(Published October 12th, 2014)

Japernico, Sleeping in Wonderland, and Celestial Pink

~~~

~The author puts him/herself (but usually a her because gods forbid we have boys in our story unless it's Leo, Nico, or Percy) in the story:

I walked into camp and bumped into Leo.

"OMG CHILEA YOU'RE SO CUTE MARRY ME!" Then he fainted.

See what I mean? I makes the author sound totally vain. Now I know one author who used her name in her fanfic, but at the time she wasn't going by her name and... Wow, I just realized she wrote a cliche fanfic before it was a cliche fanfic...

More High School Stories:

~The rooms, oh my gods the rooms... So much pain reading about the description of EACH. DEMIGOD'S. ROOM! I'd throw myself in Tartarus if I have to read another one! Why? Just why? Do you want to torture me? But seriously, all the rooms match the demigod's godly parent, not their personality. Seriously, SINCE WHEN IS ANNABETH OBSESSED WITH OWLS????? And I really don't care what their rooms look like, just continue on with the freaking story, okay?

~Each demigod owns a ferrari. A. Freaking. Ferrari. And the color has to do with the godly parent too, not based off of the demigod.

And on to cliche topics:

-Khaos *cough* excuse me, Chaos* Stories

-Percabeth at Goode

-The 7 in High school (Usually at Goode because gods forbid there are other high schools)

-Percy Jackson Avenger fanfics

-The OC falls in love with Leo Valdez/Nico di Angelo stories

-The "Gaea and Kronos are rising again because I'm too lazy to google any monsters in Greek mythology" plot line

-1D become demigods (Then it goes into your typical 1D story)

-5SoS become demigods (Then it goes into your typical 5SoS story)

-That "I'm a demigod and an egyptian magician" plot line. Because I'm pretty sure there's NO OTHER WAY to make a crossover between The Kane Chronicles and Percy Jackson even though Rick Riordan did that without using a demigod magician.

-That one demigod who's parents are Poseidon, Zeus, Hades, and Athena. The last time I checked, you can't have four parents

Then I'm over here like WHY?

~Your typical Percico/Leico/Jasico/Japernico *shivers* fanfics:

Okay, first off, they have these really weird pet names for each other. Like Nico would call Percy "that scrumptious fish" *throws up* or Percy would call Nico... You know what? I can't even go there.

Okay, I'm gonna try to write an example without throwing up...

NICO'S POV:

I went up to Percy (A/N NOPE, I'M DONE, I CANNOT WRITE THIS, I REPEAT, I CANNOT NOT WRITE THIS! Okay, I'll try...) and... (A/N I'm sorry, this is just too much.... This is just too much... I tried, I really tried.)

But really, for those of you who HAVE read one of those fanfics, you know how nasty it can get. Like really, I never see any of that stuff with Percabeth in it. I would write an example, but I'm trying to keep this book as appropriate as possible. Thankfully Grover and Frank haven't popped up in these fanfics, because trust me, things will not end well if I found one with them in it.

~I like how a bunch of fanfics make Leo, Percy, and Jason gay, then Frank's sitting over here like:

Frank: I like marshmallows. *Munches on cookie then kisses Hazel*

~Pipabeth: The only excuse used for a Japernico fanfic since 2013.

~Only Zeus, Hades, Poseidon, Athena, and Artemis are allowed to have children and be in fanfics. All the other gods aren't swag enough. So the other gods don't exist.

~Nico is some lazy person who always sleeps. I guess he's a son of Hypnos now. Oh wait, he can't be, because Hypnos doesn't exist in the world of fanfiction. Sorry Clovis, you don't exist either.

Clovis: *wakes up* What? Huh? *Falls back asleep and disappears to Wonderland*

~If the main OC doesn't fall in love with Percy, Nico, or Leo, then they fall in love with one of the Stolls. Excuse me as I list off a bunch of boy characters:

-Will Solace (One of my fave background characters!)

-Butch

-Clovis

-Dakota

-Austin

-Pollux

-Jacob

-Jake Mason

-Jason (Not Jason Grace, Capture the Flag in TTC Jason. Whole different person)

-Malcolm

-Cecil (BRO YOU KNOW HE BELONGS WITH LOU ELLEN. #LOUCIL4EVER)

-Alabaster 

And Mitchell. I still don't understand why nobody has a crush on Mitchell. He's a son of Aphrodite, obviously he's got to be hot! In fact, I've only seen him in a one shot, where he was gay. So guys, give Mitchell (and some of these other characters) some love!

~ Your typical Avenger Fanfics:

Percy is depressed for whatever reason. (probably because Annabeth cheated on him and Chaos forgot to come get him.)
He's alone at some place. Usually a graveyard. (Because Nico is off sleeping somewhere)
The avengers come and kidnap him. (What's up with people and kidnapping? Our society is sad...)
He ends up at S. H. I. E. L. D. (Because S. H. I. E. L. D. is awesome)
He joins S. H. I. E.E L. D. (because Percy be swag.)
They find out about some nightmares he has. (Basically that is what the fanfic is about)
They help him. (With the nightmares, which is completely useless since they're supposed to be saving the world)
They all save the world. (In one sentence)
Happily ever after! (And he probably gets back together with Annabeth, then she cheats on him again, THEN Chaos takes him. THE END.)

~Everyone becomes immortal in Chaos fanfics to look for Percy.

The Gods in Fanfics: Oh, he's gone, let's spend all of our time and power to look for him!

The Gods in Books: Oh, he's gone, thank us! We were getting close to killing him off, he was getting annoying.

Okay, the gods are not going to waste their time worrying about Percy, ESPECIALLY since an evil thing (Either Gaea or Kronos) is rising again.

~In Chaos fanfics everyone in Chaos's army lives on this random planet and trains for hundreds of years but it's only been like two months on Earth. Okay, is it REALLY necessary to make them leave Earth for "hundreds of years"? The reason why I avoided them at first was because I thought all the characters except Percy weren't gonna be in there because they were gone for so long.

~Again, in Chaos fanfics, they don't use celestial bronze, but they use celestial [Insert overused color besides bronze here]. Yeah guys, they're too swag for celestial bronze, so they use celestial pink.

#NicoSaysNo

~Nobody takes showers. I'm sorry, let me take a step away from your OC because they smell like BOOTY STANK.

~All people ever do at camp is A.) Sit there and make out, B.) Fangirl over Leo and Nico, or C.) Do some other cliche thing. Do you guys not know the schedule?

7:00am: Clean Up

8:00am: Breakfast

8:30am: Arts&Crafts

10:00am: Pegasi Riding

11:30am: Free Period

12:30pm: Lunch

1:00pm: Sword Training

2:30pm: Archery

4:00pm: Mythology

6:30pm: Free Period

8:00pm: Dinner

8:30pm: Campfire Activities

9:15: Free Period/Clean Up

10:00pm: Lights Out

I guess the whole fanfic is based during 8am-8:30pm *time jump* 11:30am-1pm *Minute Men come and visit* 8pm-9:15pm *somebody faints*

This schedule if official, I found on Rick's website. USE IT.

~All the Stolls ever do is prank. Again, USE THE SCHEDULE. ^

~Everyone stays up after curfew. I guess the harpies took a trip to SeaWorld.

~When the OC breaks up with her boyfriend:

OC: Omg, I'm so bored

OC: I feel like kissing somebody.

OC: I need to kiss my boyfriend.

OC: I need to make out with my boyfriend.

OC: I WANT MY BOYFRIEND BACK! T.T *Tear*

OC: I CANNOT TAKE THIS! (/T0T)/ ┴ *flipping a picnic table while throwing a tantrum*

Calypso: I JUST GOT THAT FIXED!

OC: NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, I'M GETTING MY BOYFRIEND BACK! *Kisses boyfriend.* MUSIC!

*Starts musical number*

Singers: HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, WHO SAYS WE HAVE TO LET IT GO-

Elsa: LET IT GO, LET IT GO, DON'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE-

Singers: WHAT TIME IS IT-

Finn: ADVENTURE TIME!

OC: NO, WRONG MUSICAL NUMBER!

~Piper be like: Omg, Jason this and Jason that. Jason is so hot. Jason is love, Jason is life, *Using charmspeak* BOW DOWN TO JASON MORTAL.

Mortal: Yes Queen Piper *Bows down to Jason*

Hades: ..... She's starting to sound like Nico.....

Piper, since when do you actually like using charmspeak?

~Frank is only useful when the characters need an animal. After that, Frank goes back to the Land of Stories and lives with Froggy.

~When he is in a fanfic, Frank can only turn into awesome mythical animals like dragons and unicorns, because turning into a guinea pig drains too much power and isn't awesome enough.

~Everyone can use as much power as they like without getting tired at all. Because everyone is too flamazingly awesome to get tired. Silly demigod, sleep is for Hypnos.

~Everyone uses boring chapter titles like *In posh British voice* "Chapter 24" or *In Posh British voice* "XXIV Percy" What ever happened to chapter titles like "Percy Learns to Make a Popcorn Grenade" or "Nico is Traumatized by a Diaper Wearing God"?

(A/N YAY, A LONG CHAPPIE! Man, I haven't written a chapter like this in AGES! It feels good to put my own opinion on these clichés again. Ya hapi @Bryer_M_Scott? I hope you are, cuz I am. Anyway, this chappy is dedicated to @bookwormgirl47 for giving me the Avenger fanfic ideas (My commentary was in the parenthesises [SP?]) And speaking of dediactions, the winners for the ship contest...