(Published March 11th, 2016)

[Fanfic of the Chapter: The Hyacinth Prophecy by Ame_Tasogare]

Killing Death, Stalking Dreams, and Skoodilypooping

~~~~~~~~

~Jason: Ay, yo, Leonardo, my main man, wassup!

Leonardo DiCaprio: Do I know you?

Jason: What, no, I—

Leonardo DiCaprio: Do you understand the importance of climate ch—

Leo: fOR THE LAST TIME JASON, MY NAME IS LEO.

~Nico is now a sadist.

He's actually secretly apart of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way's band, Bloody Gothic Rose 666. He's also a vampire and renamed himself "Erebus" because the name "Hades" was already taken (by Serious Blak of course).

That's right.

Shocker.

~Types of Commenters:

-"lol"

-The "wat iz dis grsamr u spek of"

-The "UPDATE OR ELSE I'M GOING TO TRACK YOU DOWN AND MURDER YOU."

-*The *Grammar *Nazis

-HATE HATE HATE HATE

-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~Regular people: eW YOU READ FANFICTION IT'S ALL SMUT EW YOU'RE GROSS.

Uh, yeah, excuse me?

The door is over there. Use it.

~Demigod: So, uh, I need some supplies from the camp store.

Chiron: lol wut camp store

Demigod: The camp store? You know, you promised to build it after it was destroyed during the Battle of the Labyrinth?

Chiron: lololol nope

Chiron: *pops p*

Demigod: Where am I gonna get the supplies then?

Chiron: duh

Chiron: k-mart

(from Greek_Goddess_)

~Camp activities? Chores? Pfft, what camp activities and chores? Besides, you know, making out and skoodilypooping.

And yes, you read the correctly.

I said skoodilypooping.

#2Glam2GiveADam

(from )

~Every monster the OC comes across, she just defeats it. Like, no trying to just run away or anything, just: boom bish you dead.

Next thing you know Tartarus himself rises from the depths of, well, Tartarus and the OC is like: SWISH AND FLICK!

Tartarus: *drops dead*

(from @TheBookWormNextDoor)

~Guess who has fire-resistance and voice imitating abilities?

Nope, not Bob.

Nuh-uh, not Sally.

Not even Leo.

Give up?

Tyson. And every other cyclops out there (yes, even Ma Gasket).

But of course you wouldn't know, since all the cyclopes took a permanent vacation to Middle Earth.

Hey, say hi to Legolas for me.

(From @TheBookWormNextDoor)

~If it isn't Gaea or Kronos, Luke miraculously pops up and is the main antagonist (and then raises Kronos and Gaea).

Luke: *pops up* hey mofos i'm evil now lolololol prepare to dieeeeee

Nico: But you're dead.

Annabeth: And you died a hero!

Nico: And you're dead.

Thalia: Plus, surely you went to Elysium, right?

Nico: Also, don't know if you know this already, you're dead.

Luke: lolol i killed hades and thanatos now nobody can die and i can take over the world muahahahahahah

Nico: O.e

(from @TheBookWormNextDoor)

~Everyone stood around the campfire with tears stinging their eyes. They couldn't believe it, it was all just so... sudden. A death so tragic and strong had weakened everyone, even bringing the strongest and heartless such as Clarisse La Rue herself to devastated tears. Through the sobs and hiccups, Chiron cleared his throat so everyone could hear. Even Mr. D wasn't able to create a single word through his ugly bawling.

"Today, we mark a tragic day in our camp history." Everyone attempted to calm down their tears as they listened to Chiron's somber voice. "We have lost a friend close to us all. Though they may have sometimes brought us great agitation, in the end they have brought us many smiles upon our faces." He held up the shroud over the campfire, tears streaming down his face. He let the shroud drop into the fire, and the camp watched as the flames licked up the fragile cloth.

"May you rest in peace, chariot races," he said, popping the p.

(From @Writing-Rose)

~KA-KAW KA-KAW

You hear that?

It wasn't the Stymphalian birds.

~Piper and Rachel are totally rich buddies:

But of course, they be spendin' all their money on Luna because fanfics don't need that ish, they got OP Mary Sues instead.

~Clovis be stalkin' yo dreams, son.

Of course, that's not when he's in Wonderland or dancing with Taylor Swift.

~The Council of Cloven Elders no longer holds any relevance in fanfics.

Now they all they do is hold meetings just to see how many cheese enchiladas they can stuff in their faces at once.

~Oh look, donuts!

That means Blackjack is still chillin' in Narnia.

~"Nico grabbed his aviator's jacket—"

Nico lost his aviator's jacket in BoO. Get yo facts straight, son.

Nico: but i'm not straight.

Me: noBODY WAS TALKING TO YOU.

Annabeth: No I wasn't.

Nobody Owens: wut .-.

Me: -_-

Leo: WH--

Me: DON'T YOU EVEN START.

~Don't think anybody realized this, but Camp Half-Blood has a magical campfire that can change its color based on the mood of the campers.

But the campfire doesn't even exist in the first place, so oh well.

~Only Percy, Annabeth, and Nico can have dreams.

And those dreams can only be nightmares about Tartarus.

I guess regular demigod dreams such as getting visits from gods or getting glimpses into other places aren't necessary anymore.

Sorry Morpheus, but you're fired.

Morpheus: *le gasp* .O.

~The demigods just... have weapons. I mean, they don't have any special relationship with their weapons. I'm not asking for your character to have a secret love affair with their dagger or anything, but some demigods have a special connection with their weapon.

~Girlie-girls be hated on by the "tom-boy" OC:

Girl: I like pink

OC: pINK IS FOR WEAK GIRLS GO DIE

Girl: Dresses are nice

OC: ONLY GIRLS WHO ARE DESTINED TO BE A TEEN MOM WEAR DRESSES

Girl: I wear makeup

OC: MAKEUP IS FOR SLU--

Hazel: at this point you all know why I'm here. *throws soap at OC's chest*

Seriously though, don't you just wanna see some kick-butt girl with a skirt and heeled boots, throwing her compact mirror at monsters and stuff? I mean, not as a main character, but this chick would be a cool side character.

~Transgender? Bisexual? Genderfluid? Bicurious? Asexual? Pansexual? Lesbian?

Oh no honey, you can't exist then. The only sexualities that exist are gay and straight, and only Nico is allowed to be gay.

So sorry.

~All monsters must be evil ugly creatures that want to feast on demigod flesh.

There's not a single monster that's good like Ella or Mrs. O'Leary is.

Must be why those two don't exist.

~And while we're on that topic, the gods can be evil.

Yet, while on quests, no one ever runs into a god-gone-rogue.

Huh.

~The blood

The blood

The blood of the gods

Is golden ichor

But of course you forgot

*coughs*

Sorry, I, uh--

*sinks awkwardly back into FOB void*

~Demigod: *leans against Hecate cabin*

*rock from Hecate cabin falls onto the ground*

Demigod: Wha--

*everyone in a half-mile radius turns into a tree*

Lou Ellen: oh my gods not again.

Lou Ellen: this literally just happened an hour ago.

(Inspired by Ame_Tasogare)

~OC when finding out they're a demigod:

OC: oH MY GODS YES I CAN FIGHT MONSTERS AND LIVE AT A SUPER COOL SUMMER CAMP AND SCHIST AND BE EPIC AND MARRY NICO DI ANGELO YAAASSSS

Um, are you not thinking about your family, maybe possible family secrets and lies, or how you're going to hide or other life?

Or maybe worried about, oh, I don't know, the fact that your life is in mortal danger?

(from @CrazyFriesAreReal)

~ "Percy Jackson is just a poor knock-off of Harry Potter."

Scullion, please.

*trapdoor to Tartarus opens beneath their feet*

~Typical personality traits of main OC:

-Shy

-Oblivious

- "Tom boy"

-Naturally good at everything

So if you're bold, flirtatious, funny, aggressive, or anything that aren't those traits up there, you don't qualify for the role of Main Character.

But hey, auditions are still open for Non-Existent Background Character!

~Looks no one will be able to serve the food at Camp Half-Blood since the nymphs ran away with the satyrs, Hunters, and Amazons.

No food = World War III

World War III = More Oaths

More Oaths = lol who even keeps their oaths in this fandom?

~The food served in the dining pavilion consists of a diet based upon of grapes, cheese, bread, and extra lean, nymph-cut barbecue.

No, it does not consist of ribs, cheesy mash potatoes, chocolate shake, a sundae with peanuts, cherries, bananas, sprinkles, chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, strawberries, and M&Ms, coleslaw, beans, carrots, creme souffle, chocolate eclairs, soft pretzels, popcorn, candy corn, corn dogs, corn bread, corn on the cob, cream corn, corn puffs, corn chex mix, caramel corn, kettle corn, a slice of pumpkin pie, pancakes, waffles, yams, cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, lemon meringue, coconut meringue, mud pie, oreos, apples, hamburgers, sliders, medium rare steak, fries, ice cream, a pound of skittles, spaghetti, tacos, spaghetti tacos, enchiladas, burritos, a slice of Papa Murphy's Pizza: Supreme, chili, gumbo, red beans & rice, jambalaya, fish & chips, smoked salmon, tuna fish sandwich, sushi, Mochi, egg rolls, fried rice, cotton candy, cotton candy flavored grapes--

I doubt any of you read any of that.

Oh, but most importantly: it especially doesn't consist of chicken fried prime rib from Jose Peppers.

Sorry Deandra, you're just gonna have to deal with your Indiana Jones zinfandel hunt.

~Aphrodite has so much free time on her hands now. Instead of attending to important godly duties, she helps out demigods with their relationships and takes them all to the mall to go shopping.

Meanwhile the whole entire Aphrodite cabin is just sitting on the sidelines, waiting to be noticed.

(from @CrazyFriesAreReal)

(A/N) Dedicated to Ame_Tasogare because her fanfic The Hyacinth Prophecy is so beautiful and needs to get more recognition. Seriously, you guys ask me for some good non-cliché fanfics? THP is a wonderful example of one. And if you like Solangelo and Loucil, then this fic is a good read for you. If you don't, well, it's still a good read for you.

Actually, speaking of non-cliché fanfics...

For each update for this book, I'll include a non-cliché fanfic suggestion in the a/n. Think of it as a "Fanfic of the Week" thing, but obviously not "of the week" because I don't update that often, sorry.

Anyway, yeah.

See ya on the flip side!

Stay perky,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo