(Published June 29th, 2015)

She-Devils, Perpollo, and the Sacred Weapon of Hazel: Soap

~~~

~There are so many stereotypes in fanfics that it's ridiculous.

Not all Asians are smart.

I know some REALLY dumb ones, actually.

~Where's Buford?

He must've been replaced with that super nice coffee table from Wayfair.com.

~Zeus always acts like he's on his period or something.

~Weird name spellings:

-Braedyn (Braden)

-Conr (Conner/Connor)

-Eyleene (Ailin)

-Gabryel (Gabriel)

I can't even pronounce half of these, like, seriously, just spell it normally.

The following are from -_Sadie_kane_- (with my commentary, of course)

~Percy and Annabeth are always getting married at 17 and having kids.

Would YOU marry some guy you just started dating for less than a year and you were still in high school?

Yeah, didn't think so.

~ "Also all girls crush on percy and Percy is the most popular guy at school but for 5 books straight he's shown as the guy who hangs out with the misfits and never gets any female attention in his school." -Sadie Kane

I didn't even change this one.

This one is perfect the way it is, I couldn't have said it better.

Stop saying "Percy's changed with years of training"

HoO is literally one year after TLO. The whole series. One year. Not even a full year.

Percy isn't this irresistible guy.

He's that one awkward accidental trouble-making skater boy.

And you guys claim you know him.

~The 7 have bad judgemental skills when they're at Goode.

*Seven sees girls with make-up"

Leo: AHHH, IT'S THE SHE-DEVILS, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

*Sees girls with no make-up*

Jason: Aw, isn't she the sweetest lit--

*girl attacks Jason*

Can't judge a person by their face, guys.

Annnd... Back to me again.

~That moment when the comments are funnier than the actual book and you start reading the comments instead of the book.

This isn't even a cliche.

This is unavoidable.

THIS IS SPARTA!

Patrick: No, THIS IS PATRICK! *hangs up phone*

~Mr. D has all these tortuous punishments for small things:

Person: *eats an extra slice of cake*

Mr. D: FIELDS OF PUNISHMENT FOR A WEEK!

Person: *Accidentally trips a person*

Mr. D: YOU! TRAPPED WITH THE HARPIES ALL NIGHT!

Person: *doesn't win Capture the Flag*

Mr. D: *Turns them into a leopard skin carpet*

Person: *left a candy bar wrapper on their cabin floor*

Mr. D: TARTARUS FOR A MONTH!

What happened to the normal punishments like dishes and stables duty?

~Did anyone else remember the fact Nico has HAZEL orbs?

Annabeth: *eyes*

Nah, just kidding, they're brown.

~If Gaea/Kronos isn't the main antagonist then Chaos has a brother named End/Destruction (Let's call him ED) that is trying to destroy the earth. ED also kidnaps the Army to try to get information out of them or whatever. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?

~Apparently there are fanfics where Percy is a girl and dates Apollo.

Yes. They exist.

WHO CAME UP WITH THIS ABOMINATION?

~ "WHAT THE DI ANGELO?!" Is everyone's new curse word. Not "What the Tartarus" or "What the Hades", "What the di Angelo."

Even the Romans use it.

Nico and Bianca's last name is now a cuss word. Say it, and Hazel will bring out the soap.

~Everyone hates Jason. Why? I know everyone's like "Percy's done this and this and this, what have YOU done, Jason?" We don't know what he did, we didn't see things from his POV. Maybe he was offered to be a god too, but turned it down because his duty to be a praetor or something. Sure, his chapters aren't as funny as Percy's, and he doesn't have as many wisecracks as Percy, but we don't know what his past was like.

~Main OC: LET'S GO OUT AND PARTAY TONIGHT!!!!!! AT THE POSEIDON CABIN AT 11PM!

Um, no. Let's not.

 Actually yes, please do party.

Let the harpies eat you.

Darwin's theory of natural selection, right?

~That moment when the main character is making out with their boyfriend/girlfriend in their cabin.

I guess Mr. D and Chiron's rules about "No two people of the opposite gender are allowed alone in a cabin together unless they're siblings."

Yeah, nice try.

But uh, I know who CAN get away with this rule...

*Slyly looks at LBGT+ shippers*

Yeah, I know you're there *winks*

~You know children of demigods have no powers, right?

CHILDREN OF PERCABETH JUST SIMPLY CAN'T CONTROL WATER, TALK TO HORSES, AND BE REALLY WISE.

THEY WOULD BE SO OP THE GODS WOULD HAVE TO KILL THEM.

EVEN RICK SAID THEY WOULD JUST HAVE NORMAL KIDS.

~ "SOLENAGELO IS CANON!"

No. No it's not.

Just because Nico said he liked Will doesn't mean it's canon

If we went by that then Percico would be canon, and Lazel, and PERACHEL.

Just because it's cute doesn't mean it's canon.

We had a whole fight over this a chapter or two ago so I just wanna make this clear:

Until a ship dates or the author says they do: IT. IS. NOT. CANON.

~ "Annabeth pulled out her dagger."

You're a post-BoO book, right?
*Author nods*

Me: *Throws the book fanfic behind me* Haha, nice try.

Author: Wha--

Me: Annabeth lost her dagger in Tartarus.

~*Earlier in le Moments book*

"Octavian: Has an unhealthy obsession with teddybears."

COMMENTS (NOTE, THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS):

misscambil: He does.

AnnabethChas3: Already has that.

7upgirl9001: Well he kinda does...

LadyLucina28: That'd also true

PercyLeoIronmanLover: Well.... he is obsessed with them....he murdured Percy's panda pillow pet :(

bailzh416: True

KatelynChildOfHades: He's a dead thing. Not a person. A dead, rude, Roman THING.

Replies:

.... (actual replies)

itsfangirlcat: Actually, he's a dead Augur. If you want to get technical in canon.

Chilea: Kay Cat, thanks for pointing that out because you helped me prove a point for this next moment! Octavian does not, I repeat, DOES NOT have an unhealthy obsession with teddybears. Octavian has to cut up the insides of stuffed animals to help look into the future. An augur is supposed to use real animals, but that can get kinda messy and gross, so stuffed animals are more convenient. Saying that Octavian is obsessed with teddybears is like saying a trash man is obsessed with trash. Being an augur is Octavian's job, it's not his fault that his job description includes "cutting up and examining the entrails of a stuffed animal." Now Octavian IS obsessed with being praetor though...

~Everyone treats Nico and Hazel like they're babies.

Let's not forget the fact that they're, like, FREAKING 80.

~In the Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Chiron called the furies "Kindly Ones" because he said names have power.

Heroes of Olympus be like: GAEA GAEA GAEA GAEA GAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEAGAEA!!!!!!!! oops, I meant Dirt Face lolz.

(A/N) Here's another update! YAY! So Greek_Goddess_ helped me yet again on this one too, so again shout out to her! 

Annnnnnnd.... Mentally preparing myself for all the hate I will get on this chapter.

ALL WELL!

Don't forget to vote!

Anyway, BYERSIEBYES!!!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼