(Published July 7th, 2015)

Purple People Eaters, World Domination, and Russian Roulette

~~~

~When a demigod needs to be healed, they always use nectar and ambrosia.

Demigod: I'VE SCRATCHED MY ARM!

Doctor: A square of ambrosia every hour for six hours should patch you back up.

Demigod: MY BACK HURTS!

Doctor: Take a dose of nectar two times a day until the pain eases.

Demigod: MY SKIN IS PEELING!

Doctor: Rub some nectar into area of question.

Demigod: I BROKE A NAIL!

Doctor: Here, a small supplement of ambrosia should help. Oh, and a manicure.

I guess bandages and painkillers don't exist anymore.

~Those fanfics that skip big periods of time in their story.

Do the words "Character Development" mean anything to you?

~Bad boys. Can we not? Seriously has anyone seen a story about a good boy and a bad girl? Why is Percabeth always driven to this specific cliche? Percy is always the bad boy, Annabeth the good girl. I mean, can anyone imagine Percy as this cheating player that does drugs, drinks, does the hit 'em and quit 'em, vandalize property (on purpose), ect.? And how can Annabeth freaking change this so quickly? WHY WOULD THE SMART, CHARITY-DOING, STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ANNABETH FALL FOR A JERK LIKE PERCY? She clearly realizes what he is and what he's like, yet she still falls for him like an idiot.

~Bad guys are bad guys for the sake of plot. They have no backstories, no reason to be villains, they just woke up one morning, "Hey, let's take over the world today! That sounds fun!"

~Reyna owns enough purple stuff to join the Purple People Eaters (whatever those are). But seriously, just because Reyna's praetor, DOESN'T MEAN SHE LIKES PURPLE. (from @thebookwormchameleon)

~So apparently most authors haven't had a simple geography class because Camp Half-Blood is like a walk down to the corner store from Manhattan. Or Chicago. (from )

~Author's Notes in the middle (A/N Sorry guys for the long wait, I just went to Gargolville to buy a pink fluffy Hiferyet Unicorn. They're supes rare!) of a chapter.

Now for some Moments from EvelynBlackwell:

~Chaos gives his Army wings just because. And apparently these wings are made of knives and shoot lasers and project bombs.

Gazzy: WHAT? NO FAIR! IGGY, CHECK THIS OUT!

Iggy: WHAT? WE NEED THESE! MAX, CAN WE HAVE THESE WINGS?

Max: NO! AND STOP GOING INTO RANDOM FANDOMS!

~For some reason, in Chaos fics, Percy's parents die.

Evil Peep: YOU THERE!

Sally: Me?

Evil Peep: YES YOU!

Sally: What?

Evil Peep: IMMA KILL YOU AND PAUL AND SOME RANDOM HALF-SIBLING PERCY/AUDIENCE NEVER KNEW ABOUT BECAUSE PLOT. SO SIT YO BUTT DOWN WHILE WE DECIDE YOUR FATE! WOULD YOU RATHER DIE IN A FIRE OR BE KILLED BY ETHAN/NATHAN/JACK/DRAKE--

Sally: *mutters to Paul* Let's just leave.

Paul: Yeah...

*Leaves*

Evil Peep: BILLY/HAWTBOY/EVILCLICHEBROTHERSNAME AND-- wait, did they leave? Yes? Okay. GO AHEAD AND LEAVE. AS LONG AS PERCY FEELS ABANDONED SO HE'LL RUN AWAY AND DIE! GREAT, THANKS!

~Somehow, in this cliche horridness, a Mary Sue infects the story:

*Le book*
The second in command is a girl called marytacodiscoballssuelolelephentstrumpets. But because the author is lazy , she is just called ariel/aradroma/pookie/clichéhotgirlname.
She has the power to: control time, train dogs, fly, turn invisible, change colors, change appearance, eat tacos, be super hawt, time traveller, can teleport, goes to hogwarts, super strength,be really girly yet still looks like she is from assassins creed, be a tomboy, be a girly girl, change form and so on.

Im in love ~(♡o♥)/ me want.

Evelyn: *is sick* dies* gets reincarnated* loads shot gun* aims at Mary Sue oc*

Me: Hello Mary Sue, would you like to play Russian Roulette? Yeah, how about you go first... *takes gun out of Evelyn's hands and gives to Mary Sue*

Mary Sue: OH! I love games! *puts gun to her head and blows her brains out*

~This one was already mentioned, but the way Evelyn puts it makes it worthy enough to be mentioned again:

Random fandom references is spreading around the fanfic like Ebola or something:

Suddenly Kronos swung his sword at me (cos he be not swag enough for a scythe) when.. "SHADOW HUNTERS GIVE YOU RUNES!" someone yells and suddenly I'm covered in runes and op and such and then I whoop some butt, before the chapter ends.

Or

I go up to Hazel"YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US, IT'S A WEDNESDAY AND YOU'RE NOT WEARING PINK!!!" she yells in my face before whooping my butt..

For real. I went a whole YEAR not understanding that reference.

Or, even worse, it turns up in prophecies
Five shall go west
To the goddess in chains
I copied half of this from the book.
We shall be in dauntless
Stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff
Ima lazy
Go kick the villain's butt
Don't crumple your outfit
I can't do prophecies
But I spent like 5 minutes on this
So like it
Or I a stab you.

~Sometimes popular authors have WAAY too much faith in themselves:

A really good chaos book comes everyone loves it,

*5 months later*

27 BOOKS!! ALL WITH 5 CHAPTERS, YOU GOTTA READ IT!! 3 SERIES!! NOTHING HAPPENS! !! I'M DOMINATING THE READING LIST!!

Gods dang it, you had one job you good author and you blew it.

And... Back to me!

~The Seven: Percy, Annabeth, Jason, Piper, Leo, Hazel, and, um..... Nico! Yeah, Nico's the last one.

Me: -_-

Frank exists, you know.

~Nearly ever fanfic is about some whiny girl falling in love with some guy. The sad thing is that most girls write these.

Is this how you want the world to see woman as? Whiny girls that can't fend for themselves?

~The OC always knows everything about Greek mythology and even uses Greek swearing before they know they're a demigod.

~di Immortales is never used as a swear word. Like, ever.

~Every fic I've read is in first person. LIKE EVERY ONE. And it just weirds me out because I'm not use to reading Leo in first person.

~Nico smiles so much in fanfics that I personally think his mouth muscle are permanently stuck like that.

~Every couple kisses 754u564853u53u563i754i685o874i73u654i68 times a second.

Except Frazel and Gruniper, because they don't exist.

~There's always a 2nd generation of demigods. Not a third, or fourth, or fifteenth, second generation.

~Hades children are always depressed and suicidal and act like Melinda Sordino.

Seriously, there has never been a child of Hades who is super jumpy and happy.

(A/N) So, thanks to EvelynBlackwell for sending in some moments! YAY! Well, that's all.

Anyway, as always, BYERSIEBYES MY FLUFFY ENCHILEADAS!!!!!

Stay Perky,

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼