(Published September 24th, 2014)

Unicorns Pooping Blue Cookies, Possessed by Teddybears, and Magical Plates

~~~

~Everyone refers Percy, Annabeth, Piper, Jason, Frank, Hazel, & Leo as "The Seven". Seriously guys, there's a fine line between diction/syntax and laziness, and most people are on the lazy side.

~Everyone loves the main character. Like, I'm fine if the main character has been at camp for years and is as nice as Hestia, but seriously, I've seen things like this:

Aquamarine Jackson walked into camp for her first time. After defeating the Minotaur, which was a very tiring fight, she needed some rest. She flipped her beach blonde hair over her shoulder and stared at everyone with her ocean blue orbs.

"Hey, does somebody know where I can get some sleep?" Aquamarine yawned, she could feel her eyes growing heavy. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her. She was so beautiful, they all just wanted to help her. All the boys came rushing towards her, offering their beds and giving her drinks. Aquamarine waved at all the girls, and they waved back. She was so nice!

*In real books*

Aquamarine Jackson walked into camp for her first time. After defeating the Minotaur, which was a very tiring fight, she needed some rest. She flipped her beach blonde hair over her shoulder and stared at everyone with her ocean blue orbs.

"Hey, does somebody know where I can get some sleep?" Aquamarine yawned, she could feel her eyes growing heavy. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her.

"Get over it whimp," somebody called from the audience.

"It's called being a demigod," Another person yelled from the audience.

"Stop standing there looking all pretty and get to training, we don't need another Drew around here!" The audience dispersed and went back to their daily activities.

~Everyone is too good to use the bathroom and take a shower. Is that why the demigods have Narnia in their mansion and not a bathroom?

~*On quest*

Piper: OMG, WE SHOULD GIVE EACH OTHER MAKEOVERS!!!

Thalia: We totes should!

Annabeth: Then we can fight monsters looking hotter than usual!

*Piper gives the two girls a makeover, doing their hair, makeup, and brand new dresses*

Okay, there are A LOT of things wrong with this.

        -Again, since when does Piper talk like that? SHE FREAKING HATES MAKEUP!

        -Thalia? WHY THE DI ANGELO ARE YOU SAYING TOTES?

        -Annabeth, I expect more from you.

        -WHERE THE DI ANGELO DID YOU GET ALL THESE EXTRA CLOTHES AND MAKEUP FROM?!

        -The monsters aren't going to care what you look like when they eat you.

~Percy and Annabeth in BOO fanfics:

Percy couldn't sleep at night, he kept having nightmares about Tartarus. He grabbed his blue bunny named Berry and dragged himself to Annabeth's room.

"Annie, I had a nightmare," Percy whined.

"About Tartarus?" Annabeth asked as Percy nodded.

"Can you make me cookies?" Percy asked. Annabeth sighed, she could use some cookies too.

"Fine," Annabeth gave in as she sat up in her bed.

"YAY!" Percy skipped out of the room singing something about unicorns pooping out blue cookies.

Okay guys, PERCY IS NOT A BABY. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. And Percy and Annabeth always have recurring nightmares about Tartarus. Like it's okay if it's once or twice, but if it's EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER, it gets annoying. They went through Tartarus. We get it. Now move on with the story.

 ~When eating in the mess hall at CHB:

*Character receives magical plate*

Character: Um yes, I would like a full rack of ribs, cheesy mash potatoes, chocolate shake, a sundae with peanuts, cherries, bananas, sprinkles, chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, strawberries, and M&Ms, coleslaw, beans, carrots, creme souffle, chocolate eclairs, soft pretzels, popcorn, candy corn, corn dogs, corn bread, corn on the cob, cream corn, corn puffs, corn chex mix, caramel corn, kettle corn, a slice of pumpkin pie, pancakes, waffles, yams, cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, lemon meringue, coconut meringue, mud pie, oreos, apples, hamburgers, sliders, medium rare steak, oh, and fries.

Plate: Anything else?

Character: Oh, well, I guess I'd also like-

Plate: IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU IDIOT!

Character: -ice cream, a pound of skittles, spaghetti, tacos, spaghetti tacos, enchiladas, burritos, a slice of Papa Murphys Pizza: Supreme, chili, gumbo, red beans & rice, jambalaya, fish & chips, smoked salmon, tuna fish sandwich, sushi, Mochi, egg rolls, fried rice, cotton candy, cotton candy flavored grapes-

*Plate blows up*

Character: -honeynut chex mix, barbeque chicken, fried chicken, McDonald's, Burger King, Sonic, Diary Queen, a oreo mint blizzard, Thin Mints, Samoas, Dulce de Leche, doughnuts, bacon, sausage, shrimp, bread sticks- oh wait, did that one blow up too? That was like the 25th one today!

Okay guys, seriously, it said in the books it can only give you healthy food like grapes and stuff. That order as ridiculous (well, besides the Mochi and the cotton candy flavored grapes, gods I love that stuff!), the plate isn't big enough to give you a 25 course meal. So stop.

~People always write in 1st person and they have a bajilion different POV's:

Percy

So we were playing Truth or Dare and I asked Piper, "Truth or Dare?"

Piper

"Dare," I said. I hope the dare wasn't too bad.

Leo

"I dare you to eat meat." Piper's pace went pale. It was totally hilarious!

Hazel

Piper took the plate of meat Annabeth handed to her and ate it. She looked nauseous, I felt so bad for her.

Jason

Piper ran to the bathroom and threw up. I followed her and comforted her.

Connor

"DUDE, THAT WAS TOTALLY HILARIOUS!" I hi-fived Percy. "I know," he replied.

Okay guys, if you HAVE to have so many POVs, then PLEASE write your story in 3rd person so it isn't confusing. I mean, 3 different POVs in 1st person is okay, but when you have 7 billion POVs that are irrelevant, then it gets really confuzzling.

~Guys, I think I'm gonna cry, I miss Grover. PLEASE BRING HIM BACK!

~When a girl meets Leo:

*Fanfiction*

Girl: OMG, that boy is totes adorbs!

*In books*

Girl: What the heck happened to his face?

~There are some weird ship moments in fanfics:

*Jason is making out with a brick*

Piper: What the-

Jason: DON'T JUDGE ME!

Piper: Seriously, I standing right here.

Jason: And?

Piper: (-/_-) *Facepalm* Gods, you're so dense.

Jason: Hey, don't be making fun of me, I've seen you make out with your cornucopia!

Piper: .....

Jason: HA! I WIN!

*Leo walks in*

Leo: You guys are so weird.

Jason: Like you don't talk to your toolbelt like it's your girlfriend.

Leo: *To toolbelt* Don't listen to them Beltita, they're just jelly.

Piper: You named your toolbelt Beltita?

Leo: Shut up and go make out with your cornucopia.

Okay, Brason, Pipucopia, Lelt. Are there any other Person x Inanimate Object ships I don't know about?

~The characters suddenly legally changed their names:

Sparky strolled into the classroom. "Hey guys!" He greeted as he sat down at a desk. He was followed by the Latino Santa's Elf.

"Wassup my peeps!" Latino Santa's Elf ran into the room and winked at all the girls and the girls fainted because he suddenly became hot. Beauty Queen rolled her eyes.

"Oh my gods Latino Santa's Elf, you're so immature." Wise Girl nodded at Beauty Queen's statement.

"I'm going to agree with her on that," Chinese Canadian Baby Man called out as he pulled out his binder. Then he disappeared because he isn't important to this useless scene in the story plot, or the rest of the story for that matter.  Ms. Metal Detector stared blankly into space.

"What's going on?" Ms. Metal Detector monotonically asked confuzzled.

"Girl, if you don't know what's going on, then you don't deserve my presence!" Persassy z-snapped his fingers in Ms. Metal Detector's face. She blinked then started pulling diamonds from her desk, because, you know, desks are now made with diamonds in them.

Wise Girl hit Persassy. "Seaweed Brain, your Persassy is coming out."

Persassy's face twisted with confusion, "Who am I again?" Wise Girl smiled with satisfaction.

"No." Ghost King shadow traveled behind Seaweed Brain. "Oh, and death, but no."

"DID SOMEBODY SAY DEATH?" Coach Hedge appeared out of nowhere. "DIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DIE TEDDY BEARS DIE DIE DIE red DIE DIE DIE is DIE DIE DIE hot DIE DIE DIE GREACUS DIE DIE DIE!" Octopus jumped into the room and started slicing up teddy bears.

Red  flipped her curly hair, "Of course I'm hot, I am like, the goddess of hot girls."

Pinecone Face rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say, Freckle-Face." Red scrunched up her face.

"Um, everyone loves me, right?" Octopus nodded, then started throwing teddybears in a paper shredder, mumbling something about being possessed by teddybears.

Dirt face suddenly popped out of the ground. In a hypnotic voice she said, "You will get an A on the test tomorrow or else I will destroy all the fluffy pies."

"Even the blue ones?" Seaweed Brain asked. Dirt Face nodded.

"Especially the blue ones, I will destroy those first." Seaweed Brain started throwing a fit, so Wise Girl confronted him.

"Do we have a deal?" Dirt Face questioned.

Beauty Queen giggled. "Lol, kay, ttyl xoxo bye gurl!" She said, popping the p.

"I'M BACK!!!!!!" Screamed Wine Dude as he strolled with swag into the room. "Miss me?"

~Artemis having kids. Okay guys, why does Artemis have more daughters than Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: Because she's a sl-

Hazel: DON'T YOU DARE!

Aphrodite: -ug. She's a slug.

Artemis: Says the goddess of wh-

Hazel: I WILL CUT YOU!

Artemis: -orses. Goddess of horses.

Poseidon: NO, I'M THE GOD OF HORSES, STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY THUNDER!!!!

Zeus: YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY THUNDER?????

Poseidon: NO I DIDN'T!!!!

Zeus: MOMMY-

Rhea: Kids? Remember Kronos? Yeah, shut up.

(A/N) Okay, so I kinda have a writer's block on this, so if you have any ideas, please PM them to me and I'll dedicate a chapter to you... YAY! Also, I'm going to start asking random questions at the end of the book, so here's one:

Since Blood of Olympus comes out soon, I want to ask what is the strangest plot twist/prediction you can think of for BOO? Mine is that Octavian will sacrifice himself to save Reyna from being killed. It's totally unrealistic, but it's funny and I'm thinking about writing a one shot about it.

Anyway, whoever can think of the strangest prediction/plot twist gets a dedication too!

Also, one more thing: So like I said, I have a writer's block, but I'm still gonna continue this story. So until I get through my writer's brick, I'm going to try to write my own"On purpose cliche story". I'm going to put the chapters in this book, so I'll still update this in a way. So yeah. BYERSIEBYES!!!

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼