(Published July 23rd, 2015)

The Deadly Disease OOC-ITIS, Radioactive Spider Webs, and Wercy: An Illegal Drug

~~~

~Leo is now a son of Athena.

I get that he's good at math and mechanics, but that's it.

So why does he know every detail there is to know on dragonfly mating season? Or the elements from the periodic table that are in a Spongebob pillow?

~The oracle doesn't work anymore.

Yet somehow the OC daughter of Apollo got a prophecy from Rachel on finding that random key thing.

You know Ella can give prophecies too, right?

(There should be a quest to find the oracle or something...)

~Hazel is so ignorant. She doesn't know what music or KFC is.

Guys, Hazel may have been alive in the 30's, but she's not dumb.

And KFC was founded in 1930.

~GUYS.

I FOUND FRANK.

LOOK AT THE MEDIA (PICTURE).

HE WAS IN MY ORCHESTRA AT SUMMER CAMP.

TURNS OUT HE WASN'T IN THE LAND OF STORIES AFTER ALL!

HE WAS IN THE REAL WORLD!

~Wait, I didn't finish my Will Solace rant from earlier...

Anyway, he's always this really bossy guy, even though Nico said that Will was usually this really laid-back guy.

Really guys, Will can have other friends.

~Annabeth shouldn't be spending time correcting people's grammar and spelling in their sentences.

Annabeth can barely spell anything.

She can't even spell "Cyclops" in the Sea of Monsters!

Annabeth: S... I... K.... O.... P... Wait, I forgot the L! S.... No, C.... Y.... wait, it's I-- I GIVE UP!

Frank: Wow Annabeth, I didn't know you couldn't English.

Everyone: DANG ZHANG!

(from whypickaname)

~Typical book stereotypes:

-Demeter children: GIVE ME ALL THE CEREAL OR I WILL KILL YOU BY TALKING TO THE PLANTS AND MAKING THEM STRANGLE YOU!

-Hades children: Death... Suicide... Darkness... Depression...

-Hermes children: IMMA PRANK A SHANK!

-Ares children act like they're PMSing 24/7... Girl or boy.

-Hephaestus children: SKIIIIIITTTTTLLLLEEEEZZZZ!!!!!!!!

-Aphrodite kids: OH I'M SO SMEXY AND MEAN. I AM REGINA GEORGE'S MENTOR.

-Poseidon kids: WAAAAATTTTTERRR!!!!!!!!!! BLUE FOOOOOD!!!!!!!

-Dionysus kids: You wannago to a *hiccup* party? lol I loveDiet *hiccup*coke. YOU DON'T LIKE DIET COKE? I SHALL MAKE YOU GO MAD.

-Athena kids: Did you know that those spiders with hair on them are mammals, and thus produce delicious (and unusually cold) milk. Spiders produce milk using the same glands that they produce silk threads with. Did you know that a single strand of spider web has more potential energy than the bomb dropped on Nagasaki? But because spiders do not naturally exist in areas of high fusion, there is little danger to the average person. Did you know that a spider egg contains as much DNA as four humans combined? And that's just one of the unborn spiders, the entire egg sac outnumbers the population of India-- AIEEEEEE SPIDER GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! *screams and runs away*

-Apollo kids: Flower gleam and glow,

Let your power shine,

Make the clock reverse,

Bring back what once was mine,

What once was mine.

-Hunters of Artemis and Amazons: ALL DA SINGLE LADIES! PUT YO HANDS UP!

-Romans: BOW DOWN TO ME MOFOS.

-Mortals: lol, is that a monster? nah, i just need new glasses.

~*Jar of Nutella is sitting on counter*

*Person walks up to Nutella*

Person: Oh, look, Nutella! *picks up jar* I love Nute--

*The person gets shot with a gun*

Nico: *behind a box 20 feet away* That was my Nutella.

WHY IS NICO OBSESSED WITH NUTELLA? (from _Julia_0903)

~OC while deciding on boyfriend.

Lacy: So today with us we have Phoenyx Firestar, daughter of Hestia!

Phoenyx: Hello!

Lacy: Phoenyx is going to choose one of these three boys behind this screen! But before, I'd like to tell you about Phoenyx! Phoenyx is a highly jumpy and hyper girl who doesn't mix well with moody people and pushes people to tell their feelings when they don't feel like sharing them!

Phoenyx: yay! PANCAKES!

Lacy: So first we have Bachelor Number One! He's super cute, kinda shy at first, but when you get to know him he's super fun! Number one is hopeless romantic because he's a son of Aphrodite, and did we mention HE'S HOT?

Phoenyx: Oh, I like hotties!

Lacy: Great! Well, on to number two! Bachelor Number Two is usually a laid-back person who has a killer whistle and enjoys healing people in his free time! He's also a son of Apollo, the same guy who wanted to marry your mom!

Phoenyx: That's cool!

Lacy: Last but not least we have Bachelor Number Three! Number Three is extremely brooding, kept to himself, and may or may not be ga--

*Girl runs up and whispers something in Lacy's ear*

Lacy: What's this? Uh-huh... yes... oh my... that's unfortunate... Really?... Thank the gods! Thanks Laurel!

*Laurel runs off*

Lacy: Well, turns out that Number Three had ran off the set, but don't worry, we got a replacement! The New Bachelor is dark, mysterious, has a criminal past, and he's abusive! He also enjoys murdering puppies and his girlfriends in his free time! Plus he's a son of Hades!

Phoenyx: OMGS NUMBER THREE IS PERFECT FOR ME!

*The curtains raise revealing Mitchell as number one, Will as number two, and some random goth emo kid as number Three*

Lacy: Great choice! Have fun guys! *Phoenyx and Three frolick into the sunset*

Nico: *pops up* Is she gone?

Will: Yep!

Nico: Thank the gods! I swear, if another girl chases after me, I swear I will--

Mitchell: No worries! I'll make sure that the Ghost King is protected from all those creepy girls, in more way than one! *winks*

Will: Bro, why'd you sign us up for this! I totally thought I was gonna catch some chicks or something!

Nico: WILL! YOU'VE BEEN INFECTED WITH OOC-ITIS!!

Will: Sorry, caught it from Phoenyx. Gods, I hate Mary Sues.

Nico: Tell me about it.

Mitchell: You guys are lucky. The Aphrodite cabin is 10x worse than Phoenyx... *shivers*

~It's rarely mentioned that Percy is a skater boy. Now, I know you guys know this (or a lot of you), but I've never seen him pass a skate shop and say "Is that the new Element skateboard?"

It was mentioned in the Sea of Monsters (or at least the graphic novel, haven't read the book in a while) that Percy's mom was going to take him to his favorite skateboarding store when school got out. Obviously he didn't get to go, but I think his mom owes him a long overdue skateboard....

HEADCANNON ACCEPTED.

~Parents in stories either don't care...

Kid: Mom, I'm gonna go run off half-way across the country with these random people I just met!

Mom: Okay, just be back by supper!

Or are really bossy and mean.

Kid: So, I'm bisexu--

Mom: No you're not. Go back to your room, Straighty.

Kid: But--

Mom: Bye Felicia.

Kid: That's not even my nam--

Mom: *slams door in kid's face*.

~There are only PJO/Avengers fanfics out there.

The Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Men, Guardians of the Galaxy and stuff?

Yeah, those don't exist.

Sorry to those fandoms out there. Have fun in the Vortex of Oblivion!

(From Greek_Goddess_)

The following are from percyjfangirl:

~Piper McLean is now white.

Somebody must've threw her in a pot of boiling bleach.

~There are a lot of Hades kids.

Like, why are there no Thanatos kids? THANATOS IS THE GOD OF DEATH.

Or Naenia, the Roman goddess of funerals?

Oh, that's right, because the Romans went extinct.

lolz.

~If Grover is even IN a fanfic, he brings the OC to camp then disappears back to the Dwarf Forests.

Did everyone forget that Grover has Pan's spirit in him?

GROVER IS POSSESSED BY A FREAKING GOD.

~Everyone has these jewelry weapons that they probably got from Kay Jewelers.

I guess carrying around a three-pound dagger is soooo much work.

Like, can't you just dress as a freaking cowboy and carry around your celestial bronze guns or something?

~Everyone has ABSOLUTELY perfect teeth because nobody has braces.

I mean, have you seen the amount of people who wear braces nowadays?

It's, like, a fashion trend!

And that was percyjfangirl!

~Nico is addicted to Percy and Will like they're illegal drugs or something.

*In a dark alley*

Nico: So, you got the goods?

Hermes Kid: Here, take it. *Hands Nico a picture of Percy and a picture of Jason from their black bag*

Nico: Thank-- WHAT'S THIS?

Hermes Kid: What? I got the stuff you wanted!

Nico: THIS ISN'T WILL SOLACE! *throws picture at Hermes Kid* THIS IS JASON GRACE!

Hermes Kid: Here, just take my bag! *throws bag at Nico and runs off*

*Nico raids through the bag*

Hermes Kid: *mutters* He's as mad as Dionysus!

(from percipocalypse)

~*cough* Octavian died *cough*

SO WHY IS HE STILL ALIVE?

(Also from percipocalypse)

(A/N) Thanks to everyone who sent in Moments! I don't know what else to say, so I'm just gonna say BYERSIEBYES MY FLUFFY ECHILEADAS!!!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼