(Published June 15th, 2020)

[Fanfic of the Chapter: lou ellen x cecil by @celeste_likes_books]

#ImmaBeSwag, Booty Stank, and Percy: The TikTok Eboy

~Evil step-parents.

Not all step-parents are evil. Some are pretty cool *cough* PAUL *cough*

Buuuttt I guess your step-parents WOULD be evil if you're a bAD GIRL--

okay I'll stop

(tbh idk how that video even ended up in my recommended)

~percy: ewww luke was a horrible person that deserves to rot in tartarus like ew annie had a crush on him so he's the ultimate threat and plus he rose kronos and killed a lot of demigods lolololz

No. Just no. Percy believed that Luke was a h e r o. Believe what you want, but he is.

~Percy: my brother has made everyone betray me! Nobody loves me! I'm leaving camp forever!

Meanwhile Tyson:

~People casting Amandla Stenberg as Hazel

I don't know why y'all be casting these light-skinned hoes as dark-skinned characters

Like Amandla is cast as every black girl

There is a whole colorist rant I had prepared for y'all, but I'll just give you a list of black actresses that would be a good cast for hazel instead:

-Kheris Rogers

-Skai Jackson (bby gorl is gonna get sued one day with the way she's acting lmao)

-Riele Downs

-Marsai Martin

-Eris Baker

~Jason Grace was the only character that was allowed to faint.

Unfortunately, he fainted one too many times

#RIPJasonGrace2k19

~y'all know those daughter of Poseidon fanfics that use this girl as the OC's face claim:

Like nah bruh you ain't that pretty okay

Sit your Mary Sue butt down.

Emily Rudd is Silena's face claim.

~"SOLANGELO"

please stop. I am so tired of it. Please. I honestly can't think of a worse way to torture someone.

~POV: you're Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase and I'm Percy/Leo/Nico/The Stolls telling you that you're a demigod and that you must come with me to CHB:

You, the Annabell: *doesn't question it because he's a hot prepubescent tik tok e-boy thot*

Me: *literally hella uncomfortable because these are sexualized mINORS--*

Honey nooooo. You don't go run off with strangers okay. That's how you end up in the chop-em-up shop

Actually, on second thought: please go with random strangers.

Good riddance.

~Some of y'all be hittin' your fanfics with that:

"Copyright @LolImAsian 2016. Any reproduction or illegal distribution of the content in any form will result in immediate action against the person concerned"

Like anyone is gonna steal your works. Even if they do, are you really gonna sue them over some fanfiction?

Nope *exaggerates the p*

I didn't think so.

Just a Copyright [username year] will suffice because I know yo 14-year-old butt won't get a lawyer and sue @percbwth5373 for stealing your fanfic.

And even if you ARE an actual adult who would go and sue over SHUCKING fanfic, that would be stupid because you're just stealing from the original creator of the fandom.

So stop. Literally makes no sense.

~Percy in the books was a brutally honest character. I mean, there was a scene where he told us that he could say it was he who defeated the monsters, but it was actually Clarisse. We NEED an honest and reliable character like that.

Now we got a 17-year-old boy that's obsessed with blue cookies and Bubble Guppies.

Percy: aNNIIEEEE WHERE'S MY BLUE COOKIES

Annabeth: bruh make your own cookies i have college work i need to do

What has this fandom come to?

~So I guess the whole camp is eating off of dishes that taste like BOOTY STANK because nobody is ever doing the dishes even with all the hooligan stunts they're pulling.

Honestly surprised that none of these campers got infected with the 'Rona cuz y'all got that trashy hygiene.

~Yo can someone else besides Percy be betrayed? Maybe Calypso can cheat on Leo or something because their relationship already has enough problems with Calypso's ungrateful crusty as--

I mean yeaaahhh #Caleo4Eves

@ScrewCaleo_Lucleo4Eves: nO YOU WERE SO CLOSE BUT YET SO FAR

~2nd Gen fanfics

Haven't actually read them, but like I don't wanna read about Luke Beckendorf Jackson or Orangutan Zhang okay.

Just give me my main characters back please thank you

(no offense to anyone who actually enjoys them)

~Is anyone ever gonna address how Lacy from the Aphrodite cabin had a crush on Carter Kane...?

Lacy: no nO NO DON'T BRING UP THOSE MEMORIES FROM B.A.G--

Drew: Like he'd ever be interested in you

Lacy: I'm not the one who tried hitting on Sadie Kane's boyfriend and then got roasted for it

Drew:

Lacy: get outta here with your plastic bag lookin butt

~Some demigods stay at camp and other demigods go to a school other than Goode

Goode is not the only school in Long Island

Not by a freaking longshot

Gods, where are the muses when you need them?

~"Harry Potter and Percy Jackson were the supposed to be the ultimate duo. When Percy finds out he's a wizard, he gets sent to Hogwarts. He and Harry were enemies at first sight, and matters become worse when Percy finds out that he's the forgotten grandson of Voldemort--"

*sPITS OUT SKITTLES*

WHAT THE FIRETRUCK?

WHY IS PERCY THE GRANDSON OF VOLDEMORT?

WHAT ARE Y'ALL ON BECAUSE IT MUST BE SOME GOOOOD STUFF IF Y'ALL THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA

y'all made me bring back my pound of skittles

I haven't eaten a pound of skittles since 2015! And it's 2020!

~It's pretty sad that I see the non-existent Planet Chaos more than Camp Jupiter

At this rate, Camp Jupiter is gonna follow the original PJO series' pursuit and commit suicide too

For shame, everyone. For shame.

~The characters have zero respect for the gods

Percy: *walks into Olympus*

Percy: yo so screw all u im the real king of this place ok i saved y'all from the world like 5 million times because imma be swag #gotchyabitch #persassy

Zeus: poseidon tell ur lil bastard to go back to camp before i zEUS SLAP HIM OUT OF EXISTENCE

In reality, this would be Percy:

"Dear Olympians,

Screw you.

Very respectfully,

Percy Jackson"

See? Gotta add that "very respectfully". That way the gods know that whatever is being said is said with respect.

~PJO characters reacting to PJO books.

*scene where Rachel kisses Percy*

Annabeth: pERCY WTF YOU HOE HOW COULD YOU?¿??¿?

Percy: babe i already told you about this remember? besides this was before us so...?

Annabeth: bITC--

Rachel: *le cacklicacklin*

*scene where calypso has interest in percy*

Annabeth: pErCy--

Percy: this was literally 3 years ago can we chill--

Leo: y U SteALin My sUnShinE¿?¿?¿? ¿poRqUe?¿?

Calypso:

*scene where Nico confesses his crush on percy*

Percy: wait wHAT THE FU--

Nico: bruh u ain't my type

Percy "NoT YouR TyPE" Jackson: wHAY DO YOU MEAN NOT YOUR--

Will: t(OoO)t wHAT'S UP MOFOS

These stories are the ones that need copyright infringement disclaimers on it because it basically is one. Heck, I literally read the book reaction fics when I didn't have access to a PJO book!

~I hope y'all ain't sending Furies to attack children of Hades because the Furies work for Hades.

The only time Furies should only be going to children of hades is to check up on them

Fury: SCREECH

child of hades: aHHH A MONST-- oh wait it's just you

Fury: sCrEeCh

Child: yeaaaah I'm aight. Tell dad I said hi

[FotC: This fanfic's chapter is lou ellen x cecil by @celeste_likes_books because honestly who doesn't love a little Loucil in their life? Plus if you know me, you know that Loucil is my underrated OBSESSION. Anyway, it's a cute little book of one-shots that deserves more love. Also Celeste headcanons that Lou Ellen is mixed and I totally headcanon that too so you know how I'm already feeling about this book. And Celeste looks relatively new to Wattpad, so we should show our fellow Loucil shipper some love. Plus Celeste's other book, PJO Instagram, is pretty neat too.]

(A/n) Lmao it's been over three years since I've written a chapter like this. As you can tell, I'm pretty rusty. Sorry if this chapter isn't really funny...

Anyway, I have two more chapters like this in the drafts, so keep your eyes out for it (they're funnier, I promise)!

Hope y'all stay safe out there! Love ya!

As always, BYERSIEBYES MY FLUFFY ENCHILEADAS (can't believe I'm still saying this as a 20 year old)

Stay Perky!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter (and legacy of the unbearable Lester-- I mean Apollo)