(Published September 13th, 2014)

Poppin' P's, Fluffy Pies, and Tardis Tents

~~~

~The only words Octavian says: "DIE GREEKS, DIE" or "DIE TEDDY BEARS, DIE" or "MAKE ME PRAETOR!" or "DIE PERCY, DIE!" or "DIE DIE DIE Rachel DIE DIE is DIE DIE DIE hot DIE DIE DIE I HATE YOU GREEKS!"

~When Octavians calls them Greeks and not greacus... No guys, it's graecus, because graecus also means enemy. Guys, there's a reason to Rick Riordan's diction.

~ "Nope," I said, popping the p.

Popping the p? POPPING THE P?! Why can't the p be pricked or tickled or deflated? The p has feelings you know, WHAT IF IT DOESN'T LIKE BEING POPPED??????

~The main characters are so beautiful and I'm over here eating my pound bag of skittles probably gaining ten pounds and yelling "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GODSDAM PERFECT???"

~The definition of "Tomboys" in PJO fanfics: A girl who wears a lot of makeup and dresses, has her hair in a perfect cute style, up to date on all the fashion trends, but only hangs out with boys and wears converse.

~The definition of "Nerds" in PJO fanfics: Children (usually girls) of Athena with beautiful blonde hair that always in a ponytail and they wear a lot owl jewelry, fake hipster glasses, always worrying about dating Leo or Nico, have fashionable dresses, perfect curves and looks, and call themselves ugly all the time. Oh, and did I mention that they are supposedly naturally smart and never studied or went to school? 

~I WANT MY PRECIOUS GROVER BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE HIM TO ME OR I WILL STEAL ALL OF YOUR FLUFFY PIES!

~When the gods suddenly pop up at Ogygia and take Calypso to Leo. Like guys, seriously, the gods have ignored her for 3,000 years and didn't take her off the island even after the oath they made after the second Titan war. But oh, Leo needs a girlfriend! One Calypso, comin' up! POOF! Calypso magically appears in front of Leo. YAY! THE END.

~Daughters of Aphrodite: Described as players and... You know what? I'll leave that to your imagination.

~Girl while angry.

Guy: Is it your time of month or...

Girl: NO, I'M A FREAKING DAUGHTER OF ARES! NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY, PUNK!

Seriously, why do the guys always assume the girls are on their time of month when they're mad?

~THE COUPLES ARE ALWAYS RUINED BY THE MAIN CHARACTER!

*Main character meeting Percy*

Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase: Hi, I'm new at camp.

*Percy takes one look at the new girl and pushes Annabeth into Tartarus*

Percy: Hi, I'm Percy, do you want to be my girlfriend?

~Percy always has a brother who's like, the exact same age as him that steals Annabeth. But wait, did Poseidon break the oath again? Where has this brother been all these years?

Percy: Um, Dad? Is there something you would like to tell me?

Poseidon: He-he... *takes permanent vacation to Middle Earth*

~Percy is like, immortal. Don't you think the gods would notice if some Chaos guy came and was all like, "Hey, I like this kid, Imma give him all these powers and make him invincible."

The gods: Okay, that's cool.

~Annabeth breaks up with Percy for a guy she's known for like, three days.

*Percy gets on knees, about to propose*

Percy: Annabeth, will you-

*Phone rings*

Annabeth: *answers phone* Hello? Oh, you're that Ares kid! Of course I'll go out with you! *Walks off leaving a stunned Percy in the dust*

I mean really, in what reality would this happen? I mean, an author would have to be more evil than Veronica Roth or John Green to do this!

~Chaos' army has these "tardis tents," which are normal sized but infinitely massive on the inside. Oh, and did I mention they compact into squares the size of a penny, can shadow-travel anywhere, and morph into fancy espresso machines? Did you like, hire Phineas and Ferb to build these for you or...

~You guys know those cliche fics where the main character is a girl OC with crystal blue orbs, they always end up dating Leo, Nico, or Percy. I guess Jason and Frank will have to keep their girlfriends.

~In a lot of Chaos fanfics, Leo gets killed to join Chaos's army. Like guys, I DON'T WANT LEO DEAD!!!!!

~The main character *cough* probably a white girl with blue or green orbs *cough* is always challenged by Percy in a playful way when the first meet him and beat him. Girl, you can't fight. STAHP.

~Prophecies be like:

A girl with blue orbs shall go on a quest,

To fall in love with Leo Valdez.

They'll probably kiss like a bajilion times,

Then Leo will forget about Calypso,

He didn't like that island goddess anyway.

Oh yeah, this is a prophecy,

Um, what's rising again?

Oh yeah, the girl with blue orbs shall defeat Kronos and Gaea,

And never mess up her hair and makeup along the way.

THE END.

Or...

Go to Canada,

Kiss Leo Valdez,

Save the world in 2 pages,

Or mess up your hair and makeup.

Oh, and die. But mostly the hair and makeup.

THE END.

Like seriously? I'm not much of a poet, but COME ON! Even Ares and Apollo is better than that!

~When people call Nico "Nicola". Okay, can I just say... WHY THE FREAKING DI ANGELO DID YOU CALL HIM THIS! NICOLA AIN'T HIS NAME, OR NICHOLAS, IT'S JUST NICO. THAT'S IT. NICO. N-I-C-O. NICO!

~Camper: OMGZ IT'S LUKE, BECKENDORF, SILENA, ZOE, BIANCA AND ETHAN!

Luke: Oh, we just decided to drop by.

SERIOUSLY! LET THEM LIVE IN ELYSIUM PEACEFULLY!

~Those fanfics where Percy's father is Kronos. Guys, really, think about it:

*TLT Movie*

Sally: Percy, your father is Poseidon.

Percy: Really?

Sally: SIKE! It's Kronos.

Heroes of Olympus Book Two: The Son of Saturn.

*During Capture the Flag in TLT*

Percy: Okay, all I have to do is-

*Time stops*

Percy: Huh, that's weird.

*Sees flag*

Percy: SUCKAS! *takes flag*

*Time continues*

Annabeth: WHAT THE HADES IS THAT? *Points at Percy's head*

Chiron: A scythe, a sign of... *Lightning disintegrates Percy*

Chiron: Oh well, not my problem.

THE END.

~Leo: .... THIS BOY IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!

Katniss Everdeen: ... *Shoots Leo with arrow*

 ~Nico is suddenly obsessed with MLP, rainbows, unicorns and sparkles. Like, what is he? A son of Aphrodite and Iris? 

~When the gods sound like 5 year olds:

Zeus: MOM, POSEIDON'S SON TOOK MY LIGHTNING BOLT!

Poseidon: No he didn't!

Zeus: MOM, TELL HIM TO GIVE IT BACK!

Poseidon: He didn't do it!

Zeus: MOMMY!!!!!

Poseidon: Mommy, I swear, he didn't do it!

Zeus: MOTHER!!!!!

Hades: MOMMY, MY HELMET IS GONE!

Zeus: NO, MOMMY IS LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW!

Hades: BUT MOMMY!

Zeus: Shut up Hades, nobody likes you.

Hades: MOMMY, DID YOU HEAR THAT? ZEUS SAYS NOBODY LIKES ME!

Zeus: It's true.

Hades: MOMMY!

Zeus: MOM! MOM! MOM! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOTHER! MOTHER! MOTHER! MADRE! MADRE! MADRE! RHEA! RHEA! RHEA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MA! MA! M-

Hermes: SHUT THE HADES UP! MY SON TOOK YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT!

Ares: AND I TOOK YOUR FREAKING HELMET! NOW SHUT THE HECK UP!

Zeus: .....

Hades: .....

Poseidon: .....

Poseidon: MOMMY, TELL ZEUS TO SAY SORRY!

Zeus: I WANT MY LIGHTNING BOLT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!

Hades: MOMMY, GIVE ARES A SPANKING FOR TAKING MY HELMET!

Zeus: I WANT IT BACK!

Poseidon: SAY SORRY!

Hades: MOMMY!

Rhea: STOP IT! Before I feed you to Kronos!

Hades: .....

Poseidon: .......

Zeus: ..... MOMMY, SOMEBODY STOLE HERA FROM ME AGAIN!

(A/N) Okay, so this chapter is dedicated to @taras_blue_cupcakes because they gave me some ideas for this chapter. THANK YOU SO MUCH! And just remember: I'm always open for ideas, so if you have any just PM me. Thank you! Oh, and I now I have over 300 comments and 90 votes! Wow, I feel so accomplished... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND VOTING! I LOVE YOU ALL! YAY! Okay, well byersiebyes my fluffy enchileadas!

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo. ❀ ☼