C H A P T E R F I V E

☆☆☆

I had a Life Science test tomorrow and as usual, I'd waited until the very last minute to study for it. It wasn't wise of me to do this, since I was terrible at the subject and I found the topic that we had covered the past week to be mind-fuckingly boring. I hadn't listened in class either.

I'd spent the entire afternoon going through my notes, trying to cram as much information into my brain in the short span of time that I had left until tomorrow. Manda always chastised me for sabotaging myself like this, but I never did it on purpose.

I was up in my room with my favourite mix of alternative songs playing in the background as I sat at my desk, highlighting random sentences and taking half-assed notes. I could already tell that this test was going to fuck me sideways but Papa hadn't raised a quitter.

By 21:00, my brain was ready to explode, but I still had a bit of a ways to go. I checked my phone for notifications for the first time since I got home. As soon as I put the device off of flight mode, I saw that I had a few missed calls from my dad.

Dad💛: I've been calling but your phone is not ringing. I wanted to tell you that I'll be coming home late tonight. I know I promised I'd be home early today but something came up. There are leftovers in the fridge. Love you.

I sighed. I was kind of looking forward to watching Suits with him when he came home tonight but I'd just have to suck it up.

Baby Daughter👨‍👧: ok thanks for letting me know. Love u too.

I headed downstairs and reheated the lasagne we'd eaten last night while I scrolled through my Instagram feed. An unknown number popped up in my Whatsapp notifications:

+27579479502: hey

+27579479502: it's Collin

At that exact moment Manda's name popped up:

Manda🖤: btw I gave Collin your number. You need to get to know him better. Give him a chance.🤗

Pait👑💛: you insufferable bitch

Manda🖤: love ya

I sighed again.

Paiten Hearth: hey Collin 🙂

Collin Mentjies: hud?

I cringed at the use of the text slang.

Paiten Hearth: i'm good, how about you?

Collin Mentjies: i'm grand. wud?

Paiten Hearth: study break.

Collin Mentjies: word? what u studying for?

Paiten Hearth: life sciences

Collin Mentjies: I already know you're gonna kill that test, you a smart girl 🌸🔥

I smiled. The microwave dinged and pulled my plate out of it with one hand, while the other one tapped across my keyboard.

Paiten Hearth: life sciences is actually quite hard for me, but thank you😊. what are you doing?

Collin Mentjies: i'm chilling in my room listening to Bryson Tiller's album. Amanda tells me you like him?🙈

Paiten Harth: yes. i like this album. it's dope.

Collin Mentjies: yeah? what is your favourite song on the album?

Paiten Hearth: Right My Wrongs

Collin Mentjies: awe 🤙 mine is Exchange🍃✨.

I left Collin on delivered and went back upstairs with my plate. I ate the lasagne as quickly as I cold and went back to studying.

I knew that I'd had enough when I started writing a summary on the bacillus bacterium and my hand started going in small circles and I ended up doodling cloud-like figures over my words.

It was 01:00 then and I'd have to be up at 05:00 for school. I had Life Sciences first period, unfortunately.

I was already dressed in a pair of comfortable cotton shirts and a big tee shirt, so I plugged my phone in on the charger and turned down the sheets.

My eyes were already drooping but they fluttered open when my phone dinged with a message from Manda:

Manda🖤: did u talk to him? 😏

Pait👑💛: yeah. he's nice. i left him on delivered though, i had to study. i'm sleeping now.

Manda🖤: lmao realy? I'm pulling an all-nighter for this test 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾

Pait👑💛: yeah must be nice to be writing after break.

Manda🖤: ok let me not keep you up. Goodnight baby girl, love u so so so much ❤❤❤❤

Pait👑💛: ily even more. so much more than you can even imagine.

I was long asleep before Manda sent her next text.

When my alarm rang four hours later, I was tempted to chuck the damn phone out of the window. It was with great effort that I managed to make myself presentable in time.

I had no patience for the school button up today and opted to wear my white golf shirt reserved for P.E periods with my school skirt, anklets and school shoes. The teachers and prefects turned more blind eyes to seniors like us though, so I knew no one would give me shit for my incorrect uniform.

My longer skirt was dirty so I had to settle for the skirt I'd worn in grade eight, before I'd grown taller. It sat right below my bum and had I not worn my spandex tights underneath, there wouldn't be much left to the imagination. This skirt amused Manda to no end for some reason.

My hair may as well have been loose in the low ponytail I'd tied it in, but I didn't have the energy to fight with it today. My hair was the large and frizzy kind, that took hours to manage into presentable styles and once it came into contact with humidity or heat, it poofed out of its confines and hugged my head like a mane.

I could smell breakfast cooking downstairs and the distinct sound of my dad whistling. I was about to head down when my phone dinged.

Manda🖤: good morning💛 this is a reminder for you not to forget the memory stick. love u and good luck for the test. u got this 💪🏾💛🔥

I'd almost forgotten that I'd promised Manda that I'd lend her a memory stick for her to download the newest season of Empire along with some new movies for the both of us.

My dad kept a shit load of memory sticks with large memory in one of his drawers in his bedroom. He never minded when I borrowed one of them from time to time so I figured I could had to his bedroom first and get one before I went down stairs.

My dad's room was the second door after my bathroom (well, it was the house bathroom but I only ever used it so I claimed it as mine.) The door was slightly ajar when I reached for it and pushed it open. His memory sticks were at the drawers that were parallel to his bed. I just had to walk to them, get the stick and get out of there.

"Oh Rob, I was just thinking that-"
I stopped dead in my tracks at the voice that I heard.

I turned my body towards the bed and my eyes widened. Anna was there, in my dad's bed, naked with the duvet wrapped around her torso.

Her cheeks were flushed a bright red and her eyes mirrored my startled expression.

"H-hey Paiten," she said shakily.

I still stood frozen to the spot, taking in her messy sex hair, her naked shoulders that were exposed above the duvet and the marks that littered her neck.

Heat filled my face and my brows furrowed in equal parts mortification and anger. I shook my head and backed out of the room like I'd just witnessed a murder scene, which in my mind, it was.

Manda would just have to forgive me, I rationed as I trailed down the stairs, without the memory stick.

Manda smiled at me like she had just won the lotto when she saw me walking towards her that morning.

"Oh baby, you know I like it when you dress like that!" she said as soon as she saw my skirt.

She wore the blue slacks instead of a skirt today and her hair was braided down the sides and to the middle, then the middle was tucked in neatly between the two braids.

"I wore this skirt just for you, my love," I said.

"But you know who's going to enjoy this view more? Collin," she said and stuck her tongue out at me.

"My longer skirt is dirty, okay"

"Mmm, I'm sure Collin likes them dirty."

She wiggled her eyebrows at me and I couldn't help but laugh at her badly placed joke. I delivered a light punch to her shoulder as we walked towards our lockers.

"You're so dumb, literally, why do I put up with you?" I asked.

"Bitch, you love me," she said with a smug smile, "so, did you get the memory stick?"

I shook my head, "I couldn't."

"I reminded you, though," she said with a pout.

"I intended to get it, I just... couldn't."

"Why?"

"I went into my dad's room to get one of his since mine is only four gigs and I found Anna lying in his bed, naked."

My mind began to play the mental slide show of Anna once more, like it had for the entire morning, torturing me to no end.

"Oh shit," Manda replied with her eyes widened.

"I ran out of there faster than the speed of light. You'll just have to be strong, I couldn't move after that."

"No, it's okay. I understand. Well, how do you feel?"

"Disturbed," I replied.

"Askies, Sthandwa Sam," Manda replied.

"Like, I know they're dating and have been for a long time and that they're adults and adults do this sort of thing but it's just so... cringe. My dad fucked a woman in our house. It feels so weird. I will never look at him the same after that."

"Well, be grateful you didn't walk in on them, like that poor Mbali girl in our register class that always catches her father and her step mom going at it."

I shuddered at the thought of walking in on my dad and Anna right in the act. If that were to happen, I'd drop dead.

"Okay now that's just nasty."

"So see, it could've been worse"

×××

The rest of the week passed without incident and on Friday after school Manda was walking me to practice.

"So, Paiten, you know how I Darren and I have been vibing and stuff, right?"

I cast a sideways glance to her.

"It's all you ever talk about hoe, of course I know."

"Well, he invited me over to his place tomorrow afternoon. His parents and older brother will be out for the day."

I raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk on my face.

"Uhm, stop it," she mumbled and I laughed.

"Thing is, Collin's going to be there too... so..."

I frowned.

"Nah-uh. I'm not going to Eesterust just so you can chill with your boy toy. If you want to dwell in the wolves' den and possibly lose your life while you're at it then that's on you, but you will not drag me into this."

"Oh my god, it's Eesterust, Paiten, you sound ridiculous. Plus I don't know why you're acting like this is the worst predicament in the world, you'll get to hang with Collin. I thought you said you liked him?"

"I like him as a friend, Manda. I mean he's cool and everything and you were right about us sharing the same music taste but I don't feel anything beyond platonic for him."

"Yeah but you haven't even spent time outside of school with him. What if you really like his vibe outside of this place?"

"What if I don't?"

"It won't hurt to try though," Manda said.

"I just don't want to lead him on, Manda. He really likes me and I feel underwhelmed by him at best."

I thought back on how he'd set me as his profile picture on Whatsapp, with the lyrics " Lord please save her for me, do this one favour for me 🙏🏾" for this entire week, although I was flattered, I was not inclined to do the same thing on my Whatsapp for him.

"Do this for me then, please?"

Manda gave me this puppy-dog look that had always made me cave in for as long as I'd known her. She batted her ridiculously long lashes at me and pouted her ridiculously plump lips. The first thought that popped up in my head was, you don't know how fucking precious you are when you make that face.

I sighed, " fine."

"You're the absolute best Paiten, ngiyabonga Sthandwa Sam," she said before she placed a soft kiss against my cheek.

My dad dropped me off at Manda's house at 11:00 the next morning. He had to work and I'd already mentioned to him that I was going to "Manda's" for the afternoon. I don't think he would've let me leave the house if he truly knew where I was going.

MaNcube was in the kitchen when I came through the door of their duplex in Erasmus Kloof. She was humming a tune as she spiced pieces of chicken on a chopping board. A pot of rice bubbled on the stove already and the smell of her infamous soup lingered through the air. She was dressed comfortably in an old dress and an apron.

"Hello, Ma." I said.

"Hello my baby, Amanda is in her room. She tells me you guys are going to Menlyn today?"

Ah, so that was the story she sold to her mother.

I nodded, "yes, we want to catch a movie and then have dinner afterwards."

"Okay, you must have fun. Look after each other."

"We always do," I replied with a smile I hope she couldn't see was fake.

I headed for Manda's room and I found her seated on her bed with a straightener. Half of her usually curly hair hung down her back in straight waves.

"You're going all out for this, huh," I said as I perched on the bed.

"There's nothing wrong about wanting to look good," she quipped.

"Need any help?"

"No offence Paiten, I love you, but I'd rather die than trust you with a hot hair appliance near my head again."

"Oh my god, it was one time!"

"You still burnt me, bitch," Amanda replied.

"Okay, whatever, hoe."

I showered while Manda finished up with her hair. By the time I stepped back into her bedroom half an hour later, Manda's hair was entirely straight and silky. She hardly ever straightened it, but whenever she did, it was like I was seeing her for the first time and I felt breathless from her beauty.

I'd already moisturised my skin and had worn my bra and underwear in the bathroom. Manda braided my hair into two, neat, tight braids down my back and while she showered, I raided her closet for something to wear.

Manda's hips were a tad wider than mine, so I had to be meticulous about what I wore. I settled for a pair of high waist shorts, paired with an olive green crop top. I wore my own black All-Stars. I settled for a swipe of gloss across my lips.

I entertained myself on YouTube while I waited for Manda. After what felt like fifty years, she emerged from the bathroom, dripping wet and completely naked.

For all the years I'd known Manda, I still wasn't comfortable with changing naked in front of her, or anyone for that matter. She had seen me naked a handful of times in our eight years of friendship.

Manda was the complete opposite. For some reason, she got a kick out of parading naked at every opportunity possible.

I had seen her naked form so much to point where I could draw it in my sleep, despite the fact that I couldn't even draw stick figures to save my life.

She rubbed the towel down her body and began to lather lotion down her arms and torso. I had to force myself to look away.

"Does this look okay?" Manda asked fifteen minutes. I was prompted to look up from my phone. Manda was dressed in a light purple lace bra that was definitely a size too small and a matching thong.

"Uh, it looks good," I said with a nod.

Manda smiled.

"Thanks."

She then proceeded to fish a white high waist skirt and red crop top out of her wardrobe, along with sandal-heels.

I had to admit that she looked amazing.

We bid MaNcube a goodbye. She was under the impression that we were catching a taxi to go Menlyn but we were actually going down the street to wait for Darren.

He arrived five minutes after we had gotten there, in a white beat up Citi Golf.

"Hey, Ladies," he greeted through the window.

Manda beamed at him and went around the car to join him in the passenger seat.

I shuffled into the back seat and the ratty, threadbare material of the seat dug into my thighs. I fished my phone out and pretended to play games because without WiFi, my phone was pretty useless.

Darren blasted house music the entire trip through and besides the fact that I hated house, the quality was bad and the entire car ride was uncomfortable.

The middle-income suburban houses gave way to lower-income houses and after forty-five minutes we reached Eesterust - the kingdom of the coloureds.

Darren parked the car in front of a tiny one-storey house and we all got out. It was mid afternoon and far too hot for much activity to be happening outside, so it was quiet.

We entered the compound and Darren led us into the house through the front door. The curtains were drawn so the entire house was dim and the unmistakeable din of video games could be heard from what I assumed was the sitting room.

I walked a couple of paces closer to the din and found Collin perched on one of the couches with a controller in his, playing Fifa. There were two twelve packs of beer beside him, along with a large box of slap tjips covered in excess tomato sauce and 1000 islands sauce. I hated 1000 islands.

"We fixed up a little something for us all," Darren said, gesturing to the food.

"That's so nice of you," Manda gushed. Darren took the couch next to Collin's and pulled Manda down onto it with him. The only other open seat was next to Collin so I took a deep breath and settled next to him.

"Hey," Collin said with a small smile.

I smiled back, "hey."

He looked so much different without his school uniform on, taller and thinner and less cringey looking. I guess we all looked pretty disgusting in school uniform so that wasn't his fault.

Collin and Darren played Fifa for an hour while I fiddled with my phone and Manda tried to engage Darren into conversation. I eventually grew bored. If I had known that I'd have to leave my nice house with my nice bed and nice WiFi and non-100 island coated fries, I wouldn't have agreed.

Another twenty minutes passed until Darren and Collin finally finished their game and Darren unceremoniously placed his arm Manda and said, "what do you wanna play?"

"I don't really like video games. Can we watch a movie or something?"

"Yeah, I have a few films recorded on the decoder, I'll find something regtig lekker for my girl."

I grimaced.

That was the cringiest thing I'd heard all day and I wanted to smack Manda on her head for giggling like a brainless twat at the statement.

Darren only had action movies saved on the DSTV decoder, but we all finally settled for Colombiana.

It was one of the coolest movies of all time so I was content with the choice. Darren went to go and get a blanket from his bedroom as soon as the movie started and placed it over he and Manda's laps.

It was fucking 35°C, what the hell did they need that blanket for?

Collin and I were sitting close to each other to the point where I could smell his strong axe deodorant.

We would occasionally brushed hands when we reached for fries, but either than that we didn't talk much. He would also take a couple of sips of beer from time to time.

Half way through the movie, Manda started giggling and when I turned to look at her she shook her head at me, like she had something funny to tell me but she didn't know how to say it.

The giggles ceased after a while and were replaced with the sound of sloppy kissing. I didn't need to turn my head to see what was happening because I could live a million lifetimes without having to see that.

Collin had moved closer to me and had done the classic drape-an-arm-around-the-chair-to-wrap-it-around-the-girl move.

His calloused hands brushed subtly against my shoulder and although the action wasn't off-putting it didn't make me feel anything. I let him rub his hand against my exposed arm and when he tugged me a little closer, I didn't fight it. I felt a little weird but I tried to tell myself to relax and focus on the movie.

It was at the best part, the part where the SWAT team had found Cataleya's apartment and she had to escape. This was my most favourite part of the movie and -

Manda suddenly released a very loud moan and when I turned my head to see what the problem was, Manda's head was tilted back and she was biting her lip very hard, her chest heaved in short, heavy breaths. My eyes trailed down to the constant flutter of hand movements under the blanket and then it clicked.

Darren was fingering my best friend.

My stomach curled in disgust and I quickly looked away.

For a moment, I tried to ignore what was happening on the couch beside us but it was as though Manda and Darren had decided to toss all cares to the wind. Her moans increased and I didn't have to look down to know that he was stroking her faster because the sound of her vagina crying became audible.

I'd had enough.

Collin seemed to sense this and he leaned down to whisper, "let's go to Darren's room."

Anywhere was better than sitting a couple of centimetres away from where some slimy guy was finger fucking my best friend. I was so deeply disturbed by all of this and I stood from the couch, dazed as Collin led me to Darren's room. As soon as we left the sitting room, Manda's moans became louder and more obscene, accompanied by her gasps.

I was shook.

Darren closed the bedroom door and the unpleasant musky smell that dominated each room that belonged to a teenaged boy assaulted my senses.

"Those two are wild," Darren said with an amused smile.

He sat on the bed and gestured for me to join him. I was still scowling.

"Yeah, tell me about it."

" Ja, but Darren really likes her. I've never seen him act this way around anyone."

"How... nice for him," I murmured.

"Yeah but let's not talk about them."

"Please," I replied.

I felt Collin's calloused hand come into contact with my thigh.

"Hey Paiten, I really like you wuh and I'm really happy you came today."

The smile he wore was nothing short of adorable but it did nothing to make me feel better.

"We just didn't get to talk much," I mumbled, "and all you've been telling me is how much you want to get to know me but when I come here..." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Okay, maybe Darren and I shouldn't have neglected you and Amanda when you came. That was very rude of us, will you forgive me? I asked Manda to bring you with her and I didn't pay attention to you. I'm sorry."

He sounded sincere enough for me to believe him.

"It's... okay."

"Do you think you could give me another chance?"

He looked at me with these large, hopeful eyes and although every part of my body screamed at me to say no because I would never feel for him the way he felt for me, I just couldn't bring myself to hurt his feelings like this.

"You'll have to prove yourself to me," I settled on replying.

"Okay, I can do that," Collin said with a nod.

A few minutes passed in silence and I wondered if Manda and Darren were still going at it. My head started to pound at the thought.

"So uhm - what do you want to-" I was cut off by Collin's chapped lips crashing into mine. My first instinct was to push him away because it felt so weird, but I balled my hands into fists to stop myself from shoving him off of me. He used his tongue to probe my lips and shoved his tongue into my mouth without warning.

I felt like I was suffocating.

His tongue was too long and too slimy and the second-hand taste of beer stained the insides of my throat.

My mind wandered back to Manda, my beautiful, wonderful best friend who was getting touched by some other guy, moaning for him - orgasming for him and it irked me.

I thought of Anna and her sleeping with my dad and something inside of my stomach burned with anger, betrayal and hurt.

When Collin laid down on top of me, I tried to tell myself that this was what normal girls did. They laid down and enjoyed the touch of a boy. They didn't feel their chests tightening with panic or their bellies filling with disgust.

I let him part my legs as he continued to shove his tongue down my throat - the taste of beer staining the walls of my insides.

I let him press his jean-clad groin against mine so I could feel the way that he had hardened for me and I tried to calm myself down when he started grinding against me in an awkward rhythm.

There were layers of denim between us, but they did nothing to pacify the feeling of him so tightly pressed against me.

I don't know how long I stayed trapped under him but by the time it was all over my face burned with shame. I felt violated. Collin dropped his head on my shoulder, breathing heavily against me while I fiddled with the strands of his short hair. I wasn't doing it out of some sort of affection for him, but rather as a nervous habit.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured against my shoulder.

"I can't believe that someone as beautiful as you exists. I'll make you happy Paiten, I promise," he said and placed a kiss on my collarbone. His lips were wet and cold and I resisted the urge to cringe.

We laid like that for a while, until the door sprung open and Darren walked in.

"You need to get off my bed. I need to take the girls home."

He walked back out.

Collin disentangled himself from me and as soon as the oppressive weight of his body lifted off of me, I could breathe more easily.

I sat up and tucked my crop top back into my shorts again and stood up. Collin readjusted his jeans and ran a hand through his hair.

I didn't say anything to him as I shuffled out of the room and went out into the foyer. The Citi Golf engine was purring so I knew Darren had started the car.

"I'll see you at school, Paiten," Darren said awkwardly and rubbed at the back of his neck.

I nodded, "yeah, see you."

I made no move to hug him goodbye. I got into the car and I was silent the entire ride through.

When we got to Manda's house, MaNcube was out and Manda couldn't stop talking about how today had gone with Darren. She went on and on about it while I just half listened. I was far too consumed with the thoughts of how everything had changed and it was a change that I didn't like.

A U T H O R  N O T E

Glossary

Askies [Afrikaans + colloquial] sorry

Sthandwa Sam [Zulu] my love

Ngiyabonga [Zulu/Xhosa] thank you

wuh - Afrikaans colloquial used mostly by coloured people as a form of expression written to mimic the Standard Afrikaans word hoor

Ja - [Afrikaans] yes

slap tjips - colloquial term used to describe thick fries oozing with oil.

regitg lekker [Afrikaans] very nice