(Published April 19th, 2016)

Fanfic of the Chapter: Blue Moon by Redvelvetrose1742

Smutastic, Yoga the Jedi Master, and Anarchy: The Answer to All Life's Problems

~~~

~ "Ew, you ship Thalico? Thalia and Nico are, like, cousins, that's so gross."

*ships Percico*

Pffft, okay Hypocrite.

~ "But isn't Cecil a girl's name?"

But isn't Luke Dead? But isn't Nico gay? But isn't Artemis a maiden? I don't judge you for writing about this (lol I lied. I will, but I will judge you silently), but if you do, come on, at least remember everyone's proper gender.

Newsflash: Cecil is a SON of Hermes.

~All these demigods basic as heck. Like, you got all these white as bleach Christian demigods. Why no Muslim or Hindu or Jewish demigods? WHY ARE THERE NO INDIAN CHARACTERS LIKE EVER?

*fuming even though I'm not Indian*

~Demigod: has perfect mental state

Lol you thought

There's no way you're telling me that a DEMIGOD with a life being CONSTANTLY THREATENED has a perfect mental state?

You'd think someone has PTSD or something. What about a demigod with Aspergers? Just because they're half-god, doesn't mean they're immune to mental disabilities besides ADHD and dyslexia.

~Every demigod has got to be American.

Yeah, I know the gods can't leave America, but PEOPLE MOVE OUT OF THE COUNTRY. People visit America too! What are the odds that a foreigner tourist was visiting the States, got drunk in a bar, hooked up with a god, then went back to their country? Who knows! So many possibilities for international demigods.

~Campers of Camp Half-Blood: ew u gay we gonna burn you. you gonna rot in hell you son of a griever like ew wtf

What is this, 1945?

You're telling me that in today's generation of children, every camper is going to hate on a LBGT+ person?

Oh please, tell it to someone who's an idiot.

There's a bigger chance for someone being judged because they're straight.

And I speak from experience.

Lorax: i AM THE LORAX

Lorax: aND I SPEAK FOR THE TREES--

Me: the straights

Lorax: tHE STRAIGHTS, WHATEVER THOSE ARE-- wait, are those some type of tree?

Me: ...

Me: yep totally

~ "There's not enough room for two gay demigods in this camp" ~Anonymous

~Incest is now legal.

"I now pronounce Connor Stoll and Travis Stoll husband and... husband."

Connor: we gonna honeymoon in a cabin out in the woods nobody knows about

Travis: lololol neeks wanna join us?

Nico: WHAT?!

But hey, at least they won't have to change their last names.

Nico: wHAT?!

~Luke x Connor x Travis x Chris

Should I even ask?

~Everyone fanfic: *is based during HoO*

PJO: ;-; y u no likey me? U could always write about silena being a spy or neeks bonding with the stolls during ttc or jason's time in new rome. but nuuuuuu, every1 always liked hoo better

PJO: it's because i had terrible movies, isn't it?

PJO: i'll just go burn myself

PJO: *burns*

Now look what you did, you made a book series commit suicide. I didn't even know that was possible.

~Knock-knock

It's the Nazis.

Led by Adolf Hitler, son of Hades.

He wants a fanfic based around him and his cousins, son of Poseidon and son of Zeus.

If you don't, he'll throw you into a concentration camp.

And no, not a camp for ADHD demigods.

~Everyone, I present you the girls of the Camp Half-Blood Chronicles! We have: Annabitch, Fangirl! Piper, useless fluffy Hazel, whiny Reyna, Jerk! Rachel--

Why is it that a MALE author can make these girls epic, and then the FEMALE fandom ruins them?

~Jason be like:

Percy Jackson. I hate him sooooo much. He was just so much better than me, much more powerful, sexier, and his girlfriend is better than mine too! That is why I am plotting to murder him. With Percy gone, I can finally be the best demigod at camp--

Connor: *throws brick at Jason* He doesn't even go here!

~The Author's Writing Commercial of the Day:

Are you sick of getting writer's block? Do you ever get bored with your story? Well, we've got a product for you!

Smutastic is a brand new writing tool that makes any book twice more interesting! Doesn't matter what your characters doing: whether they're at the store, school, or even in Hell, Smutastic always has a way to flow perfectly into your story. Works every time! And if it doesn't, then hey, at least your readers have something to read, right?

*Warning: The Author is not responsible for the death of any children who write/read smut due to parent's angry rage. The Author is also not responsible for any sex offenders that may show up at your home. If you do end up using Smutastic and you have a bad experience with it, see a doctor immediately. If you get pregnant, do not call The Author because she don't care about you or your child or your child's baby daddy. If a hamster shows up at your door, mail it back to Dan and Phil immediately and call the NYPD SVU. Side-effects may include coughing, sneezing, nausea, puking, diarrhea, constipation, dizziness, numbness, itchiness, rashes, dry mouth, peeling of skin, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, abdominal pain, nightmares, hairy tongue, hair loss, blindness, anorexia, depression, mood swings, bloody urine, back pain, dwarfism, internal bleeding, cancer, letumosis, bubonic plague, ebola, horny dreams, Athlete's foot, salmonella, dehydration, asthma, allergies, ulcers, eye pain, itchy teeth, epilepsy, and death. If you begin to see these side-effects, stop reading smut and go see Apollo and/or Asclepius immediately. If the FBI show up at your house, lock all doors and windows, turn off all the lights, and send your alpaca outside to tell them you went on a permanent vacation to Middle Earth. If you're having problems, do not call 1-800-GET-SMUT. Again, do not call 1-800-GET-SMUT.

Get your daily dose of smut today! *thumbs up*

Me: *shaking my head* If writing smut helps you get through writer's block, then... you have fun with that. Here's a Smutastic.

(Inspired by @DALEK-SEC)

~Irish demigods are now leprechauns:

"OH FIDDLE-DEE-DEE ME POT OF GOLD'S GONE MISSING!"

Oh, who am I kidding? Irish people no longer exist.

(from @I_am_Nicolai_ )

~Nico coming out:

*kisses Percy*

*giggles and runs away*

Percy: 

Percy: lol bye Annabeth imma go make out with Nico

Annabeth: okay lol *makes out with Piper*

~ "Oh Percy/Leo/Nico/Connor/Travis," I moaned.

Me: lOL NOPE YOU GOT ME FIFTY SHADES OF SCREWED UP

[Enter awkward heated smut scene here because y'all cray-cray if you think I'm gonna write one]

Me: yEET GOTTA BLAST.

Me: *exits tab*

Me: *deletes Wattpad*

Me: *throws laptop out the window*

Me: *burns self*

Mephistopheles: Hell it is then.

~Leo suddenly knows everything there is to know about relationships:

Leo: How to tell if a guy likes you! Leo Valdez style!

Leo: Ask him who he likes! Nico, who do you like?

Nico: lol no one

Leo: If he says no one, ask him if it's you! If he blushes, then it is! Nico, is it me?

Nico: nO.

Leo: You're blushing!

Nico: yOUR HAND IS ON MY BUTT

~*When immature children write smut*:

and den he took of his clots nd mii clots nd we did da skodlipop

Just--

~Short people no longer exist.

At all.

Blue Sargent: Wha-- *POOF*

Poof: POOF

And if you're already short but the fandom is completely infatuated with you *cough* Leo *cough* Nico *cough*, then you are now suddenly tall buff and sexy.

Leo: aWESOME

~Nico: I'M ALL SADS AND DEPRESSED AND STUFFS IMMA BE DEPRESSED IMMA CUT MYSELF

Nico: *cuts self*

Nico's guts: *spills from his wrists*

Nico: *cracked voice* rawr mofos im emo

Will: nEEKS NUUU MY DEATH BOI HOW ABOUT ANOTHER BABY MAKIN SESSION WILL THAT HELP

Nico: aight

Nico's guts: *still dying*

Nico's stronger than this.

HE DON'T NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY.

HE'S GOT STRONG WILLPOWER--

Gods dam it.

~Nico: apparently I'm straight now

Nico:

~ "They also think Leo is a sex god. I think they need an eye doctor." -@JustSinsNotTragedies

Yeah, but...

((Photo credit from A King Or Whatever by Jose on Tapastic))

~ "Omgs you put Nico with a girl that's an insult to his sexuality!"

Yet when people ship straight characters with other characters of the same gender, it's not offensive.

I'll just... *POOF*

~Jason: ayyyye Percy bro saved you a seat at the Big Three table

Percy: lol thanks. Neeks, you gonna join us?

Nico: aight

Thalia: Oh, can I join?

Hazel: Me too!

Tyson: OOOOOH I WANNA SIT AT THE TABLE TOOOOO

Percy: uh dafuq who r u

Tyson: Brother?

Percy: dafuq I have no brother.

Tyson: *le gasp* •O

Tyson: *le cri* ;-,

Tyson: *le die*

Thalia: Percy, what the Hades?

Percy: lol wut

Thalia: and to think I used to have a crush on you.

*Big Three Table shouldn't even exist in the first place*

~Piper: BOOM BISH, GET OUT THE WAY, BISH GET OUT THE WAY--

Mortals: who dafuq iz u

Piper: I AM PIPER MCLEAN, DAUGHTER OF TRISTAN MCLEAN.

Mortals: who dafuq iz dat

Piper: Famous actor, Tristan McLean is.

Mortal: oH I KNOW WHO U IZ

Piper: Finally!

Mortal: U IZ DAT GREEN ALIEN OLD GUY THINGY FROM STAR WARS, YOGA--

Piper: -_- Yoda

Mortal: --YODA.

Piper: why do I even try

~Nico: I AM THE EMOOOOOOOOO GOTH GOD OF HOTNESS

Yes, you are now the Acid Bath Princess of Darkness.

Raven and Tara: bICH I WIL KIL U

Tara Gilesbie: but ooh u sexi bite me

Nico: dafuq

~ "Nico was the high school bastard--"

Stop.

Please.

Just-- no.

Shut up.

And drive

Off a cliff

Into Tartarus.

Thank you

*This has been a public service announcement from the Nico Protection Squad™*

(A/N)Woohoo, new chapter! Anyway, for those of you who are interested, you can read A King or Whatever by Jose here: https://tapastic.com/series/A-King-or-Whatever 

Just PM me for the link!

Fanfic of the chapter is Blue Moon by Redvelvetrose1742 because I absolutely love it, and it doesn't enough credit as it deserves. The main character, Hunter, sounds so much like Percy that I can't even, the monsters are unique, the characters are amazing, and the ships-- the SHIIIPPPPPSSSSSSSS omgs I love it.

Anyway, so yeah, Blue Moon may look like it's your typical fanfic, but trust me, it's not. Just read it, it's great.

Well, see ya on the flip side.

And remember: a little death never hurt anyone. ;)

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo