(Published July 15th, 2015)

Will Solace Bandwagon, Nose Picking Tongues, and Congrats Nico: You're Preggers!

~~~

~Guys, I think we need to take a second here and discuss a very serious topic: racism. There is a difference in between the definition of "Racism" and "Stereotypes"

Racism: (noun) a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human racial groups determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.

Stereotype: (noun) Sociology. a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group:

The cowboy and Indian are American stereotypes.

(From Dictionary.com)

Guys, I use stereotypes in this book, in no way am I racist. The reason I use stereotypes here is because: A.) a lot of fanfics have stereotypes and B.) people seem to find them amusing because stereotypes are all over Vines and YouTube and whatnot. Like that "Sassy black woman" thing I mentioned a couple chapters earlier. Recently that moment has been extremely quiet on comments, but when I first posted the chapter... BOOM! A bunch of "YOU'RE RACIST!" and "WHY DO YOU HATE BLACK PEOPLE" and "I'M AFRICAN AMERICAN AND I FEEL DISCRIMINATED!" First off, I am part African American, so I believe it is in my every right to say whatever I like about my own race, and second off, how was I making another race seem superior to African Americans? All I said was "Sassy black woman", which is small compared to all those vines out there making fun of Asians and Indians and-- Like, have you seen Superwoman? Tre Melvin? They don't get hated on for their "Indian parents" and "Black people vs. White people" videos. Go watch them, their videos make my moment look, well, tiny. Soooooo, now that I've solved whatever ignorance was out there about racism, let's move on, shall we?

~Everyone has flawless skin. Like seriously, none of the characters have acne.

Tell me one middle schooler or high schooler you know that doesn't have acne.

Even celebrities have acne! You may not be able to see it in photos or on camera, but in person....

*dies again*

We're sorry for the interruption. Unfortunately Chilea has died because of her experience at the TLOS book signing. Please look at this picture of Froggy while we raise her from the dead.

[Media]

*cue elevator music*

(Okay, so apparently nobody who reads this naturally has acne.

But still, a lot of people out there has acne.)

Now back to regularly scheduled programming.

~Some stories look like this:

blah blah blah nico kissed me blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah percy had my babies blah blah blah blah blah lol there's will's head rolling on the ground blah blah blah blah blah nico's preggers blah blah blah blah annabeth married gaea blah blah blah then i had a flashback

*TIME LAPSE*

blah blah blah blah blah my mom died blah blah blah lol jk my mom is hera blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah hera finally divorced with zeus blah blah blah then i died blah blah lol jk i live blah blah blah blah THE END!

Guys, if I see the words "*Time Lapse*" one more time because you are too lazy to make a page break or write some detail... I don't even know....

Oh, and there actually is a fanfic on here called Nico's Preggers, if you were wondering.

~The Inconsistency Cliche:

Chapter One:

I woke up this morning and brushed my blonde hair as I looked into my Stitch-colored blue orbs. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah stuff happens blah blah blah blah. Then I fainted.

Chapter two:

Nico looked into my mint green orbs. "I love you." he said. He put his hand into my chocolate brown hair and pulled me into a kiss. blah blah blah blah blah everything went dark.

Appearance is only one example. So many things change in fanfics, I've even seen somebody change their godly parent! Like, if it's that hard to keep track of your character, put down all their traits and info into a journal or powerpoint! That's what I do. And trust me, it's a lot easier referring to a powerpoint to see if your character is a redhead or blonde then thinking "Oh shoot, where did I mention her hair color? Did I even mention it?" and getting it wrong or something.

~Here's how relationships work in fanfics:

OC: I hate Tyler. I want to kill him.

*One chapter later*

OC: *ferociously making out with Tyler*

Like, what? You can't just hate someone one second and love them the second! Like seriously, more people need to read Flipped!

~A couple chapters earlier, I mentioned the average tomboy in fanfiction. Did I also mention that the main character always calls herself a "tomboy"? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING IN BETWEEN!

~Nico giggled as he leaped through the meadow like a ballerina, dreaming about his future career of being the princess of Candyland.

This is literally how Nico is described in fanfics.

~There's so much lip locking, eye biting--ugh-- lock biting, lip eyeing--UGH-- lip biting and eye locking in fics:

I bit my lip, "You're so freaking hot."

His eyes locked with mine, "I know, IT'S LIKE FREAKING TEXAS IN HERE! TURN DOWN THE HEAT HELIOS!" It suddenly became cooler. "Thanks Dad!"

~All daughters of Artemis are named Luna [Enter a string of random middle names here] Moon. You know that legit means "Moon Moon", right?

~*Character goes to foreign country*

*Goes and buys something*

Sales Person: Yes, that'll be $5.00

Dollars.

DOLLARS.

Since when did the whole world transition over to American currency? Did I miss something? I typically don't pay attention to the news or anything, but I'm pretty sure that every country (save America) doesn't use dollars. (BrokenTimeTurner)

~Why do people forget Frank is a descent of Poseidon! And in stories with a 'Big Three Table' Hazel is there! Why is Frank still in the Land of Stories! FIRETRUCK! (Flufflestar)

~You spend sooooo long trying to come up with a good prophecy.

Don't deny it, you know you spent two months trying to come up with a prophecy for that story about that daughter of Apollo that is trying to find that random key thing.

And then you eventually gave up and decided to write a Percabeth story or something.

~Do you remember Jules-Albert?

No?

Why is everyone making a big deal about Will Solace, and nobody remembers Jules-Albert.

Jules-Albert is Nico's epic zombie chauffer.

How can you not remember him?

~Chiron: HEY KIDS, GUESS WHAT?

CHB Campers: WHAT?

Chiron: WE'RE GOING TO DO A DEMIGOD EXCHANGE PROGRAM! WE'RE GONNA SEND HALF OF YOU TO CAMP JUPITER, AND WE'RE LEAVING IN AN HOUR!

CHB Campers: YAY!

*5 hours later of driving*

Percy: We're here!

Campers: YAY!

IT'S 2438 MILES (3923 km) FROM NEW YORK TO CALIFORNIA.

IT TOOK ME FOUR DAYS TO DRIVE FROM OREGON TO TEXAS.

THAT'S 1387 MILES (2232 km).

GODS GUYS, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT.

(thebookwormchameleon)

~Connor: I bet you fifty drachmas that you can't touch your nose with your tongue!

Leo: I bet you twenty more that I can pick my nose with my tongue.

Connor: It's a deal!

Leo: You're about to lose twenty drachmas, my friend. *sticks tongue up nose*

You guys act like these kids have money.

They're lucky if they have three drachmas.

~*Searches up "Solangelo" on Wattpad*

265425437653 results for "Solangelo"

*Searches up "Loucil" on Wattpad*

*Crickets*

Loucil (Lou Ellen x Cecil) is a ship that popped up right around the same area as Solangelo. So why is there virtually NO fics on it?

~Authors really need to put a warning on their stories or something:

*Bored 10-year-old goes to look up a book on Wattpad about Nico*

Book Title: Lifting Darkness

Summary: It's been a month since the war with Gaea has ended. Everyone's happy, except Nico. Nico's been feeling really lonely or whatever. Anyway, Nico is just being this really closed off brat and blah blah blah. But little does Nico know that he has friends at camp. YAY! In this story about friendship and family, Nico learns to open up and express his feelings.

10-year-old: OH! THIS LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD BE A DISNEY MOVIE!

*Two chapters later*

*Solangelo/Jasico/Percico smut*

10-year-old: O.O *traumatized* BUT IT WAS RATED G!

Seriously, you don't even know the amount of times I ran into an innocent looking story and found out that it was practically dripping with smut. There are younger audiences out there, some even the age of seven and younger! Please be considerate of their innocence and rate your story properly and/or say there's smut on the description.

Really, that stuff grosses me out. I can't read it.

~In fanfics Will is always this really bossy guy.

He is only limited to hang out with Nico.

He only cares about Nico

He doesn't care if everyone else died.

But if Nico gets a splinter, he'd be running to heal it.

Guys, this dude freaking saved Annabeth's life.

Nico is just one other person, out of the hundreds, Will cared for.

And wait, why is Will just now getting attention?

HE SHUCKING SAVED ANNABETH'S LIFE. AN-NA-BETH.

THE BLONDE-HAIRED, GREY-EYED GIRL WHO IS THE OTHER HALF OF PERCABETH.

WE'VE BEEN WITH HER FOR ALL TEN BOOKS. WE KNOW HER WAAAAAY BETTER THAN NICO.

So when Will pops in and saves her life, the fandom's like: "Oh, look, random Apollo kid saving Annabeth's."

But when Will talks to Nico for, like, five pages, everyone's like: "OMGS IT'S WILL SOLAAAAACE! HE BE MY HOMIE!"

Welcome to the Will Solace Bandwagon, my friends.

We pre-BoO kids were gettin' lonely.

~Everyone acts like Frank and Hazel are these innocent little kids who don't know what a kiss is.

I mean, sure, Frank's kinda shy, and Hazel is adorable, but no.

I mean, in Mark of Athena, when Frank walked in on Percy and Annabeth sleeping, he thought they were doing some R-rated stuff.

And let's not forget that when Frank saw Percy and Annabeth, he "averted his eyes as if that sight of them together might burn him."

I guess watching a couple kiss is a life-and-death situation.

And when Percy and Annabeth came to the mess hall, Hazel kept fanning her face and wouldn't meet Percy's eyes. She looked "scandalized".

Seriously.