(Published October 27th, 2015)

Zeus Slap, Washanapanchewee, and Attack of the Chinese Canadian Baby Men

~~~

~Types of Plots/Fics

-Lil' Miss Cliche

-Holey like Swiss Cheese

- *Cues Beyonce* "My Fic Is Too Smutilicious For Ya!"

-The "Lost All Sense of Direction in the First Chapter"

-Uniqua

-The "WHAT THE HADES IS GOING ON?"

-Percabeth

- "dis iz mah frirst fic, plz dont flamez"

-The tries and fails (yes hannahdabananabread , I heard you)

~ "We got on the Argo 2"

Me: *slaps author* NO.

Nico: NO.

Author: Ow! What was that for?

Me: The Argo II was destroyed by Zeus, who Zeus Slapped it!

Author: But--

Me: *Zeus Slaps author out of existence*

Me: You put 2 instead of II.

(from EvelynBlackwell)

~Why are children of Thanatos ALL described as pale with dark hair and eyes.

Thanatos is dark skin with gold eyes!

I guess you guys have a thing against dark skinned people.

Or you all think that all kids of Thanatos are Nico in disguise.

(from jenni5478)

~Frank suddenly has a curfew because Arion was always right. He's a Chinese baby man.

Frank: How dare you insult my people?

Arion: Let me look in my crystal ball and see how many fu--

Frank: Chinese Canadian Baby Men, assemble!

Captain America: HEY, YOU STOLE MY LINE!

(from AmAeRaI *With an i, not an L*)

~Girls suddenly being abused by their fathers in fanfics:

I rushed upstairs away from my father. Why did he keep doing this to me? Why does he keep hurting me?

"Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase, come down here right now!" He ran up the stairs, cracking a whip.

"Why are you doing this?" I cried, tears streaming down my face, stinging the cuts on my cheeks from the whip. My father cracked the whip again, this time hitting my thigh.

"Because," my father began, a mad smile forming on his lips. "You've been a very naughty girl."

"NO I HAVEN'T!" I screamed. "WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

My father lowered his voice, "This is a cliché Percy Jackson Fanfiction, so just roll with it."

I nodded my head, "Makes sense." I started crying again, "Please stop this!"

Just as my father raised the whip, a big black goffik dog burst through da door. It was... A hellhound! Da hellhound ate my dad. I took out the dagger on my charm bracelet and stabbed the dog. It turned to dust, lolz. Just then a really hawt boy appeared from darkness.

"THAT WAS MRS. O'LEARY, YA DUMB MORON!" He slapped me before disappearing again.

~Piper use to be this great philosopher.

Like, in Heroes of Olympus, she's all like, "Being a hero doesn't mean you're invincible. It just means you're brave enough to stand up and do what's needed."

Now she's all like, "OMGS PERCABETH IS DA BEST SHIP IN DA WORLD. IT'S MY OHTEEPEE!!!!!"

Socrates would be disappointed.

~Will is now a stereotypical gay guy.

Sorry Will.

Will: Why you be apollo-gizing, honeybun? There's nothin' to be sorry about. Oh, and Nico, suga?

Nico: Are you okay--

Will: We need to be leavin' for the mall in fifteen minutes. We're goin' on a shoppin' spree with some Aphrodite girls and are gonna be lookin' at cute boyz!

Nico: What even--

Will: Hmm... Let's see... Yes, I have my Charlotte Russe card, and my Urban Decay coupon, and... Okay, who stole my Victoria's Secret gift card?

Nico: ... *shoots self in head*

Will: Lacey, was it yo-- OH MY GAWDS NICO BABY ARE YOU OKAY?

(lol, for some reason I'm imagining Will to have this fabulous black woman voice.)

~Typical Solangelo fanfic names:

-Darkness and Light

-The Infirmary

-Sun and Shadow

-Something about "You Are My Sunshine"

-Angel & Demon (or something along those lines)

-Operation Solangelo

-Doctor's Orders

-Day and Night...

*sings*

'Cause day n' night

The son of Hades seems to have nightmares at night,

And because Will Solace is his type,

The son of Apollo meets him in the infirmary at night,

Ah, ah, at night.

(And then they make out for hours because this is a cliche Solangelo fanfic)

~Everyone seems to forget the the infirmary is IN THE FREAKING BIG HOUSE.

So yes, Chiron and Mr. D will know whenever Will and Nico try to make babies.

Sorry guys.

~Will and Nico in the infirmary:

Will: Oh my gods Nico, you're dying!

Nico: Look Solace, I'm fine.

Will: But that cut, it's bleeding so much!

Nico: Will, seriously, it's just a papercut.

Will: NO! I sHall HEEL U.

Nico: Why are you talking with terribly spelling!

Will: SYLenCe! I WILL HEEL U AND DEN WE WILL MAKE BABIES!!!1!1

*Will heals Nico*

*Will makes babies with Nico*

Dying Person: Hey, I'm like, dying over here, can you heal me--

Will: U DARE INTERUPT MY BABY MAKING SESSION WITH DA DEATH BOI?

Dying Person: O.O *backs away*

*dies*

Will: Finally. Some privacy.

~ "And then Nico would've never known how Will felt about him"

OH MY GODS GUYS SERIOUSLY.

JUST SERIOUSLY.

IF WILL LOVED NICO SO MUCH, THEN WHY DOESN'T HE JUST TELL HIM, LIKE GAWDS.

~Everyone at camp is trying to get Solangelo together.

Like, they got a cheer and everything.

S-O-L-A-N-G-E-L-O

What does that spell?

SOLANGELO!

Darkness and light,

Finally unite!

Opposites attract,

And all that other cliché crap!

Nico's always crying,

The fangirls are dying!

This cheer is almost as bad as Rachel's prophecies,

Uh, the end!

~So, while Will is stuck in the infirmary healing Nico or whatever, Chiron's just sitting there eating Pocky.

Because even though Chiron has EXTREMELY powerful healing powers, Will has to heal everyone (and by everyone, I mean Nico), because it's just TOO MUCH WORK to put Chiron in there.

~One word: Argus.

Remember the million-eyed surfer dude? No? I mean, we all know he keeps an "eye" on the infirmary, SO HE SHOULD BE MENTIONED IN EVERY SOLANGELO FIC LIKE GAWDS.

~Lou Ellen and Cecil are, like, never in any Solangelo fanfics. I mean, sure, they're mentioned, or they play a small part, but that's it.

DO YOU PEOPLE NOT GET HOW POTENTIALLY FUNNY THESE TWO CHARACTERS ARE?

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

LOUCIL.

Oh, you want a real reason?

A PRANKSTER DAUGHTER OF MAGIC AND A SON OF HERMES?

BEST. FREAKING. DUO. EVER.

~ "Nico grinned at the dead demigod, cleaning the blood off his swo--"

Nope, shut up.

Author: Huh?

Me: So I guess Nico just runs around ruining as many people's lives the best he can.

I guess he likes watching people suffer.

I guess he just wakes up everyday thinking, "I'm going to ruin humanity today!"

Author: Well yeah, he's a child of Hades--

Me: NO. CHILDREN OF HADES AREN'T EVEN LIKE THAT. NONE OF THEM ARE OBSESSED WITH DEATH.

Author: But I--

Me: Get off your ignorant butt and and get his personality right.

Author: EXCUSE ME--

Me: SWERVE. *struts away*

~Nico is now this love-sick emo goth kid.

~When Percy is betrayed, he goes to the gods and ask them to kill him, and they're always assembled, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT A SOLSTICE.

~Will now has magical glowing hair that can magically heal things.

*Nico gets a scratch.*

Will: AH NICO. YOU HURT. IMMA HEAL YOU.

Nico: No, Will, I'm fine, really--

*Will puts his luscious blonde hair on Nico's scratch*

Nico: Will, what are you doing--

Will: Flower, gleam and glow,

Let your power shine

Nico: WHAT THE HADES? WILL, WHY IS YOUR HAIR GLOWING--

Will: Make the clock reverse,

Bring back what once was mine.

What once was--

*Will gets hit over the head with a frying pan*

Clarisse: *Grenda voice* NO.

~Annabeth is always called Annie.

Annabeth: DO NOT CALL ME THAT OR ELSE YOU WILL GO TO THE DEPTHS OF TARTARUS.

Me: I mean, not Beth, not Anna, Annie.

Annabeth: I SWEAR ON THE RIVER STYX THAT I WILL KILL YOU.

Me: And Annabeth acts like she's on her time of month when somebody calls her Annie.

Annabeth: YOU ASKED FOR IT. AHHHH-- *charges at me*

Me: *dodges blow* Point proven.

(By MeridaHaddock2)

~While Artemis is having all these forbidden babies, Selene is just sitting over here like, "Oh yeah. I'm not having children because even though I'm not a maiden and my children would have legit moonlight powers, I'm too lazy to have kids."

Like, I know she's faded and all, but can't she have legacies?

~And Apollo's kids can't control light. Apollo can't control light. Apollo simply took the sun-chariot job from Helios (who it was the personification of sunlight), so if anything, Helios kids can control light. Well, Helios legacies, seeing that Helios faded.

~And then Will comes in and plays God with his sudden powers to control light.

And Will said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Will saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from darkness. Will called the light "day," and the darkness he called "Nico." (Willesis 1:3-4)

(this joke was literally from Sprinklezcupcakes and _Lost_Demigod. Oh, and Redvelvetrose1742. Yes. I decided to use your jokes... Deal with it.)

~Keep in mind that Apollo is the god of many things, not just archery and healing. There's a lot of cool potential powers that come with him.

~ "Hi, my name is Luna Moon, and I'm a daughter of Artemis! I have black hair, silver eyes, and fair skin!"

Artemis had auburn hair and silver eyes.

She isn't the personification of the moon.

That's Selene.

So your argument is invalid.

~Apollo kids when they're healing be like:

Person: Ah! I broke my arm!

Apollo kid: That's okay, we'll heal you!

*takes Person to the campfire*

Person: Why am I here--

*A group of Apollo kids start taking off their clothes*

Person: WHAT THE FU--

Apollo kid: WE NOW START THE HEALING RITUAL OF THE WASHANANAPANCHEWEE.

*Apollo kids kids start dancing around the campfire singing Native American jibberish*

Apollo kid: ON THE SACRED BURIAL GROUND OF THE GREAT LORD WASHANANAPANCHEWEE, WE ASK FOR THE BLESSING OF THE HOLY BEAVER PEEKATEEPAWANACHE TO RISE AND HEAL THIS HURT DEMIGOD, IF THEY ARE EVEN WORTHY OF PEEKATEEPAWANACHE'S SACRED PRESENCE!

Person: I'll just go see Madam Pomfrey.

Apollo kid: NO! YOU MUST STAY UNTIL YOU'RE HEALED.

*Nico comes in*

Nico: Hey Will, I--

*sees the Washananapanchewee healing ritual*

Nico: You know what? I'm not even gonna ask. I've seen enough weird things in my life.

*leaves*

Will: NEEKS, WAIT, I LURVE YOU!

*runs after Nico*

Nah, I'm just kidding, they aren't that random. But the Apollo kids do sing Ancient Greek hymns to Apollo to heal people, not just some random healing magic like alf seidr or singing the song from Tangled.

~Did I mention that they have ANCIENT Greek at Goode? Not just regular Greek, ancient Greek, like the Greek that isn't even spoken anymore.

(A/N) YAY! NEW CHAPPIE!

So yeah, lots of Solangelo stuff.

Who knew how cliché those fics were?

And yeah.

I have to go do dishes now.

I don't even have time to do a proper sign out.

~Chilea