten for insisting on studying at a coffee shop like the protagonist in a cheesy rom-com, versus studying at the library; Paiten emphasising that the vibes in the university library were off and Starbucks was cute, quiet and made her want to do her best. 

Paiten would always choose the leather booth seats inside the store, where it was the quietest, with her Lenovo poised on the rustic wood table, a sheaf of notes all around her side of the desk, some spilling over to where Amanda sat. It would be Amanda's job to gather their cards to buy them coffees and to collect the refills because when Paiten was engrossed in her work, it took a lot to get her attention.

"I have this International Relations test coming up and I'm so stressed. I've been pulling 50s in the tut tests and wow. I can't not get a distinction," Paiten was beginning to ramble as she took her laptop out of its sleek genuine leather pouch.

"Mhm, but you're a smart girl and tutorial tests are from the devil anyway. You always crush the actual semester tests so, just do your thing," Amanda said as they sat.

Soon, Paiten had her mind someplace else and for a little while, Amanda just watched; feeling her chest filling up with a euphoric, glittery sensation. She read a book while Paiten worked- it was a different week ever since they started having those study dates. Amanda believed in setting time aside to read for pleasure, so that week, she had NoViolet Bulawayo's We Need New Names in her hands.

 It was a thrilling, fresh read and she allowed herself to get lost in the world of Paradise in Bulawayo with the ten-year-old protagonist, Darling. In the few occasions she'd look up, Paiten would have her pencil posed between her startling red lips. Sometimes she'd scribble words down or mumble to herself and the glittery feeling would intensify.

It was nice to have an afternoon of quiet ease because she was a little nervous about that night. They were going out to dinner with Asanda and later, dancing. they'd arranged for a sleepover and Amanda's res for the weekend and at the last minute, Asanda had asked Paiten out on a date and by virtue, extended it to her best friend. 

Eventually, Paiten finished and they bundled back into her car. The sun had already begun its descent and a light orange coloured the sky. Tom Misch's Movie played on the radio and Amanda felt as though she was in a movie herself in that moment.

"So, Asanda... what do you like most about her?" Paiten asked.

"She's really smart," Amanda replied with a nod. "Smart and cute and kind."

"Sounds like a catch," Paiten said with a side smile, her eyes focused on the road in front of her.

"Is this weird for you?" Amanda asked.

"What?"

"That, like, I'm 'seeing' someone I guess, and you've just gotten out of an honest to god relationship... and I- I'm talking shit. Nevermind. Yes, Asanda's amazing."

Paiten scoffed, "please, of course not. I'm happy for you and I'm excited to meet her. I think it's really nice of her to want to hang out especially since you and I could've rescheduled because I see your dumb ass all the time."

"Well, it's good she chose to meet you so that she gets the best friend stamp of approval you know?"

"Girl, please, where was this stamp when you were dating that frog Darren in high school?"

"Up my ass, okay? I was a stupid kid, I didn't know any better."

"You can say that again, but I forgive you for that."

"Didn't know I needed your forgiveness," Amanda said with a chuckle just as a flashback of what had happened between them as soon as she let it out that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend. The tangle of their limbs, her own high pitched moans, foreign to her own ears...

It was a memory that assuaged her suddenly and she felt hot with something shameful. She wondered if Paiten ever thought about her in that way, ever reminisced on what it was like the first and last time their mouths touched and danced; it had been so sudden, so brave, so tender.

Amanda had yet to feel like that again. Except maybe with Asanda. She was a good and patient kisser, with lips brown and softer than her own. She did that thing of cradling the back of her almost-bald head close, scratching gently, until it sent tingles to her belly.

They got to Amanda's residence at 17:15 after faring the horrible Joburg rush hour traffic. Sleepovers weren't allowed in reses, but Amanda was cool with most of the staff who turned a blind eye whenever she brought Paiten over.

They stole away to her tiny single bedroom and Paiten went into the bathroom to freshen up. Amanda remained in front of her study desk and donned on a fresh coat of dark purple lipstick, changed her earrings from studs to hoops, brushed through her short-short hair and changed jackets.

She was dressed in baggy dark browns, paired with a black, woolly polo neck and paired with a black blazer, a silver chain and black Doc Martens.

Paiten came out of the bathroom a few minutes later in a light pink tennis skirt, white stockings, black boots, a white vest and light pink denim jacket, hair loose and full.

Her lips were covered in Essence gloss, face and ears bare of any other adorning and she smelled like a flower field in Paris, where they harvested those world-famous perfumes of theirs. Amanda was flabbergasted.

"What do you think? Should I change the skirt?"

"No, God, no. You look absolutely amazing – I can't. Woah."

"Okay, cool," Paiten said, her confidence returning a little, "sorry I kept us. Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, I'm all good to go."

*

They found Asanda waiting for them in Braamfontein. She'd gotten there a mere five minutes before them. She perked up when she saw Amanda and greeted her with a peck to the lips. Asanda, Paiten thought, was very pretty.

With a round, hearty face, plump lips, thick eyebrows and eyes that were midnight black, it was easy to see why her best friend would be seeing a girl such as her. She wore a short brown curly wig on her head, black jeans and an olive green blouse and black block heels, finished off with a blazer.

"And this insanely gorgeous little thing must be Paiten," Asanda said. She had a deep voice and she took up space in the room, it was hard not to focus on her, her energy demanded it. Paiten was a bit intimidated and couldn't place the sinking feeling she got in her stomach upon arriving.

"Nice to meet you," she said and went in for an awkward side hug.

"Amanda is absolutely enthralled by you but I can see why," she said, looking straight at Paiten as if she could see right into her soul.

"Yeah, I can say the same for you, Manda talks about you –all the time."

"Charming," Asanda said rather coolly and Paiten felt as though she was being tested and failing.

"Let's settle in and order our drinks, yeah?" Amanda said. She sat next to her fling/girlfriend and Paiten sat opposite them. When the waiter arrived, Asanda and Amanda ordered white wine and Paiten went straight for the strawberry daiquiri with three kinds of vodka in it. She sensed she'd need it.

"So, Asanda, I must say that I really am grateful that you've extended this invitation to me."

"Oh, I had to do it, or else this one would drop me," she said with a sweet smile, before kissing Amanda's cheek again. Amanda smiled, frozen.

"I would not."

"So, Amanda tells me you're studying Polisci?"

"Yes," Paiten nodded, "third year now."

"Why UJ and not, I don't know, Wits?"

"It was the best fit for me and I don't regret going there."

"Interesting," Asanda said. "Seeing anyone? I can imagine a girl as beautiful as you must have many suitors."

Paiten felt grated.

"Oh, no, not me. I just got out of a relationship and it was pretty serious, I just want to do me."

"So you're a single twenty-one-year-old, studying in Jozi around my Amanda 24/7, hmmm, okay."

"Manda and I have been friends since third grade, we're practically sisters," Paiten laughed it off and when Amanda interjected with a topic that changed the subject altogether, she took a heavy gulp of her drink.

* * *

They drove to Maboneng in Paiten's car. She drove while Amanda and Asanda at in the back, making out. The high way was clear and Paiten was glad for it – she had to focus extra hard with all of the alcohol in her system. 

She definitely wasn't drunk, but she wasn't sober either. She felt jittery and cold from dinner. Asanda had gotten colder and colder as the time had wore on and Paiten felt exhausted from feeling as though she was walking on eggshells. Now she just wanted to let loose and have fun. Clubs were not good places for talking, so the interrogation would hopefully be to a minimum.

The rest of the night followed as such:

Paiten stuck to one cider and plenty of water while the other two girls drank to their heart's content. Paiten third-wheeled for a while, until she caught the attention of a gorgeous dark-skinned girl who spent the rest of the night dancing with her. They did nothing more, but it seemed to agitate Amanda and irritate Asanda and by 01:00, they were ready to go home. Paiten and the dark-skinned girl parted with a friendly kiss to their cheeks and then they were in the car again, dropping Asanda off to an apartment closeby, before they set off for Braam.

It was silent and Paiten assumed Amanda was asleep in the backseat and she didn't mind the quiet because it gave her time to think and regroup. When she reached Amanda's res, she parked the car in the visitor's spot, switched the ignition off and they climbed out. They got back to Amanda's room and dressed for bed in relative silence.

And then: "I'm so sorry about tonight," Amanda said. "I'm going to break things off with Asanda."

"Why?"

"She was such a fucking bitch to you! I've never seen that side of her before and it's not right. I can't be with someone that doesn't like my best friend."

"I-" Paiten started, "maybe she was just testing you."

"And that's the shit I don't like! If you're unsure about something or whatever, talk to me, don't bait my friend and attack her like a shark."

"I think you're drunk," Paiten said, noticing how Amanda was swaying a little. She didn't want to agree with Amanda for fear that it would cause her to end something that was potentially good for her. Paiten could handle a little tension, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

"Let's get to bed, we'll talk in the morning," Paiten said. She turned down the covers and slid into the single bed first. Amanda followed suit and they somehow managed to fit into that small bed, holding each other close.

"You're still the greatest person in the world," Amanda said. Her mind was racing and she tingled with so much longing she felt the nerves in her body would go numb.

"So are you, I love you so much," Paiten said. She was the one rubbing her head, while they lay facing each other. Amanda closed her eyes for a second, enjoying Paiten's warmth, Paiten's nearness and she melted. When her eyes opened, she was reaching an arm out to cup her chin and to lean in for a kiss.

Paiten was stiff for just a second, until she kissed her back, pouring into her, filling her up with all of the love in the world. Amanda moved to tangle her legs with Paiten's as the kiss intensified – probed her mouth with her tongue and pressed her knee into her crotch. Paiten moaned in surprise but it was stifled with a pleasure-filled moan when Amanda's hands crawled under her sleep shirt and searched for bra-less breasts.

She couldn't believe that they were here again, after five years. It felt new but familiar all at once.

"Paiten, I love you, I love you so much," Amanda was whispering, "there's no one else in this world that I love more than I love you," she murmured between kisses, desperate for her best friend, the love of her life to understand.

"Kiss me until you can't," Amanda said, "kiss me like it's the last thing you'll ever do, Paiten Hearth."

"Amanda- I think we should slow down and talk about this when we're sober, so you don't do anything you'll regret."

"There is nothing I could ever do with you that I could ever regret and screw tomorrow. We're not throwing away this moment, kiss me."

Paiten couldn't deny her.

She let her indulge in the love she felt for her while simultaneously feeling the thing she'd stifled five years ago rising to the surface. Later, Paiten held Amanda close to her chest while the girl slept while she knew she'd be up all night, unable to quell the apprehension she felt brewing in her stomach.

*

Paiten left Amanda sleeping snug and sound in her bed the next morning. She had left with only her phone and car keys. The morning sun felt too bright – as if God, or whoever commanded the skies was judging her for what she had allowed to happen last night. How could she let her drunk and probably confused friend to make choices that she'd have to be sorry for? What would the damage control with Asanda look like?

Paiten hadn't seen or spoken to her ex in over a month yet, her heart skipped a beat when she saw Anna approaching her parked car. She was dressed in sweats and slippers and she held two cartons of coffee in her hands. Paiten opened the door and Anna slid in.

"I got coffee," Anna said.

"Anna, I'm really glad you agreed to meet me on such short notice and so early on Saturday, I know you'd rather be sleeping or resting but yeah."

"I figured it was a real emergency," Anna said with a small smile.

Paiten did feel a little bad to be dragging her ex into this matter but she had no one else to talk to and frankly, nowhere else to go. They had met in the parking lot of the apartment they'd once shared and Paiten thought she'd feel weirded out, but it still felt familiar and homely. And so did the woman sitting next to her.

"How are you?" Paiten asked.

"I'm alright, just doing what I need to do. How are you?"

"Fine, mostly."

"Talk to me," she said patiently.

"I hope this doesn't make me a bitch," Paiten murmured and laid her head on her steering wheel for a second. She sat straight again, "things between Manda and I are changing, again. She told me she was in love with me yesterday and I think I said it in the same way, I don't know. I didn't want to indulge her because I guess some part of me felt like I'd be betraying you, even though we've broken up. I couldn't get you out of my head and I don't know if it's appropriate to be jumping into my best friend's bed not more than a month since we broke up and I'm telling you all of this because I used to tell you everything and I don't want to hurt you and I guess I want your blessing. Can I... Can I move on? "

"Paiten," Anna said, still smiling, patient, loving as she had always been.

"Do you really think all of these feelings are new or that they started after we broke up? I was the one who told you to be with her because I knew. I've always known."

"But I need you to know that I never betrayed you... I never did anything with her while we were together."

"I know that, I know. Listen, that last night we spent together, I was speaking out of fear. I didn't for a second really believe that you slept with her but the truth was catching up to me, that I had to let you go and hopefully you'd find your way back to her."

"What happens to you? I just, I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm moving to Australia, Paiten."

"I- what?"

"Yeah, that time Georgie came to visit? She knew about how unhappy I was with my job, how much of my life it was consuming and how unhealthy it had all gotten. She knew someone, who knew someone in Australia that was hiring and were also considering international candidates. Before I knew it, I was getting a Skype interview and a subsequent position offered."

"Oh my god," Paiten smiled as a tear trailed down her cheek, "I am so happy for you, Anna."

"I know it's totally a product of the friendship form of nepotism because Georgie sold the hell out of me but I'm not complaining. The pay is amazing. I'm taking Noah with me because there are specialists there that could do more for him than the one he has in South Africa."

"And your mom?"

"She's staying here. You were right, I think her and I will work better via a long-distance relationship."

"Come here," Paiten said and gave her a hug. It felt good to feel the silk of her hair spilling over onto, her shoulders, the smell of her perfume.

"Thank you for everything. All the best in Australia."

"The same goes for you. Go and get that girl."

"Can I kiss you one last time, for the road?"

"You don't have to ask twice," Anna said and she leaned closer. They shared one chaste, almost-platonic kiss to the lips and Anna rubbed Paiten's forearm as a goodbye and got out of the car.

When Paiten drove back to Amanda's res, she found her best friend waiting at her parking spot. She moved out of the way as soon as she saw her car approaching.

"Where were you? Why didn't you call or text or something? I was worried sick!" she cried, lips trembling. Paiten could see it in her eyes, just how much she loved her, how much she cared and how afraid she was to lose her.

"I'm sorry."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is perfect," Paiten said, stepping closer until she and Amanda were nose to nose.

"I love you, Amanda. I do."

She felt Amanda's fingers thread through her hair, pulling her closer so they could kiss in the chilly morning wind. She took her hand then and led them back into the building.

*

Amanda was waxed clean, like a baby underneath all of her clothes. Paiten was enthralled with the way the sun spilt into the room, bathed her caramel skin golden. She looked like a celestial being. They were finally naked on that small bed, staring at each other with the eyes of young lovers. Amanda's wet heat was on her thigh, her hands tweaked her breasts and their lips worked furiously. Paiten was almost rendered weak with awe.

"Five years ago," Amanda whispered into her ear, "my bestest friend in the whole wide world, made the most beautiful love to me and she unlocked a world I didn't know existed. Do you remember how you had me in the palm of your hand, trembling, crying your name and nothing else, as if it was the only word I knew?" Amanda asked.

Paiten nodded, surprised that that was her version of events, that their clumsy sex was something so poetic.

"I want to love you in that way, perhaps even more. Will you lay back and just watch me?"

"Oh my god," Paiten began to laugh, so full of love and relief. "Do what you want with me," she replied.

And Amanda did just that.

* * *

here's the important author note! firstly sorry this update took long I was actually a little wrecked over Paiten + Anna's break up plus covid quarantine is one depressive ass motherfucker and also online schooling has been riding me – point is this feels long overdue but lovelies here you go!

the important announcement is that i will not be leaving my Anna + Paiten shippers hanging. after this spin off I will post one final bonus chapter called I Always Knew which will be the canon happy ending of Anna and Paiten.

everyone reading, remember this is a spin-off, is non-canonical and that Paiten and Anna are and have always been ENDGAME. okay thanks for your unending support!